An old party pooper named Ted, A small boy who lived in Iquique There was a young man from Carlisle In Australia I asked Mr. Tyson There was a young girl from Penn State A stuttering fellow we knew, It's not nice to tease someone who His stuttering problem was grim A rough-and-tough woman named Blair There was an old person of Ely Oooh, Darling! Talk dirty to me, Don't humor the whims of Miss Stone, There once was a lawyer named Murray, There was an old fellow named Herman "You're the wrong one to gripe and to moan; A spinster who lived all alone Said an obscene debater with a smile, She said she would like to be weighed. With no swear word could Mom ever cope; Though we find on this site there's no dearth Said the boss to his man, "I admit When the lord of the manor's factotum His maid came on, hearing his cries, "I loathe and detest," muttered Zachaary, A hirsute bass drummer named Ponch, There was a young Georgian named Lynd, There was a young student named Howells, Said Mrs. Smith sadly, "J'accuse There was a young fellow of Reading, There was a young maid of Altoona, A reckless young lady of France, There was a young man from St Paul All foreign affairs have to cease.
This is file rjl
A very sad maiden, Miss Dewey, An irate young damsel of Delhi, An impetuous duellist named Schocked The Establishment views with dismay, There was a young pair from Uganda, This man had a girl named Jane Bennett, Her pubic hair Pam pats with pride, The speed of Ed's seed is unclocked An amorous Jew, on Yom Kippur, There was a young man of Ostend, There was a young girl of Pitlochry, There's this guy who is part of our gang, Said a thoughtful young stud of Brasilia, There once was this man named Burely, Prince Absalom lay with his sister, There was a young lady of Gloucester, A man on the flying trapeze A question, if you don't mind, please; A quick-trigger boy from Duluth, Said a certain prim fellow named Hess, There was an old fellow named Murray, There was a young girl of Samoa, A girl who came East from the farm, Oh sexy, salacious Miss Plum! Benny just makes this girl shivver. A mathematician named Vector "What an enigma!" said Elgar, Cried a lecherous fellow out bumming, Pricilla's completely enthralled An orgasmic young sex star named Sue, A hardware store worker, though lewd, It was so good, that it made me shiver. Asked the waitress of customer Vance, The first time I kissed her sweet nose,
When bored felt like going to bed.
He'd cease all amenities
And shout such obscenities,
That most of his guests simply fled.
--- Armand E Singer 261
Had a voice irritatingly squeeky;
When his father said, "Oil it,
My son, or you'll spoil it,"
His retort was a trifle too cheeky.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Whose voice could be heard for a mile;
It was strident and clear
And as sharp as a spear,
And he kept it that way with a file.
--- Limber Limericks
If ever he had seen a bison.
Philologically
He smiled, "Cawn't you see,
It's a bison that I wash my fice in."
--- Al Chaplin P8608
Who stuttered when out on a date.
By the time she cried, "S-s-s-stop!"
Or called for a "C-c-c-cop,"
It was often a wee bit too late.
--- VOL 11
Got mad when we'd tease him, it's true.
We'd all laugh like hell
Every time that he'd yell,
"Fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuck you!"
--- Wiley
Can't succinctly yell back at you.
In the words of Mark Twain
Or was it Mickey Spillane,
"Uh uh uh up your Kazoo!"
--- S C Saint
And was always embarrassing him.
When they asked him his name,
He replied with some shame,
"My name's J-J-J-J-J-J-Jim."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Taught both of her daughters to swear;
They would sit in a ditch
Yelling "Son of a Bitch!"
And otherwise fouling the air.
--- Alsops Foibles
Who spoke to his wife in Swahili;
For as she could speak
Only English and Greek,
He could use it to swear at her freely.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If you want, with my charms, to make free.
And I'll come fifty times,
But you won't ring my chimes
If you're mum; 'stead of coming, I'll pee.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8710
For as sure as you're hard as a bone
And are all set in bed,
She will get up, instead,
And talk a whole hour on the phone!
--- Grand Prix Lim 438
Who said to his client, "Don't worry.
Just open your mouth
And I'll get you out.
You'll just have to blow the whole jury.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was a contrary old German.
If you said things were fine,
He would answer "Ach, nein!"
And list the things wrong with the sermon.
--- Warrick Elrod
As a time waster, I'm not alone.
In spring and in fall,
Any season at all,
You web-surf and tie up the phone."
--- Woontner
Would never stray far from the phone.
She longed for a call
That would then lift her pall,
Or touch an errogenous zone.
--- Macsam
I haven't been here for a while.
I've missed the tongue slashings,
The trashings and bashings,
And all of the verbiage most vile.
--- Writerman
And I said, "Why's that, pretty maid?"
"I wov you a wot,
And I know what you've got,
And that's why I want to be waid."
--- Al Willis P9611
Even, "Jesus", if said by the Pope.
I grew up always fearing,
Were they said in my hearing,
She might wash my ears out with soap.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Of humour, here's a source of great mirth –
But it's not a joke –
There really are folk
Who speak just like this, on this earth.
That obedience from vassals is fit.
But it's somewhat absurd
To be straining at turd,
Every time that I chance to say Shit."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1920
Was kicked by a mule in the scrotum,
His words of abuse
Were rather profuse,
But decorum forbids me to quote 'me.
--- Hugh Clary
As his scrotum was swelling in size.
She said, "That's not nice.
Let's plunge them in ice,
And that'll bring tears to your eyes.
--- Tim Fisher
As he sipped on his strawberry dacquiri,
"These cocktail affairs,
With their absence of chairs,
And their yackety-yackety-yackery."
--- Ystap
In a gross exhibition of raunch,
Aimed his love-rocket
At a young girl's love pocket,
But aborted before he could launch.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who'd never in all his life sinned.
For whenever he'd start,
He'd be jarred by a fart,
And his semen was gone with the wind.
--- L0714
Shot his sperm over a young coeds bowels.
Said he, "I regret,
That I've made you so wet;
And I fear I am quite out of towels."
--- Anon
Mr. Smith of what does not amuse.
He will start things all right
Any time of the night,
But almost at once blows his fuse."
--- Isaac Asimov
Who grew so aroused at his wedding,
At the sight of his bride,
When he got her inside,
He creamed all over the bedding.
--- G2498
Who said to an ardent young spooner,
"It is simply no use,
Put me down, turn me loose.
Though I come pretty soon, you come sooner."
--- Isaac Asimov
Had no qualms about taking a chance.
But she thought it was crude
To be screwed in the nude,
She always went home with damp pants.
--- Anon
Who went to a fancy dress ball.
He went off in his pants
In the midst of a dance,
And had to go home in a shawl.
--- G2200
US has sufficient disease.
And going abroad
For getting abroad
Will orgasms (US) decrease.
--- Irving Superior P9407
After being deflowered by Louis,
Felt chagrined and dejected,
For what he ejected,
Had made her new panties all gooey.
--- G1600
Exclaimed as come flowed on her belly,
"Damn you spouting cock, Sikhi,
That goo's not just sticky,
Its horribly messy and smelly."
--- G1648
Wouldn't stand for his skill being mocked.
When taunted one day,
He entered the fray,
And regretfully went off half-cocked.
--- Jim Weaver Collecion
The permissiveness rampant today.
Who will want an orgasm,
When everyone has 'em.
They're making our pleasures passe.
--- Pierce Evans
Who were having a fuck on the veranda.
The drip from their fucks
Fed forty-two ducks,
Three geese, and a fucking big gander.
--- L0799
And was starved to get his dick in it.
Being away for a year,
Just seeing her nude rear,
He shot off for over a minute!
--- Laurence Craft
Though it's gummed up with semen that's dried.
Her lover, young Ewing,
Get nervous when screwing,
And goes off before he's inside.
--- G0722
Whenever a lady is unfrocked.
Though the spirit is willing,
When a pussy needs filling,
He's a man who goes off of half-cocked.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Saw a shiksel, decided to clip her.
"I'll grip her, and strip her,
And lip her, and whip her--",
Then his dingus shot off in his zipper!
--- L1283
Who let his girl play with his end.
She took hold of rover
And looked it all over,
And it did what she didn't intend.
--- L0076A
Who was had by a man in a rockery.
She said: "Oh! You've come
All over my bum.
This isn't a fuck, its a mockery."
--- Norman Douglas L0080
Who spends money and loves his poontang.
But his wife is a skimper,
And will come with a whimper,
But our buddy will end with a bang.
--- Bob Birch
"One orgasmic spasm would fillya.
So I'll just let the rest
Gush out on your chest.
If I shoot it inside, it'd killya."
--- Anon
Who got over excited with Shirley.
When she touched his hard pole,
An old story was told;
He came in her hand prematurely.
--- Laurence Craft
And bundled and nibbled and kissed her.
But the kid was so tight
And it was deep night,
Though he shot at the target, he missed her.
--- L0096
Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.
She wasn't much hurt,
But he dirtied her skirt,
So think of the anguish he cost her.
--- Anon
Emitted a terrible sneeze.
The consequent force
Blew him way off his course,
And they found him next day in some trees.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Only once can bring you to your knees.
I've seen the tears flow;
I'm a two-timer, I know,
But why does my spouse sneeze in threes?
--- Ron Sartain
Was phoning his sweetheart named Ruth.
When he got his connection,
He had an erection,
And blew off all over the booth.
--- G2117
"Though it causes a bit of distress,
I avoid the last spasm
Of completed orgasm.
I simply can't stand all that mess."
--- Isaac Asimov
Whose wife said, "My God! How I worry.
When we're both in bed,
He's either quite dead,
Or he's finished in too much a hurry.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who determined that no one should know her.
One young fellow tried,
But she wriggled aside,
And spilled all the spermatozoa.
--- Norman Douglas L0892
Exclaimed, "City life has its charm.
Take the pleasures of orgasm,
Every girl in New York has 'em,
But in Kansas, they're viewed with alarm."
--- G0063
When asked her which way she had come,
She answered, "By train."
I replied, "Come again?"
And she did, with my prick up her bum.
--- Michael Horgan
Just thinking of him makes me quivver,
When I start to spasm
From a mental orgasm,
That Benny can somehow deliver.
--- Muriel
Discovered a dangerous nectar.
It speeded orgasm
With a hell of a spasm,
That didn't quite kill but it wrecked her.
--- Neal Wilgus P8506
"A puzzle that puzzles me thus far!
I've tried variations
From erotical nations,
But I can't make her come, it's bizaare."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Look out below, Baby, I'm coming!"
She mumbled and groaned,
"I adore being honed,
For you sure set my comer to humming!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 851
When her cellular phone is installed
In the crotch of her pants,
Because, with the right stance,
She will instantly come when she's called.
--- Jerry Nordal P0301a
Was a hit as she writhed to a screw.
Her climatic fame spread
With an ad blitz that said:
"Coming soon at a Theater Near You!"
--- Anon
With tools was inventive and shrewd.
The machine that mixed paint
Brought her close to a faint
And she twice came completely unscrewed.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9509
You really know how to deliver.
That sweet "Little Death"
Has taken my breath,
And left my poor heart all aquiver.
--- Kaylin Brandon
"Some cream in your coffee, perchance?"
Said Vance, "If you do,
I will slip you a screw,
And a load of the cream in your pants."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2355
I knew I had found a true rose.
She needed my prick,
I gave it real quick,
In a fucking that curled up her toes.
--- Archie