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I was always told to never be late, What a delicious table you set, We don't need any silverware, For dessert, I've brought a surprise. It sounds so disheartening, Dear, I'll cater to you're every desire I promise your interest will rise There's not enough good can be said, I see from the stuff you have writ, This morning, my mouth has the taste Though a tongue on your tonsils you seek, Here's something men shouldn't forget, Hang on just a minute there, pard, All you girls can go sneer if you wish; I'm not sure how long I have known it, First I will start by puttin' Hop on and put in overtime Most glamour belongs to the young. I have a talented tongue, There was a young rockstar called Mick His mouth, as it gathers her moss, This lion is roaring today How 'bout that...to me there's an ode! Phone sex? What's with all of the fuss? While fishing, I learned something cool; When he suffered a bit of bad luck, Last Saturday night Mrs. Lizst There was a young boy named Dewitt, Young women sure like that "ear candy", Teachers hate ebonics, you know. To be tactful is good and discreet; My foot sprang to my mouth just today. An impatient young fellow named Slatter There was a young man named Carruthers A clerk in a Building Society A man who can talk while in action Satisfy? On my act you can bank! The language they speak in Detroit "When I travel to Boston," Ms. Whipple What you said is all Greek to me; M'lord told her ladyship, "Nay. An unnerved public speaker named Rick A fractious old person named Laurel, Never pass up a chance to shut up; A professor emeritus Lloyd, A lisping shoe salesman was wise Most instead of, "I said" say, "I go" There once was a fellow named Bones "You must toot your own horn, you can't duck it, Kid! While working one day in the poolyard, Though now I can speak very well, TV ads is what this is about. Our history (quaint) has its moral: A husband whose history's rotten Every Tom, Marla, Wendy or Ike, A queer in the depths of Eurasia (paronomasia - incorrect naming of objects)
A phone slut named Birkenhahler, Although this may sound somewhat terse, There once was a man of verbosity, The nasty put-downs are an art; I once had a friend from Secaucus; There once was a young man named Seamus, Though he claimed that his speech was Castilian, Thally, the cop, caught me thpeeding; The wife of an old man named Royce The wife of a fellow named Chape,
For diner, 'cause no one would wait.
And I still obey
To this day,
Especially if I can lick the plate.
--- Anon
And all I can eat. (don't forget.)
This girl is starving,
Let me start carving,
My 'appetite' you've got all wet.
--- Anon
Just fingers and tongues for this fare.
No need to be neat,
While licking your meat,
Or you to nibble my 'pair.'
--- Anon
But you'll have to close your eyes.
Unless you're too stuffed,
And had enough,
Save some room, is what I'd advise.
--- Anon
To hear that you're counting. It's clear
You're up for a treat,
And I think we should meet.
You'll only count orgasms here.
--- Anon
And continually add fuel to your fire.
All through the night
I'll do everything right,
As passionate heat I inspire.
--- Anon
As I kiss the insides of your thighs
Gently, exploring,
I'll keep things not boring;
No counting, just moaning and sighs.
--- Anon
On giving and getting good head.
Then speak not a peep,
Drift straight off to sleep,
To wake up alone in the bed.
--- Goin2later
That you still have all of your wit.
But if you just dream
About sucking cream,
When waking, why gargle and spit?
--- Travis Brasell
That my tongue has been used as a baste,
For a bottle of rum,
A bucket of come,
And some hair in the seminal paste.
--- Goin2later
I'm afraid that my stomach is weak.
Till you've rinsed with Lavoris,
I'll tweak your clitoris,
And give you a peck on the cheek.
--- Scott
And pubic hairs I'll not start to split.
Please don't get me wrong,
But what comes from your dong,
Quite frankly guys, it tastes like shit.
--- Allen Wolverton
This one has left me a might jarred.
If you're sucking on it,
And its tasting like shit,
Then you must be sucking too hard.
--- MrMalo
Use the source, dears, and not some cold dish;
We'll lick back to be kind,
And we fellows don't mind
If your twats have the fragrance of fish!
--- Goin2later
But it needs some good licks, 'fore you bone it.
And one sure way to tell
That you're doing it well,
Is your face will look like a glazed donut.
--- Scott
My tongue deep in for a good 'un.
And as I now eat
That perfect male treat,
My pole will become stiff and wooden.
--- Gearhart
On this here thick log of mine.
It's yours for the taking;
Just look how I'm shaking
And throbbing for you, how devine.
--- Gearhart
For some, Spring has long ago sprung.
But that's not to say,
That I wouldn't play.
Just how good are you with your tongue?
--- Frank Spectra
Although I am not really young.
No one has complained
Or ever refrained
From singing my praises among.
--- Ardens
With a Mars Bar did something quite sick.
And Marian Faithful
Gave him quite a faceful,
Getting off on the star's forty licks.
--- Donald McGill
Gave onto his gnashers, a floss.
She wiggled her hips,
Then painted his lips,
And people would swear it was gloss.
--- SFA
For lack of a Carol buffet.
That Chesapeake hottie
Will beam me up, Scotty,
And cause my libido to stray.
--- Randog
And just when I thought things had slowed,
Right down to a crawl.
It seems, after all,
That someone here wnats to get blowed.
--- Carol
Why should I pay for someone to cuss
For three bucks a minute?
There's not much sin in it,
And the spunk's just a bit of a muss.
--- Artie Troll
Fish speak like they're from Liverpool.
Their British accent
Is no accident;
They're taught how to speak in their school.
--- Travis Brasell
He didn't just mutter "Oh, shuck!"
But "God damn it to hell!"
And "Those bastards!" as well,
And "Shit" and "Christ Jesus" and "Fuck!"
--- Lance Payne P8705
Lost two-hundred bucks playing whist.
The blue streak that she swore
Woke the priest up next door,
And he added some fine points she missed.
--- Michael Weinstein P9511a
When angered, would always say 'Shit!'
Said his mother, "You dope!
I guess you like soap!"
And used up the last little bit.
--- S A Latham
'Cause they think it comes in real handy,
When in a love setting
Of kissing and petting,
With any old Tom, Dick, or Randy!
--- Anon
Little Sally said "Me da 'ho".
Her teacher took fright
And said, "That's not right!
You must learn to say 'Idaho'."
--- Mark
For most people, such is a treat.
But it's sad to say,
I was not made that way.
I only open my mouth to change feet.
--- Tony Burrell
One might think I'd feel natural this way.
With my neighbor I stood.
Retraction? No good.
Once it's in, there's the devil to pay.
--- Tony Burrell
Was disturbed by his lady friend's chatter.
He said, "Gabbing's a crime;
I believe it is time
That we got to the root of the matter.'
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0334
This is file rkl
Who sucked off the cocks of his brothers.
He cuntsucked just dozens
Of sister and cousins,
And knocked up both his grandmothers!
--- G0834
Behaved with extreme impropiety.
He made interest-free loans,
And his manager's moans
Comprised words of the gravest impiety.
--- X Rowland Burnham P8512
Is surely a major attraction.
It's a rare thing indeed
To find one that succeeds.
Are you guaranteeing satisfaction?
--- Anon
If I fail, my firm buns you can spank!
Would you like references
Of experiences
That belong to this bloody ol' Yank?
--- Anon
Is Ebonic and most maladroit.
You may say I'm a snob,
But the speech from that mob
Makes my British-bred ears really 'hoit'!
--- Ed Randolph
Remarked, "My enjoyment is triple
If I can get scrod."
"Yes," her friend said, "it's odd,
Though, your using the past participle."
--- A N Wilkins P8711
You've left here a pile of debris;
It's all convoluted
And should be disputed,
And furthermore...I don't agree!
--- Anon
I have not indeed spoken today.
However my dear,
I shall speak -- never fear --
When I find I have something to say.
--- A N Wilkins P8605
To gain audience mastery quick,
Tried to image them nude,
But being a prude,
Was done in by the rise of his prick.
--- Armand Singer
Whose temper disposed him to quarrel,
Was most impolite
When he knew he was right
And his language, when wrong, was immoral.
--- Anon
Your audience will drink from your cup.
When you pull them up short,
With an edited report,
They'll wonder to what you are up!
--- Ystap
New methods of teaching deployed.
He taught students obscenities
And other amenities,
So they all knew the words to avoid.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2165
To keep his flaw in disguise.
He'd the bad luck to say
To a lady one day,
"Thit down while I look up your thize."
--- Macsam
And for emphasis screech, "Hey" and "Whoa."
I say, "Let's have a chat."
And "Whereabouts at?"
It's "Like" we've lost our English, "You know."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9612
Whose mind was divided in zones.
He dressed like a freak,
And when he would speak,
His sounds were just mumbles and moans.
--- Cap'n Bean P0504
Feed 'em crap, till it has to be bucketed!"
So by boasting all morn,
Do I 'toot my own horn'?
Or is that what the man from Nantucket did?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With a friend whom I've known since the schoolyard,
I corrected his grammar,
When I borrowed his hammer,
He said, "Pal, this ain't fucking Julliard."
--- Raging Bull
I once used to stammer like hell.
So, I went on the stage;
The play, THE FRONT PAGE,
And now not a soul can t-t-tell.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If only we could tune them out.
In the middle of dramas
They show PMS traumas,
And why do car dealers all SHOUT?
--- Tom Patton P9611
When given a chance any whore'll
Write history (living)
(Pretending forgiving
Her dear hubby's history (oral))
--- Anon
With oral fixation on twatten,
May by his wife be,
(Just take it from me!),
Forgiven but never forgotten!
--- Anon
No matter which comes down the pike,
In their everyday speech
They make one want to screech
At the redundant use of the word "like."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0506
With a talent for paronomasia,
Said, "Be Pericle's consort,
The fuck-on-and-on sort;
You'll get rich--you will find you're Aspasia."
--- G2328
Loves to scream and to holler.
For ten cents a minute,
She'll tell you you're in it,
But you have to be the fifth caller.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But there's truth to be found in reverse.
Men tag along plodding,
Say yes dear and nodding,
With their jewels tucked down deep in our purse.
--- Anon
Who loved words with a savage ferocity.
Waxing profound,
He fell to the ground,
Knocked out by his own pomposity.
--- Lovely Angel
They're pointed and sharp at the start.
They jab and they thrust --
The object is crushed
On phrases blunt, from a tongue tart.
--- Anon
His lifestyle, he said, was quite raucous.
What he said was fantastic,
And enthusiastic;
It's clear he just said it to shock us.
--- Anon
Who dreamed of one day being famous.
But what hindered his fame
Was pronouncing his name!
Not "See-mus" you morons, it's "Shay-mus"!
--- Big Mick
To mere mortals it seemed strange and alien.
For he never was heard
To utter a word
Which was not at least sesquipedalian.
--- A N Wilkins P9308
The limit I sure wasn't heeding.
My thpeech wasn't clear
As my lithp is severe.
I thpent a whole hour just pleading.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was struck with the loss of her voice.
Divine help he did seek
For one day of each week,
And the rest of the week, he'd rejoice.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2460
Could talk the rear end off an ape.
Once he tried to record it,
But could not afford it;
It cost him too much for the tape.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2492
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