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I'd bid him welcome to this crew, New sailors on ships have high hope; Yo ho ho! And a barrel of rum; "Don't fret," sayd the Cap'n to Jim. "But Cap'n,..." "No buts, my dear boy; But Jim was resourceful, by God, You'd think that would end it right there, Not wishing to do as was bid, With his fortunes so greatly enhanced, If you join the navy, I must say There was a young sailor named Fred, Assailed by a typhoon at sea, Young cabin-boy Jim, sans apparel, To his cabin the gruff captain called him; It's said that a drunken young sailor, A youth who seduced a poor lighterman, Two sailors, asea on a sloop, Our ship's captain, nicknamed Old Randy, There was a young man of Oswego, A young man who lived in Balbriggan, A sexually naive young sailor, An anal erotic named Hermann (execrable - dammable, detestable)
There once was a cabinboy named Ned There was a young man joined the Navy, When Blackbeard became melancholy, While sleeping, a sailor from Twickenham, An oversexed sailor called Nate There was a young sailor named Magee A sailor was lonely at sea. Cabin-boy Billy was chosen, A health conscious homo named Ralph, There was a young queer from Saigon There was a young man of Arras, A man with himself made alliance There was a young man from Chuboot, A horny young fellow named Chuck Another young man from Nantucket, There once was a man from Nantucket There once was a pervert named Manny A contortionist actor named Sid There was a young man who said, "Why There was a young man from Arras, Ahere was a young fellow named Howell, There was a young fellow of Mayence, Too young for the sixties; too dumb A widow who lived in Berlin There once was a young man from Hope, A randy young pool shark named Stu There was a strong man of Drumrig, (Published 1879)
A horny young fellow, Tom Tutt, There was a stout Scot named MacPherson A man, once, from old Saskatoon, A handsome whore-hopper named Shumate (feather the bird - anal intercourse)
There once was a gay Amarillian A serious-minded young lugger There was a young lady of Cretchmore I don't mean to tarnish your cheer, Well screwed was a boy named Delpasse, There was an old man they called Kevin; There were three young men in Peru, When you cruise the gay baths up in Frisco, A lady was trapped in Madras A young man from Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, (Eisteddfor - Welsh arts festival)
The young Sultan, ordinarily so mild, There once was a girl from Rhodesia A tapeworm can reach eighty feet;
Except for the inference he drew.
As Gals here are sparse,
He'd best watch his arse,
'Cause some guys don't care what they screw,
--- Anon
Old salts show them how to tie rope.
And they show them the games
With the fanciful names,
And they teach them to play Drop the Soap.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0926
It's empty and Jimmy is glum.
Devoid of apparel
And crouched in the barrel;
The bung-hole aligned with his bum.
--- Peter Wilkins
"A seafarer's life can be grim;
But what can I do
With a mutinous crew,
Who demand I supply them with quim."
--- Peter Wilkins
I don't have a lass to employ.
You'll just have to bear it
And bare it and share it;
Good luck, Jim m'lad, and enjoy!"
--- Peter Wilkins
And somehow got hold of a cod
Which he faced to the hole...
The result was quite droll,
When it nipped off the next sailor's rod.
--- John Miller
But the next one in line wished to share
Such a vigorous "cunt",
Yelling, "Teeth out, you runt
In the barrel! Use gums if you dare!"
--- John Miller
Jim's next substitute was a squid.
Ten arms lined with suckers
Pleased sailors and truckers,
So much that they each paid a quid!
--- John Miller
Jim quickly and surely advanced
To a ship of his own,
Where a profit was shown
Though it never left port, as it chanced.
--- John Miller
You'll enjoy it in every way.
You'll be part of the fleet,
You'll breathe air so sweet
And you'll feel a new man every day.
--- Jim Weaver Collection N
Who once dropped his soap in the head.
He bent to retrieve it
And couldn't believe it.
"I am your first mate," the chief said.
--- David Miller
The Puritan captain cried "Whee!
The way that we're heaving
Will end my deep grieving,
At the sight of my crew's buggery!"
--- Norm Storer P0209
Climbed gingerly into the barrel;
His dung-hole aligned
With the bung-hole assigned,
For the pleasure of Captain O'Farrell.
--- Peter Wilkins
Wined him and dine him, then balled him.
"Rape," he did say
And the very next day,
With a sly grin, the captain keelhauled him!
--- Anon
Will learn much from his very first jailer.
For down in the brig
They're oft known to frig,
And the new ones leave quite a bit paler.
--- Luke Sheppard
Said, "I'd much sooner fuck than I'd fight a man,
And although, Sir, I find
You're very good grind,
I must say I've had a much tighter man."
--- L0485
Were drifting, with spirits adroop.
Until one broke the gloom
By hoisting his boom,
And then manning the other one's poop.
--- Pat Byrnes
Makes advances to any girl handy.
But when shipwrecked a while
On a bleak desert isle,
He made do with a midshipman Sandy.
--- G1036N
Whose friends said, "Be off now, to sea go."
He there learned the trick
Of skinning his prick,
And up arses thrusting his pego.
--- L0500
Went to sea to recover from frigging.
But after a week
As they climbed the fore-peak,
He buggered the mate in the rigging.
--- L0451
Concerned about being a failure,
Was screwed every day
In the nautical way,
By the crew of a Japanese whaler.
--- Michael Horgan
Had a passion for buggering mermen.
He'd lure the poor swine
From their haunts 'neath the Rhine
With songs in execrable German.
--- G0982N
Who bent down to get soap in the head.
He got a surprise
When he started to rise:
"I am your first mate," the Rear Admiral said!
--- Garold Amadon
Said his friends to him, "You must be crazy!"
And he was filled with fright
When he awoke one night,
To his roommate pumping him full of gravy.
--- Anon N
He swouldn't seek strumpet or dolly.
Instead he'd locate
Mister Jolly, the mate,
And in pirate's parlance, Roger Jolly.
--- Martin Wellborn P8802
Was aware of a strange object stickenham.
Before he could turn,
He'd occasion to learn,
His shipmate was plunging his prickenham.
--- Isaac Asimov N
Is missing his pussy of late.
But when not in port,
His only resort
Is: "Hit on the grungy first mate."
--- The Sailor P0308
Who hated to put out to sea.
The food there is fine,
And the sunsets divine,
But the bastards keep buggering me
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He cried, "How I wish I was free!
I just need a date,"
And then the third mate
Said coyly, "Well what about me?"
--- Anon
And washed and deloused with a hosin'.
'Twas useless to fight;
He was spendin' the night
With the over-sexed ugly old bosun!
--- Anon
On the AIDS virus had the last laugh.
Said he, "My proportion
Is such that contortion
Allows me to bugger myself."
--- Don Moore P9401
Who said as he fondled his dong,
"If my cock I could bend
'Round to my rear end,
I'd fuck myself all the day long!
--- Tom Hitchens
Who stretched himself out on the grass.
And with no little trouble,
He bent himself double,
And stuck his prick well up his ass.
--- Anon
This is file qkm
Shove his cock up his ass in defiance,
And he mocked every moral
Whether written or oral,
And defied every law known to science.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1830
Who had a remarkable root.
When hard, it would bend
With a curve at the end,
So he fucked himself in the petoot.
--- L0461
Was challenged to prove he had pluck.
So in utter defiance
Of laws known to science,
He engaged with himself in a fuck.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0663
His prick was so long he could muck it.
He would twist back his pole
Till it met his asshole,
And then he would tenderly fuck it.
--- G1019
Whose dick was so long he could suck it!
He said, though quite crass
As he lubed up his ass
"I have found a nice place I can tuck it!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who stuck his own prick up his fanny.
Now he's flailing about;
Seem he can't get it out.
He can't shit, he can't piss, it's uncanny!
--- Anon
Could twist himself up like a squid.
Then a fellow from Delf
Hollered, "Go fuck yourself!"
And, wonder of wonders, he did!
--- Chuck Davis
Can't I bugger myself, if I'm spry? (suck my own cock)
If I put my mind to it, (Twist up like a worm,)
I'm sure I can do it. (And lick off all the sperm?)
You never can tell till you try."
--- G0922
Lying quiet and still on the grass.
With a sudden, huge lunge,
He bent like a sponge,
And stuck his own prick up his ass.
--- Stephen Cordwell
Who buggered himself with a trowel.
The triangular shape
Was conducive to rape,
And was easily cleaned with a towel.
--- L0474
Who fucked his own ass, in defiance
Not only of custom,
And morals, dad-bust him,
But most of the known laws of science.
--- L0322
By the time I did try out the bum.
You took you life in your hand
Fondling someone else's gland;
And I've had to make do with my thumb!
--- Anon
Cut the cock off her dead husband Flynn.
Up his dead ass she shoved it,
And she said, "He'd have loved it!
It's the only hole he'd not been in."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1758
Whose joint was as long as a rope.
From shoulder to toe,
Up his ass it would go
And he'd tell us, 'twas a pigskin coat.
--- Puff Adder
Came giddily out of the loo.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"I just cornholed myself with a cue!"
--- Kevin's Limerick Page
Who one day did seven times frig.
He buggered three sailors,
Four Jews and two tailors,
And ended by fucking a pig.
--- L0289
Who had a most wonderful butt,
Consented to all
Who wanted to ball.
You might say he was caught in a rut.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Who cared not the sex of a person.
He fucked Mrs. MacFee
And her daughter Jane Lee,
And he next fucked her father and her son.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0727
Took a ride in a hot-air balloon.
He fucked all the stars
From Venus to Mars,
And corn-holed the man in the Moon.
--- Derek
Acquired him a masculine screw-mate.
As they feathered the bird,
There came up a third.
Who said, "Let me in on that too, mate."
--- G1043a
Who was buggered outside the pavillion,
By a couple of freaks,
And a whole gang of Greeks,
Then twice by a horny Sicilian.
--- KJ
Surprised all when he went out for rugger,
Till they found he spent hours
Stripped off in the showers,
Persuading the whole team to bugger.
--- G1000
Who found that her asshole would fetch more.
To her utter dismay
When she cornholed all day,
Both her pussy and asshole would retch more.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0914
But old Santa Claus is a queer!
He fondles the elves,
Who pleasure themselves
With a bugger up old Santa's rear.
--- Rex
By all of the lads in his class.
He said, with a yawn,
"Now the novelty's gone,
Now it's only a pain in the ass."
--- Anon
Up his ass he could take at least seven!
But his piles were bad,
And they made him quite mad,
When sometimes they'd sneak in eleven.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A German, a bugger, a Jew.
The German he buggered
The bugger, the bugger!
The bugger, he buggered the Jew.
--- L0503P
With your poppers and big can of Criso,
And uncountable tricks
Poke your ass with their dicks,
How high, tell me please, does your risk go?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In a door that revolved, made of glass.
By its very construction
She was saved from destruction,
But was fucked twenty times up the ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0938
While bent over plucking a dingle,
Had the whole Eisteddfod
Taking turns at his pod
While they sang some impossible jingle.
--- L0315
When let loose in the harem goes wild.
He once buggered his two
Hundred wives in a queue,
And got 86 tapeworms with child.
--- Michael Weinstein P8407a
Who said, "If my cunt doesn`t please ya,
For an extra one,
Shove it up my bum,
But be careful the tapeworms don`t squeeze ya!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Its spreading is hard to defeat.
Its eggsacks can crawl
And that isn't all;
Its larvae infest nice red meat.
--- John Miller
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