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"Since surely Persona's what counts,
Charisma and Ego -- each ounce --
And Image and Friends
And the Means to the Ends,
And not the way beds squeak and bounce."
--- Matthew Montchalin

"I steel my nerves for the day,
Rehearse every line that I'll say,
And think of old times
And not of sex crimes,
Nor of the odd goons I'll repay."
--- Matthew Montchalin

"I'll shave and get ready for work,
Conceal every oddness and quirk,
Debate an old bill,
And show off my skill,
Availing myself to each perk."
--- Matthew Montchalin

"And talk to reporters and crew,
And tell them the things that I knew.
Or stories and lies,
The wherefores and why's,
And toe the straight line that I drew."
--- Matthew Montchalin

When the great Genghis conquered new land,
His troops would kill off every man.
Then he'd give all the women
A dose of Khan semen,
So now we're all part of the clan.
--- Temujin

"If we let the Scots in, they will hang us,"
Said the wife of the Khan known as Ghengis.
I fear men will nab us,
I fear men will stab us,
But mostly I fear Colonel Angus!
--- Arthur Deex P0407

Guy Fawkes was a wonderful chap;
He's been given a terrible rap.
He just wanted to say
"Being Catholic's okay."
Boom boom, folks, now please mind the gap.
--- Anon

"If my poophole," said Idi Amin,
"Were as big as my mouth, 'twould be keen.
I could eat, eat, and eat,
And excrete all I eat.
I'd not be a fat slob, I'd be lean."
--- Michael Weinstein P8402

Meglomaniac Idi Amin,
Once climbed on a fucking machine.
But he was so perverse,
It went into reverse,
And made him an African Queen.
--- J Beauregard Pepys P8202

The unspeakable Idi Amin,
When informed by the French, made a scene:
If he wanted to come
He would have to become
Disinfected, castrated, and lean.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407

Jack the Ripper gave no explanation
To his buddy of that decimation
Of the whores of Hyde Park
Save one brief remark;
"Aren't the parks, lad, for our recreation?"
--- A N Wilkins P8610

A carpenter named of John Skipper
Is currently not feeling chipper.
He gets little thanks
For sawing up planks;
Friends greet him with "Yo, Jack the Ripper!"
--- Armand E Singer 789

The reason he's called Jack the Ripper
Was not from her clothes he would strip her,
But his was so thick,
To get it in quick,
He'd grab either side and just stick her.
--- Irving Superior P8903

Jack the Ripper was really none other
Than a duke and the Prince of Wales' brother.
He was settling the scores
When he murdered the whores,
Because my lord hated his mother.
--- A N Wilkins P8903

In Milwaukee a certain Jeff Dahmer
Thought of himself as an embalmer.
He cut up 17 males,
Stored them in some pails.
When arrested he could not have been calmer.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

They are turning and getting irate;
Many think now that Bill's not so great.
If Dahmer weren't gone,
He might join the throng.
Jeff would have Willy's head on a plate.

(about Bill Clinton too)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Jeffery Dahmer, that wheel-spinning guy,
Got confused about which vowel to buy.
"Think I'd like 'an knee',"
He said grinning with glee,
"Come to think of it, I'll take an 'eye'."
--- Larry Hollister

Jeff Dahmer had soon made his mark
With a fried-food cafe in the park.
He was fair in his place,
Never partial to race,
For he offered both white meat and dark.
--- Anon

When Jeffrey Dahmer met the bunch,
He knew it was more than a hunch,
That they soom would be dead,
And he'd keep all their head,
In his fridge, to eat later for lunch.
--- Stark

The corpse that belongs to John Brown,
Lies moldering in the earth six feet down.
He was buried in style;
He's been there quite a while.
I wonder if that's what caused his frown!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There once was a Man, Kaiser Will,
Who seldom, if ever, stood still;
He ran up and down
With a horrible frown,
And his ideas of culture were nil.
--- Tee Book Of William P0511Q

Ms Karla Faye's seen her best day;
The governor's denied her stay.
Stranger than fiction
Since her conviction,
She now claims to be beast of pray.
--- Tom Patton P9804

Now the Bible says when you believe,
If you axe, you will surely receive.
I hacked people to pieces
Before I found Jesus.
So why didn't I get my reprieve?
--- William N Nesbit P9804

Much like Lizzie Bordon before her,
When she killed two humans in horror,
She fell to her knees
Saying, "Oh Dear God, Please!"
Who replied, "Don't you know, I'm the scorer."
--- Tom Patton P9804

There once was a fellow named Keating,
Whose investors took a terrible beating.
This happens to pensioners
And other good intentioners
Naive about white collar cheating.
--- Arthur Deex P9705

A young man from Beckles, called Duke,
Discovered one day, by a fluke,
If he put on a fez
And a little pince-nez,
He looked like the young King Farouk.
--- Michael Palin

This year when you hear, "Ho Ho Ho Ho!"
And mother's blood sugar's too low,
Might it be that your mama
Lapsed into a coma
'Cause of old Santa Klaus Von Bulow?
--- Jean Chapeau

The Ku Klux Klan is the pits;
A mob of low-class half-wits.
They hide behind sheets,
Drinking beer, eating beets;
I hope they get terminal zits.
--- Bluebird TP9807

There was a young student called Truman,
Who now and again, seemed quite human.
In exams, he was top.
Now he works in a shop.
Like Al Bundy, he is a low shoe man!

(Al Bundy, shoe salesman in TV "Married with Children"
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There once was a lady from Kent;
To the Dominican Republic she went.
She met Rush Limpball,
And said "Gee, your thing's small!"
That Viagra was money ill spent.

The police filed a Limbaugh Report.
He's no stranger to crimes of all sort,
But he'll go free this time,
For his most recent crime,
'Cause the evidence won't stand up in court.

Seems Mary Laterno got kicks
By sucking thirteen year old dicks.
Back in jail with the ladies,
For her must be Hades,
She'll just have to take her licks.
--- MrMalo

Menendez--your judgment delay.
As Lincoln would tongue-in-cheek say,
"What else can we do
But pity the two.
So, for the two orphans let's pray."
--- Irving Superior P9407

This is file rym

Their parents, they claimed, were horrendous.
Their beatings and anguish were endless.
And so, what to do?
The two shot the two.
The jury was hung, not Menendez.
--- Irving Superior P9601

Each parent left home on a gurney;
A sad way to end each life's journey.
Both Erik and Lyle
Produced tears and no smile.
So who had a smile? Each attorney.

(Erik and Lyle Menendez, murders)
--- Jane D Hughes P9403

What kept Menendez up for nights
Was not the grisly murder sights,
And not their mom's moans.
It was the telephones,
To whom to sell the TV rights.
--- Irving Superior P9407

The brothers Menendez excuse--
They suffered parental abuse.
When things got too bad,
They "Honor Mom/Dad"
And one more Commandment mis-use.
--- Irving Superior P9407

The lesson that Menendez taught--
A parent's life is full of fraught.
Break their butt to rear,
And "Thanks" never hear.
Nor do they hear the fatal shot.
--- Irving Superior P9407

When Ollie expired, alas,
There was moaning and passing of gas.
In his coffin, face down,
Lay this corpse of renown,
For the flagpole was stuck up his ass.
--- Al Chaplin P9501

I need only invoke apple pie
And they'll buy any plausible lie.
Though my deeds reek of folly,
I'm Ollie, by golly,
A jolly good, Hollywood guy.
--- Karen Gale P8711

A careless young patriot, Ollie,
Was dazzled by GOP folly.
With rash right-wing dreams,
He pushed Reagan's schemes--
But got robbed on the Senate Street trolley.
--- Norm Storer P9501

Peterson will be tried by his peers
Who will do naught but sit on their rears.
Morons, dime a dozen
Will keep on abuzzin';
The trial will drag on for years.'
--- Tom Patton P0407

The nephew of one of the czars
Used to suck on Rasputin at Yars,
'Till the peasants revolted,
The royal family bolted,
Now they're under the sickle and stars.
--- L0396

That crazy mad monk called Rasputin,
Was a clever sod, there's no disputin'.
He had the Tsarina
Blow his ocarina,
And for that, you just have to salute 'im.
--- Anon

The Czarina said, "As sure as shootin',
It is for that weird Dervish I'm rootin'.
Though mad as Ophelia,
He cures hemophilia,
And in bed, none's erect as Rasputin."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9801

There once was a girl named Loretta
Who was a big fan of "Baretta";
When she met Robert Blake
She decided to take
Him home to put with her poinsetta.
--- Anon

There once was a runaway bride.
She said she must run 'way and hide.
But there was no blue van;
No Hispanic man.
Now no one is just on her side.
--- Pissant

Scott Peterson has caused so much strife.
Killed his baby and also his wife.
To end his romance,
He took one last chance,
And won free meals for all of his life.
--- Tom Patton P0306

Mrs Peterson's naughty son, Scott
Has gotten himself in a spot
For three squares a day.
The county will pay,
But Bubba will be sharing his cot.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306

A funeral for Slobodan's rich!
They should throw the bastard in a ditch;
Then putrid and rotten,
He'll soon be forgotten...
And it's only the hangman who'll bitch.
--- David Miller

Somoza to U.S. came quick
With pustular sores on his prick.
Said a bigwig, bemused,
"Do not look so confused --
I have cured worse than that with one lick."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1737

Miss Harding, a good figure skater,
Was a devout masturbater.
On ice, at a Schalkow stunt,
The audience got a peek at her cunt,
And discovered a secreted vibrator.
--- Grettir the Dong

Tonya tried hard(ing) learning to box.
She should really have learned to knit socks.
When she's too old to skate,
She took boxing too late;
A choice we think unorthodox.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A weakness of Vlad the Impaler,
Was to shout out at men, "Hello Sailor!"
In far Transylvania,
He'd indulge in his mania,
And dress up as Elizabeth Taylor.
--- Bill Wall

I met a Romanian sailor,
Who carred with him an inhaler.
"The girlies all gasp
At the size of my asp,
And need it," said Vlad the Impaler.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'm Vlad the Impaler, I am;
My seduction technique is a sham.
Like a bat out of Hades,
I pounce on young ladies
And fuck like a battering ram!
--- PeterW

Said Vlad, "I've survived cold weather,
By perving on Sue-Ann and Heather;
But as it gets colder,
I find, as I'm older,
Less pages are now stuck together."
--- David Miller

OJSimpson.com is a site
That describes a Ford Bronco in flight.
Then the subsequent trial
And the total denial.
/,/,\,, and goodnight.(slash, slash, backslash, escape>
--- Anon

Equal use of the law is our boast.
But the rich are more equal than most.
They will spare no expense
For an intense defense;
Take O.J., who by now should be toast.
--- Tom Patton P2006

We all watched the trial of OJ;
He most certainly did it, they say.
But his lawyers' strong fights,
To pit blacks against whites,
Let our sport hero just walk away.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When interviewed, honest and dutiful,
"Nicole was a wife I found suitable,"
Said OJ, "She played
Both my cook and my maid;
But moreover was strikingly beautiful."
--- Hugh Clary

"And oh! How Nicole make me swagger,
Unlike me, she was never a nagger,
And when push came to shove,
Our lives fit like a glove;
My true love cut through her like a dagger!"
--- Travis Brasell

As he droned on Capitol Hill,
We were all distracted from Bill.
The verdict was in!
OJ's guilty as sin
And he's in the hole for $8 mil.
--- Rockin' Floyd

A hero ballplayer named O.J.
Was arrested for murder one June day.
But soon all could see,
He'd not in jail be
And now spends his time on his golf play.
--- Lawrence & Charlette Berk

Some one should stalk O.J.
Looking for justice some day.
He's guilty as sin,
Even though he did win,
'Cause he had enough money to pay!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It seemed Marcia had played the right cards.
The defense of OJ is in shards.
If he takes the stand
He'll crumble like sand;
He hoist himself on his petards.

(Boy, is this out of date! - Marcia = State Prosecutor)
--- Al Willis


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