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We now know how Bill is constructed There is this disease called Peyronie's There once was a man named Spud, An inquisitive cutie of Kent An onanist, old Charlie Pudder, A miner who bored in Brazil, If you've noticed a queue that's quite long, In Surrey there once lived a gent, There once was a lady from Kent, Now girls, be you virgin or whore, (a boar's penis is a spiral)
Poor Gregory can't get his pole There was a young man they called Pink, A man who had given his best, There once was a young girl named Alice, There was a sad fellow from Kent, There once was a man from Hoboken, "Oh Trav! You've a twisted erection!" There once was a bloke from Hoboken, There was a young fellow named Chase There was a young man from Baku Now fellas, I know you may scoff, My root is quite weathered and knotted; A well-endowed man, Arthur King, I studied in "Arthur King Classes", There once was a man from Dundee No wonder she chose to relent. A digger, some codger named Roger, So as Anne sheds her bridal regalia, A panic button he started to push, There once was a woman named Anne The marriage of Roger and Anne: Trey is an old boy who's known In case you don't get it, dear Reader, While sitting at the keyboard so bored; To untangle me Willie I tried; Me Willie was horribly bent; Well let us make fun of you, Billy; Oh doc, I hope you will see Here is your doctor's prognosis: I'm glad I ain't got what he's got; You've heard about Uncle Tom Cobleigh? Tom Cobleigh's dick was quite knobbly, I used to be bolder than shit; A Jovian, unctuous and tight, I must get my ship on the ball Perhaps a bionic One-Meter, The surgeon has got me unbent. A beautiful prehensile glans It's got twenty-two joints, and they're sprung And when I am ready to blow, Hey Captain, I've bought a new prod! But if, dear, you've got apple schnapps, I may have to leave in a trice; Oh Captain, My Captain! Have mercy! Here I sit, snug in my quarters, She's angling for First Mate position, When the first rays of sun start to glint Did I mention that I happen to be It seems that my erection stalls; There were three witches from Kent The three old witches of Kent The right angle pecker of Jock But Jock met the lady of Crewe A teacher by name of Benoint That teacher who knotted his cock "My dick is all crumpled and twisted,"
With Peyronie's disease; we're instructed.
And we know that the dress
Is, Oh! Such a mess!
Thank God only Justice is obstructed.
--- Tom Simon
Afflicting the pricks of my cronies.
It causes a bend
Way out near the end --
Well, nobody likes kinked balonies.
--- Armand E Singer 479
Who liked to fuck holes in the mud.
It was quite a neat trick,
Till he injured his prick,
And then pissed a bucket of blood.
--- Puff Adder
Said, "I see that your pecker is bent...
At some time were you trying
To use it for prying?
And did you achieve your intent?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 363
Emitted a scream and a shudder.
He squeezed with his fist,
While twisting his wrist,
And snapped off the stem of his rudder.
--- Armand Singer
Found some very strange rust on his drill.
He thought it a joke,
'Till the bloody thing broke.
Now his tailings are practically nil.
--- L1138
Titillation's the cause of the throng.
I give group interaction
And great satisfaction
Because of the kink in my dong.
--- Conch
Whose pecker was horribly bent.
"If you'll straighten it, Miss,
I'll give you a kiss."
So she tried, but she failed, and he went.
--- Melinda Coss
Whose husband's erection was bent;
But her pussy bent too,
So that when they did screw,
Quite perfect together they went!
--- Cap'n Bean P9901a
I know you'll be begging for more.
You will not resist
Our doing the twist,
For you see, I am built like a boar.
--- John Miller
Up his girl for a tumble and roll,
For he has a square peg
And his paramour Meg
Has a perfectly circular hole.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who has a quite small tiddy wink.
He played it one day
In a consecutive way,
And now it has a strange kink.
--- Donald McGill
Thought to give his dick a test.
He tied the append
To a big truck's rear end,
And it stretched all the way to Key West!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose boyfriend had a big phallus.
Once it was in,
It crumpled like tin,
And so now he's suing for malice.
--- Anon
Whose unusual tool was quite bent.
But in time he did find,
That the women don't mind.
They think time spent under him is well spent.
--- John T and Donna Burt
Who feared that his penis was broken.
The doctor said, "Mister,
Just look at this blister!
You've bent it in half with your strokin'!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"I know, Jane, a major defection;
Last night when I stirred,
The ceiling fan 'whirred'
And caught it -- then changed its direction!"
--- Travis Brasell
Hid under a hearse for some strokin'.
Someone started the hearse;
Put the gears in reverse,
That's how the blokes poker got broken.
--- Pierce Evans
Who buttressed his tool with a brace.
Now his wife does not mention
A bone of contention,
For their love has a much firmer base.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0418
Whose pecker was slightly askew.
Sex was more than just tricky;
He left navels all sticky;
Now it's something he tends to eschew.
--- Robert Elliot
But Jimmy now don't want to boff;
Her sexual athletics
Have damaged his dick, it's
A wonder she's not broke it off.
--- Anon
And many a girl's been besotted,
For on opening the tap
That pumps up the sap,
She gets single, then double, then clotted.
--- Fester Ormatsee
His penis he'd take and he'd fling
It over his shoulder,
But now he's grown older;
He carries it 'round in a sling.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To learn what to do as time passes,
With my sagging timber
And all I remember
Is: Hire you six muscle-bound lasses!
--- Travis Brasell
Who really did look like a tree.
He couldn't get laid
Till he met this maid,
Who liked everything naturally.
--- Tjarda
Treebeard's a famous old gent.
Lord of the Rings,
In describing such things,
Calls this guy with a woodie an Ent.
--- Irish
Fell out of bed bending his todger.
Now an Irish coleen
Will soon be his queen,
And for sex, with his splint he will bodge her.
--- Tim Main
And ponders his bruised genitalia,
She can offer her prayers,
That her old man's upstairs
And not down under in 'Stralia!
--- Tim Main
When he viewed her magnificent tush.
"My dear, I won't fail ya',
I come from Australia,
I've stopped beating around in the bush."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who mistook our poor Rog for a man.
When came wedding night,
Anne thought it all right,
Though her Rogering happened by hand.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A joining of woman and man.
We toast to the match;
They both got a catch;
Raise a glass to the Aus-Irish clan!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For having the "bent nail syndrome."
They say he bent it
At the local rock pit,
From too often "romancing the stone."
--- Floyd Moody
"Bent nail" refers to his peter.
So crooked it will
No twat ever fill,
So I guess he will just have to eat her.
--- Floyd Moody
This is file syl
Too broke to go out and get whored;
With me browser on porn,
Made me trousers too warm,
Now me Willie's tangled-up in the cord.
--- Frosty
The cord tightened-up, 'til I cried;
So with no circulation,
I said "fuck masturbation",
Then I stared at me Willie cross-eyed.
--- Frosty
Like the man who "came and he went";
With the end full of blood,
Backed-up by a flood,
God! Whatever I did, I Repent!
--- Frosty
The lad with his brain in his willy.
His English is flawed,
He ought to be clawed
By tigers till his willy is nilly.
--- Anon
The troubles bothereing me.
You see that my dangle
Is bent at an angle
And it dribbles whenever I pee!
--- CM
She recommeends pills and hypnosis.
And while you are under,
She'll ravage and plunder
Your prick 'til it's stiff with fibrosis.
--- Brian Belge
No doubt the lad's suffered a lot.
When I've finished peeing,
No dribbles I'm seeing;
I tie my old dick in a knot!
--- Travis Brasell
His knees were exceedingly knobbly.
They gave his wife Jill
An encredible thrill;
Made her faint with desire and go wobbly.
--- Peter Wilkins
And his wife's mother tells me most prob'ly,
That the after-effects
Of their first night of sex,
Was Jill's pussy burned terribly throbbly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'd poke every alien slit.
But Lt Mar
Has left a large scar,
And this has affected the fit.
--- H Welchel
Assailed me one Europan night.
She screamed (from scar friction),
Then spazzed (full constriction).
And now I hook sharp to the right.
--- H Welchel
And pay my flight surgeon a call.
He's deft with a splint
And nards that are bent.
He'll straighten me once and for all.
--- H Welchel
With infinite Auto-Repeater.
Doc, pray does that come
With bollocks that hum?
And nubby soft bumps, and a heater?
--- H Welchel
I've opened the bill that he sent.
The price of bionics
Induced histrionics,
But damn! This is worth every cent!
--- H Welchel
Will part your lips better than hands.
The G-rubbing thing
May cause you to sing,
Whenever it throbs and expands.
--- H Welchel
With genetically engineered tongue.
And this excellent feature
Just for you, my dear creature,
Will be tested 'round tit, taint, and bung.
--- H Welchel
Just twist it to dial up a flow.
There's schnaps by the shot,
And if you're too hot,
There's ice cream, cold lager, or snow!
--- H Welchel
Let's test this one out on your rod.
There's nothing to fear;
A little zap here...
Oops! That shorted you out, by God!
--- Marlene Lewis
Could you squeeze me out a few drops?
I'll need a small drink
Till you've fixed it, I think.
I'm sorry 'bout how the thing flops.
--- Marlene Lewis
The Captain has put me on ice.
And then there's this tag
Attached to my gag,
Which I think is showing a price.
--- Marlene Lewis
Oh please don't you sell me to Circe,
Or things multi-sex
That start with an "X";
They only want me for my Percy!
--- Archie
Showing my crank to a Xorters.
She's keen with the solder
And tools that I bought her,
And laser-electro de-warters.
--- H Welchel
By building in nuclear fission.
I can't wait to do her
And fill up her sewer
Through radioactive coition.
--- H Welchel
And we've finished the spark making stint,
Knowing I've had the best;
I will sneak home to rest,
There to patch up my dick with a splint.
--- Anon
An expert on splinting? You see,
For the best effect
You must keep it erect,
And for that, you can depend on me!
--- Anon
I just get it up when it falls.
I've difficulty
With splinting, you see.
By the way, do you make house calls?
--- Anon
Who got a young man in a tent.
They pulled down his britches
And had him in stitches,
And swung on his prick till it bent.
--- Phil Johnstone
Took a man down into their tent.
The three dirty bitches
Then pulled down his britches,
And jumped on his cock 'til it bent.
--- Anon
At first gave the ladies a shock,
But he gained their good graces
For it tickled the places
Which had never been touched by a cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0489
And he fucked up her bore straight and true.
Because of the kink
The navy did sink,
And the kingdom was lost for a screw.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0491
Was trying to make a good point
That his students could see
About celibacy,
So he tied a knot in his joint.
--- Puff Adder
Caused all of his students great shock.
He shot from his knob
A spiraling gob
That splattered all over the clock.
--- That Guy
Old miser John Thomas insisted.
"I won't mock your cock,"
Said the doctor in shock,
"But I think, sir, you're just too tight-fisted."
--- Tiddy Ogg
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