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There once was a man named Lafarge, A fellow unskilled in excesses, He dated a nurse named Betty, There once was a sailor of yore, A hot-blooded hayseed named Vance A fakir on his spikey old bed With his penis in turgid erection, A punctilious Army recruit There was a young nudist from Denver There was an Old Person of Ewell, Jack Claus, who sold Christmas trees, An architect, drafting corrections My coq-au-vin's straining my jock, In high school I'd walk down the hall A paleontologist, Joan, As he stood near the Queen on her throne, While dancing, a problem has Updyke. I suffered from Trouser Commotion, At sixteen we can match her demands Oh, THAT'S what my problem is called! How he cried when he lost the election; Though their parents no doubt could disown them, A Chinese named Wong from Haiphong, My tool that's as hard as a rock, A bashful young fellow from Arden A prospector who dwelt in Fort Morgan There was a young lady named Brewer, "Dear Doctor, I fear I have thoughts "You can have my advice (at a price)", A good vacuum pump from Osbone, There once was a fellow named Zeke, An old Latin scholar named Enos (carpe diem - sieze the day)
There was a young fellow from Dallas, A paleontologist, Enos, A virile young villain of Scone At fifteen, I was warned by my Mum, I envisioned each fellow I'd spy But my "old firm" stays hard! My "old firm" has always been kind Sweet Kaylin you left me too quick. Dirruk -- This one's on me -- There sat an old recluse dejected; An impotent recluse named Cliff Oh Mel, come where we're all alone, Such boasting Pel's what any drunk'll Maggie went off to the gym, Maggie lifted a massive barbell. Instructed by Madame du Gomme, Six inches...okay, I suppose; I thought 'twas because of my weight; I once did find myself fond There was an old Spanish Grandee I love men that're covered with hair -- The boys all said, "Look at poor Angus, Angus finally got him a date. The problem that Kate soon discovered There was a young man of Bulgaria, There once was a man named Great Bear, There was an old ape in the zoo; There was an old person of Dutton, An impotent man, Lord of Gor, The plight of his Lordship of Gor Lord of Gor went abroad for the cure While proving his mettle in France, Next he traveled along to Madrid His welcome wore thin in Aragon
Whose dick was exceedingly large.
His razor he'd hone
On the end of his bone,
And lather his face with the charge.
--- G2393
Was hugged and received such caresses,
When his girl held him tight
And then kissed him good night,
That he left with residual stresses.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0132
Who played with his organ so pretty.
She said with a grin,
"Rigor mortis set in.
See, it's getting stiff already!"
--- Kaylin
Who had dreams of his favorite whore.
Alone in a storm,
He'd picture her form,
And soon he'd be rowing his oar.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Daren't ask country girls for a dance;
He fears that proximity
To undies and dimity
Will force him to strap down his lance.
--- Armand E Singer 917
Wants his sex desires all to be dead.
While a satyr in Ardmore
Wishes he could stay hardmore,
And fuck all the virgins unbred.
--- G2253
And aimed at woman's midsection,
Man looks most uncouth
In that Moment of Truth,
But she sheathes it with loving affection.
--- G0060A
Believed lady lieutenants were cute;
So he peeked throught the lock
At a WAC in her smock
And his cock did a snappy salute.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8406
Who had an unusual member;
It was stiff as Jello
When the weather was mellow.
But a popsicle every December!
--- Anon
Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;
But to make it more nice,
He inserted some rice,
And thus got some starch in his tool.
--- Edwardian Leer 083
No woman could he ever please.
Even if he could,
They'd not like his wood,
If his hardon could flap in a breeze.
--- Annie Mae Hentai T9712
To blueprints for skyscraper sections,
Soon saw that with struts
That were curved like girls' butts,
He could have much stronger erections.
--- Norm Storer P9603
And my knees are beginning to knock.
I'll submit to you dear
As you fondle my spear,
For you'll soon make it harder than rock.
--- PeterW
In underwear five times too small.
I hid if I could
Perpetual wood.
But Now I'm proud, tent-pants and all.
--- H Welchel
Smiled when she heard a soft moan.
It rose from a tent
Where two diggers went.
She loved when their bones turned to stone!
--- H Welchel
The Jester's cock got hard as a bone.
"Ma'am, I do beg your pardon
For getting a hardon;
The thing has a mind of its own!"
--- Writerman
When uptight, what's down right goes upright.
But being quite deft-
Right, center, or left-,
What's upright goes up right then up tight.
--- Irving Superior P8508
When thinking today of the notion
Of you in your bed
In you panties of red,
And vibrating with yoyo-like motion.
--- Peter Wilkins
No matter how active her glands.
For it's then man's physique
Is at its very peak,
Yet we just let it slip through our hands.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9102
I've been asked by the girls that I've balled
(When I've no further need,
Having planted my seed)
"It's still hard, so why have you stalled?"
--- Anon
For a month he had no erection.
He then met a girl
And with a quick swirl,
He was hard again to perfection.
--- Arbuckle TP9802
And I sure as hell do not condone them,
In their Latin class, swelling,
Kids passed notes, for the telling,
Which read "Habeo tremendum bonum."
--- Armand E Singer 294
Got a job ringing bells with his dong.
But the Emperor said, "I
Had to can the poor guy,
When Wong's superhard schlong broke my gong."
--- Michael Weinstein P9408
Has tripped me and broken a crock
Of briney green pickles.
The juice, as it trickles,
Has pickled much more than my sock.
--- Anon
Once boarded a bus with a hard on,
And a woman nearby
Stuck her hand in his fly,
Without even begging his pardon.
--- Michael Horgan
Had his cock turned to rock by a gorgon,
Although not by her style,
Nor the guile of her smile,
But the hex of her sexual organ.
--- Hugh Oliver A026A
Who said that nobody could screw her.
Along came a fink
With a cast-iron dink,
And rammed it all the way through her.
--- G0536
Which cause havoc inside of my shorts,
And I find that my cock
Gets as hard as a rock,
And I come not in ounces but quartz."
--- Peter Wilkins
Said the doctor, "Concerning your vice;
You like poking your cock
Between cracks in the rock?
Well, OK, if it makes you feel gneiss."
--- Peter Wilkins A
Returned to me my lost bone.
My lover's all smiles
And she drips all the while;
She's watching my dick turn to bone!
--- Tomasalvin TP9806
Whose penis was rather unique;
His pecker'd get stiff
From a vaginal whiff,
And the thing would stay up for a week!
--- Cap'n Bean P9911
Was possessed of the world's hardest penis.
At the British Museum,
He cried, "Carpe diem!"
And punctured the statue of Venus.
--- Stargazer
Who was rugged, enormous, and callous.
He would shatter chrome steel,
With one blow of his heel,
Then powder the bits with his phallus.
--- Isaac Asimov
This is file sml
Discovered a petrified penis;
It's owner, Nyuk Uk,
Had had the hard luck
Of trying to mount the wrong genus.
--- Anon
Had a pecker as hard as a stone.
This made things quite nice;
He could thrust it in twice
And still there'd be starch in his bone.
--- G0447
"Man's a beast, he's a demon, a bum;
He'll lose all self control
Once his member is swole --"
Oh, Mum, your advice was so dumb.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8502
As a jack-in-the-box with a fly;
I thought, "When they pop out,
And pounce, I won't cop out!"
I'm still waiting for that kind of guy.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8502
Just ask any feminine bard
Who makes my encounter,
And asks me to mount 'er,
In bedroom or office or yard!
--- Anon
To gals in their passionate bind;
The words of Mae West
Describe me the best:
"A hard man is sure good to find!"
--- Anon
You were gone when I looked at my stick.
There are nurses and witches,
But I have good news, which is:
I'm cured! It's as hard as a brick!
--- Dirruk
You don't have to pay any fee.
I'm glad that you're cured,
You can rest assured --
I have no money-back guarantee!!
--- Kaylin
His pecker for years had defected.
Now to death he was freezing
But he found it so pleasing,
For his prick was now firm and erected.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2013
For years had no pussy to sniff.
Now to death he was freezing,
But he found it most pleasing,
For he died with his cock firm and stiff.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1995
And look at this thing I have grown,
Through thinking that you'd
Dance for me in the nude.
Have you ever seen such a bone.
--- Anon
Do, That's a tiny carbuncle,
Which causes a laugh.
The size isn't half
Of my father, or brother or uncle.
--- Anon
Attempting to tighten her quim.
But H was her spotter,
And as she got taughter,
Her squat lifts were tightening him.
--- H Welchel
As she lifted, poor H's face fell;
For HIS bar rose up
Right out of his cup,
And scared off the gym's clientele!
--- ROE
I'll concentrate hard and say OMM...
Now closing my eyes,
I can feel myself rise;
Levitating, I hope, with aplomb.
--- Peter Wilkins
Well, that's how it normally goes.
I once 'OMMed' for hours,
Using all of my powers,
But no more than six inches I rose.
--- Peter Wilkins
But no, said my neighbor young Kate;
Takes only two seconds
Of OMMing she reckons
For hubby to levitate eight.
--- Peter Wilkins
Of a gentleman whose hair was blond.
When it came time to compare
His and my hair down there,
His was darker and curled on his wand.
--- Arden
Who affected a forked goatee.
He grew it so long
It curled 'round his dong,
And gave girls he fucked great glee.
--- G2353
On their faces, chests, backs, everywhere!
Though my loves may be bal-
d I'll not ball them at all
If they don't have some fuzzies "down there."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8601
The boy with the miniature dingus.
He'll never get dates,
Unlees 'course he rates
An expert in arts cunnilingus."
--- Anon
With the town nymphomaniac Kate.
She made him disrobe
Exposing his probe,
And got down on her knees to fellate.
--- Anon
Was that Angus' penis was covered
By his pubic hair
Causing Kate to just stare
And wonder if it could be rubbered.
--- Anon
Who took down his pants in a area.
Said Mary to cook,
"Oh! Do come and look!
Have you ever seen anything hairier?"
--- L0677
Who had one, only one, pubic hair.
Though his friends all made fun,
He said, "Wait! I'm not done!"
The next day, 'twas a jungle in there.
--- Sack-Boy
He had a humongous whazoo.
When erect it was scary,
All scabrous and hairy;
It frightened the elephants too.
--- Mikey TP9901
Whose dong was as small as a button.
So to make it look big,
He purchased a wig,
(We call it a merkin) to put on.
--- Edwardian Leer 049 P8601
Kept pestering Ms. Harlot, a whore.
But she told him to ring up
When he got his thing up,
And not a damn minute before.
--- Neal Wilgus P8408
Has left me in tears and heartsore.
If you don't mind, Neal,
I'd like to reveal
That his tale doesn't end with the whore.
--- June Sullivan P8408
As prescribed in French literature.
Alas, a success!
Very hard to suppress.
Now he's cocksure in affaires d'amour.
--- June Sullivan P8408
(And splitting the seams of his pants),
His Chanson de Geste grew
With each turn of the screw.
Les filles are all still in a trance.
--- June Sullivan P8408
Where he even surpassed old El Cid.
This bold Lord of Gor
Was no common senor,
And he left most of their donas gravid.
--- June Sullivan P8408
So he thought he had better move on.
He took his cockscomb
Further Westward to Rome
To pursue his amore marathon.
--- June Sullivan P8408
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