MORE
If you're surfing the Net with Go.Com, You can talk about Dubya or Jeb, When I start my own silly Web Site, I've heard from some D.C. insiders. I've just started surfing on-line Yahoo! got burned and got blasted; It's clearly obvious that pricks I've read through the FAQ guide This is the gauntlet I throw: There now is a group called Arc-t, It's just this Network perverse; Sometimes when a verse is composed, Separate postings could cut down this crime, Christmas was becoming a bore. There was a young man with strong views What at first was called DejaNews, This question I've oft asked before, Someone rubbed out our very fine baker, Okay, so I now understand, (Note how easy it is to insult A New York biker named Chung, Well it's good to see you! Begad! Are folks here still mad? Yes, I guess Last night in a Chat room in the nude, I have found that when I am tired It's possible that it's a trance; Perhaps it is all in my mind, I don't think that you are mistaken. To that newsgroup that we call bad-attitude, Yes, Father, I know of the dangers I know that that one makes no sense, There's something I wanted to say, My birthday is June twenty-third; Religion and Politics will mar My news server's sometimes a pest; For some "newgroups" I don't give a damn; These Newsgroups have often been droll It's true that I've never been great, What! Sully our art for mere cash? 'Twixt commerce and art there's a line -- Alt...limericks are where rhymes are spun -- Limericks are farts of the brain. My news server's changed, so I'm testing In chat rooms I once did go; So my identity I did mask. Seems every weekend I fall into the blues; Is anyone out there today? The 'arts' group was doomed from the start; A.A.L. seems dead; not to impugn. This newsgroup's remarkably quiet, I read your long thesis last week, For clapping and praise I don't wait, Replys in this newsgroup are sparse; There's a place for everyone here, We strive for a world of free speech; Each bird has a different beak. When I write my last UseNet farewell, Though flamers and trolls can besiege us, Not mammaries, but memories are bountiful; The send button calls to my eye; The vicodin addles my brain! I'd call Carol's name during joy, Their chat talk on-line ran free; To a newsgroup, a message was sent I'd like to make my introduction; I apologize here for the crime I've heard that the game's not begun,
You might find a Brigette Bardot (com),
And if drama's your kick,
But your modem's not quick,
You may have to wait for Godot (com).
--- Norm Storer P9911
Or buy jewels and clothes for your deb.
I tell you my friend,
There's really no end
To the ways to waste time on the web.
--- Scott Oliver
My computer will burst with delight.
I'll compress, in his files,
Incipient smiles,
And satirical bits with more bite.
--- Larry Dahl
Good informants and close confiders,
It may be true yet --
Gore brought us the Net,
But Websites were first made by spiders.
--- Guy Ben-Moshe
And I'm shocked at the things that I find.
Girls covered with gism,
Alt.sex.voyeurism;
I'm having a wonderful time.
--- Wiley A
Criticism was heavy and lasted,
For trafficking porn,
So it caved to the scorn,
Which it probably could have outlasted.
--- Dr Limerick
Is the only topic that kicks.
I hereby propose
A.J.L. to depose
And rename it A.J dot dicks.
--- Nik Synytskyy
Per/verse, I've been rude, and I've lied.
My pride is at stake;
What more does it take
To be AJL certified?
Many verses strung in a row,
All sharing a theme
Just this side of obscene,
And a thread of them tending to grow.
--- Anon
Part of the Alt hierarchy.
Some posters are cheesy,
While others are sleazy,
But mostly the content brings glee.
--- Michael Biggs
Had to surf to find your last verse.
Sometimes all I see
Is someone's Re: Re
If I wasn't a lady, I'd curse!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It seems a neat thought to crosspost.
But the bland prose replies
Are foul things you despise,
And haunt you just like a lost ghost.
--- Anon
And that's what I shall essay next time.
We'll not sully your nose
With the stench of gross prose,
And you'll harvest a crop of pure rhyme.
--- Anon
In a chat room, I thought, " I'll score!"
Right there on the web,
On a virtual bed,
I became a raving cyberfreak whore!
--- Anon
Who wished to express them through news.
His appetite insatiiable
On all things debatable,
But Deja did give him the blues.
--- S Rusling
Was so bad as to warrant abuse.
It's a mishap;
Complete utter crap,
And extremely annoying to use.
--- S Rusling
Some newsgroups six years, even more.
"Dighton is Engaged",
I'm slightly enraged;
Can't find it and that makes me sore.
--- Anon
Our butcher and candlestick maker.
The hits were all made
When they tried to invade
The turf of our local drugmaker.
--- John Miller
The subjects that usually are banned,
Don't include drugs and killing
But sexual thrilling,
Like taking one's gland in one's hand!
--- oOOo
One and all from this limerick cult.
Why this is so,
I really don't know,
But gleefully cheer the result)
--- Anon
Runs a newsgroup that's hip-deep in dung.
I guess someone should thank her,
But "Sod Off! You Wanker!"
Is as close as anyone's come.
--- Anon
Are you still the same Jack the Lad?
My boobs you may squeeze
And then tell, if you please,
Is everyone here still quite mad?
--- Michelle
We're all a maniacal mess;
Insanist of groups;
The craziest...Oops!
I just heard the mooing of Bess!
--- Travis Brasell
They did things there, ever so rude.
But I guess it was fated,
I'd leave there frustrated,
All the guys were in an exclusively gay mood.
--- Anon
In this seat, 'fore the screen, I get mired.
I should be in bed,
But rather, instead,
I plug in and get myself wired.
--- Juice
I'm just in an odd circumstance,
For rhythm and rhyme
Don't come all the time.
Lack of sleep does writing enhance.
--- Juice
And I write like this all of the time.
And self-censoring
Is really the thing,
That when I am tired, I can't find.
--- Juice
Quite oft, in the night I awaken,
My head full of rhymes,
But most of the time,
They don't quite match Shakespeare or Bacon.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose charter is given broad latitude
To bitch and to moan,
To fuss and to groan,
I must express my deep-felt gratitude.
--- Thomas See
Of limericking whilst amongst strangers.
But just for this once,
Let me be the dunce;
Of newsgroup posts be the arrangers.
--- Anon
Forgive me for being so dense,
But limericks do
Need a trickie or two;
I hope that I give no offense.
--- David Miller
But I have been drinking all day.
Though limericks abound
I know it must sound
Like I should just plain go away!
--- Anon
My house is off Beechwood I've heard.
I'm a newsgroup infringer
With hair coloured ginger,
And my breath has the smell of a turd.
--- Anon
This is file qhl
Any attempts to enjoy R and R.
I guess it is true
Of a newsgroup too,
So I'll leave things just as they are.
--- S C Saint
When I post; on occasions it just
Seems to lose it; I can't
Read my stuff so I rant
And I rave at it. (This is a test.)
--- Anon
For "news", the whole thing's a sham.
They're really a bore,
'Cause just like a store,
The good one are all crammed with Spam.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But time now has taken its toll,
And all the great limmers
Are little but glimmers,
Sucked into a hidden black hole.
--- John Miller
But to quote other limmers, "Irate!"
I could post a few
If you wanted me to,
And your payments were all up to date.
--- Cyber Wizard
I'd pay a pert girl for her gash,
But long 'fore the day
I'd insult you with pay,
I'll sit down and write my own trash.
--- John Miller
Just view a few limericks of mine...
I'll crank out a few
For anyone who
Will pay me just five bucks a line!
--- John Miller
Some of them second to none.
Is it an art,
Or just a mind fart?
Someday I'll rip off a good one.
--- H Welchel
They can be complex, others plain.
The brain will excrete
Some words that are sweet,
While others just leave a dark stain.
--- Frank Fazed
The works, so there's no time for jesting.
Besides, I'm delayed
By my new Spanish maid,
As all of her clothes she's divesting.
--- Anon
In there you'll find me no mo'.
I could not train
Those with no brain;
They must have thought me a ho'.
--- Anon
Who am I? Just e-mail to ask.
I got a good laugh
From all the riff-raff,
And did not have to take them to task.
--- Anon
I keep checking into the news-
Group to find,
Either I'm losing my mind
Or there just ain't no new lims to choose.
--- Chris Anton
Or am I just waffling away.
Please answer my cries,
Take me by surprise,
Or take this computer away!
--- Anon
No one really wants to take part
In sickly-sweet rhymes
When, at other times,
We're screwing an AJL tart.
--- Q
Azul hasn't posted since June.
Is this some kind of trick?
For a real limerick,
Isn't clean, or from discord immune.
--- Q
So last week I thought I would try it;
A limerick I sent
With all good intent --
Not a murmur, will no one reply it?
--- oOOo
And though of it I did not speak,
I thought it as good
As babs pumping my wood,
While I boned up on Latin and Greek.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My appetite merely to sate.
But what I would love
Is the nod from the guv,
Tiddy Ogg that old reprobate.
--- oOOo
Most stuff that gets posted's a farce.
And when by some feat
Us oldimters get beat,
We sulk with our heads up our arse.
--- John Miller
Be you straight, bigamic, or queer,
Sarcastic, romantic,
Or simply phantasmic,
Place a lim, you don't deserve a smear.
--- Dirruk
Denying opinions would breach
This ultimate goal.
So a sarcastic soul
Has his place here too; This I preach.
--- Dirruk
diversity is what we should seek.
If ONE song we hear,
Then we are too near
At forming a 'elitaire clique!'
--- Dirruk
I'll say, "Most of you guys have been swell."
But to the trolls,
"Screw you assholes,
And I hope your next posts come from Hell."
--- Ward Hardman
Just stay beneath AJL's aegis
Of non-cross-post practice,
So spam won't impact us,
In volumes too large and egregious.
Limericks on big dicks are a counterful.
Have our rhymes been cursed?
No update since May Twenty-First.
Shall we wait or flagellate your counter pull?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This limerick, I'll just let it fly.
Beats pulling my pud,
To type out such crud.
No scansions, I know you'll all cry.
--- Doros Z
It sucks, but it pushes back pain.
My worlds circumscribed,
And my brains all but died.
My tomorrows are all down the drain.
--- Doros Z
But hell! She could be a boy!
Such internet fun,
Its reality none.
It's the ultimate no-brainer toy.
--- Doros Z
Sensuality strong was the key.
But in total, their action
Gave no satisfaction;
'Twas a virtual blow job, you see.
--- The Sailor P0310
From a man on the west side of Kent.
It didn't appear
For over a year,
And he never found out where it went.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'm eighteen and well-built and buxom.
Well, that isn't quite true;
I'm at least thirty-two,
And my stomach is held in with suction.
--- Adam
Of a post lacking meter and rhyme.
I guess I should never
Try being so clever
Forgive me folks, just one more time!
--- John Miller 0310
So who is now playing -- everyone?
Form a line to the right
For those too uptight.
I'm here on the left having fun!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
MORE