MORE
A man, while drinking green beer, A magician who lived in Madras, There once was a wizard from Wells So who the hell's K-k-k-katie? A sorcerer over the hill 'Round the castle he walks widdershins. Is it Friday the thirteenth today? But fear not now, I'm only joking; There once was a farmer named Gary, Green garter snake slithering in the grass, Now ladies and Gentlemen, please; While still in mid-aiar, she will leap And then to the rescue I'll go; A story to you I will tell, If you would be master for life, Its efficacy, lads, I can vouch; Then drink from that pouch, for the well Yes folks, I can hear you all ask, I'll tell you: the old vicar said: But Erm, she was smarter than me. Therein lies the well's double cross, Cybe, please wave your wizardly wand; As for waving that of which you're fond, I hope I'll fulfill all your wishes Laws of physics no longer apply, God knows what odd thing will occur, But in the stillness I can still see The world was resplendent and green, I put in the washing machine It happens each Sunday, I fear. My dad doesn't like whats on topper (aerugo - green rust on copper)
I'll give you a bloody bad arm-lock My delightfully French condominium There was a young fellow named Justin This indian was rendered heap saddum, Since summer of '73, A fair damsel who lived on the Nile, Angus J. found a nice tree That thrifty housewife, Ms Maguire's If your house is going down hill, An alarm clock and what do you think? My housekeeping skills don't exist. I need a front door for my hall; There was an old man from Hatchs End; Don't you know that you cannot escape I tried to put up a new shelf, Our roof was all nasty and brown Neighbor's nailing his roof, using tacks. She broke it, my lovely young dotta, Since you're such a clever old guy, I'm having my bathroom redone; My house is my own once again! No more laundry for nine must I do, My evenings are free to commence Our two teens who are left are so used My laundry room has it's own chute I once knew a hermit called Esau Hickory Dickery Dock, Some favor a sturdy pedestrian, A crazy seamstress went on a binge, A hammock is really sublime, Said a very proud Farmer at Rye-gate, I'm just not clean; I'm a mess. Been absent without any leave; I wish this was true, but it ain't. I heard that you'd been to Nantucket
Felt a tail pushout of his rear.
The changes weren't done.
As he started to run,
And he entered the woods as a deer.
--- Tinbender
Ingenious new tricks did amass.
As he tried a new twist,
He slipped on his wrist,
And vanished right up his own ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2179
Who forgot his black magic and spells.
He mixed frog paws and fleas
With toadstools and cheese,
But all that he made were foul smells.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Some trollop you met down in Haiti?
She must have used voodoo
To get hold of you. Do
You know that she's aged over eighty?
--- Anon
Said, "My dreams I now will fulfill."
He then cast a spell
On his trainee named Nell,
But she yawned when his wand just lay still.
--- Jarmo
Then he runs to confess all his sins.
He comes back; walks clockwise
Once around, then espies
His true love, whose affection he wins.
--- Hilde na Beag
How silly! What nonsense, I say!
(Last time I went broke,
My dad had a stroke,
And my wife and my dog ran away.)
--- John Miller 0003
The Wiz will do all of the poking.
You'll be levitated
And part masticated,
As soon as he stops from his toking.
--- Anon
Whose mule was getting contrary.
Gary painted him red,
A green hat on his head,
And sold him as a big Christmas fairy.
--- Anon
Where crickets, leprechauns and fairies pass.
Tadpoles wriggle in the pond.
Magic lies somewhere beyond,
Though grown-up vision be weak and crass.
--- Lynn Mostafa
My assistant, the lovely Louise
With her figure curvaceous,
Will make an audacious
Descent from the flying trapeze.
--- Peter Wilkins
Twenty meters and spash in this steep-
Sided tank full of vicious
Piranha-type fishes,
And man-eating sharks from the deep.
--- Peter Wilkins
It will make a spectacular show.
But before we begin it,
Pray silence a minute,
For Thursday's assistant, dear Flo.
--- Peter Wilkins
Concerning a magical well,
With properties strange
Which could well rearrange
Your life, if in it you fell.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Escaped being nagged by your wife,
Then hark unto me,
And soon you will see,
How you can stop marital strife.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And all you need do is to crouch
Upon the well's lip,
Then in your hands dip,
And clasp them in form of a pouch.
--- Tiddy Ogg
On one of a pair'll cast a spell.
The one whose the first
To there quench his thirst,
Will rule over the house where they dwell.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Did I carry out this wee task?
Do I rule the roost
And stay unabused,
As I here in luxury bask?
--- Tiddy Ogg
"With this cheap old ring I thee wed."
Before he said more,
I ran out the door,
And off to the magic well, fled.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She giggled on watching me flee.
Then slipped her hand down
In the folds of her gown,
And drank from the bottle with glee.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whereupon man is nailed for a loss.
Never let a man think
He was first to drink,
When woman drunk first and is boss.
--- Travis Brasell
Get all the leaves from my pond,
Make my boss a toad,
Put my truck on the road,
And make me a natural blonde.
--- Carol
At the proof you're a natural blonde,
I'm delighted to say,
I'd be happy to lay
Boss Toad's tiny tad 'less you're Jonned.
--- Cyber Wizard
And my mystical art accomplishes
Your every task.
At least you don't ask
Me to mulltiply loaves by some fishes.
--- Cyber Wizard
Wild flowers fall down from the sky;
On a night of blue moon,
July rolls back to June,
And a pig in a poke starts to fly.
--- Joel D Ash P0410
Three bears headed north shed their fur;
Up direction is down,
Children frown at a clown,
The world longs for the seasons that were.
--- Joel D Ash P0410
Those fantasy creatures running free.
So let time fly.
My dreams don't die;
The friendly genie still talks to me.
--- Lynn Mostafa
The valleys were still and serene,
The folks wouldn't kill,
And hatred was nil,
And battles and wars never seen.
--- Cap'n Bean P0205
Seven pairs of old socks to get clean,
Making fourteen all told;
But when ready to fold,
I found there were only thirteen.
--- Peter Wilkins
Tell me where do they all disappear.
They must be in space;
A particular place
Full of socks that have vanished from here.
--- Peter Wilkins
Our outhouse; a roof of new copper.
He said, but I do go
For a roof of aerugo.
If Mom tried to clean it, you stop her.
--- Anon
For winding up my new alarm clock!
Its ring is just fine;
The racket, divine.
So wake up, or you'll come to harm, cock.
--- Rory Ewins Q
Had shutters of fine aluminium;
Except there were two
That were still left to do,
So I said to the builder, "You fini 'em!"
--- Rory Ewins Q
This is file sum
Who locked himself out so he bust in!
Having elbowed a pane
His admittance to gain,
He found he had none he could trust in.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
Because we have harnessed the atom.
"To avoid being dead,"
He despondently said,
"We'll build teepees stronger and pad 'em.
--- Al Willis T9711
I've been laying a patio. Me!!
But its full of large humps
And irregular bumps,
For I can't get it level, you see.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was refreshingly sweet amd nubile.
She constructed a dam
From old tins of SPAM,
Which kept boys away for a while.
--- Mike O'Conner
In which he knew a house should be.
He drew specifications
To exclude all relations,
And built it where no one could see.
--- Anon
Getting all the free fuel she desires.
Every day comes the mail;
Christmas ads without fail.
She keeps warm by those catalog fires.
--- Lynn Mostafa
And you can't afford just one more bill,
I'll send you a rock
To use as a chock --
Just wedge it beneath the front wheel.
--- Travis
Its insides are no longer in sync.
The numbers keep flashing;
The damn thing is crashing.
You might say the clock's on the blink.
--- Tom Patton P0609
To clean is not hard to resist.
Don't scrub -- it's a bore.
It's all such a chore.
The dirt and I just coexist.
--- Marlene Lewis
The replacement I bought was too tall.
So I hacked it and chopped it
And carefully lopped it;
And now the damn thing is too small.
--- Peter Wilkins
Old watches and clocks he will mend.
He paints them bright red,
And he takes them to bed.
It's driving his wife 'round the bend.
--- Bill Wall
The Americanistic duct tape.
Where ever we go,
We bring a big roll;
I find that it helps us relate.
--- Anon
But it kept falling down by itself.
I don't feel the shame;
I will not take the blame;
It's the fault of the do-it-your elf.
--- Peter Wilkins
And bringing the house value down.
But good old Marmot
Fixed up what we've got,
And gave us the best roof in town.
--- Anon
Told him he's wrong and screwed up on the facts.
Well his defense
Didn't make any sense,
'Cause my bees do not know how to wax.
--- Ron Sartain
A statue in brown terra cotta.
Since you've fixed a few,
I'll pay for the glue.
But if you can't fix it, don't botta.
--- Al Willis TP9806
If silver won't work you might try
A color like fuc-
Hia, but you'll need luck
To make it appeal to the eye.
--- Anon
Truth is, I'm getting a new one.
They'll tear it all out
And I have no doubt
That going without won't be fun.
--- Marlene Lewis
I can lie in my bed until ten.
I can rise with a yawn
And then with nothing on,
Saunter in to my kitchen or den.
--- Jeanie
And the work at mealtime is out, too.
I'm a lady of leisure
Looking forward with pleasure;
Let a life filled with peace now ensue.
--- Jeanie
Relaxing and lolling, now since
The ducklings are gone.
We can now carry on
Our love couplings with no need to wince.
--- Jeanie
To our habits, they're seldom bemused.
So if sometimes, mayhap,
Mom and Dad take a "nap",
They don't notice. To the TV they're glued.
--- Jeanie
And the parlour's consider a beaut.
The modernized kitchen
I'd say is real bitchin'
And the bathroom is cuter than cute!
--- Anon
Who built his whole house on a seesaw.
If guests wouldn't leave,
He could make his house heave.
So soon I a hermit at peace saw.
--- Peter Wilkins
I've just climbed up the clock.
And now on the dial
Are two eyes and a smile
That'll give Granny a shock.
--- Funfax Limericks
Others rather would have an equestrian.
Some don't need fancy tricks
To enjoy their good kicks,
Which they find upon any terrestrian.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9305
Drinking gin from a dirty syringe.
She took cotton batting,
Then knitting and tatting,
Trimmed her house with a lunatic fringe.
--- Thomas Patton P0306
To relax in a nice sunny clime.
To walk is my pleasure,
And read at my leisure,
Except that I don't have the time!
--- Al Willis T9711
When the Squire rode up to his high gate,
"With your horse and your hound,
You had better go round,
For, I say, you shan't jump over my gate."
--- Archie
Where's my floor? That's anyone's guess.
I issue a shovel
When you're at my hovel.
To put things away causes stress.
--- Marlene Lewis
I don't care what you all believe.
I've been in a muddle
Caused by a long cuddle,
With this sexy guy name of Steve.
--- Marlene Lewis
Although I have not been a saint,
The truth is the pits;
I'm sorry that its
Been me and a bucket of paint.
--- Marlene Lewis
To buy some cosmetics; with luck it
Was not from Miss Grace,
Who makes up her face
With gallons of paint from a bucket.
--- Tiddy Ogg z
MORE