MORE
There was a young lady named Hubble There was a young fellow named Tom At dusk, the girls call for the Fool; There was a young man named Gander, A conceited young flasher named Wier There once was a flasher named Paul, "You'll not fathom women," said Dad, Well my understanding is this: A prank that I'll do when I'm able There once was a man from Purdue; There was a young man from Ostend, A young man on the bus line at Stoke He's standing without any clothes. My uncle, called old Ebeneezer, The son of a cheesemaker, Little Hans, An exhibitionist bugger named Morgan, The girls in the bistro allege, Though Chrissie, a gymnast from Exeter, A randy young cowboy from Dallas He waggled his thing at Denise A man who was proud of his peter, There was a young fellow named Kurtew, In preschool my instincts were fine; Poor Alice, so fresh and quite willing, "One banana split. Heavy," said Sue, "There must surely be a trick to it," Look closer at my upright spear: A certain young lady named Alice, In the morning, a fellow named Ray Said an unashamed satyr named Rex, On TV appeared a man wise Men brag about their shape and size; A bicycle stuntman from Greeley There was a young lady of Dallas The learned philosophers wrangle, "It's needless for your tongue to wag; The Cardinal held his cock bare A lawyer with knowledge replete The doctor said sadly, "Alas, The pensive judge rose from the bench Said the bishop, "I have here the scoop The Pontiff, so learned and wise, Said the Senator, pausing to think, The preacher, obliged by his duty, I dreamt once again I was nude These dreams have an obvious cause, And if this does not cure you, He'd practiced his elocution Now he goes 'round giving speeches; I once knew a fellow, Mahoney, The fellow you know as Mahoney: Lieutenant M, here is your job: I'm to be knob polisher bitch. You've put me in charge of it now. Now, my dear Lady, I surrender! I'll cradle your skin with my hand Now as I slip into suspension, My Charlie's a little bit odd; I don't know why he bought this thing. A photographer by the name of Todd The judge said, "That's no excuse. The name of the old Earl of Whiting, (apologies to Randolf)
You gents are clearly apart; The Earl of Whiting sure loves his sex, It's summer again, Hooray! But some of the tourists who stayed,
Who enveloped herself in a bubble.
She'd have happily died
Wrapped safely inside,
But the world's full of pricks, that's the trouble.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
Who took a hot date to a prom.
When on the quadrangle
He showed her his bangle,
He exhibited perfect aplomb.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8806
The Joker, the Lord of Misrule.
And how they do squeal
From the power they feel
When I show them some tricks with my tool.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who had delusions of grandeur.
On his back, down the river,
His dong straight, a-quiver,
Yelling "Drawbridge! Drawbridge!" What a slander!
--- Dave V
Always leers as he makes his thing clear.
There are viewers who drool
At the size of his tool,
So possession's nine tenths of the leer.
--- Miss Kitty (Playboy Mag)
Who stationed himself in the mall.
He unzipped as he bowed
To the curious crowd,
Then extended his welcome to all.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
When first I found girls as a lad;
"Well maybe you're right,"
I replied, "but last night
Cousin Sue said 8 inches weren't bad."
--- Anon
In order to fathom a Miss,
You must have a dong
At least six feet long,
And able to slither and hiss.
--- Anon
To dine with old spinster Gert Grable,
Is yell "Goodness sake!
Watch out, here's a snake!"
Then heave my big dong on her table.
--- Anon
Engineering was all that he knew.
And once it was said,
He took ladies to bed,
Just to measure the rate that it grew!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose member could nearly extend
All the way over
From Ostend to Dover
With hardly a hint of a bend.
--- Michael Horgan
Unzippered his fly for a joke.
Two girls gave a shout,
An old lady passed out,
And the homo right next had a stroke.
--- G2523
He's proud of himself, I suppose.
Don't know why that is --
Of parts that are his,
I can't tell his hose from his nose.
--- Marlene Lewis
Had a woman and wanted to please her.
He tried not to boast,
Then he showed her his ghost,
In an effort to moisten and tease her.
--- Jayne
Was known far and wide for his 'grosse Schwanz'.
It looked nice and clean,
And had a grand sheen,
But under the foreskin was Liederkranz.
--- G1500
Had a dick with the powers of a Gorgon.
Its stiffness conveyed to
The lads 'twas displayed to,
They got hard with one glance at his organ!
--- Rowdy Jack
That the cocky new waiter called Reg,
When asked to display
The Dish of the Day,
Showed them his meat and two veg.
--- Michael Horgan
Was used to guys flexing hard pecs at her.
She felt him misguided
When Jeffrey decided
To flex the hard root of his sex at her.
--- David A Brooks Q
Had little effect on Aunt Alice.
She said, "I'm impressed,
But I wish you'd get dressed,
For there's more to a man than his phallus."
--- Michael Horgan
And said, "Bet you ain't got one of these."
She said, "No, but I bet
That my "dainty" can get
Just as many of those as I please.
--- Peter Wilkins a
Whipped it out so his small friend could greet 'er.
Said the gal they call Tigger,
"I've seen peepees much bigger
And arrangement of balls that were neater."
--- Anon
Who shamelessly showed off his virtue.
When the young ladies screamed,
He remarked, as he beamed,
"Why there's nothing in here that can hurt you!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2149
I'd share all my toys and not whine.
When I found poor Alice
Devoid of a phallus,
I gallantly offered her mine.
--- John Miller
Submitted to all of our drilling.
Her well-reamed post hole
Our knobs would cajole
With overtures, lewd and bone-thrilling.
--- RanDog
"On the whipped cream." The soda-jerk, Lou,
Leaned over the sink
And said with a wink,
"I've got a pink banana for you!"
--- Michael Weinstein P0202
Said a Peeping Tom watching all through it.
"While he's locked in that ring,
I will whip out my thing,
And polish it while I review it."
--- Archie
It's blue-veined and rampant, my dear.
The throbbing red tip
Just can't wait to slip
Inside your wet snatch from the rear.
--- Anon
Lunched with the King in the palace.
The dirty old twat,
Said look what I've got,
And promptly showed Alice his phallus.
--- Elvo Veek
Pulled his pecker right out, for display.
And he let it protrude
In a manner quite rude,
Where it hung for the rest of the day.
--- Cap'n Bean
Unabashedly showing his sex,
"My Ballocks are brimmin',
I hanker for women--
This display better have some effects!"
--- G0728
To clear up the scandals and lies.
Then he showed a fine trick,
For he pulled out his prick,
And he said to the nation, "Surprise!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0642
This gives many girls a surprise.
When we think we'll see
One that hangs to the knee,
The thing that we see are the lies!
--- Kaylin
Gets excited by popping a wheelie;
He opens his shorts,
Whilst a boner he sports,
And he waves it around rather freely.
--- Cap'n Bean P2005
This is file sol
Who never knew what was a phallus.
So a fellow named Broder
Took his pants off and showed her;
She took it in stride without malice.
--- Albin Chalpin 3024-1330
Exploring each facet and angle,
And their brains they have wracked
Seeking cause and effect
Of the factors affecting the dangle.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2396
The answer," said one, "is the hag.
Though I may sound contrary,
The erection will vary,
inversely as the sag of the bag."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2397
As he blew off a shot in the air,
And he said, "I surmise
That the pecker will rise
Direct as the square of the hair."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2398
Provocative thought did repeat
On the matters affecting
And the causes erecting --
It was mainly the heat of the meat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2399
The data that I did amass --
And I have all the poop --
What contributes to droop,
Is mostly the mass of the ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2400
And read from a treatise in French:
"Your pecker will dangle
At a vertical angle,
If you tackle a wench with a stench."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2401
What causes the pecker to droop.
The rot of the twat
With peril is fraught,
And your pecker will never recoup.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2402
Said seldom would he show surprise,
But it softened his meat
And he beat a retreat,
When he ran into flies on the thighs.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2403
"It is seldom from cunt I will shrink.
What gives me a fit
Is shit on the slit,
And it causes my pecker to sink."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2404
Told all, as he scratched on a cootie.
His prick, he confessed,
Was never depressed
By the beauty he saw in a cutie.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2405
In a crowd, doing nought that was crude.
In a city street,
My prick looking neat,
But everyone else looking lewd!
--- Archie
They're due to a lack of good whores.
So forget inhibition,
Get into position,
And boff anthing on all fours.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Then roger a she-kangaroo.
Then a joey named Arch
May arrive next March,
A wonderful sight 'twill be too.
--- Tiddy Ogg
While performing his morning abolution.
With pecker in hand,
His style grew more grand;
'Twas a speechmaking revolution.
--- MrMalo
In this eloquent manner he teaches;
In a voice firm and loud,
He dazzles the crowd,
With his dick hanging out of his breeches.
--- MrMalo
Who went around flashing his bone; he
Displayed fifteen inch,
But Sue gave a pinch;
It came off. Mahoney's a phoney!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was his prosthesis made of bologna,
Or did he get drastic
And make one of plastic,
Or order one special from Sony?
--- John Miller
Take care of my thingamabob.
Swab out the cheese,
Smear on the grease,
And keep a good shine on the knob.
--- H Welchel
But now, I've run into a glitch.
Just what shall I do
With that stuff that you spew?
The cheese I'll put in your sandwich.
--- Marlene Lewis
To my rules you better kow-tow!
Don't ask about oil,
I'll contact the mohyle;
He'll inspire you to shriek, "OW!"
--- Marlene Lewis
I trust it to your sweet pudender.
So please keep it warm
And see it no harm,
And don't use the brush or the bender.
--- H Welchel
And watch for the growth of your gland.
"If kept where it's wet,
Would you like that, pet?"
I say with a tone that is bland.
--- Marlene Lewis
The beta shift at full attention,
Please sweeten my dreams
Of creams, reams, and streams,
By maintaining penis distension.
--- H Welchel
His "he-man" is just a facade.
His nightshirt has lace;
The transparent place
Right there, is to show off his rod.
--- Anon
Accused him of having a fling --
"It is mine," he claimed
"But I was ashamed
To wear it without a g-string."
--- Anon
Was arrested for exposing his rod.
He said, "For Heaven's sake,
It was all a mistake!
I was using it for a mono-pod."
--- Puff Adder
It wasn't meant for such use.
Don't try to fool me;
On the report I see,
When arrested, you're spurting your juice!"
--- Puff Adder
Was writ in a hand quite indicting.
Found etched in the snow,
It amused most folks so,
'Cause it was in the housemaid's handwriting.
--- Jeffry Wisnia
These matters strike into your heart.
But I say, without strife,
There is more to life
Than debating strange urinal art.
--- David Miller
But cannot write or sign his own checks;
So his housemaid at night
Holds his penis real tight,
And signs them with a piss-yellow X,
--- David Miller
So I went to the beach yesterday,
And ran 'cross the sand
With my dick in my hand,
Just to frighten the tourists away.
--- Franko
'Cause for your intervention, they'd prayed,
They lined up on all fours,
And said, "Take me, I'm yours!"
But it turned out that you were afraid.
--- Franko
MORE