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John Thomas has the doctor to thank I met her one night on the strand There was a young fellow named Runyan, A dolly in Dallas named Alice, A hapless young fellow was Horne, A marvelous thing is a phallus, There was a young man from East Dallas, A Protestant fellow, Bill Austin, Said David, a leader of Jews, In my sixties, I had an affair; There was a young lady from Dallas A myopic young fellow named Clark The wonderful thing about Dallas There's this legendary cowboy from Dallas There once was a young man from Dallas There was a young man of Bombay, There once was a man from Dallas There once was a cowboy from Dallas After ten pints of old English scrumpy, A cowboy from Texas named Rick There once was a sailor named Wingy, The problem with sex on the sand There was a young fellow from Clare I remember a chick, name of Alice; There was a young man from Port Said, There was a young fellow from Dallas, As limp as a dish-rag I am, There was a young man of Cawnpore, There once was a girl from Salinas, This blonde girl that I was dating In Japan, a young Yank with elation A swami in far-off Assam A fellow who swam off Bermuda Desiring an unwrinkled scrotum Strong men have begun to be leery There was a young man of Loch Ness, There ws a young man from Kilkeel, There was a young man from Great Britain; Like many professions I've found, A nasty virago named Alice, There was a young fellow named Bob, Said a roue from old Canadaigua There once was a maidenly mystic There was a young fellow nost willing No way I am nice to a thief A hooker performing fellatio I'm sorry, but Travis is gone. There once was a man from Nantucket, There once was a lady of Penge A man who could not find a twat hole A sodomite pervert named Backer There once was a man from Rochester, There was a young man from Kilkeel, An evil bridge-player named Sam There once was a woman named Lana, There once was a young lad named Mickey, A deviate groomer named Hauser There was a contortionist Bach, In Uganda a tourist named Ryan, A dynamic young cocksman maned Flood, A man who was richer than Croesus, There once was a colonel named Jack There was a zipper that was bad, An unlikely Greek name of Croesus A horny old pederast zoophile Of course, man, I still have my member, There once was a sadist named Alice
For repairing his dick which was rank.
He said, "Look, mate,
Just hold it straight,
And more than two shakes is a wank!"
--- Jon Delaney
Where she'd frolicked all day in the sand.
This caused some abrasion
To mar the occasion;
'Cept for that, the encounter was grand.
--- John Miller 0016 A
Whose pecker came down with a bunion.
When he had an erection,
This painful infection,
Gave off the faint odor of onion.
--- L1697
Whose overworked sex is all callous,
Wore the foreskin away
On uncircumsized Ray
Through exuberance, tightness, and malice.
--- G0501
Unlucky in love and forlorn.
He was not in demand,
So he took things in hand,
And now Horne has a corn on his horn.
--- Pierce Evans
I saw one in "Debbie Does Dallas."
Where under the glans.
(I think it was Stan's)
An erotical friction-caused callus.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had a phenomenal phallus.
When he walked around,
It dragged on the ground,
Resulting in one nasty callus.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had a goal that was simply exhaustin'.
He vowed that he'd screw
Every girl at NYU.
It's no wonder he wore off his foreskin.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
"In the matter of number of screws,
I can't compete with Bill;
I must conserve my quill,
'Cause I don't have a foreskin to lose."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
The woman was 18, mon cher.
And my old waterspout--
She just wore it out.
I'm glad that I had Medicare!
--- Al Willis T9707
With a lovely penchant for phallus.
It was her lovers endeavor
To sate her, however
His manhood developed a great callus.
--- John Eggerton P0106
Raped a large poplar tree in the dark.
What a splendid surprise!
Such tightness and size!
But his foreskin got scraped on the bark.
--- G1999
Is that it rhymes so well with Phallus.
A thing with delight,
I play with all night.
Don't believe me just look at this callus.
--- Anon
Whose lady friends built him a palace.
But it wasn't finesse
That made them undress,
It was the callused tip of his phallus.
--- Anon
Who so frequently fondled his phallus,
That the organ turned red.
Then it blistered and bled.
And developed a very large callus.
--- Kranbollin TP9901
Who modeled a cunt out of clay.
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick,
And wore all his foreskin away.
--- L1246
Who wore on his dick a large callous.
He played with his tool
Like a grinning big fool,
And said "I beat, but do so without malice!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose girlfriends built him a palace.
It wasn't his attitude
That elicited their gratitude.
It was the callus on the tip of his phallus.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I fancied a quick round of humpy.
I reached for me cock;
Imagine the shock
It was covered in pips and most lumpy.
--- Anon
Round the fire never did care a lick,
For a bunch of tall tales;
Of girls, gunfights, and jails;
He just poked at the coals with his dick.
--- Don Moore P9309a
Whose flagpole grew ragged and stringy.
And his balls got so calloused
He used them for ballast,
And sailed 'round the world in a dinghy.
--- G0491
Is if you are too far inland,
And the sand is dry
Well, then, me oh my,
Those gritty rocks can scratch your gland.
--- Anon
Who just loved to run around bare.
He'd dangle his screwer
Through the grate of a sewer --
The poor thing's begun to show wear.
--- G2295
The last time she blew me, a callous
Appeared on my shaft.
She had warts fore and aft
And a snatch like the top of a chalice.
--- Anon
Whose penis grew tattered and frayed.
Thus earning the jeers (Thus earning the taunts)
Of his Sadistic peers, (Of his well-meaning aunts)
And complaints from the women he'd laid.
--- G0422
Who enjoyed doing thing with his phallus.
So many tricks did he try,
It became, by and by,
Little more that a leather-tough callus.
--- L1260
Since last Saturday evening with Pam.
I'm a sensitive soul,
But she treated my pole
As if merely a battering ram.
--- Anon
Whose tool was so awfully sore,
From slapping and rubbing,
And pulling and drubbing,
It was useless for what it was for.
--- G2100
Whose boyfriend had warts on his penis.
She said, "Though it's ugly,
It really fits snugly.
We'll just have to keep it between us."
--- David Miller
Was no use when it came to fellating
She gave a wee cough
And bit the end off
And that was the end of my mating.
--- Anon
Asked a whore for a new sex sensation.
But he went into shock
When she bit off his cock,
For the meaning was lost in translation.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1775
Was caught by a man-eating clam.
This accounts for the nick
On the end of his dick,
And each testicle's shape like a cam.
--- G1977
Was bit by a mean barracuda.
We haven't the heart
To describe the lost part,
But he's not male or female, he's neuter.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501
This is file sxl
The injun built a large totem.
But he became very sick
When a bear ripped his dick,
And his nuts were so large he could float 'em.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of coition with lissome Miss Erie.
While her tail's a delight,
She has been known to bite
One fellow till he became queery!
--- Grand Prix Lim 601 G0641
Whose sexual life was a mess,
'Til the beast in the Loch
Bit the head off his cock,
Which solved all his problems, I guess!
--- G2034
Who was bit on the dick by an eel.
When asked, did he suffer,
He said, "No the cysts buffer.
Now if the wounds would only congeal."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With foreigners he was quite smitten.
But during one sixty-nine
With a buck-toothed fraulein,
She sneezed and his todger got bitten.
--- Raymond Davies
There's devils and angels around.
"Myself, I'm the latter,"
She said with a splatter,
As she bit off another half-pound.
--- Sister Christina
With more than a touch of pure malice,
Diddled long and sucked hard
On some handsome lifeguard,
Then bit off the end of his phallus.
--- Armand E Singer 389
Who explained to his friends with a sob,
"The size of my phallus
Was just right for Alice,
'Till the night that she bit off the knob."
--- L1136
To his partner, "My God! What a haigua!"
She replied with harangues
And a baring of fangs --
Then she bit off his cock, like a jaguar.
--- R A M A085C
Whose habits approached the sadistic.
While kissing a chum,
With one thumb up his bum,
She bit off the end of his piss-stick.
--- G2041
To teach all the gals about squilling,
Till he met a virago
Who bit off his pago,
The while she was trilling, "How thrilling!"
--- G2065
Who's already given me grief.
Cops are on the way;
He won't run away,
I've bitten him there with my teef!
--- Marlene Lewis
Was startled by noise from a radio,
Her dentures did close
On the poor fellow's hose,
And ruined his pecker/height ratio.
--- Parker Waterman P0203
I caught him without his pants on.
The thought, "What's one bite?
But try as I might,
I couldn't stop. Now he is non.
--- Sister Christina
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
One day he did slip
And bit off the tip
And spit it right into a bucket.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was raped on a trip to Stonehenge
By her Druidic guide,
Who is thought to have died
When she bit off his cock in revenge.
--- Anna Pest P9005
Attempted to diddle a knothole,
When a dog took a quick
Snap! and bit off his prick--
Where the man once had prong, now he's got hole.
--- G2739
For sex gave his dog a big cracker,
But through some odd quirk,
The hound went berserk,
And chewed off the fool's tallywhacker.
--- Armand E Singer 987
Whose pecker eels managed to pester.
When asked if it ached,
His whole body quaked,
Mostly because the wounds fester.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was bit on the dick by an eel.
Now it is for the best,
If you fill in the rest,
For the eel didn't much like its meal.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Once attemptyed to bugger a clam.
When it snapped shut its shell,
He let out a yell--
This maneuver is called the Grand Slam.
--- G1977a
Who liked to give head in the sauna.
The steam was so thick,
That she bit off a dick;
Now they call her the human pirana.
--- Anon
Whose girl loved to suck his big dickey.
But she bit it all out
Leaving not even a spout;
All that she left was a hickey.
--- Buttnugget
Was smitten while trimming a Schnauser.
He lunged for the beast,
But the mutt had a feast,
When it chewed off the bone in his trouser.
--- Larry Wilde
Who tried a new twist with Miss Flock.
But he slipped on some shit,
And her nipple he bit,
And she bit off the end of his cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1754
Had his manhood nipped off by a lion.
He cried, "Now I'm sorry
I made this safari,
For my great virile days are fast dyin'!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 412 G0685
Who was thinking of standing at stud,
Had his instrument nipped
By some dentures that slipped.
His career had been nipped in the pud!
--- Playboy Mag Jim Weaver
Enjoyed being sucked off by feces.
'Till a vicious old hound
Thought his stake was ground round,
And chewed it completely to pieces.
--- L0589
Who taught wartime dogs to attack.
A doberman pinscher
Bit off his ten-incher,
And now he's a high-ranking WAC.
--- World P8307
Within its teeth, my dickie felt sad.
As I pulled it free,
It jumped up with glee;
Best piece of brass I've ever had.
--- Anon
Was messing around with a rhesus.
The monkey right quick
Bit off the man's dick,
But surgeons sewed on a prosthesis.
--- Armand E Singer 441
Tried to bugger a crocodile juvenile.
They're hoping that soon
The parts that are strewn,
Will produce enough penis to reconcile.
--- Anon
But it was nigh lost in December,
When Sister Chris clawed it,
And chomped it and sawed it.
It's there, man, but ragged and limber!
--- Anon
Possessed of considerable malice.
She'd open up wide,
Let a man get inside,
Then her grip would clip off his whole phallus.
--- G1972
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