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There was a old man of Pinole, I am shitting nothing but sperms; A crane-driver by the name of Ed, A naive young fellow named Sears Yes even I've taken a dip; Seems Joe had endowment too sparse, Fart-sex, a word I find heinous; These two fags named Bob and Neil, My lover, while mounting me, slipped A Fire Island pixie called "Mary" A gallant young fellow named Dick My wife said to try it again, There was a young man from Brighton, There once was a kinky old slut, There was a young bugger named Nick, As Professor B. wiped his prick clean, John is not nimble, not slick, "That's the end," she said flatly and whined. A sodomist, fresh out of jail, A faggot in old San Francisco I once met this girl from down under There was a young student from Yale, Though your stroke is a slow and a strong one, I'm glad that you like my long dick, There was a young man from Purdue, A randy but short-sighted thief An epicene swinger named Stutz A young lady in business astute, There was a young fellow of Crete, There was a cornholer named Max Never a one known to dally, Said Jack, "I am begging for more. There was a young fellow from Calais, The Bangor old whore was a runt, When the groom found the bride's cunt too wide, An over-sexed puss-peddling dame, A battered old whore with a worn hole An earnest young woman in Thrace, Hippy hitchhiker, hair long and pale The trucker drove on for a while, Please help me, I am in a bind! The wad that you shot is no more, I think you have found the wrong lass, There once was a man named McNear There was a young fellow named Kelly For those who aren't hung like moose, The daughter of Admiral Turner There once was a butcher from Clack, There also was a butcher from here There was a young lady who said, There was a young mate of a lugger, There was a young lady of Glasgow, There was a young girl of Mauritius, There once was a girl named Lynn I like it with you on your knees ... There once was a time when a lass When grabbed by a prevert named Slugger, Though it's said there are gays who are losers, There was a queer fellow named Carson, Observed a bored satyr named Mutt, To a whore said a man named Carruthers, "We hear that your thing is tremendous." Although Harvey's habits were coarse, On a date with a lad, young Miss Flow, There once was this little old granny, A hooker who works in Bombay
Who always got in the wrong hole.
And when he withdrew,
All covered with goo,
His temper was out of control.
--- L0504
My asshole, it bloody well burns.
I'd heard that in jail,
You'd get lots of tail,
I didn't know that you fuckin' took turns.
--- Tom Simon
Once took old Jerri to bed.
He spread her ass wide,
And stuck it inside,
And fucked her till her asshole bled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Once spend the week-end with two queers.
Although we've inquired,
He won't say what transpired,
But he hasn't sat down for two years!
--- G1066a
A good fuck in her ass is a pip.
Washed my dick in the shower
But it took me an hour,
To dig the corn out of the tip.
--- Anon
W en he tried to get into Tom's arse.
Tom said, "Oh, you've come
All over my bum.
This isn't a fuck, it's a farce!"
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Seems Aitch will soon entertain us.
But before your task
Dear Aitch, I must ask,
Is fart-sex hard on Ur-anus?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Liked to make each other squeal.
Once Bob grabbed a tube
Of some old anal lube,
But 'twas glue, now their fate's sealed.
--- Anon
And into the wrong hole he dipped.
"Wow, I like this space!
Let me mark my place.
It'll be better when you are stripped."
--- Marty TP9807
Whose erogenous zones were quite hairy,
Said, "That last guy, I'll swear,
Is still in there somewhere,
So I want to warn you to be wary."
--- Grand Prix Lim 580 G1010
Was blessed with a galloping prick.
But the thing was quite blind
And went in from behind--
"This is," said the lad, "rather thick."
--- G0957
But I couldn't seem to get it in.
We needed more lube
To insert my tube,
Forgetting ass-blasting's a sin.
--- Toolman
Who thought he'd at last found a tight 'un.
He said, "Oh my love,
It fits like a glove."
She said, "You're not in the right 'un."
--- Cremorne 1882 L0010
Who liked to be boned up the butt.
But her man had a fear,
Of entering her rear,
And he could not get off a nut!
--- Hubert
Who remarked, "I feel dreadfully sick.
The last man I buggered
I thought was a sluggard,
Till a fart of his blew off my prick."
--- G1023
He cried, "Henry! Your shit is obscene.
Next time, move your bowels,
Or I'll go back to fowls,
For I've punctured the piles of the Dean."
--- G0944
Due to his large and cumbersome dick!
He often wants anal,
But that would be fatal,
So if seen, better run away quick.
--- Anon
Afraid they were finished, he pined.
Disgusted she swore,
"What are you crying for?
Look below -- you are in my behind."
--- Mike a
Was desperate for some sort of tail.
Though it wasn't his type,
He buggered the pipe
Of a truck clearly marked U.S. Mail.
--- G0986
Passed out in an all-gay disco.
He awoke on the floor,
And he felt pretty sore,
And his ass was all covered with Crisco.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose goodies I decided to plunder.
But when I copped a feel,
She started to squeal;
And MY GOD! What a noise when I bummed her!
--- Fgo TP9804
Who was getting his first piece of tail.
He shoved in his pole,
But in the wrong hole,
And a voice from beneath yelled, "No Sale!"
--- L0125
And your dick is a thick and a long one,
"What you need," said the lass, "is
A new pair of glasses,
For the hole that you poked is the wrong one."
--- Rowdy Jack a
And you think that my stroke does the trick.
But I don't need new glasses;
I know where your ass is;
The back hole's the best hole to stick!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was only just learning to screw.
But he hadn't the knack.
He got too far back,
Right church, so to speak, but wrong pew.
--- L0084A
Attempted to rape Mrs Heath.
He leapt on her her bed
But he missed and instead,
He buggered her butler beneath.
--- Michael Horgan
(You have to admit he had guts),
Refused by some dame,
Just changes his aim,
And reams out consenting male butts.
--- Armand E Singer 947
Had worn out her bread winning chute,
But she did not despair
And made clients aware,
That she opened an alternate route.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who picked up a girl of the street.
Her cunt was so roomy,
He became rather gloomy,
So she offered her asshole petite.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0949
Who assholes preferred over cracks.
Since the cock was intended
For the asshole upended,
Or it would have been shaped like an ax.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0940
When walking her home, Jack O'Malley
Seduced her consent
And then went and spent
Tender moments up Sally's back alley.
--- Kim and Sam
Please slip me inside your front door."
Sal wouldn't consent,
So Jack off and went.
Sal, alone, up her alley, felt sore.
--- Kim and Sam
Who went once to watch a posh ballet.
Those gals, nylon tighted,
Sure got him excited,
He went home and buggered his valet.
--- Anon
This is file qmm
Who fancied the "Lobsterman's Stunt".
It seemed that she liked
From the rear to be spiked,
So their beast had a back and a front.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And suggested her ass, she replied,
"I've shit many a stool
Twice as big as your tool,
So I doubt you'll be more satisfied."
--- G1080
To a client was heard to exclaim,
When she felt his appendage
Venture in her rearendage,
"My God, Man, you've got a bum aim!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 648
Was put on the street with her torn hole,
But her ass was not worn;
So she sold it for corn,
And it got to be known as the corn hole.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1827
Said, "Darling, that's not the right place!"
So he gave her a smack,
And did on her back,
What he couldn't have done face to face.
--- L0518
Said this, coming in from the gale:
"It's no good to stare,
With this here long hair,
You don't know if I'm woman or male.
--- John Miller
Then turned and he said with a smile,
"Well, cut the chatter,
It just doesn't matter,
Either way, I will fuck you in style!"
--- John Miller
Does anyone know where to find
The wad that I shot
(I knew but forgot)
In some nameless girl's fat behind?
--- Travis Brasell
For it fertilized ova; a score.
Now the girl's given birth,
(I'll keep mum, what's it worth?)
And you're Daddy to kiddies galore.
--- Peter Wilkins
Though I'm sure with her, I made a pass.
The lost wad of my hunt
Was not shot in a cunt;
I unloaded in some girl's fat ass!
--- Travis Brasell
Who said to his dear with a tear,
"Your twat was hot,
And now it is not!
Flip over and I'll do your rear."
--- Casey
Who preferred his wife's ass to her belly.
He shrieked with delight
As he ploughed through the shite,
And filled up her hole with his jelly.
--- L0481
And think her snatch hanging to loose,
Try aiming your pole,
At a different goal,
In the rear and ride her caboose.
--- Goin2later
Seemed to me to be an eager learner.
But she launched like a Harrier,
From an aircraft carrier,
When I rammed it in her after-burner.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who found slicing meat was his knack
Up until the day
He met his "friend" Ray;
Now he only takes meat in the back!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose meat slicing method was queer.
He would handle the steak
And cream he would make,
As he only took meat in the rear.
--- John Chastaine
As her bridegroom got into the bed,
"I'm tired of this stunt
That they do with one's cunt,
You can get up my bottom instead.
--- L1655
Who took out a girl just to hug her.
"I've my monthlies," she said,
"And a cold in the head,
But my bowels work well, do you bugger?"
--- Norman Douglas L0487
And foldly her lover did ask, "Oh,
Pray allow me a fuck,"
But she said, "No, my duck,
But you may, if you please, up my ass go."
--- L0470
Who declared, "That last screw was delicious.
But the next time you come,
Won't you come up the bum?--
That wart on your cock looks suspicious.
--- L1691
Who invited me to wonderful sin
"Stick your cock in my ass"
She said with no class
"And tell me, by God, when it's in"!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And I love when I hear you say "Please,
Ensconce your log splitter
Right here in my shitter,
And shove it so deep that I wheeze."
--- Anon
Was meant when you said "piece of ass".
But to some guys, a cunt
Is a mortal affront,
And they aim for that part passing gas.
--- Anon
Sue thought, "Oh my God, he's a mugger!"
When she learned his intent,
Her fears were all spent;
"Thank goodness, he's only a bugger!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Bedding addicts and crack-heads and boozers.
And they're seldom forgiven
For being so driven,
Still, buggers can't always be choosers.
--- Anon
Whom many suspected of arson;
Now by that I don't mean
Torching buildings unseen,
But filling the butt of his parson.
--- Armand E Singer 43
"I feel there's a lack in my gut;
So I think I will try
Anal sex with some guy:
It's dumb to spend life in a rut."
--- Armand E Singer 859
"I would like to fuck one of your brothers.
When I want a good screw,
An old cunt will not do.
I don't travel in ruts made by others."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0910
Squealed Dutch twins: brains small, boobs stupendous.
When their third sister chimed in,
"We're quite fond of our hymens,
So it looks like you'll have to rear-end us!"
--- Kristen Coughlin T9711
His wife didn't file for divorce,
Till she caught him one day
As he had it away
With the rear of a pantomime horse.
--- Michael Horgan
When asked for a fuck, answered "No!
You can go second class,
Shove your prick up my ass;
I'm saving my cunt for my beau."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0974
Was fucking her boyfriend named Danny.
But her cunt was so loose,
And of such little use,
That he switched to the hole in her fanny!
--- Laurence Craft
Charges 200 Rupees a lay.
But this versatile lass
Shoves a dildo up your ass,
For 10 per cent off if you're gay.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
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