"Since surely Persona's what counts, "I steel my nerves for the day, "I'll shave and get ready for work, "And talk to reporters and crew, When the great Genghis conquered new land, "If we let the Scots in, they will hang us," Guy Fawkes was a wonderful chap; "If my poophole," said Idi Amin, Meglomaniac Idi Amin, The unspeakable Idi Amin, Jack the Ripper gave no explanation A carpenter named of John Skipper The reason he's called Jack the Ripper Jack the Ripper was really none other In Milwaukee a certain Jeff Dahmer They are turning and getting irate; (about Bill Clinton too)
Jeffery Dahmer, that wheel-spinning guy, Jeff Dahmer had soon made his mark When Jeffrey Dahmer met the bunch, The corpse that belongs to John Brown, There once was a Man, Kaiser Will, Ms Karla Faye's seen her best day; Now the Bible says when you believe, Much like Lizzie Bordon before her, There once was a fellow named Keating, A young man from Beckles, called Duke, This year when you hear, "Ho Ho Ho Ho!" The Ku Klux Klan is the pits; There was a young student called Truman, (Al Bundy, shoe salesman in TV "Married with Children"
There once was a lady from Kent; The police filed a Limbaugh Report. Seems Mary Laterno got kicks Menendez--your judgment delay.
This is file rym
Their parents, they claimed, were horrendous. Each parent left home on a gurney; (Erik and Lyle Menendez, murders)
What kept Menendez up for nights The brothers Menendez excuse-- The lesson that Menendez taught-- When Ollie expired, alas, I need only invoke apple pie A careless young patriot, Ollie, Peterson will be tried by his peers The nephew of one of the czars That crazy mad monk called Rasputin, The Czarina said, "As sure as shootin', There once was a girl named Loretta There once was a runaway bride. Scott Peterson has caused so much strife. Mrs Peterson's naughty son, Scott A funeral for Slobodan's rich! Somoza to U.S. came quick Miss Harding, a good figure skater, Tonya tried hard(ing) learning to box. A weakness of Vlad the Impaler, I met a Romanian sailor, I'm Vlad the Impaler, I am; Said Vlad, "I've survived cold weather, OJSimpson.com is a site Equal use of the law is our boast. We all watched the trial of OJ; When interviewed, honest and dutiful, "And oh! How Nicole make me swagger, As he droned on Capitol Hill, A hero ballplayer named O.J. Some one should stalk O.J. It seemed Marcia had played the right cards. (Boy, is this out of date! - Marcia = State Prosecutor)
Charisma and Ego -- each ounce --
And Image and Friends
And the Means to the Ends,
And not the way beds squeak and bounce."
--- Matthew Montchalin
Rehearse every line that I'll say,
And think of old times
And not of sex crimes,
Nor of the odd goons I'll repay."
--- Matthew Montchalin
Conceal every oddness and quirk,
Debate an old bill,
And show off my skill,
Availing myself to each perk."
--- Matthew Montchalin
And tell them the things that I knew.
Or stories and lies,
The wherefores and why's,
And toe the straight line that I drew."
--- Matthew Montchalin
His troops would kill off every man.
Then he'd give all the women
A dose of Khan semen,
So now we're all part of the clan.
--- Temujin
Said the wife of the Khan known as Ghengis.
I fear men will nab us,
I fear men will stab us,
But mostly I fear Colonel Angus!
--- Arthur Deex P0407
He's been given a terrible rap.
He just wanted to say
"Being Catholic's okay."
Boom boom, folks, now please mind the gap.
--- Anon
"Were as big as my mouth, 'twould be keen.
I could eat, eat, and eat,
And excrete all I eat.
I'd not be a fat slob, I'd be lean."
--- Michael Weinstein P8402
Once climbed on a fucking machine.
But he was so perverse,
It went into reverse,
And made him an African Queen.
--- J Beauregard Pepys P8202
When informed by the French, made a scene:
If he wanted to come
He would have to become
Disinfected, castrated, and lean.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407
To his buddy of that decimation
Of the whores of Hyde Park
Save one brief remark;
"Aren't the parks, lad, for our recreation?"
--- A N Wilkins P8610
Is currently not feeling chipper.
He gets little thanks
For sawing up planks;
Friends greet him with "Yo, Jack the Ripper!"
--- Armand E Singer 789
Was not from her clothes he would strip her,
But his was so thick,
To get it in quick,
He'd grab either side and just stick her.
--- Irving Superior P8903
Than a duke and the Prince of Wales' brother.
He was settling the scores
When he murdered the whores,
Because my lord hated his mother.
--- A N Wilkins P8903
Thought of himself as an embalmer.
He cut up 17 males,
Stored them in some pails.
When arrested he could not have been calmer.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Many think now that Bill's not so great.
If Dahmer weren't gone,
He might join the throng.
Jeff would have Willy's head on a plate.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Got confused about which vowel to buy.
"Think I'd like 'an knee',"
He said grinning with glee,
"Come to think of it, I'll take an 'eye'."
--- Larry Hollister
With a fried-food cafe in the park.
He was fair in his place,
Never partial to race,
For he offered both white meat and dark.
--- Anon
He knew it was more than a hunch,
That they soom would be dead,
And he'd keep all their head,
In his fridge, to eat later for lunch.
--- Stark
Lies moldering in the earth six feet down.
He was buried in style;
He's been there quite a while.
I wonder if that's what caused his frown!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who seldom, if ever, stood still;
He ran up and down
With a horrible frown,
And his ideas of culture were nil.
--- Tee Book Of William P0511Q
The governor's denied her stay.
Stranger than fiction
Since her conviction,
She now claims to be beast of pray.
--- Tom Patton P9804
If you axe, you will surely receive.
I hacked people to pieces
Before I found Jesus.
So why didn't I get my reprieve?
--- William N Nesbit P9804
When she killed two humans in horror,
She fell to her knees
Saying, "Oh Dear God, Please!"
Who replied, "Don't you know, I'm the scorer."
--- Tom Patton P9804
Whose investors took a terrible beating.
This happens to pensioners
And other good intentioners
Naive about white collar cheating.
--- Arthur Deex P9705
Discovered one day, by a fluke,
If he put on a fez
And a little pince-nez,
He looked like the young King Farouk.
--- Michael Palin
And mother's blood sugar's too low,
Might it be that your mama
Lapsed into a coma
'Cause of old Santa Klaus Von Bulow?
--- Jean Chapeau
A mob of low-class half-wits.
They hide behind sheets,
Drinking beer, eating beets;
I hope they get terminal zits.
--- Bluebird TP9807
Who now and again, seemed quite human.
In exams, he was top.
Now he works in a shop.
Like Al Bundy, he is a low shoe man!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
To the Dominican Republic she went.
She met Rush Limpball,
And said "Gee, your thing's small!"
That Viagra was money ill spent.
He's no stranger to crimes of all sort,
But he'll go free this time,
For his most recent crime,
'Cause the evidence won't stand up in court.
By sucking thirteen year old dicks.
Back in jail with the ladies,
For her must be Hades,
She'll just have to take her licks.
--- MrMalo
As Lincoln would tongue-in-cheek say,
"What else can we do
But pity the two.
So, for the two orphans let's pray."
--- Irving Superior P9407
Their beatings and anguish were endless.
And so, what to do?
The two shot the two.
The jury was hung, not Menendez.
--- Irving Superior P9601
A sad way to end each life's journey.
Both Erik and Lyle
Produced tears and no smile.
So who had a smile? Each attorney.
--- Jane D Hughes P9403
Was not the grisly murder sights,
And not their mom's moans.
It was the telephones,
To whom to sell the TV rights.
--- Irving Superior P9407
They suffered parental abuse.
When things got too bad,
They "Honor Mom/Dad"
And one more Commandment mis-use.
--- Irving Superior P9407
A parent's life is full of fraught.
Break their butt to rear,
And "Thanks" never hear.
Nor do they hear the fatal shot.
--- Irving Superior P9407
There was moaning and passing of gas.
In his coffin, face down,
Lay this corpse of renown,
For the flagpole was stuck up his ass.
--- Al Chaplin P9501
And they'll buy any plausible lie.
Though my deeds reek of folly,
I'm Ollie, by golly,
A jolly good, Hollywood guy.
--- Karen Gale P8711
Was dazzled by GOP folly.
With rash right-wing dreams,
He pushed Reagan's schemes--
But got robbed on the Senate Street trolley.
--- Norm Storer P9501
Who will do naught but sit on their rears.
Morons, dime a dozen
Will keep on abuzzin';
The trial will drag on for years.'
--- Tom Patton P0407
Used to suck on Rasputin at Yars,
'Till the peasants revolted,
The royal family bolted,
Now they're under the sickle and stars.
--- L0396
Was a clever sod, there's no disputin'.
He had the Tsarina
Blow his ocarina,
And for that, you just have to salute 'im.
--- Anon
It is for that weird Dervish I'm rootin'.
Though mad as Ophelia,
He cures hemophilia,
And in bed, none's erect as Rasputin."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9801
Who was a big fan of "Baretta";
When she met Robert Blake
She decided to take
Him home to put with her poinsetta.
--- Anon
She said she must run 'way and hide.
But there was no blue van;
No Hispanic man.
Now no one is just on her side.
--- Pissant
Killed his baby and also his wife.
To end his romance,
He took one last chance,
And won free meals for all of his life.
--- Tom Patton P0306
Has gotten himself in a spot
For three squares a day.
The county will pay,
But Bubba will be sharing his cot.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
They should throw the bastard in a ditch;
Then putrid and rotten,
He'll soon be forgotten...
And it's only the hangman who'll bitch.
--- David Miller
With pustular sores on his prick.
Said a bigwig, bemused,
"Do not look so confused --
I have cured worse than that with one lick."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1737
Was a devout masturbater.
On ice, at a Schalkow stunt,
The audience got a peek at her cunt,
And discovered a secreted vibrator.
--- Grettir the Dong
She should really have learned to knit socks.
When she's too old to skate,
She took boxing too late;
A choice we think unorthodox.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was to shout out at men, "Hello Sailor!"
In far Transylvania,
He'd indulge in his mania,
And dress up as Elizabeth Taylor.
--- Bill Wall
Who carred with him an inhaler.
"The girlies all gasp
At the size of my asp,
And need it," said Vlad the Impaler.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My seduction technique is a sham.
Like a bat out of Hades,
I pounce on young ladies
And fuck like a battering ram!
--- PeterW
By perving on Sue-Ann and Heather;
But as it gets colder,
I find, as I'm older,
Less pages are now stuck together."
--- David Miller
That describes a Ford Bronco in flight.
Then the subsequent trial
And the total denial.
/,/,\,
--- Anon
But the rich are more equal than most.
They will spare no expense
For an intense defense;
Take O.J., who by now should be toast.
--- Tom Patton P2006
He most certainly did it, they say.
But his lawyers' strong fights,
To pit blacks against whites,
Let our sport hero just walk away.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Nicole was a wife I found suitable,"
Said OJ, "She played
Both my cook and my maid;
But moreover was strikingly beautiful."
--- Hugh Clary
Unlike me, she was never a nagger,
And when push came to shove,
Our lives fit like a glove;
My true love cut through her like a dagger!"
--- Travis Brasell
We were all distracted from Bill.
The verdict was in!
OJ's guilty as sin
And he's in the hole for $8 mil.
--- Rockin' Floyd
Was arrested for murder one June day.
But soon all could see,
He'd not in jail be
And now spends his time on his golf play.
--- Lawrence & Charlette Berk
Looking for justice some day.
He's guilty as sin,
Even though he did win,
'Cause he had enough money to pay!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The defense of OJ is in shards.
If he takes the stand
He'll crumble like sand;
He hoist himself on his petards.
--- Al Willis