"Dear Father, I have a confession...
I'll start with my favorite impression
Of Barbra and Cher
And Garland so fair,"
Said Joe at his therapy session!
--- Marvin

Making love to the great movie star,
He tenderly opened her bra.
She had nothing in front.
"I hope there's a cunt,"
He said, "I bat zero so far!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

The cute girls, it seems, are on cable,
Or movies, or stage, wearing sable.
You see, it's like this:
I just reminisce,
And I still adore Miss Betty Grable.
--- Al Willis P9712

There was a film maker named Crandall,
Who frequently flew off the handle.
His leading lady, a blonde
From the film did abscond.
Financially, she could not face scandal.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

If her wrath you would have as your fate,
There's one word with Bo Derek to bait.
What just pisses off Bo,
When you're near, whisper low,
In her ear say, "Bo, dear, urinate."
--- Bob Giandomenico P0112

While flicking my Bic Christmas Eve,
I dreamed of the things I'd receive.
Two derricks to go -
One oil and one Bo.
I've a yen for a ten, I believe.

(in a Bic flicking limerick contest)
--- Arthur Deex

A lovely young actress named Bo
Is trim from her head to her toe.
She's proved she's a Ten
Again and again,
As she and John rake in the dough.
--- Satori Press

If upon triple wishes I'd come,
I'd think hard before I'd succumb:
Two Derricks to go --
One oil and one Bo.
With my third wish I'd wish something dumb.
--- Arthur Deex P9101

Our mademoiselle is Brigitte
Who proved that a sexy and sweet
Young lady from France,
By doffing her pants,
Can keep the whole world at her feet.
--- Satori

The life of a fellow named Blaire
Was devoted to good deeds and prayer.
His reward when he died
Left him transmogrified
As a crab on Brooke Shield's snatch hair.
--- Michael Weinstein P8601a

I am seven years old, and adore you!
There is nothing I wouldn't do for you!
In five years, I'm sure
I'll be potent and pure.
Please wait for me, dear, I implore you!

(Brooke Shields fan letter)
--- Laurence Perrine P8607

There was a young actress named Trish,
Who's considered by some, quite a dish.
Her first view on the screen
Was considered obscene;
Her career came to an end -- in a swish!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A lovely young lady named Cybil,
Of fortune and fame had a nibble
With the "Last Picture Show",
So if she wants to go
"Moonlighting", we will not quibble
--- Satori

The star of that X-rated hit
Plays a nurse with a throat full of clit.
This serves as a palace
For each turgid phallus--
Some say that the plot is pure shit.

(the movie 'Deep Throat' with Linda Lovelace)
--- G0857

A sexy young actress, Demi,
Has made her "Disclosure" that she
Prefers to bed Bruce,
But gives no excuse
For playing "Striptease" zestfully.
--- Satori

Though Demi's near over the hill,
That woman still gives me a thrill,
At night when I'm dreaming
And otherwise scheming,
To show her my love-making skill.
--- Observer

The G rated film, "Pocahontas"
Was produced by those saying they want us
To renew our values,
Therefore revenues.
Let them foist off one more hoax upon us.
--- Anon

Have you heard about Dorothy Lamour,
Whose lovers got fewer and fewer?
When ask why she lost 'em,
She said, "I defrost 'em.
I guess I'm not made for a whore."
--- L1025

A lovely young lady named Drew
Can stir up a hullabaloo.
Her opening line
Has the bang of a mine;
"Hey guy, want to see my tattoo?"
--- Satori

A child star who's named Barrymore,
Drank too much liquor before
She became a teen --
I think it's obscene --
But she finally evened the score.
--- Julie Wiskirchen

Eight cops, nine lawyers, and a sailor,
An army brigade, Norman Mailer;
Weren't the least bit ashamed
When each one had claimed
To have married Elizabeth Taylor.
--- Tom Patton P9507

A young girl, fed up with ho-hummers,
Looked for elk, and took on all comers.
She made love to them all,
From spring until fall;
Yes, those were the real elk-y summers.
--- Actaeon

There once was a girl named Lolita,
Who liked to sip shots of tequila.
She would drink it all day,
Through the whole month of May,
While watching old tapes of "Evita".
--- Shirl Phelps

On Streisand's odd sampan, "The Pearl,"
They use sacking for canvas to nerl,
So when they set anchor,
And haul in the spanker,
It's a hoot to see her gunny furl.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9812

If backward to youth we could journey,
For Hollywood actresses yearn we.
(Though "yearn we" is crude,
How else to conclude)
The GENE I would splice was Gene Tierney.
--- Irving Superior P9403

From C.O.R.E. comes a chorus of moans.
The Urban League will clog the phones.
The black folk will rise
With fire in their eyes,
If Ten of spades would be Grace Jones.

(C.O.R.E. - Congress of Racial Equality)
--- Larry Davis P8712

She was a most beauteous Swede;
Good speech was her definite need.
Without her mouth marble,
Thus not Greta GARBLE,
Then, as Garbo, she went on to succeed.
--- Norm

Have you seen Greta Garbo's new clone?
Has a voice that sounds liquid in tone.
All the men stay at bay
Because all she will say
Is, "Go vay, I vant to be alone."
--- Tom Patton P0112

Greta Garbo with her low pitched tone
Would excite the erogenous zone.
The men would all croon
And the women would swoon,
When she said, "I vant to be alone."
--- Thomas M Patton P9712

I'm a creature thought very elusive;
I find contact with others intrusive.
So please go away
Without further delay.
Your presence is base and abusive.
--- Donna Lee Dom

Reincarnation, for me,
A blessing would certainly be.
If I came back
Hung on a rack
As bathrobe to Halle Berry.
--- Timothy Torkildson

The Fondas all act, and now Jane
Has entered the cable domain.
In sexy dance clothes,
She made videos,
But you'll never hear Teddy complain.
--- Satori

When out for a spin in my Honda,
I find it intriguing to ponda
The question: Would Red
Have more fun in bed
If the gorgeous Jane Fonda were blonda?
--- Norm Storer P9203

This is file rtm

Some fans of the actress Jane Russell
Have started a terrible tussle
Over what makes her charming:
Her manners disarming,
Or the muscles that rustle her bustle.
--- Norm Storer

Since donning the uniform, Joe
Quit the floozies that he used to know.
Says he, "Joan Bennet'll
Tickle my genital
Every night at the old U.S.O."
--- L1021

Joan Crawford's home cures, so I'm told,
Are famous -- both forceful and bold.
She's one of the giants
Of medical science:
Whip a fever and then beat a cold.
--- Arthur Deex P8907

A little old lady from Gloucester
Tried to impersonate Jodi Foster.
"It wasn't my years,
But the size of my ears,
That exposed me as an imposter."
--- Anon

"My cunt hairs so long," Julia said,
"I sweat half to death when in bed."
So she cut off the tuft,
That was choking her muff,
And now it's on Lyle Lovett's head!
--- Bluebird

I've been reading this month's PENTATETTE
I believe it's the wittiest yet
I can think of just one
Thing that would be more fun,
But Julia Roberts won't let me petatit.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0205

Said June Allison, "Give it a try.
If you work hard, things won't go awry.
When they gave me my chance,
I did drama, song and dance,
But the thing I did best was to cry."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0512Q

Kate Winslet has wonderful features.
For good looks, she could be the teacher.
With her upside-down smile,
And her wit, charm, and guile,
There's no doubt she's a heavenly creature.
--- Anon

Kate Winslet -- nectar of fine wine.
I can't get her out of my mind.
Each time I watch Jude
Something happens quite crude.
I should quit or maybe I'll go blind.
--- Anon

Katharine Hepburn to some was a bain,
But the memory will always remain
Of that line which she hammed,
Something like this: Those damned
Calla Lilies are at it again.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0509

There once was an actress named Turner, (Kathleen)
Whose career was stuck on the back burner.
Mrs Robinson, nude,
Is gutsy and shrewd,
And will pay if the show's a big earner.
--- Dr Limerick

Kirstie Alley is my kind of honey.
Her tits are so nice it ain't funny.
With a wide set of hips,
And those ruby red lips,
And best of all, loaded with money.
--- MrMalo

Once idol of worshipping masses,
Now target for Levantine passes;
Not to deride --
It's hers to decide
In whose bed, at whose use, her own ass is.
--- George Piternick

At a party with author Charles Dickens,
Lana Turner, Lord Reith, and Slim Pickens;
Slim sat picking his nose,
Lord Reith doffed his clothes,
And Lana Turner did tricks with some chickens.
--- Bill Wall

The ageless Miss Lauren Bacall
Taught Bogey to whistle one fall.
She's back in the traces
With Mirror Has Two Faces,
Still whistling and having a ball.
--- Satori Press

A producer, who was an old fogy,
Asked young Betty to munch on his stogy.
But it wasn't his age
That filled her with rage,
After all, she soon married old Bogie!
--- Raging Bull

A certain young fellow from Clinder
Was observed through the drawing-room winder
With his cock down the throat
Of that lady of note,
Miss Lovelace (her friends call her Linda).
--- Anon

Liz Taylor says eight is enough.
It's not that she's turned against love,
But that walk down the aisle
Feels just like half a mile.
She's decided it's simply too tough.
--- Dr Limerick

If the West to be conquered was Mae -
A voluptuous romp in the hay -
All one had to do
Was wait on her cue.
"Come up and see me," she'd say.
--- Irving Superior P9509

Mae West had it -- old time sex appeal,
Every scene that she made, she would steal.
Her male fans gave their pays
To see their own Mae's
Ample curves fill the screen in each reel!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A voluptuous vixen, Mae West,
Found her butler was rather a pest.
She replied to this twit,
"I come lickety-split,"
"Never mind that, just dryclean the vest."
--- Anon

When visiting a farmer, Mae West
Lay down near a cow barn to rest.
When she brushed a cow's udder,
She would sleepily mutter,
"Just one at a time, boys, is best."
--- Billington P8201A

If an agent wants to make a new star,
He has to consider P.R.
She must say she's agin',
And her background is Cajun.
And to that, I say HARDY-HAR-HAR!
--- Al Willis T9707

If all of your time in the saddle lacks
Joy 'cause your partner's a battleaxe,
Pretend that you're barrellin'
A starlet named Marilyn.
It's better than driving two Cadillacs!
--- Norm Storer P9201

When Marilyn died I just cried;
Her corpse I would like to have tried.
But on E-bay, her thong
I acquired for a song!
The skid marks still on the inside.
--- David Miller

Our favorite star, Ms. Monroe
First posed in the nude long ago.
Loved by the elite
And the man in the street,
She wed Miller and DiMaggio.
--- Satori Press

There once was a prim proper Nanny
Whose magical feats were uncanny!
She lived with the Banks
Who said to her, "Thanks...
A spoonful of sugar's just dandy!"
--- Anon

This funny old lady can cure
Your children's bad habits, for sure!
With her magical tricks,
Any vice she can fix,
And those kids will become sweet and pure.
--- Anon

The AFI's list of film top 'uns
Has cop-out alongside of the cop-ins.
What usurped Harvey's slot?
Or The Rainmaker's spot?
And, most of all, where's Mary Poppins?

(AFI - American Film Institute)
--- Prof M-G TP9806

A most beautiful star called Michelle,
On the rack, will make People Mag sell.
But the rack she'd prefer
Is the kind to stretch her,
'Cause her leg-lengths, she says, don't excel.
--- Prof M-G

"Bah, Humbug!" said Ebeneezer Scrooge.
"I would rather ride a one man Luge
Or be grossly verbose
Than to get in so close
As to smear the line of Mulan's Rouge."

(Mulan - Disney movie 1998)
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9809

As an actress, you'll be quite impressed
By the scene where you deal with incest.
I must see that your bod
Is not a facade,
So, please, will you now get undressed?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A film star who's past her best days,
Keeps her figure with elastic and stays.
As her girth keeps expanding,
Fewer parts she is landing;
She says it's a non-passing phase!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Pamela and Tommy Lee
And more; I have heard,
The movie's absurd,
And trashy in every degree.
--- Julie Wiskirchen