And here's to Fred's lover, the dolly; A toast to Fred's calloused right hand A boor and a prude is the Kid A failure in terms of his wit, I've just dialed into the Net So this time the challenge is down And before any wag says "Don't fret, The newbies are rife in here now, They'd sit down and then they would weep My keyboard's all broken and busted. Lim-deprived was the story resultant. There once was a man named Dave While he was surfing the net Suspecting your ISP's zappin's There was a young Internet sage, They tell me, and though I might rue it, Though many would mock me with scorn, Been banding with broads for a while, The website for the gay underground, I fear that inertia has struck I mean, of course, 'click'... but beware, Surfing I feel only frustration, I'm trying not to cause a commotion In conquest games Julia picked her Of COURSE you'll be cursed now and then; eCommerce is found on eBay. The first time I browsed on the net, There once was a naive young Virge My computer crawls out every night I've changed my e-mail address I thought it was the service for me, When it came up with an error, I blew; So off to a new server I go;
This is file qil
There was a young lady called Annamette When I Program in HTML This Internet is really neat. The Web just has boundless esoterica! I'm shocked at what my sister found I can't believe what we both saw, TOAD's website's a year old today; There are some who have bigoted views Willie's a spoiled little brat A forum as empty as this A very good friend called Annette, There once was a drunk IRC-er, Once in a far away land, I'm only a weekly log-inner, This group: it's really quite cool If you had the mistaken impression Well, please don't think Marty's a jerk. I'm stunned by the wit of all parties; Does it come with a flash and a bang? You must sit up all the night long, A prick, it is easy to see I can see that the dangers are many Therefore I'll just carry on lurking An alto named Sarah Melissa, An anthropological buff, It wasn't that I was offended When my PC gets tired of working, My ISP 'techy' said, "Bloke, In the cybercafe we call Website, Towards America, you show distaste; It may be of interest to learn I don't want to go into detail, If you want to have a real fright,
I think I heard her named was Polly.
Urethane-twoply,
With three holes to screw by
And can't complain of Fred's tiny wally.
--- Jon Gearhart
Which caters all day to his gland.
In the Wank Hall of Fame,
Without fail, he can aim
And hit from ten yards on demand.
--- Randog
Who goes about flipping his lid.
A wild sense of humour,
In him's just a rumour.
I hope that of him we're soon rid.
--- Anon
The Kid is revealed as a nit.
I pray that his balls
Get no curtain calls,
And his ears are filled up with shit.
--- Archie
And have found to my great regret,
No limericks -- worse --
Sour comments, not terse,
With waste of even more space yet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If you wish to stay in this town.
Stick to the verse
Or a very large hearse
Will pull up and cause you to frown.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
About about any non-versical set,"
If there's wit and a pun,
I can live with such fun,
But the dreary's not made me laugh yet!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And most of them won't fuck a cow,
Or diddle a priest,
(A nasty black beast).
They wont even straddle a sow.
--- Anon
If we offered to them a nice sheep.
And boy, would they run
If our favorite Nun
Should visit while they were asleep.
--- Anon
My rhymer's undoubtedly rusted.
Deja News went kablooie,
Beta Google was screwy!
Tried to post here, but wound up disgusted.
--- Anon
Could not pen naughty lim'ricks exultant!
But now I am back,
For no time do I lack,
As I went and became a consultant.
--- Anon
Who became an Internet slave.
His body did shrivel
Writing such drivel,
While surfing a virtual wave.
--- Alan MacBride
All the way from here to Tibet,
He is known to have raved
As he happily slaved,
"The best part is you never get wet."
--- Alan MacBride
Of posts where they're thinking the crap ends,
If they filter the likes
Of words such as kikes,
On occasion it's just that shit happens.
--- Anon
Who started a perfect home-page.
He hasn't got near,
He's still trying, I fear,
But his boss won't pay him a wage!
--- Anon
That orchestral ladies can do it.
I mean, really blow;
It's time I tried, so,
That broad band, I'm going to go through it.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'm still on a dial-up this morn;
And you have to admit
Why broadband's a hit:
It's quicker for downloading porn.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And truly their porn has been vile.
Those video streams
Drove me to screams,
But cyber-sex does make me smile.
--- SFA
Some hackers have recently found.
Forced to confess
The website address:
C:
--- Funny Bone
And my regular website is stuck
In the dim distant past,
But some new ones, at last,
You may read if a mouse you can cluck.
--- Anon
I've been practising javascript there;
For my sins, I've to learn
It in order to earn
A few shillings and pence I declare.
--- Anon
When hitting a frame application.
So I seek a new place,
Out in cyberspace,
That has better site navigation.
--- Anon
But was struck with a very stange notion.
If in life I should run,
It's a movement I've done.
But here on the "'net" it's E-motion?
--- Cabernet
Opponents with care, and she kicked her
Foes from their land,
And kept them all banned;
Her title, I guess, is E-victor.
--- Tiddy Ogg
We ALL are, but come back again;
A smile on our face
To write in this space,
And be loved like a fox loves a hen.
--- John Miller Q
eMail helped bring down Kenneth Lay.
Is then an eMission
The online fruition
Of preaching or hot milky spray.
--- RanDog
I'd not thought of the things I could get...
Like toad-dot-lickin'
And fetish-dot-chicken
And alt-dot-hotgirls-in-Tibet.
--- Tony
Who thought global mind could emerge
From a network of souls
Sharing worries and goals,
But it drowned in the spam, sex, and glurge.
--- Virge
On the Web with a grim appetite.
It will search by the hour
For bits to devour,
Then gobbles two cubed in each byte.
--- Larry Dahl
As USA.NET didn't impress
I scream and I shout
When I get a time-out,
And it is causing me lots of stress.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As the e-mail address was free.
But to my utter dismay,
I can't access e-mail today,
And so I'll just have to see.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With USA.NET there's no clue.
Is it just a small glitch?
Or has the son-of-a-bitch
Terminally loosened a screw?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A tried and tested server I know.
So don't send mail
As it will fail,
To reach me at USA.NET is too slow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose jollies came off of the Internet;
Secreting the mouse
Down the front of her blouse,
In a place you'd undoubtedly wanna get.
--- Al Willis P9711
To make Skywriter Press excel,
I never can tell
If all will be well,
'Cause my web pages tend to rebel.
--- Lynn Mostafa
It's amazing the people I meet.
I've been here too long,
My strength is all gone,
But I'd rather go surfing than eat.
--- Anon
From sites in Australia to America
Be it .com or .edu,
It fills my brains with goo,
When I see images of Cindy, Angie and Erica!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This morning while snooping around
On Internet sites,
It gives me the 'frights;'
Those photos of men do astound!
--- Anon
Those penises shown in the raw;
And then there are wenches
Engulfing those inches;
Both sister and I are in awe!
--- Anon
Still there is plenty to say.
Since doom and disasters
And dim-witted masters,
Don't look like they're going away.
--- Jarmo
Of the websites that kids ought to choose.
Well, I've a confession
I HATE such supression
From the Church, Uncle Sam, or the Jews.
--- Tutta Gioia
Who strangled the dog and the cat;
Diddled his sister;
Won't call me "Mister";
Is expelled from XX-rated chat.
--- Anon
Is a different species of bliss.
I can say, at my ease,
Whatever I please!
And there's no one to boo or to hiss.
--- Anon
Was unable to surf on the net.
Her modem was dead
And her face was all red
'Cause her phone she forgot to connect!
--- Jennie Brock Q
Who loved to indulge in his bee-er.
If he had his way,
He'd be online all day,
Making puns and bad verse his caree-er.
--- O V Michaelsen P9811
A man who had only one hand,
Was slow as a snail
When typing e-mail,
And his net bill was up to a grand.
--- Anon
With hundreds to view before dinner.
And don't have the time
To think up a rhyme;
Please bear with an earnest beginner.
--- Anon
To discover, upon the impending Yule.
Following Usenet etiquette,
I'm really quite set,
To play the role of an unredeemed fool.
--- Q
There's no work on the Web in recession,
Porn's recession-proof;
So to keep head under roof,
But beware of the big wage concession.
--- Dr Limerick
It's difficult to post from work
To this little group,
When some people snoop;
Her boss is uptight and berserk.
--- Bonnie
A right bunch of clever old smarties.
But please tell me now
In Allah's name, how
Do you think up your stinging repartees.
--- Anon
Do you work all alone or in gangs?
And when sardines you eat,
Do you stay in your seat?
What do you do for poontang?"
--- Anon
Composing your acerbic song.
So when do you sleep,
And do you all keep
A pot in your room, am I wrong?
--- Anon
Is handy when needing to pee.
But what if your mouse
Falls out of its house,
Right into your bucket of wee.
--- Anon
In waiting the drop of the penny.
When shouting "I've got
It", the rodent is shot
Right into the ordure, (if any).
--- Anon
And rely on your literary smirking,
To keep entertained --
Us poor feeble brained --
And please don't accuse me of shirking.
--- Anon
Sold her modem and moved to Odessa,
When some internet folk
Upped and said -- it's no joke --
That she didn't exist! What a pissah!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Won't sit on his much-learned duff,
With notebook in hand.
He'll cross foreign land,
But search Google when things get real tough.
--- Bob Birch P0512Q
It's just that this newsgroup has tended
Just now, just a bit,
Towards slinging of shit,
And I hope that that trending has ended.
--- John MIller Q
It leaps on the Web for some lurking.
It openly smiles
When it peeks into files;
And it's not above flagrantly smirking.
--- Larry Dahl
Our service, like you, is a joke,
Which ain't very funny,
And since we've no money
To fix it, like you, it stays broke.
--- Travis Brasell
There are computers online every night.
For five dollars an hour,
You can view Eiffel Tower
Or talk to an Israelite.
--- PCPoetry
Could it be 'cause we won the arms race?
Just don't forget
That this world wide net
Would not be, if it weren't for this place.
--- Dick Churtz
That the net was developed at CERN.
To facilitate a
World flow of data;
So score one point Europe does earn.
--- Dirruk
But if you act quick and you e-mail,
They'll send overnight
A bed to delight
Every cross-dresser, trannie and she-male!
--- Big Mick Q
You'll find, if you visit my site,
Far more than you oughter,
Plus pics of my daughter
Stark naked, a wonderful sight.
--- Tiddy Ogg