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See it standing there, proud and defiant, All the ladies go ape for old King Kong As Fay Wray said to King Kong, King Kong was a gorilla -- great and strong. Don't be so shy, darling Fay; Fierce looking King Kong, people say, At Christmas, the big ape King Kong, All the lady apes ran from King Kong, Larger than life, here's King Kong, When the heroine was fucking King Kong, These limericks about old King Kong You forgot something here, my dear John; May I lounge on your leathery palm? Sweet u r Fay ray, then sum. No -- slowly -- that's better -- now sliiiide it. Yur me thumbalina fer shur. A bigger dong? Is that true? I think that she's spotted Godzilla Said the gorilla as he eyed the fair lassie There once was a coolie named Wong I think it's so terribly wrong! King Kong was extremely well hung, King Kong's been rampaging an hour. Said Fay Wray to that old King Kong, I think that I favor King Kong; In Aladdin, there once was an actor; Ginger Rogers and suave Fred Astaire, He GINGERly waltzed her around, Movie credits roll by in a whirl; I went to the movies last night. Heather I thought was a bitch. I didn't feel happy at all Lying down in the wardroom, Miss Jolie, Frustrated as God-only-knows, Though Gable was well disciplined, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman split. There was a young man from Gloucester, It's hell friends, the life of a star; The hero of this rather silly Kate Holmes and that loser, Tom Cruise, Says she, "Tom's a dog and a slouch, They live as if in a fishbowl. A young nephew of Heck Berlioz As she swallowed her fifth jellied eel, For a movie in which an old grunt The Oscar awards, to be frank, There once was a private named Ryan; Do you think that some swats with my brolly would At East Lansing the students for kicks Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer Hollywood director name of Furst's I think it would be real groovy I think t'would be easy to act I'd play the celebrity game; I'd have a mansion so large, I'd become a friend to the President, I'd have a series of wives When comes that certain time We breathlessly call them all superstars, Though good B movies oft entertain "The Third Man" was a film made to tease. I saw Three Kings last night, Woody's wife's daughter has truly My friends, I am here to tell you Miss Anna Marie Albergett' Our sweet southern belle, Ashley Judd,
The dong of the Jolly Green Giant.
Hear the merry maids shout
As they jerk it about,
Pulling off cream by the piant. (pint?)
--- Michael Horgan
And his hairy and humongous ding-dong.
He's tall and dark and
Has girls right in his hand.
With his balls, they all like to play Ping-Pong.
--- Cunning Linguist
"I don't mind being carried along.
But I do think it's shitty,
Not pretty, not witty,
To shovel the cheese from your dong."
--- Pat McGregor
Faye Ray was some starlet done wrong.
Still, we knew all along
He'd respond to her song,
'Cause she fit so well in her sarong.
--- Lynn Mostafa
A kiss would so brighten his day,
And provide him distraction
From smashin' and crashin',
Enough so we can all RUN AWAY!
--- Karen
Was really quite gentle at play.
But he met his sad fate
High atop Empire State
Because he played too rough with Fay Wray.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9409
Sang carols clad in a sarong.
But all of his neighbors
Would brandish their sabers,
For he got all the choruses wrong.
--- Christine Brim
For his dong was unspeakably long.
But a friendly giraffe,
Quaffed his yard and a half,
And ecstatically burst into song.
--- L0613
A monster of legend and song.
A big movie star
I've loved from afar,
Forever and ever so long.
--- Kiss
And found lubricant for his great dong,
She thought that it was spittle,
She's not in the hospital--
It seems she was horribly wrong.
--- G2389
Remind me; most people are wrong.
Your average gorilla
Is no lady killa;
Any man has a far bigger dong!
--- John Miller
No average gorilla, our Kong.
Mere men can't compare
With a monster so rare;
King Kong is the King of the Schlong!
--- Karen
You Kingly salami salaam?
My favorite Ape!
'Long your lingam I'll drape,
And in time learn to feel no alarm!
--- Anon
Pray kin me fingar your bum?
Me harry-ass palm
Will do u no halm.
What's that? Kin u fit on me thum?
--- King Kong
Let me put my feet here while I riiiiide it.
Now beat on your chest,
Let the vibes do the rest,
Oh My God, if I hadn't tried it!
--- Anon
Me hope yur sweet twat kin endure.
Me twenty fut dong
For me am the KONG,
An u r so tiny and pure.
--- Kong
Can I compare Kong and you?
But there 'waits a mob
Ripe for a hand job
From King of the Apes 'stead a screw.
--- Arden
And seen his superior 'filla'.
Though Kong has a schlong
That's a good two feet long,
It's the lizard she's wanting to till her...
--- Anon
With the classiest curvaceous chassis,
"My Pop carried Fay
Up a building to play,
But I'll lay this one here on the grassy."
--- June Sullivan P8408a
Whose dong was incredibly long.
It may sound absurd,
But last night I heard
He was fucking the ass of King Kong.
--- Michael Horgan
Such sexist new films don't belong
In times "gender equal."
I demand that the sequel
Be the sensitive epic, "Queen Kong."
--- Doug Harris
And sadly a hero, unsung.
The girls, they did giggle
When they saw his wiggle,
But gasped when he punctured a lung.
--- Anon
High rises have felt his huge power.
He's built quite a sweat
And he's not finished yet;
He'll be back after taking a shower .....
--- Doug Harris P0605
"I think you have got this all wrong.
I may be a tart,
But you'd split me apart
If I tried to get up on your dong!"
--- Tony Burrell
I'm big and I'm hairy and strong.
My armpits they smell;
My crotch stinks like hell.
My breath doesn't hum, it a song!
--- Jeanie
Princess Jasmine -- he tried to attract her.
It turned out they were siblings,
Which vetoed the nibblings.
Damn that genie illogical factor!
--- Doug Harris P0608
Made one hell of a fine dancing pair.
She had such sex appeal,
But did he cop a feel?
But of course not! The Thirties were square!
--- Isaac Asimov
In time with the rhythmical sound.
She paused on A STAIR,
And let down her hair:
And rocked in coitus unbound!
--- Mark Levy P9507
Printed sobriquets, each one a pearl.
A job name I enjoy
Is that one of "Best Boy",
But could not a Best Boy be a girl?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0501
Hope the Blair Witch would give me a fright.
Did I get a scare...no!
'Cause I didn't care fo
Those kids and their terrible plight.
--- Anon
I would gladly feed her to the witch.
As for Josh and Mike,
Neither one did I like.
Still, they're making the film makers rich.
--- Anon
When they passed over Lauren Bacall.
If Bogey'd been there,
He'd have picked up chair,
Broke a window, and started a brawl.
--- Larry Hollister
Screamed out to her man, Holy Moly!
The midwife urged: "Push!
But not with your tush!"
And Brad made an excellent goalie.
--- Lightbulb
This is file rum
Bugs Bunny is twitching his nose;
His feet are a-thumping,
While dreaming of humping
The rumps of a million nice does.
--- Peter Wilkins
With Vivien, he farted and grinned.
The farting left Vivien
In a state of oblivion,
So Vivien was Gone With The Wind.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1200
I heard it's 'cause he's a nit-wit.
He cheated, I say.
He's gay anyway --
This straight act ain't to legit!
--- Anon
Who had sex with Jodie Foster.
Lecter wouldn't forgive her
And ate the guys liver;
The performance then won him an Oscar.
--- Anon
The spruce up your jacksie does jar!
I'm sick of being "twinkle"
(Since before Rip Van Winkle)
And no call from "Hello!" mag so far .
--- Doug Harris P0509
New movie's a low-life from Chile.
But the heroine -- my!
She's as high as the sky --
A blue blood Main Liner from Philly.
--- Laurence Perrine P8803
Have lately, been much in the news.
And rumors are, maybe,
They'll soon have a baby,
And Kate's mom is cryin' the blues.
--- Observer
And I hate to be an old grouch,
But when he comes over,
He acts like old Rover,
And jumps up and down on my couch.
--- Observer
There's Kate and there's Tom and Nicole.
But Kate, unlike Nic,
Ain't one to quick chick...
She's under complete Cruise control.
--- Observer
Was inept when he tried to compose.
He said, "Uncle, it's clear
That I don't have your ear.
All I've got is your long pointed nose."
--- William Nesbit P0112
Said, "I know how Linda Lovelace must feel."
But the sixth eel was limp
So she swallowed a shrimp.
She now stars in prawn movies in Deal.
--- Bill Wall
Finds a waitress who softens his front,
And whose oneness with pets
Is as good as it gets;
There were Oscars for Nicholson, Hunt!
--- Prof M-G
Go entirely into the tank,
When each winning producer
Turns naptime-inducer
Beginning with "I'd like to thank..."
--- Larry Hollister
His brothers, they were all a-dyin'.
To search, they did strive at
And saved Ryan's privates;
Rebuilding his family, he's tryin'!
--- Sean Curtis
Make them less Anglophobic in Hollywood?
Must their rogues all be Brits?
Still, I think that such hits
Would not hurt like withholding my lolly would.
--- Graham Lester
Are displaying their cunts and their pricks,
To the prexy's distress;
So he's moved to suppress
Their showing of homemade skin flicks.
--- A N Wilkins P8607
Were a nun and a captain one summer...
Till kids' song inspired love,
Nazi push became shove,
And they marched to the refugee's drummer.
--- Prof M-G
Reputation was one of the worst.
Every day to the last,
He would fight with the cast.
He is known as the man who's star cursed.
--- Tom Patton P060
If I could be in a movie;
A leading role
Would be my goal,
Surrounded by air-headed floozies.
--- Puff Adder
Like a guy who's a little bit cracked.
I'd just be
Little old me;
My instability's a well known fact.
--- Puff Adder
Show that I had no shame.
Drive fancy cars;
Vacation at spa's;
I'd really savor my fame.
--- Puff Adder
For me and my entourage.
An Olympic sized pool,
An obsequious fool,
To give me an ego massage.
--- Puff Adder
And advise him of my sentiments.
I'd really speak out
And not worry about
How the taxpayers money was spent.
--- Puff Adder
And mistresses on the side.
I can handle
Any great scandal,
By spinning a good web of lies.
--- Puff Adder
That I am long past my prime,
I think that I will
Become a shill
And work for the Psychic Hot Line!
--- Puff Adder
From blooper, through snooper, to trooperstars.
Well, lets be distinct,
Right from babes through extinct,
From pooper, through drooper, to stooperstars.
--- David A Brooks
And the A ones aren't hard to explain,
How'd the AFI's test
Make two C movies best?
Casablanca and Citizen Kane.
--- Prof M-G TP9806
It was fraught with achromatic sleaze.
It kept us in a dither
To the notes of a zither,
As O. Welles ticked us with "Lime" disease.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0108
The bombs and bullets did smite,
They humped and they swore;
Took the gold out the door,
And the Arabs were in a bad plight.
--- Anon
Risked all in order to be
With Woody not Farrow.
What was the most narrow --
His vision or that of Soon-Yi.
--- Julie Wiskirchen
That Bardot is one marvelous screw.
Deneuve isn't bad
(Except when she's sad)
And Jane Fonda is pretty good too.
--- Not Roger Vadim P8604
Had sex after eating spaghett'.
She told my friend Vito
She'd sooner that he go;
He still hadn't come in her yet.
--- Anon
Has beauty and brains in her blood.
She's both roses and pearls,
And when we Kiss the Girls,
If we're lucky, she'll show us her bud.
--- Satori Press
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