MORE
On Saturday night, up on Mars, Though her thigh rubbed at just the right angle, That beautiful lady, Culard, Voir le jeune matelot de Quebec, A farmer I know named O'Doole, My new pharmaceutical rep There once was a voyeur named Tom, There once was a fellow named Eric There once was a fellow named Pete, A fellow I had once when young; There was a young man from Bangkok Miss Applebee's brother, Bernard, There's also a guy I was poking A fruiterer, out of Wascana, There was a young man in Hong Kong, The penis of long-peckered Baste, There was a young harpist named Bong, A filthy young boy in Manuka The reason he had so much charm, I've searched and I've searched 'round the clock True, nurses don't do it for me; A well-endowed man who's named Thor, There was a young Turkish cadet, The penis of Reginald Dole There was a young fellow from Juilliard The women out west often prattle There was a young lad, Peter Flagon, There once was a boy from Toulouse, There once was a fellow named Fong Book a room in a local hotel There once was a fellow named Feeney Little old Johnny Wong There was a young fellow named Jerry, A man once from old Tel Aviv, There was a young man in the choir, If lying can make your dick grow, There once was a fellow named Mose; There once was a haughty old Baronet, The donkey who roams on the heath, Pray tell me, dear, who is that chump, One day, in the villiage of Hope, There once was a man from Hong Kong, There was an Old Man of Coblenz, There once was a farm boy named Jock, There was a young man from Salinas, (He'd deflower the Straits of Carquinez.)
A Texan quite boastful and callous I fought all my life in the trenches; Your rhyme may not be what bewitches Though lacking, when soft, quite a yard, A sturdy young fellow in Poole A gentleman name of Bouchard, The man with the world's largest penis My new girlfriend I longed for to screw; I once had a man, who when hard Said the union leader from Leeds: Because I am very well hung There once was a fellow named Gumper Since you promise to give me all nine I won the prick contest again; Long ago I picked up a whore. I'm awed at what my schlong can do; There once was a stud called Carrouth, There was an old man with a nose, The penis of Ethelbert Nevin, The prick of the vicar of Fife There was a young man named Pete,
All the Martians are hitting the bars.
With 30 foot schlongs,
Nothing can go wrong,
'Cause they all like to screw from afar.
--- DButt
My dingle continued to dangle.
So I don't know why
It popped out of my fly,
Where it lay on the ground in a tangle.
--- John Miller
Said, "Men can earn all our regard.
My man has a cock
As hard as a rock,
And in length, it is almost a yard!"
--- G0302
With a dong that hung down to the deck;
So to keep it from harm,
And to keep himself warm,
He just wound it around at the neck.
--- Keith MacMillan 41b
Has a long and incredible tool.
He can use it to plow,
Or to diddle a cow,
Or just as a cue-stick at pool.
--- L0206
Sells vitamins that give me pep;
They made my dong grow;
It hangs down so low,
I now have to watch where I step!
--- Travis
Whose dick was incredibly long.
While watching a tryst,
He made his thing twist,
And blew himself out on the lawn.
--- J Fitts
Who truly was quite esoteric;
At last year's election
He got an erection
Extending from Blue Point to Merrick.
--- Anon
Whose privates hung down to his feet.
When she asked him to dance,
It fell out of his pants
And bounced on the floor to the beat.
--- Brad
Who was extremely well hung;
We were havin' a whack
When I felt something crack;
Broken ribs tore a hole in my lung.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who boasted the lengthiest cock.
When asked to impress
He wouldn't undress;
But just point to the bulge in his sock.
--- SFA
His member is generally hard.
She said to her bro,
If you want to show
Your pole, why not charge by the yard.
--- Anon
So fast and hot, we were smoking.
Gadzooks what a schlong,
At least two foot long,
But we had to stop - I was choking.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Grew the world's most expansive banana.
He could normally swell
Way beyond Fort Qu'Appelle
And when specially roused, to Montana!
--- Keith MacMillan 86a
Who grew seven fathoms of prong.
It looked, when erect,
About as you'd expect,
When coiled, it did not seem so long.
--- L1439
He keeps neatly coiled 'round his waist.
When a girl shows affection,
He uncoils in erection,
And she's knocked galley-west by his haste!
--- G0247
Whose cock was exceedingly long.
He could sit on a stool
In front of our school
And still screw a girl in Hong Kong.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Used his private appendage for snooker,
Till a waitress came by
And unsettled his eye
By pretending his cue was a hookah.
--- Roger Ley
His dong was as long as your arm.
But no girl complained
Or was unduly pained,
For they said that it couldn't do harm.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To find me a super-sized jock;
But since they're not sold,
(Or so I am told),
I'll stuff my long dong down my sock!
--- Anon
A well-hung hunk I'd rather see.
But, elephant size?
Now, that's telling lies!
It shouldn't hang down past the knee.
--- Anon
Caught his prick in the elevator door.
He felt a good whack
when it picked up the slack
As it reached the eleventh floor.
--- Fabrika Lims
And this is the damnedest one yet.
His tool was so long,
And incredibly strong,
He could bugger six Greeks 'en brochette'.
--- Playboy Mag L0351
Was described as a forty-foot pole;
But he'd never been laid
By a willing, young maid,
For the lack of a deep enough hole.
--- Cap'n Bean P0408
With a penis that measured a full yard.
The girls whispered and leered
And most of them cheered,
Whenever he ran through the schoolyard.
--- Isaac Asimov
'Bout a fireman who lives in Seattle.
They say that his hose
Hangs half-way to his toes;
It's great for big girls and small cattle.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208
With a long dick, always a-draggin'.
It scraped in the dirt
And started to hurt,
So he hauled it around in a wagon.
--- Snakespeare
Whose prick was very long and loose.
And when he went to a dance,
He would not take a chance,
But slide the head into his shoes.
--- Peter Wilkins
Whose dick was incredibly long;
He screwed Miss Larue
While she lay in Peru
From his bedroom in lower Hong Kong
--- Cap'n Bean P0408
'Cause I'm feeling as funky as hell.
Stay a minute with me,
And then you will see
That I'm hung like a donkey as well.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who sported a really long weenie,
Which climbed up his chest,
Out of the top of his vest,
Then he wrapped up the rest in his beanie.
--- Cap'n Bean P0206
Had an arm incredibly strong.
He jacked off all day
And that is, so they say,
Why his dick was two foot long!
--- Lazy Geezer
Whose prick was the longest in Kerry.
When he came to a stream,
He would lower his beam,
And skim folks across like a ferry.
--- G0369
This is file tal
Kept his pecker and balls up his sleeve.
A nice friendly man;
Take care shaking hands,
Or a handful of semen receive.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose penis rose higher and higher,
Till it reached such a height,
It was quite out of sight--
But of course you know I'm a liar.
--- L0281
I'd better be letting you know.
It gives me no pleasure.
(I'll just take this measure.)
My God! It's a meter or so!
--- PeterW
His fame was a really long nose.
Pinocchio's equal,
This was the sequel;
When he lies with women, it grows.
--- DM
With a prick twice as long as a clarinet.
If the thing ever dangled,
'Twould be stepped on and mangled,
So he kept it tucked inside a hairy-net.
--- Isaac Asimov
Is fitted with enormous great teeth,
Long ears and a dick
That's as long and as thick
As mine, if you look underneath.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who stands there, all naked and plump,
With his tool in his ear,
Appearing from here,
Like a rather obscene petrol pump.
--- Michael Horgan
The bell-fixer, Mr Bob Pope,
At work in the spire,
Became the town crier,
When they thought his dong was the rope.
--- SFA
Who had a big luminous dong.
"You light up my life,"
Said his satisfied wife,
"'Cause your pecker's a least two foot long."
--- David Miller
The length of whose thing was immense;
It went off with one jerk
From Calais to Dunkirk;
A regular Maginot Fence.
--- Edwardian Leer 067 A
Whose fame was the size of his cock.
They say when it's hard,
It stretches a yard,
And even the cattle will squawk.
--- David Miller
Who had an extremely long penis.
Believe it or not,
When he lay on his cot,
It reached from Marin to Martinez.
--- L0224
Belittled his brother's small phallus;
Then he bragged of his own,
Claiming, "When it's full grown,
It extends from McKinney to Dallas."
--- Cap'n Bean P0112
Lost count of my flings with the wenches.
There's no match for my strength,
Nor my dick and its length,
'Cause its measured in feet, not in inches!
--- Travis Brasell
Or cause libidinous twitches.
Far more apt than your ode
May be when you unload
That meter you have in your britches.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8807
Condolences I'll disregard.
For I treasure the pleasure
I get beyond measure
From a meter of peter when hard.
--- Anon
Was blessed with a marvellous tool.
When fully extended
The bloody thing ended
A couple of miles north of Stamboole.
--- Michael Horgan
Whose cock measured more than a yard,
Said, "Life is a bitch!
The length makes it itch,
So the damned thing is constantly hard!"
--- Evelyn L
Took his bride to a Doctor McEnus.
He said, "You know 'bout me schlonger,
Can ye make me wife longer?
I want nothing should e'er come between us!"
--- Kristen Coughlin
She said NO, you have not a clue.
To satisfy me,
You need 10 inches plus 3!
Cut 6 inches off! Not for you!
--- Anon
Sported thirty-six inches -- a yard.
But he left me cold
Without cuddle or hold;
May as well have been a lump of lard.
--- Arden
"Our picket-line's all a strike needs.
But don't use your prick
As a picket-line stick.
It draws too much attention -- and bleeds."
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8701
I try not to puncture a lung.
But Saturday night
She gave me a fright
By saying: "That wasn't my tongue!!"
--- Anon
Who possessed a magnificent thumper.
He could smoke a cigar
In the back of a car,
While boffing a broad on the bumper.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8809
Inches of that which is so divine,
Your succulent sweet,
Whole meter of meat,
Then of course hon, I'll happily sign.
--- Anon
Biggest cock there ever has been.
"More!" I heard 'em shout,
But I'd not let it all out;
Only half - 'twas enough to win.
--- Anon
"I charge by the inch, for sure."
"Two inches; my treasure."
"Just how do you measure?"
And my reply was, "From the floor!"
--- Anon
For instance, when I'm boffing Sue,
It exits her mouth,
And dives again south,
Then drives itself up her ass, too!
--- Anon
Whose dick was crowned King of the South.
While screwing his love,
He'd give it a shove,
And watch it stick out of her mouth.
--- David Miller
Who said, "If you chose to suppose
That my nose is too long,
You should see my dong,
And how over the shoulder it goes.
--- Edwardian Leer 062
When on earth measured just inches seven.
But when he reached Hell
It started to swell,
And the head of it now pierces Heaven!
--- G0413
Is the longest I've seen in my life.
He stands in the garden
And uses his hardon
To prop up the clothes for his wife.
--- Michael Horgan
Who was a bit indescreet.
He pulled on his dong
Till it grew very long,
And actually dragged in the street.
--- L1320
MORE