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A self-conscious diver named Mark
Had his dick bitten off by a shark.
A new one was fitted,
Which his mum had knitted.
Now he will only shag in the dark.
--- Anon

I once knew a girl named Naomi;
I begged her, but she wouldn't blow me.
So I held her head tight,
But she started to bite.
Now I have to sit down when I pee.
--- Preben Hansen

There was a young man from Biloxi, (MI)
Who said to the girls, "Here's my cock. See?"
But a maiden for spite
Chewed it off in a fight.
So now all his sex is by proxy.
--- Julia Strawn P8805

I know all about Old King Cole,
He'd put his prick in any hole.
When he put his pud
In a tree in the wood,
A squirrel soon chomped off his pole.
--- Anon

There once was a wicked old actor
Who waylaid a young girl and attacked her.
In reply to this trick
She bit off his prick,
And thus remained 'virgo intacta'.
--- G1969

The thing I most like about Friday,
It's the end of the week (my real high day).
But I yelled and turned green
This Unlucky Thirteen,
'Cause my willy got caught in my fly-way!
--- Friar TP9802

At the circus, a man from Niagara
Stuck his thing in the mouth of a tiagra...
Though he is still alive,
His sex won't revive --
It can't even be helped by Viagra.
--- Vassar Smith P9807

There was an old man from Peru
Whose penis would play peekaboo.
His wife caused his plight
When she once took a bite
Of his dickie, which now shrinks from view.
--- Ogni Gioia

Whatever became of Jack Slipper?
He caught his best friend in his zipper.
Now it wasn't the pain
That made him complain,
It was changing his first name to Pippa.
--- Kevin Hale Q

A MESHUGGENER maven I knew,
Was tired of being a Jew,
And in attempt sad,
A foreskin he'd add;
He know pees all over his shoe.
--- Chris Papa

A cabin boy on an old clipper,
Was quite a bit of a nipper.
He plugged his ass
With fragments of glass,
And circumcised the skipper.

(also in The Good Ship Venus - McW)
--- Anon

Rumors abound at St Nick's;
The doctors are all country hicks.
Male children are born
And drenched, tailed, and shorn;
Then they tie rubber bands 'round their pricks!
--- Anon

It seems that some geezers are snipped,
While others remain foreskin-tipped.
The reason is plain:
It causes less pain
Thus saving her wings from being clipped.
--- Anon

A blind and eccentric old mohel
Said, "Less of that damn baby oil!
I'm going by braille.
One slip and I'll fail,
The poor lad's whole sex life I'd spoil."
--- Anon

The hardworking mohel goes to the bank
After staking his moil on the flank.
The Bris kit suffices
Like grilling devices,
To cauterize wounds shaft and shank.
--- Daniel Ford

You really should be a fact checker;
Your limerick is a fact wrecker.
When I was a babe wee,
They took a piece of me.
Next time I'll show you my pecker.
--- Chris Papa

A boy whose skin long I suppose is,
Was dreadfully ill with phymosis.
The doctor said, "Why,
Circumcision we'll try,
A plan recommended by Moses.

(Phymosis - stopping up of an orifice)
--- L1122

With the elephants works our friend Marge,
Circumcising the beasts in her charge.
Though the salary's low,
She does not want for dough,
For the tips that she gets are quite large.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8712a

Performing his thirty-third bris,
The rabbi ate what he missed.
He downed it with cheddar,
And said it was better
Than umbilical cords smothered with swiss.
--- J Strackokiovic

There was a young man named Royal,
Whose ambition was to be a moyel.
He worked and he toiled,
But was finally foiled,
When he tried it out on a goil.

(moyel - one who circumcizes)
--- L1732

There is a young doctor named Phipps,
When asked what he does, always quips,
"I do circumcision
With utmost precision
And make all my money on tips."
--- P8305A

In order to keep business goin'
And share trangenderness with no one,
The knife was foregone,
Another put on,
And instead of Carmen, he's Cohen.
--- Daniel Ford

Reminiscent of time after Tut,
When Moses replied to God, "But
The Arabs get the oil,
And the Chosen get moyel
To cut off the end of our what?!"
--- Daniel Ford

A mohel said to me over tea
"It's too bad I'm Jewish; you see.
I've saved lots of foreskins,
Fourscore or more skins...
How at Christmas they'd deck out a tree!"
--- Anon

"Now let's let the foreskin uncoil,"
Said the rabbi at his ritual MOIL.
The squirming kid cried
At keen blade applied,
Which would his wee member despoil.
--- Chris Papa

An extremely short-kilted North Briton
Sat carelessly down on a kitten;
But the kitten had claws,
The immediate cause
Of the Scotsman's abrupt circumcision.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

Your first circumcision? Well Bob;
Are you ready? Then lift up his knob;
Take a breath now and whack
Off his ... slash off his ... hack
Off his ... Shit! That's a pretty poor job.
--- Anon

I bet you're now sadder, but wise.
A zipper can really incise
A floppy foreskin.
Next time tuck it in,
Or consider this word -- circumcise.
--- Cyber Wizard

There once was a young guy whose rocket
Got caught twixt the chain and the sprocket;
It really surprised him,
When it circumcised him---
Now he keeps the foreskin in his pocket!
--- Anon

The mid-century birth of some boys
Brought circumcision even to goys.
So now you will find
Many friends in kind,
With no foreskin protection for toys.
--- Daniel

A mohel who had been defrocked,
Circumcised a man, who was shocked.
"You cut it all wrong --
It WAS twice this long!"
The angry man went off, half cocked.
--- Anon A

In an emergency from a collision,
The nurse filed the wrong requisition.
Instead of a patch
And a stitch for a scratch,
The doctor performed circumcision.
--- John Bowman

A stalwart young Klansman named Hugh
Once dreamed he turned into a Jew.
He awoke with a shock
And examined his cock,
And found the poor thing had turned blue.

(And found it was perfectly true.)
--- G0364

This is file swl

To the Chosen I bid hearty mozel tov!
When they snip a bit of the schnozzle off.
But God's Law
Of Brit Milah
Is to slice a piece of the nozzle off!
--- MrMalo

A rabbinical doctor named Phipps,
When asked what he does, always quips,
"I work with the moil;
With precision I toil,
And I make all my money in tips!
--- Garold Amadon

Performing his thirty-third bris,
The moyl gave the shmeckel a 'kiss'.
With chin-whiskers bloody,
He said to his buddy,
"I'm glad that the kid didn't piss!"
--- Anon

A surgeon of some imprecision
Decided on self-circumcision.
A slip of the knife --
"Oh dear," said his wife,
"Our sex life will need some revision".
--- L O'Halloran

A circumsized dick is the best;
It sticks out from all of the rest.
When asked which is better,
The women get wetter,
With no turtleneck, just a vest.
--- Lims For Year - 01

They circumsised old Major Gough;
The doctor held it and said, "Cough!
Let's see how it heals."
The major said, "Feels
Like you've cut the entire thing off!"
--- Anon

Said the doctor "Your chart says right here
That your foreskin you'd like us to shear.
Such a Jewish decision.
After my circumcision,
I couldn't walk for a year!"
--- Res Ipsa

In rest rooms, a guy named Elias,
Wreaks havoc; the wherefore and why is
Inaccurate aim,
And he places the blame
On a rabbi who cut on the bias.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

There was an old mohel named Stiers
Who often drank too many beers.
When a botched incision
Required revision,
He cleaned up with old pinking shears.
--- Bob Moers TP9807

Boasted Humperdink as he was jinking
The chink of the girl he was linking,
"You may laugh with derision,
But my circumcision
Was done with some shears meant for pinking."
--- Stu Lucas P9601a

Tonsils removed: tonsillectomy;
Uterus out: hysterectomy;
But they've made the choice,
Little boy with no voice...
Snippity-snip: prepucectomy!
--- Prof

Wailed hospital chief, Dr. Moses,
"Our clinic's not coming up roses;
May the dear Jesus keep us,
You've chopped off the wrong prepuce,
And far worse, the prick it encloses.
--- Armand E Singer 476

"At the thought of a forced circumcision,
By her organ of steely precision,
I found lacking the essence
Of my recent tumescence,"
Lamented poor Hugh, with derision.
--- Anon

There was an old mohel named Schmucks
Who saves all the foreskins he plucks.
Delightful pate,
He serves on a tray,
And all the guests think it is ducks!
--- H Welchel

On the limerick, I've made my decision;
How to shorten, I have a provision.
It should gain wide approval --
Merely foreskin removal
By a method well-known -- circumcision.
--- Albin Chaplin P9104

The lady, disappointed as hell,
When into a warm bed she fell,
With circumscribed Mosh',
Whose Mohel left but SKOSH,
That barely could rise, much less swell.
--- Chris Papa

All foreskins I keep in a case.
Got some from an alien race.
You ready for this?
Don't take it amiss
For yours may remain in its place.
--- Anon

You know it's not only the Yid
Who's been cut to show what had been hid,
The doc took a whittle
To my own little piddle,
And I'm glad that he stopped when he did.
--- MrMalo

There was an old rabbi named Phipps
Who circumcised babies with snips.
But the government frowned
And his goods did impound,
When he failed to pay tax on his tips.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2227

Capitation, they say, Is a vision.
To charge for each head's their decision.
You could ask Doctor Boone,
The Texas tycoon,
But that's what I call circumcision.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The mohel takes foreskin in hand
And snips a young male of the land.
Then a relation
Who is a station-
er, sells someone a small rubber band.
--- Professor

A gentleman living in Nassau
Had a fondness for using a saw.
That one bad decision
Used for circumcision;
Now he's mastered the thousand piece jigsaw.
--- Robert Elliot

Another old mohel, name of Sol
Said with astonishing gall,
"With the left-over bits
I'll beef up the tits
Of my under-endowed Barbie Doll."
--- Anon

"Just a wart on the foreskin of fate!
That's what you are, Keith," hollered Kate,
"And I'd not be surprised
If you've been circumsised,
And what was cut off used for bait!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 491

Once a rabbi who was called Kyzzer
Circumsised all his boys with a scissor.
On a boy called Horatio,
He committed fellatio
By performing for too long brit mezizah.

(Ritual sucking of blood from foreskin)

I hope the whittling on your piddle
Occurred when you were very little.
'Cause if you were grown,
When they whittled your bone,
It might be a while before you diddle.
--- Kaylin Brandon

For women he had an addiction,
And chased 'em with lust and conviction,
'Til put to the knife
By one jealous wife,
Who cured his addiction to friction.
--- Frank

His sister-in-law, have you seen her?
Just tried the same thing, only meaner.
She cut the poor guy
But sliced through his thigh --
They're charging her with misdewiener.
--- Ericka

Oh Ericka! You should be cursed
For slaking your limerick thirst
With a groaner so awful,
It should be unlawful.
I wish I had thought of it first!
--- John Miller

He's addicted to busting his nut.
A man who produced his own smut,
After his wife's deed,
He felt a great need
To star in "John Bobbitt, uncut!"
--- I R Canuck

This is not quite the answer you seek,
But after his wife made him a freak,
He starred in some porn
With a sewn on horn,
But I hear his erections were weak.
--- I R Canuck

CATERCORNER cuts can cause the blues,
As when a mohel will abuse
A foreskin on wee
Fellow, who'd pee
Forever now over his shoes.
--- Chris Papa

Till that hernia near Osawatomie,
The girls that I knew had a lot of me.
When I woke, though, that mad
Perissotomist had (knife-happy surgeon)
Put an end to that with a peotomy. (cutting into penis)
--- A N Wilkins P8801


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