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There is a magician named Ficks, My grandmother's sitting in jail A magician named Percival Pridy There was a young man of Missouri 'Tis said that the folks "in the know" My Aunt found a magical basket. A blind fortune-teller named Brace, An esteemed fortureteller named Lance There was a young man from Nantucket, There once was a fellow named Hank There once was a wizard named Ooze, There was a magician from Stoke In winter, while tending his herd, A trainee magician named Mick A pretty young maid in New York There is a magician of Kew The prominent Nose-surgeon Beller, Will someone in Science please tackle A magician's assistant named Dee A crafty young lady from Dix There is a young girl from Darjeeling An abusive magician named Ed A television psychic named Rand The cavalier to get home had to bide; A girl stole a magical top; There was a magician named Carr, My name it is Aleister Crowley, (moly - mythical magical herb)
Finale -- Magician McGoo Three picnicing wizards of Lee There was an old man with a beard, Magicians know all of the tricks, On unsolved mysteries, there are There is a magician named Blaine A teller employed at a bank Said Teller, my clothes often clash. There once was a fellow named Teller, There once was a fellow named Penn, There once was a fellow named Penn In the midst of a small group of girls, There once was a fellow from Philly, There was a magician who'd vaunt There once was a man quite bemused; Life is full of joy and of sorrow; Take one baby rabbit; one hat. I know a magician named Pat; There was a magician named Randi, There was a young man from Peru I'm traveling into the past; An Indian Fakir said, "There! A lady desirous of fame A famous magician of yore A cherubic young lady from Nye Oh there once was a lady from Brent Mr Anthony Brown, it is said, There was a failed fakir from Seoul A negligent person named Greer (apologize to Steven Wright)
There's a planet in the Milky Way, One day, a magician named Matt, I bought a new Hoover today; Too crowed in a cluster of nine, Someone broke levitation's lid-lock Using simply some cups and some balls, There once was a disgruntled pedestrian A witch's apprentice named Mabel "Oh no! Not Actaeon's curse!" All he wanted was simply a drink, There once was an explorer named Stan,
Who performs lots of magical tricks.
He plucks cards from the air,
Or out of your hair,
And can change an Ace to a Six.
--- William K Alsop Jr
For sending some porn through the mail.
She wrote to her friends
On the dividends
Of activities beyond the pale.
--- Lynn Mostafa P0206
Once said to a lady named Heidi:
"My assistant's got flu;
May I saw you in two?"
She was buried on Thursday and Friday.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who did his own thing in a fury.
From a bottle marked "Gin",
He released an old Djinn.
"Seven years in the jug!" said the jury.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Can change and fly off as a crow.
But first they must make
Of the river, a snake.
'Fraid they ain't got their ducks in a row.
--- Anon
"Your wishes I'll grant. It's my task," it
Said. "All of them?" -- Aunt
"Why yes but I shant,
If you put all your begs in one ask-it!"
--- Peter Wilkins
Took spotty young boys to her place.
An expert in Braille,
She never would fail
Their future to tell in their face.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Would insist upon pay in advance.
When the clients complained,
He said, "Fate has ordained
That I never leave such things to chance."
--- Graham Lester
Who made a wish on a charmed locket.
His wish became true
As new developments grew;
He became a young lass from Nantucket.
--- Tinbender z
Who was blondish and looked kind of swank.
He had a war bow
When it started to glow,
It could take out an M-1 tank.
--- Dan S
Whose spectacular tricks came from booze.
But the following day
He was carried away
Wearing antlers, like those of a moose.
--- Carl Ludvig P0203
Whose tricks would surprise many folk.
But to their dismay
He vanished one day,
Leaving only his top hat and cloak.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
He froze and his syllables slurred;
After saying a prayer,
He slept like a bear,
And when he awoke, he was furred.
--- William K Alsop P9211
Made a frightful mistake with a trick,
When he turned a small boy
His mum's pride and joy,
Irreversibly into a brick.
--- Michael Palin
One morning turned into a stork.
When her dad said: "Too bad""
She said to him: "Dad,
What do you expect in New York?"
--- Person from Britain P0406
Who claims he can cut a canoe,
Into four halves alike,
But his lies I dislike,
For three halves is the best he can do.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2641
Whose treatment became a best-seller,
With septum undeviated
All doubts are alleviated
That kinesis can straighten one's smeller.
--- Paul Niquette
How snap-shots by Kirlian shackle
An electrified finger
To auaras which linger?
If not you, then maybe Kodak'll.
--- Paul Niquette
Said her boss with his hands, was too free.
She replaced in his hat
One rabbit with rat;
With less fingers, he now lets her be.
--- Jarmo
Was full of ingenious tricks:
She covered her bed
With a candlewick spread,
And furtively lighted the wicks.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who walks upside down on the ceiling;
The view from below
Is quite something, but oh ..
From above it looks mighty appealing.
--- Anon
Used to stick a fake knife in his head.
His wife, on a whim,
Gave a steak knife to him,
And his widow looks lovely in red.
--- Jarmo
Re-taped shows that had been canned.
These prediction she boasted
Were really past-posted,
Which gave her a big helping hand.
--- Paul Niquette
Still the comments he made was so snide;
With a magic shield,
Which he liked to wield,
In saving his very rich hide.
--- Dan S
She spun it and it wouldn't stop.
To her utter despair,
It rose in the air
And flew back to its shelf in the shop.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who used to be billed as a star.
His future looked sweet
Till he walked down the street,
And--Presto!--turned into a bar.
--- John Ciardi
I'm a master of Magick unholy,
Of philtres and pentacles,
Covens, conventicles;
Of basil, nepenthe, and moly.
--- Aleister Crowley A
Was sawing a woman in two --
In quarters -- in eighths --
Except in those States
Where more than enough was taboo.
--- Irving Superior P8503
Would conjure up storms with great glee.
Their ranting and roaring
Would start the rain pouring--
To fill up their kettle for tea.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who sat on a horse when it reared.
But he hadn't sat long,
When the saddle went wrong,
And along with the man, disappeared!
--- Creatures Facetious P0312
But Merlin had thrown in a fix.
He'd work up a spell
With some magic from Hell;
His number, you see, 666!
--- Anon
The tick-tick-tick in my car;
Inventor of the tale:
"The check's in the mail",
And when will I eighteen in par?
--- Irving Superior P9102
Who stood on a plinth in the rain;
His tricks were real clever,
But baby you'll never
Convince me he isn't insane.
--- Alexander Baron
This is file svm
Was overheard trying to thank
A diminutive fellow,
With curls grayish-yellow,
For making his first name just blank.
--- Anon
I've been known to save fruit from the trash.
But only a churl
Would inflict on a girl
Such a hideously plausible gash!"
--- Anon
Magician and Las Vegas dweller.
He mystified men
With a guy known as Penn
In a way we can only call stellar.
--- Anon
Who read "LIttle Women" and then
Said, "It put me to sleep,
I'd sure like to (bleep)
All those girls, and their mother. Amen"
--- Anon
Who was taller than most average men.
But he thought, "What a bore;
Only four inches more,
And then I would be six-foot-ten!"
--- Anon
Sits Holly, in ermine and pearls;
She shyly confesses,
Though some like Penn's tresses,
I really prefer Teller's curls."
--- Anon
Who thought his first name sounded silly;
"One name is just fine
In a job such as mine,
And more would be gilding the lily."
--- Anon
His tricks, and he also would flaunt
His great skill with illusion
And with added collusion,
He'd walk with an arrogant jaunt.
--- Anon
By Penn he was always abused.
Then their roles were reversed,
And as he yelled and cursed,
He found himself nicely amused.
--- Anon
Our time we don't own but just boarrow.
So don't waste your time;
To do so is a crime;
Here today, penta gone tomorrow.
--- Phil T
Pop the bunny in hat; just like that!
Wave my wand! Now it's gone!
Don't believe it? Come on!
Then just watch as I jump on the...SPLAT!
--- Peter Wilkins
Pulled Rabbits galore from a hat,
Then replaced on his head.
I won't say what he said
When he found that the critters had shat.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who said, "Uri Geller's a dandy.
He can always bend
Spoons and forks, but my friend,
Only when a magician's not handy.
--- Alexander Baron
Who wanted to live in a shoe.
A size six was too small
So he walked down the mall
And found a size twelve with a view.
--- Andy Classen P
A short shallow trip that won't last.
A Renaissance Faire
With fanatasy aire;
I've been then before. It's a blast!
--- Karen
I throw my rope up in the air!
It stays, like a tree,
Especially for me.
I climb it! He did and was -- where?
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
A magician's assistant became.
He remarked with a laugh
As he sawed her in half,
"You can see I am new to this game."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2564
Engaged a young girl for a chore.
She said, "I can work steady;
You can saw when you're ready."
He said, "Haven't I sawed you before?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2847
Believed that she really could fly;
She stood on a chair
And leaped in the air
And disappeared up in the sky.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who could fly with her arms sharply bent.
Up above us she soared
(But did nothing untoward)
And fell back with her energy spent.
--- Caf P9911
Used to constantly stand on his head.
As a consequence, Brown,
When he tries to sit down,
Sits up on the ceiling instead.
--- Laurence Perrine P8807
Who applied rather hotly for dole.
For despite risk of burning,
He tested a yearning,
To sleep on his bed of hot coal.
--- David A Brooks Q
Had a lovely dog-grooming career...
With spot remover
Tried a maneuver,
And made the dog clean disappear!
--- Observer
Where all the lost pens go and stay.
When I want to write,
There's not one in sight.
Who is it that takes them away?
--- Tony Burrell
Who kept all his cash in his hat,
Tried to buy chocolate mousse,
But could only produce
Six rabbits, four doves and a cat.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Plugged it in in the usual way.
Switched it on; what a din!
It sucked everything in!
Now I'm homeless and no place to stay.
--- Peter Wilkins
The grape bravely jumped from the vine.
"That didn't much hurt,"
It said with a squirt,
And then let out a small wine.
--- Ron Sartain
Causing teleportation grid-lock;
Or else it was due to
A transcendent guru
With perpetual pro quo quid-lock.
--- Paul Niquette
There is a small trick that enthralls.
For it's done with a speed
That will surely exceed
The mind-speed of those in the halls.
--- Anon
Whose amulet turned out to be Circean.
He wished for a horse;
His translation was coarse;
As a centaur he was quite the equestrian.
--- Tinbender
Whined 'bout no milk for the table.
She heard the witch mutter;
Grew tail, hooves, and udder,
And produced much fine milk from the stable.
--- Tinbender
He scoffed at the strange woman's verse.
The poacher's laugh stopped
As on all fours he dropped,
And in cervidom, his form did immerse.
--- Tinbender
But when he was handed a Frink,
He turned into a lemur
And became quite a schemer.
The chandelier became his place to think.
--- Tinbender
Who explored caves in deep Pakistan.
In one was a ring;
A change it did bring,
And off as a tiger he ran.
--- Tinbender
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