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When a top-ranking Nazi was dead, "About Goebbles," observed Mr. Kieth, (irredentist - Italian party to regain lost territory)
There was a fat German named Goering The Fuhrer's head it was swirlin', There was a young lady of Maience, When Hitler was Germany's boss, Some tart, she was Austro-Hungarian, The poor little sod had no knees, The country's state he'd not endure; He learned to fly bombers like Stukas, Although he was unitesticular, He liked it best up in the luft, One day he was up in a Heinkel, Psychiatrists, most themselves sick, Now all of the girls turned him down, And that's why he grew a moustache, Now pictures of men made him dampf, You all know it ended in tears; And so Hitler's dinger was shorn, Adolph Hitler was monorchid; Joseph Stalin secured his release Dear Sir: I enjoy limerick style, (SIG - Mensa Special Interest Group)
At a party with Pallas Athene, At the seaside I saw Mussolini Said a prominent lecherous Nazi, Anti-Semitism: Here, wear this star. A tracked down old Nazi, von Kulit, The rendering down of some Jews While out on the banks of Loch Ness, To win people's minds and their hearts, he Hickory, Dickory, Dock; At Auschwitz, the Nazi, von Hainz, "Come now", said Bell, "This is choice. 'No Man is an Island' she trolled, A handyman way down in Dock When Alexander Graham Bell Alexander Graham Bell had a tizzy I've dated my phone, ninety-two; <1892> When A. G. Bell the phone invented, He expelled a most triumphant yell Young Nobel, Swedish by birth, I have an invention to test; A platinum catalist converter I promise it won't singe your twat, I'll bring it tonight for a test. I'm impressed by the odd way you think; I come from a long line of liars. There was a designer named Fred, There once was a fellow named Green A jaded old lesbian stripper Ben Franklin, our elder statesman: It was Benjamin Franklin who said, Some colleagues thought Franklin was right, Mr Franklin was flying his kite, Advised his illegitimate son To build a better one, I'm told, That zany old man Mr. Bean Exposing his plate to the air, A noted inventor named Dan The candle, (I hate to make mention) This scheme for recording folks' voices, Eli Whitney, your shame is unthinkable; Eli Whitney's prognosis was spot-on: The ingenious inventor Von Phlitte There was an inventor named Percy There was an old man of the Hague,
His stone showed, in letters bright red,
Quite simple and clear
His completed career:
Here lies Dr. Goebbels, it said.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9409
"It's curious down underneath,
Since he was apprenticed
To the Great Irredentist,
That he should have had such bad teeth."
--- A N Wilkins P8504
Who was famous for very loud snoring.
Said his wife with much vex,
"It's better than sex
Which with Herman is always so boring."
--- Harry Rubin P9204
As he played a word game up in Berlin,
For sixteen games of Yahtzee,
Had confused this old Nazi,
So 'twas word games, not books he was burnin'.
--- Anon
Who bade Adolf Hitler defiance.
She'd lurk in dark halls,
And nip at his balls,
With a patent-applied-for appliance.
--- L1475
He never seemed at a loss
To decorate
A Nazi mate
With a ribbon and an Iron Cross.
--- Anon
Who called herself, strangely, an Aryan,
Got fucked by a gander,
And bred the commander
Of Germany. Was he a scary 'un!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Because he was half mensch half geese,
So off he would march
With legs stiff as starch,
And dick likewise, girls for to tease.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A man like him must have a cure;
A dream such as this,
Born of Heineken piss,
Would truly come, with him the fuhrer.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And take frauleins with big bazookas.
They'd pull out his paddle,
Then it they would straddle,
And thought him a right proper fuka.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With girls he was none too particular,
And sport he'd engage in,
With many a madchen
Prone, supine or quite perpendicular.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And many the girl there he stuffed,
But all his exertions,
In willy immersions,
Did never get one up the duft.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And fancied the need for a teinkel,
He pissed out the door,
It slammed! Was he sore!
And Adolf lost half of his weinkel.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Will tell you that with half a dick,
And one ball's traumatic;
But being pragmatic,
It's clear why he turned out a prick.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Refused his advance with a frown;
He made war instead
Of love, now his bed,
Held only his whore, Eva Braun.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To tickle that frau's foetid gash,
While she sucked what's left
Of his dick, sadly cleft,
Demanding an oodle of cash.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His buttocks 'round dicks he would clampf;
Most often with Himmler,
Whose tastes were quite simmler,
And Adolf soon called him "Mein Kampf."
--- Tiddy Ogg
He blew up the world for 6 years.
Till finally he'd hunker
Down there in his bunker,
And die, and the world gave three cheers.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But no, it had not wholly gorn; (gone in dialect)
Genetic mutation
In strong radiation,
Was how Tony Blair soon was born.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A predicament often found awkward.
When an eight-dollar whore
Started asking for more,
He said, "I'm just half, so here's four quid."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
From the gulag by making his peace,
When the guy lost his nerve
And consented to serve
As a spy for the czarist police.
--- A N Wilkins P8909
Where I used to live, we'd seldom smile.
To SIG, I say "Ja"
For every "Ha-Ha"
Yours truly, M. Bormann. SIG Heil!
--- Irving Superior P8511
I bumped into Fredrico Fellini.
He showed eight and a half,
And said, "If you won't laugh,
Just wait 'til you see Mussolini."
--- Bill Wall
Struggle into a tight brown bikini.
I said, "Hold tight, Benito,
This must spell finito;
Now I've seen where you keep your zuccini."
--- Bill Wall
"Our program may sound hotsy-totsy.
But a girl, when you diddle her,
Spreads her thighs with Heil Hitler!"
It all seems a little ersatzy.
--- L1714
Now get into that railroad car.
On the double! Mach snell!
And we'll sent you to hell,
Just because of how Jewish you are.
--- David Morin
Insisted "You guys misconstrue it.
If I acted brutish
Toward folks who were Jewish,
Believe me, my boss made me do it."
--- Evelyn Bogen P9805
Put Germans right up in the news.
Since then we have found
It works all around,
With Christians, Muslims and Hindoos.
--- Anon
I was startled to see Rudolph Hess.
He shouted: "Who's won?"
The ignorant Hun,
I said: "You did, in the end, more or less."
--- Jon Naismith P0007
Thought, "I know: get crafty and artsy!
An adornment or two...
Ja, an armband will do,
With a swastika, 'cause I'm a Nazi."
--- Anon
The Nazis have set back the clock.
But FREEDOM has won,
Cannot be undone,
And Fascism's due for a shock.
--- Mother Goose-Step
In cutting up corpses took pains.
All the pussies were saved
For his cohorts depraved --
In the ovens he threw the remains.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2882
The first telephone! Let's rejoice!
Now listen, folks all
To the very first call."
"Sorry, wrong number", said a voice.
--- Frank Richards
This is file rwm
But she hadn't yet heard about old
Alexander G. Bell,
So fat, I've heard tell,
That for a tomb, the Bell wholed.
--- Anon
Had worked on his own cuckoo clock.
But then when it said
"Pooh-pooh" instead,
He hit it right on with a rock.
--- Lims Unlimited
Invented his device nouvelle,
How could he know
The great tide of woe,
That telemarketing would swell.
--- Timothy Torkildson
And told Watson it all made him dizzy.
On that very first call
Someone had the gall
To tell him the circuit was busy.
--- A N Wilkins P8811
Shock, Horror, this cannot be true!
This fossiled old thing
Still works with a string,
And all held together with glue.
--- Anon
PRESS ONE, PRESS THREE was not intended.
"Your call's most import...
You're next. Don't abort...
Or get depressed and half demented.
--- Irving Superior P9707
Saying, "Ah, it's beginning to jell."
'Twas not thoughts of his prize
Which brought stars to his eyes.
"DYN-O-MITE," exclaimed Alfred Nobel!
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9201
Found a use for diatomaceous earth.
Mixed with nitro, it jells
And like hot-cakes, it sells.
Can you imagine what Nobel is worth?
--- Mervyn Cripps collection
It looks like an upside-down vest.
A turbine in back,
A stub for your crack.
One powers the other. Impressed?
--- H Welchel
Shall serve as a stink-smell subverter.
A nickel-chrome squib
Ignites from a nib
That thwarts the backflash: a diverter.
--- H Welchel
Just spin that sweet stub in your slot.
Forget things of man!
You'll come all you can.
And fart till your comer is shot!
--- H Welchel
We'll have us a poot-tastic fest.
So save us some beans
For my fart-fuck machine.
It's strictly reserved for the best.
--- H Welchel
Your invention shows you're on the brink
Of insanity's pit.
You're crazy as shit!
You don't have much farther to sink.
--- Karen
Both grand-dads were Civil War fliers.
Dad wrote 'War And Peace'
Plus he costarred in 'Grease',
And my uncle invented the pliers.
--- Michael Weinstein
In theory was very well read.
He had made a new poker,
But design mediocre.
When you used it, the embers went dead.
--- Albin Chaplin
Whose inventions you may not have seen --
'Cause he was undone
And all 'cause of one
Dysfunctional flying machine!
--- Monique de Plume
Invented a testicle gripper;
A tong-like device,
She'd produce in a trice,
At the sound of a gentleman's zipper.
--- Anon
Today his writings Boston would ban.
In the dark cats are gray;
(And he liked it that way);
Ben Franklin was a dirty old man.
--- Marlene
"A pillow case over her head
Makes every damn dame
Exactly the same,
Once you have her laid out on the bed."
--- Grand Prix Lim 741 A
Some others were ready to fight;
And then one of them said,
"Ben, you're out of your head,
Why don't you just go fly a kite!"
--- Evelyn Bogen P9506
In the midst of a dark stormy night.
"It's for science," he said,
And he went on ahead.
Now he's generally thought of as bright?
--- Tillmanator
"Best mistress, an older woman.
They will not be hateful
Because they're so grateful."
His advice was so clearly homespun.
--- Anon
Would fill up my pockets with gold.
But this simple contraption,
Not apt for adaption.
What secret does the mouse-catcher hold?
--- Ron Sartain
Proceeded a mirror to clean.
Then to office did take,
Photocopy to make;
Now he has his own Xerox machine.
--- Friar
Did its clever inventor declare,
"C'est venue - ma photo,
Complete en toto -
C'est magnifique - Je suis Daguerre!"
--- Joyce Johnson
Proceeded according to plan
To construct a device
At a moderate price,
For deflecting the shit from the fan.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2006A
And lightbulb have unresolved tension.
'Twas once late at night,
Through poor candlelight,
Did Edison make his invention.
--- Lightbulb
Mr. Edison, bold as your choice is,
I think you're at risk
Putting wax on your disc --
We could hear most inelegant noises!
--- John E Maywood
Your fortune will never be Brinkable.
Have you not cottoned on?
Your invention is gone!
The gin you produced is undrinkable!
--- John E Maywood
He invented the gin to tease cotton.
His rivals quite blatant-
ly ignored his patent,
And Eli was robbed something rotten.
--- Peter Brooks
All mankind did well benefit.
This redoubtable man
Invented a fan
Which could not be hit by the shit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2231
Who labored amidst controversy;
To convert, he did state,
The gnarled finger of fate
To the wand of the Angel of Mercy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2745
Whose ideas were excessively vague;
He built a balloon
To examine the moon,
But focused on a shapely young leg.
--- Edwardian Leer 063
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