A self-conscious diver named Mark I once knew a girl named Naomi; There was a young man from Biloxi, (MI) I know all about Old King Cole, There once was a wicked old actor The thing I most like about Friday, At the circus, a man from Niagara There was an old man from Peru Whatever became of Jack Slipper? A MESHUGGENER maven I knew, A cabin boy on an old clipper, (also in The Good Ship Venus - McW)
Rumors abound at St Nick's; It seems that some geezers are snipped, A blind and eccentric old mohel The hardworking mohel goes to the bank You really should be a fact checker; A boy whose skin long I suppose is, (Phymosis - stopping up of an orifice)
With the elephants works our friend Marge, Performing his thirty-third bris, There was a young man named Royal, (moyel - one who circumcizes)
There is a young doctor named Phipps, In order to keep business goin' Reminiscent of time after Tut, A mohel said to me over tea "Now let's let the foreskin uncoil," An extremely short-kilted North Briton Your first circumcision? Well Bob; I bet you're now sadder, but wise. There once was a young guy whose rocket The mid-century birth of some boys A mohel who had been defrocked, In an emergency from a collision, A stalwart young Klansman named Hugh (And found it was perfectly true.)
This is file swl
To the Chosen I bid hearty mozel tov! A rabbinical doctor named Phipps, Performing his thirty-third bris, A surgeon of some imprecision A circumsized dick is the best; They circumsised old Major Gough; Said the doctor "Your chart says right here In rest rooms, a guy named Elias, There was an old mohel named Stiers Boasted Humperdink as he was jinking Tonsils removed: tonsillectomy; Wailed hospital chief, Dr. Moses, "At the thought of a forced circumcision, There was an old mohel named Schmucks On the limerick, I've made my decision; The lady, disappointed as hell, All foreskins I keep in a case. You know it's not only the Yid There was an old rabbi named Phipps Capitation, they say, Is a vision. The mohel takes foreskin in hand A gentleman living in Nassau Another old mohel, name of Sol "Just a wart on the foreskin of fate! Once a rabbi who was called Kyzzer (Ritual sucking of blood from foreskin)
I hope the whittling on your piddle For women he had an addiction, His sister-in-law, have you seen her? Oh Ericka! You should be cursed He's addicted to busting his nut. This is not quite the answer you seek, CATERCORNER cuts can cause the blues, Till that hernia near Osawatomie,
Had his dick bitten off by a shark.
A new one was fitted,
Which his mum had knitted.
Now he will only shag in the dark.
--- Anon
I begged her, but she wouldn't blow me.
So I held her head tight,
But she started to bite.
Now I have to sit down when I pee.
--- Preben Hansen
Who said to the girls, "Here's my cock. See?"
But a maiden for spite
Chewed it off in a fight.
So now all his sex is by proxy.
--- Julia Strawn P8805
He'd put his prick in any hole.
When he put his pud
In a tree in the wood,
A squirrel soon chomped off his pole.
--- Anon
Who waylaid a young girl and attacked her.
In reply to this trick
She bit off his prick,
And thus remained 'virgo intacta'.
--- G1969
It's the end of the week (my real high day).
But I yelled and turned green
This Unlucky Thirteen,
'Cause my willy got caught in my fly-way!
--- Friar TP9802
Stuck his thing in the mouth of a tiagra...
Though he is still alive,
His sex won't revive --
It can't even be helped by Viagra.
--- Vassar Smith P9807
Whose penis would play peekaboo.
His wife caused his plight
When she once took a bite
Of his dickie, which now shrinks from view.
--- Ogni Gioia
He caught his best friend in his zipper.
Now it wasn't the pain
That made him complain,
It was changing his first name to Pippa.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Was tired of being a Jew,
And in attempt sad,
A foreskin he'd add;
He know pees all over his shoe.
--- Chris Papa
Was quite a bit of a nipper.
He plugged his ass
With fragments of glass,
And circumcised the skipper.
--- Anon
The doctors are all country hicks.
Male children are born
And drenched, tailed, and shorn;
Then they tie rubber bands 'round their pricks!
--- Anon
While others remain foreskin-tipped.
The reason is plain:
It causes less pain
Thus saving her wings from being clipped.
--- Anon
Said, "Less of that damn baby oil!
I'm going by braille.
One slip and I'll fail,
The poor lad's whole sex life I'd spoil."
--- Anon
After staking his moil on the flank.
The Bris kit suffices
Like grilling devices,
To cauterize wounds shaft and shank.
--- Daniel Ford
Your limerick is a fact wrecker.
When I was a babe wee,
They took a piece of me.
Next time I'll show you my pecker.
--- Chris Papa
Was dreadfully ill with phymosis.
The doctor said, "Why,
Circumcision we'll try,
A plan recommended by Moses.
--- L1122
Circumcising the beasts in her charge.
Though the salary's low,
She does not want for dough,
For the tips that she gets are quite large.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8712a
The rabbi ate what he missed.
He downed it with cheddar,
And said it was better
Than umbilical cords smothered with swiss.
--- J Strackokiovic
Whose ambition was to be a moyel.
He worked and he toiled,
But was finally foiled,
When he tried it out on a goil.
--- L1732
When asked what he does, always quips,
"I do circumcision
With utmost precision
And make all my money on tips."
--- P8305A
And share trangenderness with no one,
The knife was foregone,
Another put on,
And instead of Carmen, he's Cohen.
--- Daniel Ford
When Moses replied to God, "But
The Arabs get the oil,
And the Chosen get moyel
To cut off the end of our what?!"
--- Daniel Ford
"It's too bad I'm Jewish; you see.
I've saved lots of foreskins,
Fourscore or more skins...
How at Christmas they'd deck out a tree!"
--- Anon
Said the rabbi at his ritual MOIL.
The squirming kid cried
At keen blade applied,
Which would his wee member despoil.
--- Chris Papa
Sat carelessly down on a kitten;
But the kitten had claws,
The immediate cause
Of the Scotsman's abrupt circumcision.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Are you ready? Then lift up his knob;
Take a breath now and whack
Off his ... slash off his ... hack
Off his ... Shit! That's a pretty poor job.
--- Anon
A zipper can really incise
A floppy foreskin.
Next time tuck it in,
Or consider this word -- circumcise.
--- Cyber Wizard
Got caught twixt the chain and the sprocket;
It really surprised him,
When it circumcised him---
Now he keeps the foreskin in his pocket!
--- Anon
Brought circumcision even to goys.
So now you will find
Many friends in kind,
With no foreskin protection for toys.
--- Daniel
Circumcised a man, who was shocked.
"You cut it all wrong --
It WAS twice this long!"
The angry man went off, half cocked.
--- Anon A
The nurse filed the wrong requisition.
Instead of a patch
And a stitch for a scratch,
The doctor performed circumcision.
--- John Bowman
Once dreamed he turned into a Jew.
He awoke with a shock
And examined his cock,
And found the poor thing had turned blue.
--- G0364
When they snip a bit of the schnozzle off.
But God's Law
Of Brit Milah
Is to slice a piece of the nozzle off!
--- MrMalo
When asked what he does, always quips,
"I work with the moil;
With precision I toil,
And I make all my money in tips!
--- Garold Amadon
The moyl gave the shmeckel a 'kiss'.
With chin-whiskers bloody,
He said to his buddy,
"I'm glad that the kid didn't piss!"
--- Anon
Decided on self-circumcision.
A slip of the knife --
"Oh dear," said his wife,
"Our sex life will need some revision".
--- L O'Halloran
It sticks out from all of the rest.
When asked which is better,
The women get wetter,
With no turtleneck, just a vest.
--- Lims For Year - 01
The doctor held it and said, "Cough!
Let's see how it heals."
The major said, "Feels
Like you've cut the entire thing off!"
--- Anon
That your foreskin you'd like us to shear.
Such a Jewish decision.
After my circumcision,
I couldn't walk for a year!"
--- Res Ipsa
Wreaks havoc; the wherefore and why is
Inaccurate aim,
And he places the blame
On a rabbi who cut on the bias.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who often drank too many beers.
When a botched incision
Required revision,
He cleaned up with old pinking shears.
--- Bob Moers TP9807
The chink of the girl he was linking,
"You may laugh with derision,
But my circumcision
Was done with some shears meant for pinking."
--- Stu Lucas P9601a
Uterus out: hysterectomy;
But they've made the choice,
Little boy with no voice...
Snippity-snip: prepucectomy!
--- Prof
"Our clinic's not coming up roses;
May the dear Jesus keep us,
You've chopped off the wrong prepuce,
And far worse, the prick it encloses.
--- Armand E Singer 476
By her organ of steely precision,
I found lacking the essence
Of my recent tumescence,"
Lamented poor Hugh, with derision.
--- Anon
Who saves all the foreskins he plucks.
Delightful pate,
He serves on a tray,
And all the guests think it is ducks!
--- H Welchel
How to shorten, I have a provision.
It should gain wide approval --
Merely foreskin removal
By a method well-known -- circumcision.
--- Albin Chaplin P9104
When into a warm bed she fell,
With circumscribed Mosh',
Whose Mohel left but SKOSH,
That barely could rise, much less swell.
--- Chris Papa
Got some from an alien race.
You ready for this?
Don't take it amiss
For yours may remain in its place.
--- Anon
Who's been cut to show what had been hid,
The doc took a whittle
To my own little piddle,
And I'm glad that he stopped when he did.
--- MrMalo
Who circumcised babies with snips.
But the government frowned
And his goods did impound,
When he failed to pay tax on his tips.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2227
To charge for each head's their decision.
You could ask Doctor Boone,
The Texas tycoon,
But that's what I call circumcision.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And snips a young male of the land.
Then a relation
Who is a station-
er, sells someone a small rubber band.
--- Professor
Had a fondness for using a saw.
That one bad decision
Used for circumcision;
Now he's mastered the thousand piece jigsaw.
--- Robert Elliot
Said with astonishing gall,
"With the left-over bits
I'll beef up the tits
Of my under-endowed Barbie Doll."
--- Anon
That's what you are, Keith," hollered Kate,
"And I'd not be surprised
If you've been circumsised,
And what was cut off used for bait!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 491
Circumsised all his boys with a scissor.
On a boy called Horatio,
He committed fellatio
By performing for too long brit mezizah.
Occurred when you were very little.
'Cause if you were grown,
When they whittled your bone,
It might be a while before you diddle.
--- Kaylin Brandon
And chased 'em with lust and conviction,
'Til put to the knife
By one jealous wife,
Who cured his addiction to friction.
--- Frank
Just tried the same thing, only meaner.
She cut the poor guy
But sliced through his thigh --
They're charging her with misdewiener.
--- Ericka
For slaking your limerick thirst
With a groaner so awful,
It should be unlawful.
I wish I had thought of it first!
--- John Miller
A man who produced his own smut,
After his wife's deed,
He felt a great need
To star in "John Bobbitt, uncut!"
--- I R Canuck
But after his wife made him a freak,
He starred in some porn
With a sewn on horn,
But I hear his erections were weak.
--- I R Canuck
As when a mohel will abuse
A foreskin on wee
Fellow, who'd pee
Forever now over his shoes.
--- Chris Papa
The girls that I knew had a lot of me.
When I woke, though, that mad
Perissotomist had (knife-happy surgeon)
Put an end to that with a peotomy. (cutting into penis)
--- A N Wilkins P8801