The toymakers make the fast buck
With weapons of war and such muck.
But one man we should mention
Did oppose the convention
By inventing a doll what would fuck.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1977

The toymakers started anew
With weapons of war as they do.
But one man, we must mention,
Went against the convention
By inventing a doll that would screw.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1929

Goodyear was a man who loved plastic,
But its softness made him do something drastic.
He said, "I do realize
That if I vulcanize,
I will have something known as elastic.
--- Anon

An idiot produced an invention
That showed up his short comprehension
Of the way his new tool
Made him look like a fool,
But it sated his patent pretention.

(Gerald L Printz invented combo chopsticks and fork)
--- Virge

There was a young man of Mobile
Who claimed he'd invented the wheel.
He would run off and fetch
The original sketch,
But he failed in his case on appeal.
--- Roger Morris

Isaac Singer (you probably know)
Had a wish that his business would grow;
But inventors before him
A few grudges bore him,
And thought him a bad sew-and-sew.
--- Peter Brooks

I bow my head, take off my trilby,
To honor the great man, Jack Kilby.
He did achieve fame
In the electronics game,
But remembered? I doubt if he will be.

(invented integrated circuit - McW)
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a man who thought ProCoS
Was utter complete hocus-pocus.
He designed a gas burner
While only a learner;
He ended up like Diplodocus.
--- Jonathan Bowen

On this date was born Louis Braille, (fifth of January)
A man who helped lift a dark veil;
With his special wisdom,
Developed a system
For blind folk to read their black mail!
--- Observer

Here's something you may not have knowed:
It started as battlefield code.
For signals at night
That needed no light
To read...but it failed in this mode.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A general said, "This stuff is phooey!
We don't want this kind of thing, do we?
But I'd got a mate
Who'll think it is great."
And she showed the idea to our Louis.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So now there's this system of dots,
Which helps us blind critters a lot.
We map the tumescence
On poor adolescents,
And figure who's who by the spots.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Luther Burbank took his prime orange,
Plus spices, salt, sugar and syringe,
Injected his sphere
With what he had here,
Baked all in a 'lectrical range.
--- Kim Goldsworthy P8411

"World Surrender!" screamed Mad Doctor Dread,
"Or my Thermal Eye Deathray," he said,
"Will destroy the World's Bread!"
But the corn thrived instead;
He should never have named the ray T.E.D.
--- Lesley Crowther

An agent, a fifteen percenter,
Represented a small time inventor.
He invented an item
That sold ad infinitum.
The agent's now an experimenter.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a mad scientist from Prague
Who made a plane from an old log.
He made wings from some rocks,
And the fuel was pork hocks,
And as a pilot he hired a tree frog.
--- Anon

Some day they will surely invent
A balloon that is made of cement;
A nice teeter totter
Just made out of water,
And rules that can never be bent.
--- Timothy Torkildson

There was an Old Person of Sparta,
Who had twenty-five sons and one daughter.
He fed them on snails,
And weighed them on scales,
And invented a high density, energy saving, double action,

Ball bearing, single cavity, gas turbine starter.
--- Edwardian Leer 078

Marconi, whose ardor was tireless,
Sat down and invented the wireless,
Which makes it less tough
For the musical buff
Who lives in a town that is choir-less.
--- Stanley J Sharpless

One hundred exact years ago,
With crude spark transmitter, Marco-
Ni spanned the Atlantic.
But now I am frantic:
Just how in the world did he know?
--- Tiddy Ogg

A smart man like you, would you care;
So now with his secret I'll share.
Sent the signal by gull
Who across ocean did skull,
And was waiting when said spark got there.
--- Tony Burrell

A plumber who lived in East Dene
Designed an unusual latrine.
When seated, you found
It emitted no sound;
When you rose, it played 'God Save The Queen'.
--- Anon

Both Phillips and Fillister said,
"Lately screwing is something to dread.
We need more incentive;"
And being inventive,
Discovered two new kinds of head.
--- Pierce Evans

I'm hopin' that this ain't no blunder,"
Said Buford to Liz, "But I wonder,
Why is it, my dear,
That we never hear
Of inventors who come from down under?"
--- Observer

Injected their friend, Mister Perkins,
"I think that it's only the 'Merkins
And maybe the Japs
And a few English chaps,
Whose brains have the internal workin's."
--- Observer

Said Lizzie to both, without blinkin',
"I think you do way too much drinkin',
And it can't be denied,
That it's left your brain fried
And fouled up your own way of thinkin'!"
--- Observer

Necessity's surely the mother
Of invention, my poor Yankee brother.
Us Aussies agree
In a land girt by sea,
That we'd not want for anything other.
--- Loz

While high on some chemical tonic,
A guy took some bits, electronic,
Plus parts from a Hoover,
And made him a doofer,
And named it the Orgasmatronic.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He fitted it up for some sport;
He came, and his spunk caused a short.
The off switch was glued;
He really got screwed.
And now can't have sex, any sort.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I've a new gadget here in my store,
For those telephonically bored;
No more phone bell's riot;
You'll have peace and quiet,
With my super deluxe phoneless cord.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was an inventor named Doris,
Who invented a balloon that was porous.
Of course, it didn't work,
Because she was a jerk.
So Doris wept, and then joined a chorus.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Ingenious, inventive young Schlepper
In things electronic was hepper.
He produced an entensor
With tubes and condenser,
Which could pick out the flyspecks from pepper.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2783

The steamboat which Fulton invented
And sailing men fully resented,
Offended his wife
Who exclaimed "On my life,
Your steam is so horribly scented!"
--- John E Maywood

This is file rvm

So Fulton explained: "That is true.
But the steam drives the shaft, turns the screw,
Which is what makes her go!"
His wife answered: "I know --
But I ought to explain that to you!"
--- John E Maywood

The young dairy co-owner Will Day
Made a separator which would pay
An immense dividend,
Causing their debts to end;
Proving where there's a Will there's a whey.
--- Loren Fitzhugh

The man who invented the sprocket,
Went on to develop the socket.
Then one afternoon
He went on to the moon;
That's right; he'd invented the rocket.
--- Anon

An ancestral man said "I feel,
These hand carts don't give a square deal.
They roll down a slope,
Should you let go the rope.
I think I'll invent the square wheel.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Said a silly old boyo of Sneem,
"My telly is powered by steam.
The reception is vile,
But when brought to the bile,
It gives tea - if not V - that's a dream."
--- Archie

Ben Franklin flew a kite at Fort Pitt
Producing sparks, sputters, and a spit.
Scholars lauded him;
People applauded him;
Thomas Edison made light of it.
--- David E Sees

The theme, so they say, is Folk Medicent.
I don't know a lot, so I'm reticent
To say what I know
And thus steal the show.
I'm inventive, just like Thomas Edicent.
--- Al Willis P9807

A virile inventor named Pruitt
Has dreamed up a new way to do it.
"Do what?" you may ask.
Why, to rise to the task!
Said his girl with a smirk, "To unscrew it!"
--- John E Maywood

Tom Edison said, "It's no lark.
All that's needed is one classic spark
Of genius burned bright,
For the electric light,
But, so far, I am still in the dark."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0607

Waygood and Otis, men of renown,
When skyscrapers first came to town,
Brokers needed chairs
After climbing those stairs;
W & O make them go up and down.
--- Tony Burrell

An eager inventor named Jones
Was reduced to loud sobbing and moans.
He'd devised X-ray glasses
To study clothed lasses,
But all he could see was their bones.
--- Isaac Asimov

When Orville and Wilbur -- that's Wright,
Form Kittyhawk made the first flight,
A whore down below
Said, "First flight? Oh no!
They both got it up late last night."
--- Travis Brasell

Said Wilbur Wright, "Oh, this is grand,
But Orville, you must understand.
We've discovered all right
The secret of flight,
The question is: How do we land?"
--- Frank Richards P9911

The Wright Brothers, dreaming of levity,
Made a flight of nonsensical brevity.
The engine's bad shudder
Was caused by the rudder,
And threatened the couple's longevity.
--- Peter Brooks

Said Wilbur to Orville, "Let's fly it!"
Said Orville to Wilbur, "Let's try it!"
But they'd each gained a pound,
Never got off the ground.
Said Wilbur to Orville, "Let's diet!"
--- Jolinda V Whittle P9208

Once two bicycle makers called Wright
Pedalled up to a hill's highest height
With such speed that when there,
They took off in the air...
It was man's very first powered flight!
--- Anon

Two brothers devised what at sight
Seemed a bicycle crossed with a kite.
They predicted--rash pair!--
It would fly through the air--
And what do you know? They were Wright!
--- Anon

Said a young astronaut, Wilbur Wright,
"We can't fly to the sun, it's too bright!"
Said Orville, his sibling,
"There's no sense in quibbling;
No problem, we'll just go at night!"
--- Observer TP9901

Said Orville to Wilbur, "Hold tight!
We're going to make our first flight.
The ground we whall shift off,
Hurrah! We have lift-off!"
And both of the brothers were Wright.
--- Stanley J Sharpless

Two earnest young fellow named Wright,
Discovered the secret of flight.
Now an earnest young crew
On a B-52
Can wipe out the world overnight.
--- Basil Ransome-Davies

Once Wilbur and Orville took flight,
And rose in their motorized kite,
Up in the blue yonder,
But would they, I ponder,
Had mother not met Mr Wright.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'm sorry that poor Mrs Wright
Saw her sons float so far out of sight.
But an affair going wrong,
Saw Will and "O" born;
The father was old Farmer White.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Frankenstein went shopping to see
What the cost of black bats might be.
He wished them to dwell
In his Halloween Bell.
He now has bats in his bell, free.
--- Bob Tucker

Godzilla was not very scary,
And I know that the story does vary.
But it was my wish
That he'd eat more than fish,
Like maybe some cows from the dairy.
--- Fredrico Albana

I once saw the film called Godzilla;
It wasn't that much of a thrilla.
The monsters were good;
The actors were wood.
At the end, why did they have to kill 'er?
--- Jayne King

Science fiction films were Japan's fun,
And the money rolled in by the ton.
They plan soon to release
An historical piece,
Their great epic, "Godzilla the Hun."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0011

Jaws was a nasty big shark,
With eyes mean and beady and dark.
He ate many men
Who swam into his den,
And his bite was much worse than his bark.
--- Jayne

Jaws was a box office hit;
When I first saw it, I couldn't sit.
Behind the sofa I hid,
(I was only a kid)
But now I am not scared a bit.
--- Anon

Vampires are boring despite
Their everynight blood-feasting rite.
Of the horror flicks best
(I've conducted the test)
The JAWS -- real movie with bite.
--- Nikita

With Hyde and Jekyll laid to rest,
Which epitaph would be the best?
GOOD or BAD. Either could.
Compromise -- MOSTLY GOOD..
"I'll drink to that," said R.L.S.
--- Irving Superior P8702

The Jekyll/Hyde book I've re-read;
The plot keeps absorbing my head.
Since then I have tested,
In potions invested...
(Guess who wrote this crummy last line?)
--- Irving Superior P9912

The servant of Jekyll then sees
This Hyde using Doc Jekyll's keys.
To Jekyll (not Hyde),
"All bullshit aside,
Since TWO of you, TWO salaries."
--- Irving Superior P9912

Said Jekyll "Though Hyde is a rat,
He must have access to my flat."
"Then, Sir, double pay
Till he goes away."
To which Jekyll, "I'll drink to that."
--- Irving Superior P9912

Whether Hyde is ascendant, or Jekyll,
I'm generally not one to heckle
Yet must label as tripe
Such a stereotype
(And it wasn't a buck, but a shekel)
--- Anon