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I prefer my screw quotidian An unquenchable strumpet cast an eye A chinatown hooker named Hong There once was a man named Dick Lonnecker, After a bottle, a bang, and a bong, A Yank engineer named Demeter An old Jewish prophet named Moses, A tommy I knew in Calcutty. Said his dad to the lad from Nantucket, My girlfriend said once you've gone black There once was this man from Verdun; A wonderful tribe are the Sweenies, (So long are their things, They can use them as strings,)
A well-equipped fellow at school A man with a prick of obsidian, (ophidian - snake-like, midpostmeridian - midafternoon)
There once was a young man from Venus, For sex, our man Joe's always yelling. There once was a man named O'Hare A well endowed fellow called Skinner, A well-endowed lover named Walter, The ladies with Dave like to swing, A learned young lady named Fong, There once was a mechanic named Bench, A handsome young devil named Fred, There was a young girl from Miami A dong like a rope had young Pruitt, There was a man with a long dong; The weatherman dated Miss Kay -- A young man with first name of Clay A long-peckered fellow named Slaughter When Tony was coming on strong, There once was a young man named Enos, The wife of El Hassan the Turk, (must be historical because it does not make sense - McW)
There once was a well-hung machinist I had me a beauty last night. Another young man in our section, Said the lady to old butcher Carr, It's a pity that Casabianca A sailor who slept in the sun, A cute wealthy girl from Cape Cod, Old Willy was kind of well-built, He was brought up in Warsaw a prole, When I see a beautiful creature, There once was a man with a piddle There was a young man with one foot I hate it when I stick mine in, A long-membered man of Oolong On vacation in Ulan Bator, There was a young lady from Sydney, There was a young fellow named Howard, A carpenter, fresh out of school, A good-old-boy Texan had sworn, That super-cocked fellow, McDecker, A well-endowed fellow named Melvin The dong of a fellow named Grable, Ther was a young lady of Exeter, There was a young man of Vinsizes, A red politician named Beria Expressing surprise at her shyness, A timid young wife of Kenosha I was wearing a speedo in Trent, There was a spry girl from Hong Kong "Normal price--twenty bucks." Madame Rue He excited the girl on the phone, There was a young Chinaman, Chang, There once was a fellow named Jim, The last time I trapped my poor dong, There once was a baker named Kevin,
To take place ante-meridian.
Sitting or standing,
Flying or landing,
With instrument long and ophidian.
--- Sansuesi
For well endowed hunks, she'd sell a lie.
A limbless dwarf came,
Saying, "You better be game!
I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
--- Bruce Thompson
Likes the dicks of her tricks to be long.
If you think these occasions
Are all with Caucasians,
Then you haven't met Wally Wong.
--- Chuck Davis P9408
Who was born with a monstrous donnicker.
The size of his tool
Compared with a mule;
Donkey Dick was Lonnecker's moniker!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I sang an unsavory song.
"All these pleasures," I cried,
"Should not be denied
To a man with a very long dong."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was proud of his twelve-inch repeater.
He could not get a piece
From a harlot in Nice,
For the system they used was the meter.
--- Albin Chaplin
Said, "A girl is a fool who supposes
That a man, as a rule,
Can boast of a tool
Proportionately long as his nose is."
--- P8207
Used plastic to line his left puttee.
So my question was begging,
"Why line just one legging?"
He said, "So me dick don't get muddy."
--- MrMalo
"Son, your dick will soon grow, till with luck it
Will hang down to the floor;
That'll help you to score,
Or if not, you can stay home and suck it!"
--- Ceejay
To white, you'll never go back.
The dongs are so long
You will never go wrong
In getting the best in the sack!
--- Anon
Had the longest dick under the sun!
But it gave him no trouble,
'Cause he never paid double
For the same price of pussy as one!
--- Laurence Craft
Renowned for the length of the weenies.
The hair on their balls
Sweeps the floors of their halls,
But they don't look at women, the meanies.
--- L0244
Has the whole class admiring his tool.
This magnificent dong
Is just twelve inches long,
But he don't use it much -- as a rule.
--- G0445
Of a length that was truly ophidian,
Was sufficiently gallant,
To please girls with his talent,
Each day in the midpostmeridian.
--- Isaac Asimov
With an armbone as long as his penis.
I can't tell from this song,
If his boner was long,
Or his arm was too short for his genus.
--- Ken Kaufman V
At the sight of a breast's slightest swelling,
He would pull out his cock, (He wanks in his hanky)
From the top of his sock, (To prove he's a Yankee,)
Then what he'd do next, there's no telling.
--- G2234
With eight inches and then some to spare.
So when fucking some twat,
You could say that he got
Twenty eight percent more than my share.
--- Anon
Got a girl, thought he'd found him a winner.
But his dong was so long,
And so strong, all went wrong,
When he found to the bed, he did pin her.
--- Anon
In charging his girl, did not falter.
But he tripped on a stone,
And instantly shone,
As a great (accidental) pole vaulter.
--- Isaac Asimov
'Cause he has a very long thing;
Though slim as a pencil,
It's very prehensile
And quick satisfaction will bring.
--- Chris Papa
Learned all about men in Hong Kong.
She defined the word penis:
There is nothing between us.
And a prick: "Something twelve inches long."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2052
Whose best tool was a sturdy rape-wrench.
With this vibrant device,
He could reach, in a trice,
The innermost parts of a wench.
--- L0129
Could talk any girl into bed.
But his dick was so long,
And incredibly strong,
That most were left crippled or dead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who dated a fellow named Sammy.
When Herb came along
With a magnificent dong,
She gave poor Sammy the whammy.
--- Ralph T Rehwoldt P2005
And throngs came for miles just to view it,
But it tangled a lot,
Into such a hard knot,
That it took a Scout Troop to undo it.
--- Pierce Evans
She would scream because it was so long.
She was shocked to find
It went up her behind,
And was happy when she rang his gong.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Eight inches she got in the hay.
Though her pussy was sore
She requested some more,
So she got one more inch the next day.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2136
Would spend time in the bathroom to play.
With hiccups so strong
And his dick dangling long,
He could siphon the water away.
--- Tom Patton
Wished to hell he'd been born a daughter:
If he hiccuped a bit
While taking a shit,
He siphoned the whole bowl of water.
--- G1454
And bragged on the size of his dong,
Young Bess, unimpressed,
Said, "Mike is the best!
He's been sitting on his all along!"
--- Cubby
Who had a sixteen inch penis.
Two hookers named Claire,
Said, "Sir, if we share,
We'll still have eight inches between us."
--- Anon
Fell in love with a fellow named Burke.
When he got to the palace,
So long was his phallus,
He had to stand back from his work.
--- G0475
Who danced with a cute little Venus.
"Please be careful," he said,
"When you step, where you tread.
That's twice now you've tromped on my penis."
--- G0387
This is file tbl
My quim was so full of delight
And tight like a vise,
I had to come thrice.
Still pleasantly sore as I write.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He had an eternal erection.
In his gay, carefree way
He bought doughnuts each day,
Which he wore on his tool for protection.
--- G2501a
"Your sausage is not up to par."
But his sausage went in,
Till it tickled her chin,
Which was stretching a good thing too far.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0078
Was using his tool as an anchor.
If he'd had it up higher,
He'd have put out the fire;
You never did see such a wanker.
--- Victor Gray
Woke to find his fly-buttons undone.
He remarked with a smile,
"Jesus Christ, a sundial!
And now it's a quarter past one."
--- L0103
Has such a magnificent bod,
She only puts out
To men who have clout,
Or those with a big ten-inch rod.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You could tell by the tilt of his kilt.
It had a nice nudge,
As you probably could judge;
It was ten inces long to the hilt!
--- Bobby
Not overly smart on the whole,
But the prick of the guy
Hug down to his thigh,
So the whores nicknamed him the long Pole
--- A N Wilkins P8908
I know just the gambit to reach her:
I'll tell this sweet chick
Of my 13-inch TV screen; (dick)
It's really my only good feature.
--- Norm Storer P9911
Thirteen inches long down the middle.
But his girlfriend was squat
With a four inch twat,
So he'd fuck her three times and a little.
--- MrMalo
Who had a very long root.
If he used this peg
As an extra leg,
Is a question exceedingly moot.
--- L0162
Then see the girl's big, silly grin;
She says that her smile
Will last all the while,
She feels my cock tickling her chin!
--- Anon
Just love to tie knots in his dong.
What to you might seem frightful,
He claimed was delightful...
And WHO is to say he is wrong?
--- Grand Prix Lim 194
I answered a knock at my door.
There stood a Mongol
With a humongus dong all
The way down his leg to the floor.
--- Ericka
Who had it rammed up to her kidney.
Then a man from Quebec
Rammed it up to her neck.
My! He had a long one, didn't he?
--- L0350
Who was thought to be magically powered.
His dick was so short
Many thought it a wart,
But when it stood up, it just towered.
--- Anon
Had forgotten his principle tool.
But he said, "In the pinches,
I've got this twelve inches,
That I can substitute for a rule."
--- Frank Ward P9312
That he was the Texas Longhorn.
Then a Scotsman named Jock
Showed him a twelve-inch cock,
And left the poor Texan forlorn.
--- Donald Britain
Is mighty damn proud of his pecker.
In sexual clinches
His turgid twelve inches,
A girl finds will nigh onto wreck her.
--- G0389
Had a date with Georgina Spelvin.
She wasn't so tight,
But try as he might,
He just couldn't get his whole twelve in.
--- Popsicle TP9807
Was as pliant and long as a cable.
Each night while he ate,
This confirmed reprobate,
Would screw his wife under the table.
--- L1644
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
One was even so brave,
As to take out and wave,
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
--- L0031
Whose bollocks were different sizes.
His prick, when at ease,
Hung down to his knees.
Now what must it be when is rises?
--- Norman Douglas L0155
Had a limb of such length that nary a
Girl that he tailed
But woefully wailed,
"You're up in the whooping cough area."
--- G0251
The butler said, "Your Royal Highness,
You'll find, beyond doubt,
When my snake is stretched out,
It'll reach almost up to your sinus!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 683
Was frightened her husband would squash her,
So what did she do
But shorten his screw ,
By the use of a large metal washer.
--- Hugh Oliver A124A
When some Girl Scouts ran up in a sprint;
They said "Mister, be kind,
We are in a real bind;
May we borrow that pole for our tent?"
--- Travis Brasell
Who wouldn't let go for a song.
She'd steadily scan
For the trace of a man
Who could charge with a velly stlong plong.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8802
Said, "And short-cocked gents pay twenty-two.
Eight inches: ten bucks.
Nine inches: free fucks.
Ten inches or more: we pay you!"
--- Michael Weinstein P9206
When he mentioned his thirteen inch bone.
"Though you're hung like a king"
She said, "I'll make a sling.
It'll never stand up on its own."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0305
Who had a gargantuan whang.
Said he, "You just wait
Till I reel it out straight,
And I'll give you the world's biggest bang!"
--- G0289
Who possessed a phenomenal limb.
So great was its length,
(As well as its strength)
It was said Guinness contacted him.
--- Sam Chen
I remember the suction was strong,
And confess the sensation
Was worth the abrasion;
And that's why my dong is so long!
--- Anon
Who was over ten inches when leven.
Women would say
In a breathless way,
That eleven from Kevin was Heaven!
--- Yeast Infection
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