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See it standing there, proud and defiant,
The dong of the Jolly Green Giant.
Hear the merry maids shout
As they jerk it about,
Pulling off cream by the piant. (pint?)
--- Michael Horgan

All the ladies go ape for old King Kong
And his hairy and humongous ding-dong.
He's tall and dark and
Has girls right in his hand.
With his balls, they all like to play Ping-Pong.
--- Cunning Linguist

As Fay Wray said to King Kong,
"I don't mind being carried along.
But I do think it's shitty,
Not pretty, not witty,
To shovel the cheese from your dong."
--- Pat McGregor

King Kong was a gorilla -- great and strong.
Faye Ray was some starlet done wrong.
Still, we knew all along
He'd respond to her song,
'Cause she fit so well in her sarong.
--- Lynn Mostafa

Don't be so shy, darling Fay;
A kiss would so brighten his day,
And provide him distraction
From smashin' and crashin',
Enough so we can all RUN AWAY!
--- Karen

Fierce looking King Kong, people say,
Was really quite gentle at play.
But he met his sad fate
High atop Empire State
Because he played too rough with Fay Wray.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9409

At Christmas, the big ape King Kong,
Sang carols clad in a sarong.
But all of his neighbors
Would brandish their sabers,
For he got all the choruses wrong.
--- Christine Brim

All the lady apes ran from King Kong,
For his dong was unspeakably long.
But a friendly giraffe,
Quaffed his yard and a half,
And ecstatically burst into song.
--- L0613

Larger than life, here's King Kong,
A monster of legend and song.
A big movie star
I've loved from afar,
Forever and ever so long.
--- Kiss

When the heroine was fucking King Kong,
And found lubricant for his great dong,
She thought that it was spittle,
She's not in the hospital--
It seems she was horribly wrong.
--- G2389

These limericks about old King Kong
Remind me; most people are wrong.
Your average gorilla
Is no lady killa;
Any man has a far bigger dong!
--- John Miller

You forgot something here, my dear John;
No average gorilla, our Kong.
Mere men can't compare
With a monster so rare;
King Kong is the King of the Schlong!
--- Karen

May I lounge on your leathery palm?
You Kingly salami salaam?
My favorite Ape!
'Long your lingam I'll drape,
And in time learn to feel no alarm!
--- Anon

Sweet u r Fay ray, then sum.
Pray kin me fingar your bum?
Me harry-ass palm
Will do u no halm.
What's that? Kin u fit on me thum?
--- King Kong

No -- slowly -- that's better -- now sliiiide it.
Let me put my feet here while I riiiiide it.
Now beat on your chest,
Let the vibes do the rest,
Oh My God, if I hadn't tried it!
--- Anon

Yur me thumbalina fer shur.
Me hope yur sweet twat kin endure.
Me twenty fut dong
For me am the KONG,
An u r so tiny and pure.
--- Kong

A bigger dong? Is that true?
Can I compare Kong and you?
But there 'waits a mob
Ripe for a hand job
From King of the Apes 'stead a screw.
--- Arden

I think that she's spotted Godzilla
And seen his superior 'filla'.
Though Kong has a schlong
That's a good two feet long,
It's the lizard she's wanting to till her...
--- Anon

Said the gorilla as he eyed the fair lassie
With the classiest curvaceous chassis,
"My Pop carried Fay
Up a building to play,
But I'll lay this one here on the grassy."
--- June Sullivan P8408a

There once was a coolie named Wong
Whose dong was incredibly long.
It may sound absurd,
But last night I heard
He was fucking the ass of King Kong.
--- Michael Horgan

I think it's so terribly wrong!
Such sexist new films don't belong
In times "gender equal."
I demand that the sequel
Be the sensitive epic, "Queen Kong."
--- Doug Harris

King Kong was extremely well hung,
And sadly a hero, unsung.
The girls, they did giggle
When they saw his wiggle,
But gasped when he punctured a lung.
--- Anon

King Kong's been rampaging an hour.
High rises have felt his huge power.
He's built quite a sweat
And he's not finished yet;
He'll be back after taking a shower .....
--- Doug Harris P0605

Said Fay Wray to that old King Kong,
"I think you have got this all wrong.
I may be a tart,
But you'd split me apart
If I tried to get up on your dong!"
--- Tony Burrell

I think that I favor King Kong;
I'm big and I'm hairy and strong.
My armpits they smell;
My crotch stinks like hell.
My breath doesn't hum, it a song!
--- Jeanie

In Aladdin, there once was an actor;
Princess Jasmine -- he tried to attract her.
It turned out they were siblings,
Which vetoed the nibblings.
Damn that genie illogical factor!
--- Doug Harris P0608

Ginger Rogers and suave Fred Astaire,
Made one hell of a fine dancing pair.
She had such sex appeal,
But did he cop a feel?
But of course not! The Thirties were square!
--- Isaac Asimov

He GINGERly waltzed her around,
In time with the rhythmical sound.
She paused on A STAIR,
And let down her hair:
And rocked in coitus unbound!
--- Mark Levy P9507

Movie credits roll by in a whirl;
Printed sobriquets, each one a pearl.
A job name I enjoy
Is that one of "Best Boy",
But could not a Best Boy be a girl?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0501

I went to the movies last night.
Hope the Blair Witch would give me a fright.
Did I get a scare...no!
'Cause I didn't care fo
Those kids and their terrible plight.
--- Anon

Heather I thought was a bitch.
I would gladly feed her to the witch.
As for Josh and Mike,
Neither one did I like.
Still, they're making the film makers rich.
--- Anon

I didn't feel happy at all
When they passed over Lauren Bacall.
If Bogey'd been there,
He'd have picked up chair,
Broke a window, and started a brawl.
--- Larry Hollister

Lying down in the wardroom, Miss Jolie,
Screamed out to her man, Holy Moly!
The midwife urged: "Push!
But not with your tush!"
And Brad made an excellent goalie.
--- Lightbulb

This is file rum

Frustrated as God-only-knows,
Bugs Bunny is twitching his nose;
His feet are a-thumping,
While dreaming of humping
The rumps of a million nice does.
--- Peter Wilkins

Though Gable was well disciplined,
With Vivien, he farted and grinned.
The farting left Vivien
In a state of oblivion,
So Vivien was Gone With The Wind.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1200

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman split.
I heard it's 'cause he's a nit-wit.
He cheated, I say.
He's gay anyway --
This straight act ain't to legit!
--- Anon

There was a young man from Gloucester,
Who had sex with Jodie Foster.
Lecter wouldn't forgive her
And ate the guys liver;
The performance then won him an Oscar.
--- Anon

It's hell friends, the life of a star;
The spruce up your jacksie does jar!
I'm sick of being "twinkle"
(Since before Rip Van Winkle)
And no call from "Hello!" mag so far .
--- Doug Harris P0509

The hero of this rather silly
New movie's a low-life from Chile.
But the heroine -- my!
She's as high as the sky --
A blue blood Main Liner from Philly.
--- Laurence Perrine P8803

Kate Holmes and that loser, Tom Cruise,
Have lately, been much in the news.
And rumors are, maybe,
They'll soon have a baby,
And Kate's mom is cryin' the blues.
--- Observer

Says she, "Tom's a dog and a slouch,
And I hate to be an old grouch,
But when he comes over,
He acts like old Rover,
And jumps up and down on my couch.
--- Observer

They live as if in a fishbowl.
There's Kate and there's Tom and Nicole.
But Kate, unlike Nic,
Ain't one to quick chick...
She's under complete Cruise control.
--- Observer

A young nephew of Heck Berlioz
Was inept when he tried to compose.
He said, "Uncle, it's clear
That I don't have your ear.
All I've got is your long pointed nose."
--- William Nesbit P0112

As she swallowed her fifth jellied eel,
Said, "I know how Linda Lovelace must feel."
But the sixth eel was limp
So she swallowed a shrimp.
She now stars in prawn movies in Deal.
--- Bill Wall

For a movie in which an old grunt
Finds a waitress who softens his front,
And whose oneness with pets
Is as good as it gets;
There were Oscars for Nicholson, Hunt!
--- Prof M-G

The Oscar awards, to be frank,
Go entirely into the tank,
When each winning producer
Turns naptime-inducer
Beginning with "I'd like to thank..."
--- Larry Hollister

There once was a private named Ryan;
His brothers, they were all a-dyin'.
To search, they did strive at
And saved Ryan's privates;
Rebuilding his family, he's tryin'!
--- Sean Curtis

Do you think that some swats with my brolly would
Make them less Anglophobic in Hollywood?
Must their rogues all be Brits?
Still, I think that such hits
Would not hurt like withholding my lolly would.
--- Graham Lester

At East Lansing the students for kicks
Are displaying their cunts and their pricks,
To the prexy's distress;
So he's moved to suppress
Their showing of homemade skin flicks.
--- A N Wilkins P8607

Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer
Were a nun and a captain one summer...
Till kids' song inspired love,
Nazi push became shove,
And they marched to the refugee's drummer.
--- Prof M-G

Hollywood director name of Furst's
Reputation was one of the worst.
Every day to the last,
He would fight with the cast.
He is known as the man who's star cursed.
--- Tom Patton P060

I think it would be real groovy
If I could be in a movie;
A leading role
Would be my goal,
Surrounded by air-headed floozies.
--- Puff Adder

I think t'would be easy to act
Like a guy who's a little bit cracked.
I'd just be
Little old me;
My instability's a well known fact.
--- Puff Adder

I'd play the celebrity game;
Show that I had no shame.
Drive fancy cars;
Vacation at spa's;
I'd really savor my fame.
--- Puff Adder

I'd have a mansion so large,
For me and my entourage.
An Olympic sized pool,
An obsequious fool,
To give me an ego massage.
--- Puff Adder

I'd become a friend to the President,
And advise him of my sentiments.
I'd really speak out
And not worry about
How the taxpayers money was spent.
--- Puff Adder

I'd have a series of wives
And mistresses on the side.
I can handle
Any great scandal,
By spinning a good web of lies.
--- Puff Adder

When comes that certain time
That I am long past my prime,
I think that I will
Become a shill
And work for the Psychic Hot Line!
--- Puff Adder

We breathlessly call them all superstars,
From blooper, through snooper, to trooperstars.
Well, lets be distinct,
Right from babes through extinct,
From pooper, through drooper, to stooperstars.
--- David A Brooks

Though good B movies oft entertain
And the A ones aren't hard to explain,
How'd the AFI's test
Make two C movies best?
Casablanca and Citizen Kane.
--- Prof M-G TP9806

"The Third Man" was a film made to tease.
It was fraught with achromatic sleaze.
It kept us in a dither
To the notes of a zither,
As O. Welles ticked us with "Lime" disease.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0108

I saw Three Kings last night,
The bombs and bullets did smite,
They humped and they swore;
Took the gold out the door,
And the Arabs were in a bad plight.
--- Anon

Woody's wife's daughter has truly
Risked all in order to be
With Woody not Farrow.
What was the most narrow --
His vision or that of Soon-Yi.
--- Julie Wiskirchen

My friends, I am here to tell you
That Bardot is one marvelous screw.
Deneuve isn't bad
(Except when she's sad)
And Jane Fonda is pretty good too.
--- Not Roger Vadim P8604

Miss Anna Marie Albergett'
Had sex after eating spaghett'.
She told my friend Vito
She'd sooner that he go;
He still hadn't come in her yet.
--- Anon

Our sweet southern belle, Ashley Judd,
Has beauty and brains in her blood.
She's both roses and pearls,
And when we Kiss the Girls,
If we're lucky, she'll show us her bud.
--- Satori Press


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