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I clawed at my balls and my thighs, I was sure that the cute little nipper Petunia, Petunia, Petune -- But Peter, but Peter, but Pete -- I don't have too much, bless my soul -- I'd guess mine is two to three feet; He told me an elephant fable I really can't hide my dismay Young Jason's tool was a fright, "The problem," said Mary to Jim, But Mary she couldn't withstand But to Jim there was just no appealing, I can't find a babe who is fuckable I've squeezed it inside a glass tube. Girl's asses I love to give pinches Wouldn't mind gettin' a pinch from you, Gosh, Nancy! A mystery's afoot! A young man from the banks of the Po, To his innocent bride said young Jack, There was a old critic named West, There was a young fellow whose dong, There was a young fellow whose staff, On Main Street at high noon in Dallas, Said the man from Nantucket, "I'm sick A Southern Alberta Rotarian, She said: "I am sorry to say, There was a young fellow from Lees, The limerick about the young man, On guard by the bridge of Carquinez, The skies loomed with impending storm. There once was a young man, or course, The girls all flock around Finn Floating idly one day in the air, A modest young fellow named Dodd The sex kitten gasped when friend Decker There was a young lady named Pritchett, (pitch it - makes more sense)
An aptly named gent, Peter Long, A college professor named Klees There once was a man from Belize The screwing device of Buck Blast "What to do?" said a lady distressed, There once was a young man named Randall, There was a young man, a Maltese, A stereo jock in Vancouver Under sands of Karakortum, I met a young man of Chungking, I once knew a fellow named Rick Being cursed with a very long member, A dirty old man from the shore (SIG - special interest group of Mensa)
"The length of your dong, my dear Earl, A fellow I knew back in school After wondering the length of his dong, "Eight inches!", said Hugh with a sigh, There was a young flasher named Trout; A well-endowed guy called Apollo, For a house-to-house salesman named Moore, Said a certain curmudgeon named Beecham, In choosing the High King of Quong, My cattle would all be in shock, There was a young fellow named Dutton, A theorem I want like Pythagorast A wench from the Lesser Antilles I know a male stripper called Noel, There was a young man from Maine, A hotblooded swordsman named Doyle, While playing strip poker with Kate
Ripped hair from the root of my "rise"
(My Cunt-Seeking Pointer
And Pussy-Annointer),
And further, emitted wild cries.
--- Anon
'D be shocked when I zipped down my zipper
But she only said, "Gosh,
If only you'd wash,
It would smell a bit less like a kipper!"
--- Anon
Now now, please me don't impugn.
I'm thick as a brick --
I do mean my dick --
Cocked, loaded, and set to harpoon.
--- Wicked Mick
You're so quick to brag on your meat.
If that's a harpoon,
My ass is the moon.
There's no whale here, Nemo, retreat!
--- Jason
Hung less like a horse than a foal.
Yet it still doesn't fit
While sitting to shit,
And collides with some part of the bowl.
--- John Miller
It won't fit; this huge piece of meat.
The toilet's too small,
So I piss on the wall,
'Cause mingling with shit is not neat.
--- Tom Wolfley
Concerning the size of his cable.
Turns out that his size
Was no pack of lies!
I'm running away while I'm able.
--- Anon
This sounds like a really good lay.
Most women would die
For what hangs from this guy,
And here you are running away.
--- Anon
It stood up all morning and night.
It was so big and long
And incredibly strong,
That to pull up his pants was a fight.
--- Tim Fisher
"Is with passion you're filled to the brim.
Now get out that beast,
And slap it with grease,
And then you can borrow my quim."
--- Tim Fisher
The size of his big purple gland.
It made her so sore,
He had to withdraw,
And finish the job with his hand.
--- Tim Fisher
As his eyes in his head started reeling.
Then with one massive shout,
His seed, it flew out,
And made a small mark on the ceiling.
--- Tim Fisher
Or smiles with a mouth that is schmuckable.
I'd trade you my meter
For your teeny peter.
At least it is something that's suckable.
--- Anon
I've lathered on gallons of lube.
It never will fit.
So fuck all this shit -
I'll tuck it up under a boob.
--- Anon
And they don't seem to mind. I mean that is
When they turn around
Their jaws drop, dumbfound-
Ed. Because I am sporting 12 inches.
--- Anon
'Cause now I know what to do.
For a 12 inch dick,
A mint's the trick,
Makes lots of slippery goo!
--- Anon
Where, I say, have my ruler you put?
Now I can't know
How long I can grow,
But for my best guess? A foot!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Found his cock had elongated so,
That when he would pee
It was not only he,
But all of his neighbors who'd know.
--- L0218
"Here's a prick which will pleasure your crack."
But she said, "What's between us,
I would call it a penis,
For a prick is much longer and black."
--- Albin Chaplin
Whose penis came up to his chest.
He said, "I declare,
I have no pubic hair,"
So he covered his nuts with his vest.
--- G2549
Was prodigiously massive and long.
On each side of this whang,
Two testes did hang,
That attracted a curious throng.
--- L0157
Was, in inches, some twelve and a half.
It was used as a cue,
As a baseball bat, too,
(Which always produced a good laugh).
--- Isaac Asimov
A young man unfurled his long phallus.
Girls ran amok
Seeking a fuck.
Others said, "Run or he'll ball us."
--- Tom Patton P9804
Of being asked 'Do you suck your prick?'
I'd rather my dong
Were a quarter as long
And, to compensate, four times as thick."
--- CeeJay
Was possessed of a long and a hairy 'un.
It was always erect
And is why, we suspect,
He was known as 'Bone-on the Calgarian'.
--- Barrie Collins
That wasn't the biggest, no way!
That old geezer next door's
Packing six inches more.
Such a pity the bugger was gay."
--- Frank
Who handled his tool with great ease.
This continual friction
Made his sex a mere fiction,
But the callus hangs down to his knees.
--- L1290
And the feats that his long pecker can
Perform in his mouth,
Or in parts North or South,
Does not include leading a band.
--- Fredric Cohen P8305
With his eyes on the evening star, Venus,
With the sky full of blimps,
And the town full of pimps,
And an incredible length to his penis.
--- L1385
To be nude in my house is my norm.
When she came for the census,
With one look reached concensus.
"My dear sir, you'll need the long form!"
--- Travis Brasell
Who was explicitly hung like a horse.
When asked how it lengthened,
He said that it strengthened
By the use of centrifugal force!
--- Chuck Sta
Because of his humorous grin.
As he serviced one lass
With his cock up her ass,
She said, "Go slow, You're tickling my chin!"
--- Stan
A circus performer named Blair,
Tied a sizable rock
To the end of his cock,
And shattered a balcony chair.
--- L1364
This is file tcl
Had over ten inches of rod.
Although such a projection
Never knew one rejection,
He gave all the credit to God.
--- Armand E Singer 326
Brought forth his long, red-headed pecker.
After one frightened glance (She wailed, "It's a shock,)
She pissed her pink pants, (So much meat on a cock--)
And cried, "Not for me, that cuntwrecker!"
--- G0307
Who had a diminutive twitchet.
He stuck in ten inches; (When you got in her pants)
She squealed, "How it pinches! (She would moan in a trance)
--- G0424
Was inordinately proud of his dong.
To a lady he'd boast,
It was stiff as a post,
But alas, poor Long's dong did him wrong.
--- Karen B
Had a whang which hung down to his knees.
When it bounced on the floor
He would beat is some more,
Till it came with a hell of a wheeze.
--- G2153
Whose pecker hung down to his knees.
The gals all adored it,
But him, he abhored it,
For each time it stiffened, he'd sneeze.
--- Lusty Limericks
Made the nudist camp members aghast...
For poor Buck had found
That it dragged on the ground,
So he carries it now at half-mast.
--- Grand Prix Lim 633
As a fifteen inch prick she caressed.
So he said to his date,
"The first nine can be ate,
And prepare to get fucked with the rest."
--- Albin Chaplin
Who had more than most girls could handle.
He'd often bisect 'em,
Go right through the rectum,
Then at twenty yards piss out the candle.
--- Anon
Who could even screw horses with ease.
He'd flout natural laws
In this manner because
Of his dong, which hung down to his knees.
--- L0618
Had a two-channel, fifteen-inch woofer,
Overloading his wife
In their sexual life,
With an output sufficient for two of 'er.
--- Hugh Oliver 106b
Lies a horseman in a stone tomb.
Remembered in song
For a sixteen-inch dong,
His horse tripped on it; it was his doom!
--- Phil T
Who had a very long thing.
But you'll guess my surprise
When I found that its size,
Just measured my third-finger ring!
--- L0142
Who boasted of a fourteen inch prick.
But the girls all took flight
'Cause of snatches too tight,
To take such an enormous wick.
--- Bob G
My friend Shorty Dunn must remember,
To open his fly,
On the Fourth of July,
In order to piss in September.
--- Anon
Packed a hefty erection in store.
Its size was so big,
That he started a SIG
For those with ten inches or more.
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8208
Is enough to amaze any girl.
But it's thin as spaghetti,"
Said observant Aunt Betty.
"Come here and I'll give it a twirl."
--- Anon
Had a lovely metallic-hued tool.
It was twelve inches long
And we knew it was wrong,
But we girls called it "The Golden Rule!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Bill measured it and found it quite long.
Though shorter than Simon's,
It could penetrate hymens,
And cause women to burst into song!
--- Dohpaz
"You're dreaming! I just wish that I
Could keep it that small.
I'll stay in the hall,
And just the far end I'll supply."
--- John Miller
No wonder the women did shout;
As he stood on the edge
Of a third-story ledge,
His prick and his ballocks hung out.
--- Armand E Singer 435
Remarked as he larked in the hollow,
"Darling, my dong
Is twelve inches long."
Said his girl, "That's a hard one to swallow."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Getting housewives' attention's no chore:
He's endowed with a dong
That is twelve inches long,
So he wedges his foot in the door.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
"The ladies? Be certain I'll teach 'em,
To do as I please;
And if too far to seize,
Never fear. I've a part that will reach 'em."
--- Isaac Asimov
They'd measure the length of his dong.
If he's nagged by his harem,
The band plays to scare 'em,
And "God Save the Queen" is the song.
--- G0429
If I came to show you my cock;
But if you've no fear,
Just come over here,
And watch me pull it from my sock!
--- Anon
Whose balls were the size of a button,
But he had a dong,
Some ten inches long,
But what could he do with it? Nuttin'.
--- G0318
To be named after my ingeniast
Way to measure
The length of my treasure
From the length of the shadow my peni-cast
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Says dog fashion gives her the willies.
Except big long cocks
That stay hard as rocks,
But it's seldom she's fucked by such dillies.
--- G0508
Who is blessed with a thirteen-inch pole.
And he's doing all right
Giving three shows a night--
Well, it's better than life on the dole.
--- Michael Horgan
Whose prick was a strong as a cane.
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
--- L0197
Didn't fence quite according to Hoyle.
When challenged to duel,
He would whip out his tool,
Which he brandished about like a foil.
--- G2320
I noticed I'd gotten a straight.
But just to the six
And Katie restricts
Her folds to those having an eight.
--- Anon
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