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Now O. J. is guilty but free, Said Cochrane to O.J., "I fear O. J. Simpson's the name: I can tell The prosecution calls these two gents (two black shoes found in Bronco - what did you think?)
Said Los Angeles D.A. Garcetti, (in reference to the O. J. Simpson trial)
A big handsome man with a knife O. J., who once was the tops, To his dad said a lad in deep woes, Judge Ito said, "I am not solly (Bruno Mali shoes)
O.J. Simpson's young kids, lass and laddie, "Miss Clark," remarked Christopher Darden, All I'm after--no more and no less-- At the pet store, said OJ, "I guess (Italian shoes were a clue in OJ trial)
"Miss Clark," remarked Christopher Darden, I'm obsessed by the trial of OJ Nicole's house the police did raid, W. Schecht, I hear what you say, The way that Ron's father now views it, A L.A. policeman named Mark Goldman's attorney has run amok, A right-wing spin doctor who's spun There was a sports legend named OJ There once was a man they called "Juice"; We all watched the trial of J, O. When football star fell off his trolley, All such juries deserve to be jailed, Berating the jury's no use. There once was a Bomber called Una "Oh my God!" said the Federal Fred; Kaczynski, allegedly Una, There once was a young mathematician There once was a man named Ted; Oh say can you see There once was a man named Ted, The Unabomber's not very nice Ted Kaczynski was hunting a rabbit Alleged Unabomber, Kaczynski, For the past several weeks or so, There once was a madman named Ted; There once was a man named Ted; But this alone wasn't enough; And when in his cabin, they found him, Now this didn't have a pleasant aroma A mathematician named Ted "This sucks!" said the convict Kaczynski Kaczynski as a kid was a geek; Sometimes, now I long for the day Last year O.J. beheaded his mate, (the Unabomber)
Ted Kaczynski gave out a great sigh. Ted's brother wants no tax on the dough, "I'm a TROGLODYTE," his excuse There once was a guy named Ted He lived alone in a shack, There once was a wacko named Ted, The former teutonic dictator Hitler was cranky and mean; Der Fuehrer did work with great vigor A corporal who could never smile, There once was a moustache in Berlin, A typical type is Herr Hitler; If someone insists categorical The Germans first felt the bold clout Herr Hitler then put on a pout There was a young man, Mussolini, Now Hitler he had just one ball, Said the Kraut in a plain denim smock, The nefarious Nazi named Goebbels,
But the jury was blind as can be.
They forgot the facts
On the ex-running-back
Which should sicken both you and me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Good news and bad I have here.
The judge won't prohibit
A conjugal visit,
But only if from Rosy Grier."
--- Anon
That you all hope that I'll rot in hell.
But when is comes to the crunch,
You know that I've got a hunch
I can fool him upstairs just as well.
--- Oliver M
From the white Bronco parked by the fence.
We are introducing Al,
And a second O.J. pal,
Two black loafers as People's Evidence.
--- Arthur Deex P9503
The defense was a bowl of spaghetti
Thrown up on the wall
To see what would fall.
Justice turned into confetti.
--- MJM
Was arrested for killing his wife.
With a wonderful smile,
The jury he'd beguile,
And he got off with his life.
--- Cyber Geezer
Was arrested for giving chop-chops.
But the jury then found
That the blood all around
Was really put there by the cops.
--- Anon
"Some person should know, I suppose.
Who ran this foul play?"
"Not I," said O.J.
"Ask your mother, I think that she knows."
--- Phil Cannibal P9502a
O.J. lost his law suit, by golly.
What turned the tide?
They found that he lied;
It came down to the Bruno Mali.
--- Thomas M Patton P9704
Are back home now and living with Daddy,
Who said, "Since you axe,
They need to meet blacks,
So I'll introduce them to my Caddy."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9703
"No wonder OJ got a pardon;
Ito asked to see writs,
And you thought he said tits--
And the jury, quite bored, watched his hardon."
--- Arthur Deex P9607
If for OJ, the knave, to confess.
You say, "That is true,
But what's in it for you?"
Instant fame and book royalties, I guess.
--- William N Nesbit P9603
I need a fine bird to caress."
So a Foo bird he bought,
But he had second thought,
"If the Foo shits, I'll be in a mess."
--- Al Chaplin P9702
"I think we should visit a garden.
You'll be quite beguiled
By daisies so wild,
And if you pull mine, it will harden."
--- Arthur Deex P9608
For I've watched for a year everyday.
I drive a Bronco that's white,
Have bloody gloves that are tight
And I'm sure, have the same DNA.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9507
His friends all came to his aid.
The cops think he did it.
The road, he did hit it;
He was in a highway parade.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But the cops have the facts -- DNA.
With all of your dough,
You surely must know,
The evidence points to O.J.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The money is paid; he poo-poos it.
"If justice is mine,
There's no dollar sign,
But if they pay, I won't refuse it."
--- Al Willis P9604
Was searching around in the dark,
And he found O.J.'s knife,
After he butchered his wife
And planted it just for a lark!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If he'll let OJ off for a buck.
If billings refused,
He'll be accused
And kicked from the bar, the dumb cluck.
--- Tom Patton P9604
Lurid tales about Monica's fun,
Exclaimed when his eyes
Saw the fruit of his lies:
"We've gotten O.J. off page one!"
--- Anon
Whose old lady told him to go 'way.
He slashed up his wife
With a fifteen inch knife,
Then he led a parade on the freeway.
--- VOL 11
Was acquitted and now's on the loose;
So please hid those knives;
Protect your wives;
And hope he will not use a noose.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The verdict was really a blow.
The bark of a god,
The defense a facade,
And the jury composed a rondo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And became a vengeful svengali,
Incompetent jury
Aroused the world's fury
With verdict condoning his folly!
--- Observer
And forever severely assailed,
For they've joineed with the slime
Who committed the crime,
And the victim and system they've failed.
--- Observer
They're obviously too obtuse
To convict old OJ,
But there is no damned way
The killer should not get the juice.
--- Cyber Wizard
Who subsisted on rabbits and tuna.
His one big mistake
Came from eating his cake,
Instead of having it sooner.
--- J Matulis
As when he entered the ramshackle shed.
"He's the bomber, no doubt!"
The FBI'd shout.
In shackles, away Ted was led.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was arrested, and might have been sooner,
Had a waitress he knew
But reported the clue
That he savored black powder on tuna.
--- Anon
Whose girlfriend refused him coition.
So above her he stood
With a bomb made of wood,
And blasted her into submission.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
His hooded sweatshirt was red.
He put bombs in the mail;
Now he's in jail.
He'll go to hell when he's dead.
--- Joey Carlton
The Unabomber is you and me.
Armed with a fuse,
And ready for a ruse,
We are all Ted Kaszynski
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file rxm
Who once got it into his head,
"Eco-pigs must die,
For telling us lies!"
Or so this is what he has said.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When he mails an explosive device.
So please never fail
To check out your mail,
Otherwise you may end up on ice.
--- Tom Patton P9609
And it would have been easy to grab it.
But then Teddy thought
That he wanted some sport,
So he blew off its paws out of habit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was arrested for deadly intentski.
"We deduced who he was,"
Crowed the Federal Fuzz,
"The twelfth time he bought powder and flintski."
--- Cyber Geezer
I've been trying to have a good go
On the Unabomber theme,
But it's hard to dream,
So I have had to go slow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When they paved a road, he saw red.
He worked on his bombs,
Included CD-ROMS;
Jail is nicer than his shed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To him, progress was something to dread.
So in a mysterious manner,
He moved to Montana,
To live in a plywood shed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He'd have to plan something quite rough.
He'd sent out some mail
To places like Yale,
And make scientists blow up in a puff.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With strong chain and ropes they bound him.
Telling those by the car,
As they locked him in thar,
He's dangerous. No smoking around him.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To the Feds, who'd been through "Oklahoma".
With the help of Ted's brother,
And his dear old sweet mother,
They were "Chemo" to his "Carcinoma."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was arrested in a Montana shed,
For having the know-how
To make things go KER-POW!
And for thumbing his nose at the Fed.
--- Al Girard
(Though not like the intern Lewinsky),
A lifetime on ice
Is not very nice,
Unless you are Tara Lipinski.
--- DC Dave a
He was said to be pathologically meek.
As a professor, a flop.
To bomb charges, he'd cop,
And this isn't just a lawyer's leak.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When the Unabomber just gets to say:
"I'm not guilty of crime;
Polluters should do the time,
As they despoil our beautiful bay."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And now Teddy's been caught by The State.
A new psychopath
For society's wrath--
The creep that we most love to hate!
--- Phred
"My suicide try went awry.
If I had rehearsed,
My shorts been reversed,
Front to back, then I surely would die."
--- Tom Patton P9802
So to the victims, the cash can all go.
It sound very nice
But, I'm thinking twice --
Who says he won't take the money and blow?
--- Frank Petersohn
For being a techno-recluse.
The Unabomber,
Like Jeffrey Dahmer,
Reign of terror they did induce.
--- Darryl
Who wanted to see some people dead.
For almost 20 years
He had no fears,
Even though there were bombs under the bed.
--- Joe Kohn
And dreamed of his big pay-back.
Though no one knew why,
Took the whole FBI
Twenty years to get right on his track.
--- Joe Kohn
Who had some room in his shed.
He made bombs in there
And sent them by air,
Until his bro called up some Fed.
--- Joko
Wrote "My Struggle" (said a translator).
His diminutive nose
Was the cause, I suppose,
He became a obsessive Jew hater.
--- Professor
In Europe, he caused quite a scene.
It was because he was mad
At what little he had;
He had one all were two should have been.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And a new cooking school he did trigger.
But he has been surpassed;
Atom bombs are now massed,
And the cookouts today will be bigger.
--- Albin Chaplin
Said "Freedom is quite out of style.
Just give me your lives,
Your children and wives,
And I'll pay you all back with a Heil!"
--- Mother Goose-Step
Stolen from Charlie Chaplin,
Which underhung a nose
Like a withered rose,
But the people were afraid to grin.
--- Mother Goose-Step
He's a great territorial whittler;
And ready to nab
All the ground he can grab,
But always from lands that are littler.
--- Victory Joke Book P8811
That Hitler consulted an oracle
Who convinced him to
Invade Kalamazoo,
I tell them that sounds ahistorical.
--- Anon
Of us at the Normandy rout.
Then Heinies left France
When kicked in the panz-
Er-go Hitler became a sauer kraut.
--- Ellen Alaka P9407
And said, "I'm so mad I could shout!
Though we don't have a hope,
I'll fuck Eva and mope,
Because I'm a real sour Kraut!"
--- John Dohner P8901
Who found he had seven bambini.
He said, "If I thought
That the griddle was hot,
I'd never have put in the weenie!"
--- L0948
And Goering had two, very small.
And old Heinrich Himmler
Was built very similar,
While Goebbels had no balls at all.
--- Anon
"Vy sure I can fix up dis clock!
Gestapo vas vunce.
I vould haf to be dunce,
To forget vays uff making it tock!"
--- John Miller
Once loaded his rectum with pebbles.
The slightest suspicion
Of guilt or sedition,
Found him farting a broadside at rebels.
--- G1394
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