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In your cottage ath Lineburg Heath, A sextet of nymphs and a satyr My grandfather died in disgust: There once was a youngster named Howard, Said a whore to the loser, "Don't yak, son. When John licked a harlot named Susie, My tongue will not lick where you sit My cunnilinguistical traits If it's "tails" where they tell of your traits, A novice young fellow named Stan There was a young fellow named Mason There once was a poet of note, She spread her legs wide on the bed; In my heart you've a permanent place; Well just from what I already know, My boyfriend got down on his knee, There once was a man from Alsace A woman picked up by two cops, "That cunt hair all down underneath," The Hardy Boys, on an adventure, Dick Morris in his downtown retreat, Now I wonder where your brain went, A stylish young fellow named Nash A handsome young fellow named Morris, There once was a cuntlapper's daughter, It's fun to lick pussy at night, A worldly old lady named Blugg The King and the Queen, full of fire, There once was a bridegroom named Schmidt, She grabbed both my ears and cried, "Listen! And that tongue, what's wrong with that? While sipping a strong margarita, He licked her all over with care, To her man, said a lady named Frood, (I'll be flamed for this fast, but here goes:) Ah now, I can see that your tongue, There was a young fellow named Wise; The pollution inspector, so droll, The English prof eating Miss Young Tom recently saw Mary's pinkie, The talk is that Carol is mothering "How can I get rid of," said the Kaiser, A girl who liked sugar, Miss Kay, The young student was down on his knees, Young Suzie went down on her boss, There once was a man from Rangoon, "It's dull in Duluth, Minnesota. A tongue-happy chappy named Mingus My biological clock So if your tongue is endowed He said, "Do you like cunnilingus? There once was a woman from France Viagra, the little blue pill, He frustrates her till she could cry, Since I'm such a talented ace, She lay there spread-eagled in bed; There was a young lady named Lees There was a young Scotsman named Keith When I feel my life's in a stew, A tart tart in Tartary said, A well-hung young fellow named Zeeter Though a finicky cocksman named Pete, I saw a young girl at the counter The old archaeologist Cluck A horny young stud from Decatur, There was a young lady named Grace,
I athe whath you showeth beneath
Your wide quilthed frock,
Goth a cock harth as rock,
And a bushel of hair 'thween my theeth.
--- Anon
Got stuck in a small elevator.
When rescued alive,
The nymphs numbered five.
Said the satyr: "The sixth one? I ate her!"
--- Writerman
An old whore, in whom he did trust,
Did not douche her twat
(She said she forgot.)
And grandfather choked on the dust.
--- Travis Brasell
Whose sister he just had deflowered.
She bitched to her mother
About her dumb brother
And said, "I had told him, 'devoured'!"
--- David Miller
I will treat you just like I do Jackson.
While you're running in front
You can lick at my cunt --
While you're losing, you lick at the back, son."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0897
He slobbered all over the floozie.
So she said to him, "John,
Let's go out on the lawn,
And I'll show you how dogs lick my coozie."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1674
Unless you should sit on your clit.
My moustache would reek
For nearly a week,
And I've had enough of your shit!
--- Anon
Have been told in the tails in all states.
So if you insist
Being vaginally kissed,
Spread-eagle as my tongue gyrates.
--- Jon Gearhart
Then your tongue, sir,'s in terrible straits.
With its coating of brown,
You'll never go down,
'Less the girl gets exhorbitant rates.
--- John Miller
Was screwing a whore in Milan.
'Twas his very first venture
In this type of adventure.
"You must face it," she said, "like a man."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0345
Whose spectacles needed replacin'.
For he lit up a match,
To observe a fine snatch,
But he slipped and fell down with his face in.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0855
Got a pubic hair caught in his throat.
It blew into his mouth
On a wind from the south;
Or at least, that's what he wrote.
--- Stan
Said, "Come on, hot man, give me head!"
He started to cough,
His head fell right off.
"Oh, damn! Was it something I said?"
--- Anon
I'm enthralled by your charm and your grace.
You give my heart ease,
And now, if you please,
Get your big grimy ass off my face!
--- G2458
It's a problem when the juices flow.
'Cause sopping wet knickers
Can give one the snickers;
What the hell, just give it a go!
--- Spinner
And he told me how happy he'd be
When we'd gone down the aisle,
But he soon lost his smile
When I asked him to go down on me.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8405 a
Who had a girlfriend named Grace.
Some hot tea he'd sip,
Then go down on her clit,
And she'd piss all over his face.
--- Puff Adder
Was tightly begirded with strops.
Nonplussed by this dingus,
One tried cunnilingus;
All he got was a belt in the chops.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8902
Complained a muff-diver named Keith,
"Always gets in my way,
And it takes me a day
Just to get it all out of my teeth."
--- A N Wilkins P8602
Were both giving head when a denture
Broke off in front,
And fell into the cunt
Of (THE GIRL'S NAME THE CENSOR MUST CENSURE)
--- Anon
His lady he would often meet.
It was his fate
To triangulate,
But he's best known for giving head to her feet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Or maybe it's just that big dent
You got from that squeeze,
I made with my knees,
'Cause honey you know where I meant!
--- Anon
Was sporting a gorgeous moustache.
So his steady girl, Kate,
Said, "No longer we'll date."
For it roughed up her thighs with a rash.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0861
While licking his girl friend's clitoris,
Said to his girl, "Honey
You sure do taste funny."
Said she, "I've just douched with Lavoris."
--- Anon
Who, despite all her father had taught her,
Would become so unstrung
At the touch of a tongue,
That she'd deluge her beau with her water.
--- L0397
Whenever I feel a bit tight;
But I sure do hate
Whenever my date
Puts hers outside...damn, that ain't right!
--- Anon
Was floored by an anxious young thug.
She said to him, "Sire,
You had better try higher,
For I fear you are licking the rug."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0794
On the floor tried to quench their desire.
He complained of her dryness
But she said, "My dear Highness,
You are licking the rug, move up higher."
--- Albin Chaplin P2006
Could never find his wife's clit.
She complained all disgruntled:
"I love to be frontalled--
Cunnilingus is my favorite bit!"
--- G0905
You're driving me wild with your kissin'.
So close, but oh my!
Just a few inches high--
Move down or you'll make me start pissin'!"
--- G0870
He would lick much worse than the cat!
I did suggest lessons,
That in 30 sessions,
Would give orgasms to even a hat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I spotted seductive Conchita.
After hours in bed,
I gasped as I said,
"Please let me breathe, Senorita."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Refusing to touch her "down there".
He said of her moss,
"If I need dental floss,
I'll buy some, not use pubic hair."
--- Joy Clare
This is file rgl
"Your manners are uncouth and crude.
Though you gobble your dinner
Like a famished muleskinner,
Don't you gobble my snatch like your food."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1262
Though it pleases the girls, Heaven knows,
I don't like the flavor
Returning the favor,
And I can't without holding my nose.
--- Anon
Like your dick, is not too well hung.
When close to morasses,
You should wear your glasses;
I think you've been licking her bung.
--- Sister Christina
The beard that he grew was a prize,
But his dear wife was pained
And she loudly complained,
For it terribly scratched up her thighs.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0896
Was eating a young lady's hole.
He ran into a fart
And he said, with a start,
"We must fix your emission control."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0807
Had thoughtlessly licked at her bung,
So he said in apology,
"I know nought of topology;
Please exculpate this slip of the tongue."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3024
And he dove, with his head, not his wrinkly,
But his lips' aim, I fear,
Was off, hit her rear...
"It smells," mumbled Tom indistinctly.
--- Anon
Young Jon on those lofty Heights Wuthering;
But Jon is near dead
Because his whole head
Is inside her twat and he's smothering.
--- Travis Brasell
"Pubic hair that's unwanted?" His advisor
Replied, "Without doubt,
You can just spit it out,
Then rinse with a Schlitz or Budweiser!"
--- John Miller 0307
Let her boyfriend eat pussy all day.
He ate well underneath,
But did not brush his teeth
And it caused all his teeth to decay.
--- Albin Chaplin
While he tongued the Librarian's squeeze.
But as boys will be boys
He was making much noise,
So the old bookworm shushed, "Quiet, please!"
--- Anon
A bitchy old dyke from Lacrosse...
"In my teeth they get stuck,
Your pubes when I suck!"
"Shut up, and just use them as floss!"
--- Tutta Gioia
Who would only eat with a spoon.
His girlfriend said
She wanted some head,
And now their romance is in ruin.
--- Puff Adder
Of spirit, there's not an iota."
Complained Alice to Joe,
Who tried not to show
That he yawned in her snatch as he blowed her.
--- L0416
For his sex kicks prefers cunnilingus.
One babe whom he savored
Remarked, as he slavered:
"It sure beats a bang with your dingus."
--- G0885
Is thumping along, tick-tock.
I am reaching my peak;
Satisfaction I seek;
I find tongue more pleasing than cock.
--- Kim & Sam
And you can make my pussy meow,
Come visit me quick
And I'll suck your dick,
While you tongue my furry, right now.
--- Kim & Sam
What's that? It's my tongue on your thingus."
"Well I've never tried,
But I'll give it a ride.
It sounds better than using your dingus."
--- KJ
With a sex-hungry boyfriend named Lance.
But they wouldn't wed
'Cause his penis was dead,
And he ended up blowing his chance.
--- Billy C1
Can cure your impotence ills.
But blowjobs are better
And hotter and wetter,
More fun, and free, if she will!
--- Anon
Because he continues to ply
Her with exotic dishes,
When all that she wishes:
A simple box lunch at the Y.
--- John Miller 0149
I've cleaned up the whole dirty space.
The dishes are done;
The trash is out, hon;
It's time now, come sit on my face!
--- Anon
Her eyes were rolled back in her head.
Not a sign of resentment,
Just total contentment,
Not fucked, she was eaten instead.
--- West End Writers
Whose tits were as small as two peas.
When a boy started kissing,
He thought they were missing,
So he kissed in the place where she pees.
--- G0868
Who said to his girl on the heath,
"What I'd like, Miss MacLouth,
Is a bust in the mouth."
But she gave him a crack in the teeth.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0840
And there's nothing at all I can do,
She sits on my head;
I forget all the dread,
'Cause it's not just me gettin' screwed.
--- Anon
"The moment I'm spread on the bed,
The Shah of Pazoozle
Has his nose in my coozle...
For ten years his poozle's been dead."
--- Grand Prix Lim 818 A
Was blessed with a twelve-inch long peter.
Said a lady, so thrilled,
"Now my cunt will be filled!"
But young Zeeter proceeded to eat her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0648
Would refuse invitations to eat,
A date he was blasting
Was lasting and lasting...
In the end he went down in defeat.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
And at once I wanted to mount her.
I settled instead
For some good hot head,
With her dress all crumpled around her.
--- Mad Max
Discovered by stupid good luck
When he stuck 'neath the tummy
Of an old Egypt mummy,
It was better by far than a fuck.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2085
Tried seduction in his elevator.
He thrust at her dent,
But when his thing bent,
He got down on his knees and he ate her.
--- L0398
Who would not take a prick in her "place".
Though she'd kiss it and suck it,
She never would fuck it.
She just couldn't relax face-to-face.
--- G0852
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