MORE
The daughter of neighbour McFee I have to relate to you, man, Just watching those hazel eyes twinkle, A hot-to-trot lad in Woonsocket, That lad did move on to New Port, There was a young man in the choir There was a young fellow from Texas, There was a young fellow named Cliff, A young girl in Boca Raton, In death some men get an erection; I'm compelled once again just to mention A drug FDA says empowers There was a shorthorn from Calatt There was a young fellow named Mose, There was a young man named Gordon I'd rather have fingers than toes, There once was a guy named Jim Vance It's December and here comes the snow -- On meeting each girl, he thought, "Could he?" There once was a lady curvacious, From the wilds of the African veldt, A pretty young nurse from Milpitas There once was a guy named Bower, Men have what looks like a weiner. An Eskimo up Snowshoe Creek I can't wait till my hollyhock flower There was a young fellow from Maine, There was a young fellow named Gelling, I stand now for days at a time; Envious of me are men, Lucy; There was a young fellow named Morgan, There once was a fellow named Gus, Consider the plight of the creep, While think of PUBES, I find Of nudists, a goodly cross-section The Shakespearean actor, Ron Chance A man who played the trombone Said Persian Gulf sailor Lafarge There was a young man in Schenectady, I knew that I'd reached adolescence A stunning young lady named Joan An amorous fellow named Vance And no, dear, a mushroom it's not; A computer nerd named Finter, With my therapist, I've had a tiff, Hickory Dickery Dock, A young lady on her way home, An ARPAnaut name of Corvette When erection occurs, beware power. Colleen, you must comprehend -- There was a strong lad named Dagg, Young lads will resort to strange tricks Yes I do like the sound of your rhyme; I truly don't know how to start on We're nearing the end of the Winter; Down the chimney at Rupp, A second-rate poet, Ward Marden, Born so rigid, he had a square root, There was a young man named Chris On TV and most advertising, "Please observe," said the youth of Los Angeles, My dick has a mind of its own, There once was a young fellow named Nick, Miss Pease, being terribly frank, While bathing, a student named Hume There was a young Marquis of Landsdowne, (Published 1870)
A big cattle rancher named Thad
Caught sight of me taking a pee.
The girl got so flushed,
That old McFee rushed
Outside and chased me from his tree.
--- Anon
My trousers got soaked as I ran.
But never-the-less,
McFee's daughter Bess
Became my most passionate fan.
--- Anon
On hearing the sound of my tinkle,
Inspired my gush.
She had such a crush
'Til finding 'twas just a mere winkle.
--- Anon
One evening, got notions; don't knock it;
He tugged his girl's hand
Toward his prime gland;
"Come see, love, what's here in my pocket!"
--- Anon
And found a new girl he could court;
And on their first date,
She'd boldly dictate;
I don't want to see you come short.
--- Anon
Whose pecker rose higher and higher.
He kept time with the beat
By pulsing his meat --
A distraction, but one I admire.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Keen and rapid in all his reflexes.
When his dinger upsprang,
He'd respond with a wang
Aimed just under his girl's solar plexus.
--- Lance Payne P8805
Who said with a yawn, "What's the diff?
I may not be tall,
And my wealth may be small,
But a part of me always stays stiff."
--- Isaac Asimov
Had a friend with a helluva bone.
No matter the weather,
When they got together,
All of Florida heard the girl moan.
--- Actaeon
On occasion approaching perfection.
It is called "Angel Lust"
When it is discussed
In the course of forensic inspection.
--- John Miller A
"Angel lust" which is penile distention,
Which now and again
Is found in dead men,
And it makes then stand up at attention.
--- Anon
Those men whose lives impotence sours,
Bears this admonition:
"Consult a physician
If erection lasts more than six hours."
--- A N Wilkins P9508
Whose pecker was flabby and flat.
He dosed it with yeast--
It's a footrule, at least,
And what could be stiffer than that?
--- G0281
Whose pecker hung down to his toes.
When erect it stood free
Like a solid oak tree,
And attracted some termites and crows.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0547
Who got a really nice hardon
He said, "Where'll I stuff it?
I don't want to muff it."
His wife said, "I beg your pardon?!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'd rather have ears than a nose,
And a happy erection
Brought just to perfection,
Makes me terribly sad when it goes.
--- Anon
Got a hard-on one night at a dance.
Each time he would tense it,
She pushed hard against it,
And both of them soiled their pants!
--- Laurence Craft
Just hear those winter winds blow.
When your cock turns to ice,
Ah, inside her is nice --
But for warmth more than sex, don't you know.
--- Writerman
Disregarding the question of "Should he?"
His pants would reveal
His permanent zeal,
So that's why they all called him "Woody."
--- Tom Patton P9707a
Who engendered men's thoughts salacious.
When she was with her beau,
His member would grow,
Causing her to exclaim "Goodness Gracious!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To where the white snows never melt,
There is not in th least
A more dangerous beast,
Than a man when his penis is swelt.
--- Pat Byrnes a
Told her patient, "Let's not let this beat us.
For I have a cure
That's quick, safe, and sure
For your bad case of Erectus meatus."
--- Ken Elrod P8210
Whose tool had such sexual power,
That when it erected,
He had it perfected
To stay hard when he took a cold shower!
--- Laurence Craft
It may be fatter or leaner.
In conditions of lean
It stays rather clean.
What it does when fat is obscener.
--- Macsam
Made love to his wife for a week;
He said "You must pardon
My icicle hard-on,
I froze it while taking a leak!"
--- Ann Gasser P9007
Is embedded quite firm in your bower.
It will give you a glow
As you'll find it will grow
And get bigger with each passing shower.
--- Peter Wilkins
Whose erections did cause him great pain.
He begged for relief
From his very great grief,
But his lady showed only disdain.
--- Joe Long/Sam Schleman
Who kept all the girls from his dwelling.
For if girls came too near
To this non-cavalier,
He complained that his pecker was swelling.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2079
At standing I'm now in my prime.
The girls think it fine
As they now wait in line;
To waste it they think is a crime.
--- Archie
Come stand by my side and you'll see,
What they cannot stand:
A stiff on demand.
While you take a look, I'll goose thee!
--- Frank
Who said to his girl, "You're a Gorgon.
For Gorgons are known
To turn men into stone,
And just look what you've done to my organ.
--- Anon
Who sex life was rated A+. s
Any opposite gender u
Would render his member, h
In an attitude something like t .
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose love life would cause one to weep.
He got an erection,
Then died of rejection,
When both of his hands fell asleep.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9307a
This is file snl
To versify's hard on the mind.
PUBE thinking's a strain
That's hard on the brain.
So hard on, my Jockey shorts bind.
--- Irving Superior P8601
Were gathered for prayer and reflection.
But unlike the rest,
I was there as a guest
And the only one with an erection!
--- Lance Payne P8312
Was cast opposite the beautiful Blanche.
At each night's curtain call,
He could not hide at all,
The ovation that stood in his pants.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
Had a very bodacious schlong.
High testosterone
Caused a permanent bone,
And the ladies won't leave him alone.
--- Mikey TP9901
After months on a mine sweeping barge,
"Though I've WAVE'd it and WAC'd it
And counter-attacked it,
It's still up for an honorable discharge.
--- Martin Wellborn P9012
And he found it quite hard to erect, said he,
Till he took an injection,
For deficient erection,
Which in just the desired way, effected he!
--- L1613
When sniffing the feminine essence
That lingered in auntie's
Discarded silk panties,
Caused massive and instant tumescence.
--- Peter Wilkins
Thought that a penis was made from a bone.
She just didn't know
That her sexual glow
That turned parts of men into stone.
--- Anon
Keeps praising the joys of romance:
"Your heart beats much faster,
The blue skies seem vaster,
And there's that hot bulge in your pants."
--- Armand E Singer 795
Also "mushroom" I fear I've not got
In my jocks when I tease
Your sweet toes and the squeeze
Makes me feel unaccountably hot.
--- Anon
Got his joint caught in his printer.
It got stained with toner,
But gave him a boner
That lasted him throughout the winter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Re- the laying of hands on midriff.
Her attempts at some healing
Don't relax me, I'm feeling
(To come to the point), rather stiff.
--- Doug Harris P0511Q
The tongue ran up the cock.
The man did smile;
It had been a while,
And his cock was as hard as a rock!
--- Nogoody2shoe
Was ravished one day by a gnome.
She looked at his rod,
And said, "Oh my God,
It looks just like a statue in Rome!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had a fetish involving the net.
As he foldled his IMP,
His cock went from limp
To as hard as concrete which has set.
--- Anon
An erection is no little flower.
When meeting a ma'am,
Beware a big bang.
It'll rise more than yeast with some flour!
--- Tiddy Ogg
A phallus is woman's best friend.
They must be quite lusty,
And even robusty,
And it's crucial that they never bend.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who young ladies liked to shag.
He'd grind away furiously,
But then most curiously,
His powers never would flag.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To jump in the hay with young chicks.
Even old ones will do,
Be they black, brown or blue,
For no conscience is found in stiff pricks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0360
Your one girl who suits me just fine.
I misjudged you before,
Forgive me I implore;
No one has a hard on like mine!
--- Anon
This Valentine's Day with my heart on
My sleeve to bereave,
As I can't believe
I have no place to place my hard on.
--- Jim
My eyes have a slight evil glint-er.
If you played with my wood,
You'd better be good.
I'd hate you to get a big splinter.
--- Frank Fazed
A nude blond was there waiting to sup.
"Have a party?" begged she,
"Might as well," replied he.
"Way I am, I just can't get back up!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P8412a
Would spy on girls' dorms from his garden,
Where the sight of nude witches
Caused the thing in his britches
To lengthen and strengthen and harden.
--- Armand E Singer intro C
From his crotch right down to his boot.
A square hole for his peg,
On bent knees did he beg;
She just offered a bung that went toot!
--- Anon
And the women all thought he was bliss!
This amorous young fool.............i
Had a twelve inch tool.............h
That was always oriented like.....t
--- Anon
It's the tits that get much emphasizing.
They make them look huge;
They even use rouge.
My God! Old John Thomas is rising!
--- Al Willis T9711
"How impressive my cock's erect angle is.
In moments of zest
It can tickle my chest --
That's pi radians more than its dangle is.
--- R A M A022 a
And it often gets hard as a bone.
It comes out to play
Every hour of the day,
And my hands cannot leave it alone.
--- Anon
Who was terribly proud of his prick.
Without fear it would bend,
He would bounce on its end.
As he said, "It's my own pogostick!"
--- Isaac Asimov
Advised, "When your penis is lank,
It's easy to hide
On either leg side,
But erect it will jut out point-blank."
--- Tutta Goia
Read a novel called "Sex in the Gloom."
On arising, the dope,
Skidded once on some soap
And pole-vaulted right out of the room.
--- Anon
Who tried hard to keep his great stands down.
Said he, "But that I thought
I should break it off short,
My penis I'd hold with both hands down."
--- L1190
Gave the sexy young daughter he had
Some hot pants for a treat.
Now when she hits the street,
That girl raises more meat than her dad.
--- P8502a
MORE