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There was a young fellow who'd shove Last evening while out for a run, Hey fellas! I'm writing a book A dashing young fellow from France Your verses and heart both have Merit, Disposable condoms? Not me! Observing the bulge in his khakis, There was an old man on the Coast, At a nudist camp outside Spokane, To lovers' lane one night went Lear I heard that Confucius did say "I refer," said a cocksman named Watt, He met her at a local bar; I once knew a man from France It appears I am caught with my pants To a theater-balcony in Taos, I love you my sweet darling Kay; A raunchy young man from New York, A lonesome young man of White Plains Old One-Eye looks up at the ceiling, A baker's apprentice was Jock; There was a young man from Dundalk I'd rather a stuffed up snot nose, A curious maiden from Plum She fantasized about his jock; A determined young girl named Rebecca There was a boy named Frank; (swank - behave ostentaciously)
And then came the fellow from Towcester, An oddball in Ticonderoga, An impatient old man of Malpeque In researching miscegenation, Disappointed and grieved was Miss Schick She caught him and shouted, "You're sick! There was an old lady who flipped There was a man from Mendoozer, How easily Ernie arouses It's true that I pack quite a fright; In the office one day we all sang, You know I was hoping for photos When we went to the beach in the nude, Many Frenchmen, to avoid the embarrassment A horny young fellow from Rye There was a young girl from Utoxeter Sex therapist Lawrence B. Lang A nubile youngster from Perth, The handsome young men from Punjab There was an Old Man who supposed When a virile young butcher named Gossage A naive young lady of Bogota A lady who fished in Cape Cod A naive young girl of Oak Bluff I wear a big hat in the garden, A naive young lady of Meriwether the next spell of hot weather.
I told him I was the inspector, There was a young girl from Eutoxeter, A Polka star know as Ignace A young man addicted to speed A policeman called Jonathan Squeaky Said a writer of porn who'd been stricken Down the street walking backward went Sears, A man, whose methods were juvenile, Erection? Oh heavens! Oh Lordy! The melons of Maisie from Exeter A canny young Aussie from Perth Said the wife of a man from Dundee, There once was a lady named Pat, A yogi from far-off Beirut,
His finger in cunts to make love.
Since his prick was not lewd
It hung out and was viewed,
While his finger was hid in a glove.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2298A
The women I passed were such fun.
Stopped to water my mule
At the back of a school,
And discovered my fly was undone.
--- Frank
On what fits where and in what nook.
To have you included
You must be denuded --
So, drop 'em! Let me have a look!
--- Anon
Hung his weenie right out of his pants;
The girls would all swoon
At the sight of his schloon,
And the women were thrown in a trance.
--- Cap'n Bean P0211
Now give us more lowdown, please share it!
For instance, this knockout,
When you take your cock out,
Does she gleefully grin as you bare it?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I just plant them beneath an old tree.
If you plant them with rocks,
Then the tree will grow cocks!
Then just watch them when they all go pee!
--- DButt
Was entirely, totally wacky!
He like to play games
(It was his claim to fame.)
Because of built-in Hacky Sacky's!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who placidly played with his post;
But when it got cold,
He relinquished his hold,
From the task in which he'd been engrossed.
--- Edwardian Leer 101
The bride appeared wearing a tan.
There was no need to stare
To be fully aware
Of exactly who was the best man.
--- Arthur Deex P8210A
And he walked in the dark with his dear.
She said, "Hear the crickets
Chirping through the thickets."
"Those are zippers," he said, "that you hear."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2155A
To a man whose pockets gave way;
He said, "Wait, don't knock it,
A hole in your pocket
Will make you feel cocky all day."
--- Kaylin Brandon
"To my phallus in heat as my 'hot';
And the name of the game.
I explain without shame,
Is contained in the phrase 'Hot to Twat.'"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
He took her home -- it wasn't far.
He gave her some gin
And said with a grin,
"My 'hotrod' isn't a car!"
--- Waukesha Don T9801
Who always wore very tight pants.
Now because they are white
And incredibly tight,
You can see just how his cock cants.
--- Anon
'Round my ankles with willie in stance,
For my name is Hugh Mongus,
Though some here among us
Say it seems a misnomer, I grants.
--- Anon
An X-rated man took his spouse.
Popcorn box had a hole
Filled with his dick.. how droll!
Not a dry handkerchief in the house.
--- Jane D Hughes P9009
Let's stroll in the sunshine today.
My hand in your hand
And your hand on this gland,
Which is causing me trouser-affray.
--- Anon
Refused to let go of his dork.
When asked, "What's the reason?"
He said, "It's quite pleasin',
When one's wrist has incredible torque!"
--- Stiffy Joe
Waves the mark of his manhood at trains.
It's made queer engineers
Mess their denims for years,
And makes brakemen have inguinal pains.
--- Grand Prix Lim 985 G1079
Pulsating with lust and appealing
For French from his wench,
Or a clench that will quench,
And assuage his most desperate feeling.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He pissed in the dough in the crock.
His false teeth he would take
To trim icing on cake,
While the doughnuts he made on his cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2888
Whose penis was made out of chalk.
He would futter his spouse
Out in front of their house,
And mark up his score on the walk.
--- G0315
Than my nose up in one of those.
I'd rather meet guys
And measure the size,
Of one of those gizmos ya blows!
--- Anon
Was either naive or plain dumb.
To her boyfriend's surprise
When he opened his flies,
She remarked, "You have misplaced your thumb."
--- Hugh Oliver A103C
Imagined an oversize cock.
In the restroom he fiddled,
But he never diddled,
With his falsie, a thick rolled-up sock.
--- Frank Spectra
Was a careful and intricate necker;
But her boyfriend rebelled
When she asked to be held
For she never got round to his pecker.
--- Isaac Asimov
He had a hearty wank.
His prick came out
As stiff and stout,
That learned him not to swank.
--- G2131
Erected a huge billboard poster,
Which said to the world
That his dick when undfurled
Was huge, but then he was a boaster.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who went first for Zen and then Yoga,
Made some people blush red,
When he stood on his head,
And displayed what hung under his toga.
--- Grand Prix Lim 42
Used to lay out his codpiece on spec,
"Not to offer as bait,
But in case I can't wait,
It's all ready and waiting on deck."
--- Hugh Oliver 30a
This squaw girl made this obervation,
"It may be a shock --
The tip of your cock --
You're one percent RED derivation."
--- Irving Superior P8911
For her date pulled a dastardly trick.
He did promise so sweet
A remarkable treat,
But the bastard showed only his prick.
--- Albin Chaplin
You're completely obsessed with your dick."
"I'm just scratching, my dear,
A mosquito bite here",
He lied, not quite avoiding her kick.
--- Anon
This is file spl
And lived all alone in a crypt,
Because flies she hated
With a hate unabated,
Until one day a fly she unzipped.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1338
Who had the nose of a boozer.
But when he sneezed,
Pants fell to his knees
And out popped his lolapaloozer.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The passions of other men's spouses.
It seems that the reason
They find him so pleasin'
Is that thing sticking out of his trousers.
--- Michael Horgan
Some gal ran-off screaming last night.
Then wearing a frown
I slowly looked down,
And found that my pants were too tight.
--- Q
Overjoyed with our fax machine Wang.
After reading directions,
I sent my affections,
On an image I faxed of my "thang!"
--- Anon
But all of the pictures were no-shows.
One story showed promise
Entitled "John Thomas" --
Turned out 'twas Pinocchio's nose.
--- Anon
A terrible problem ensued.
The sight of my prick
Made my wife feel quite sick,
And it's nearly a year since we've screwed.
--- Michael Horgan
Of what saying "Please kiss it" in Paris meant,
Pull it out on a date
At Arkansas State,
Where this is not sexual harassment.
--- H Myers TP9804
Whose testosterone level was high,
He would roam every day
In search of a lay
While his boner would point at the sky.
--- Cap'n Bean P0301
So pretty that men waved their cocks at her.
One went so far
As to wave from his car,
A cock all riddled with pox at her.
--- Santosh Bachoo
Spoke up for the concept of Yang.
Said he, "The real sin
Is praising the yin,"
And whipped out his prize-winning whang.
--- Armand E Singer 448
Would play with his willy with mirth.
He'd laugh and he'd shout
When he had it out,
And pump it for all it was worth.
--- Zeus
Are usually given the job
Of showing the sights
To tourists -- Most nights,
One shows me his thingamabob.
--- Anon
That the street door was partially closed,
But some very large rats
Ate his coats and his hats,
Ignoring his organ, exposed.
--- Julian I Edison P8808
Catches ladies purloining a sausage,
He offers his own--
Not a gift, but a loan--
It cuts down his big sausage-lossage.
--- Grand Prix Lim 915 G2138
Had not seen a man in the raw;
When a lewd fellow showed
His all in the road,
She did not know what it was she saw.
--- Arthur Deex P0305
Went down to the beach to get scrod.
She got screwed there instead
By a fellow named Ted,
When she reeled after seeing his rod.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8712
Had not seen a man in the buff;
When a lewd fellow showed
His all in the road,
She concluded that that was enough.
--- Arthur Deex P0305
And raise it to say "Beg your pardon."
'Cause I know that Flora,
The woman next door-a
Has seen that I've got a big hard-on.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Had not seen a man in the altogether;
When a lewd fellow showed
His all in the road,
She decided that she might try that herself during
--- Arthur Deex P0305
To check all the stuff in this sector.
He just shook his head
As soon as I said,
"Would you please show me your injector?"
--- Anon
Who made passing oarsmen gape through locks at her.
At their annual ball,
They agreed one and all,
They would craftily point their small cocks at her.
--- L W Bailey
Was quickly put down in his place.
He'd do his fine dance
Quite bare-assed, no pants;
The girls feared the smirk on his face.
--- Tucker D Ott P8911
Just torques up his fine motor-steed,
And goes for a scoot
And unzips his root.
His spirit then soars as if freed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Met in Soho a prostitute chickie.
He thought she would run
So he stuck to his gun,
Which indeed was incredibly sticky.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
By a lovely who made his pulse quicken:
"Just the thought of your twat
Has suggested a plot --
And, my dear, it's beginning to thicken!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
With his cock hanging out, it appears.
Said a lady in shock,
"You're exposing your cock!"
But he said he was trolling for queers.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0881
Would play with his organ, erectile,
While he hung by one knee
From the limb of a tree.
It's fun, and you know it was versatile.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
That's nasty; take care of my wordy:
Wash your tongue and your mouth
And the parts there down south;
(You know that I talk 'bout your swordy)!
--- Anon
Make middle-aged men crane their necks at her,
And indeed there are some,
I among them, by Gum,
Who oft wave their organs of sex at her.
--- Armand E Singer 940
Found athletes no salt of the earth;
Some low sod of a cricketer
Waved the end of his prick at her --
She took him for all he was worth.
--- Armand Singer P2006
Who returned from a voyage at sea:
"Is that a sky-rocket
You have in your pocket,
Or are you just glad to see me?"
--- Ceejay
Who pointed and ask me "What's that?"
"Why that's Willie," I said,
She said, "Look at his head,
There's a hole in the top of his hat."
--- Bob Birch P0107
For women did not care a hoot,
But his organ would stand,
In a manner quite grand,
When a snake-charmer played on his flute.
--- Albin Chaplin G0248
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