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And here's to Fred's lover, the dolly;
I think I heard her named was Polly.
Urethane-twoply,
With three holes to screw by
And can't complain of Fred's tiny wally.
--- Jon Gearhart

A toast to Fred's calloused right hand
Which caters all day to his gland.
In the Wank Hall of Fame,
Without fail, he can aim
And hit from ten yards on demand.
--- Randog

A boor and a prude is the Kid
Who goes about flipping his lid.
A wild sense of humour,
In him's just a rumour.
I hope that of him we're soon rid.
--- Anon

A failure in terms of his wit,
The Kid is revealed as a nit.
I pray that his balls
Get no curtain calls,
And his ears are filled up with shit.
--- Archie

I've just dialed into the Net
And have found to my great regret,
No limericks -- worse --
Sour comments, not terse,
With waste of even more space yet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

So this time the challenge is down
If you wish to stay in this town.
Stick to the verse
Or a very large hearse
Will pull up and cause you to frown.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

And before any wag says "Don't fret,
About about any non-versical set,"
If there's wit and a pun,
I can live with such fun,
But the dreary's not made me laugh yet!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The newbies are rife in here now,
And most of them won't fuck a cow,
Or diddle a priest,
(A nasty black beast).
They wont even straddle a sow.
--- Anon

They'd sit down and then they would weep
If we offered to them a nice sheep.
And boy, would they run
If our favorite Nun
Should visit while they were asleep.
--- Anon

My keyboard's all broken and busted.
My rhymer's undoubtedly rusted.
Deja News went kablooie,
Beta Google was screwy!
Tried to post here, but wound up disgusted.
--- Anon

Lim-deprived was the story resultant.
Could not pen naughty lim'ricks exultant!
But now I am back,
For no time do I lack,
As I went and became a consultant.
--- Anon

There once was a man named Dave
Who became an Internet slave.
His body did shrivel
Writing such drivel,
While surfing a virtual wave.
--- Alan MacBride

While he was surfing the net
All the way from here to Tibet,
He is known to have raved
As he happily slaved,
"The best part is you never get wet."
--- Alan MacBride

Suspecting your ISP's zappin's
Of posts where they're thinking the crap ends,
If they filter the likes
Of words such as kikes,
On occasion it's just that shit happens.
--- Anon

There was a young Internet sage,
Who started a perfect home-page.
He hasn't got near,
He's still trying, I fear,
But his boss won't pay him a wage!
--- Anon

They tell me, and though I might rue it,
That orchestral ladies can do it.
I mean, really blow;
It's time I tried, so,
That broad band, I'm going to go through it.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Though many would mock me with scorn,
I'm still on a dial-up this morn;
And you have to admit
Why broadband's a hit:
It's quicker for downloading porn.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Been banding with broads for a while,
And truly their porn has been vile.
Those video streams
Drove me to screams,
But cyber-sex does make me smile.
--- SFA

The website for the gay underground,
Some hackers have recently found.
Forced to confess
The website address:
C::## (see colon, enter colon, pound pound)
--- Funny Bone

I fear that inertia has struck
And my regular website is stuck
In the dim distant past,
But some new ones, at last,
You may read if a mouse you can cluck.
--- Anon

I mean, of course, 'click'... but beware,
I've been practising javascript there;
For my sins, I've to learn
It in order to earn
A few shillings and pence I declare.
--- Anon

Surfing I feel only frustration,
When hitting a frame application.
So I seek a new place,
Out in cyberspace,
That has better site navigation.
--- Anon

I'm trying not to cause a commotion
But was struck with a very stange notion.
If in life I should run,
It's a movement I've done.
But here on the "'net" it's E-motion?
--- Cabernet

In conquest games Julia picked her
Opponents with care, and she kicked her
Foes from their land,
And kept them all banned;
Her title, I guess, is E-victor.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Of COURSE you'll be cursed now and then;
We ALL are, but come back again;
A smile on our face
To write in this space,
And be loved like a fox loves a hen.
--- John Miller Q

eCommerce is found on eBay.
eMail helped bring down Kenneth Lay.
Is then an eMission
The online fruition
Of preaching or hot milky spray.
--- RanDog

The first time I browsed on the net,
I'd not thought of the things I could get...
Like toad-dot-lickin'
And fetish-dot-chicken
And alt-dot-hotgirls-in-Tibet.
--- Tony

There once was a naive young Virge
Who thought global mind could emerge
From a network of souls
Sharing worries and goals,
But it drowned in the spam, sex, and glurge.
--- Virge

My computer crawls out every night
On the Web with a grim appetite.
It will search by the hour
For bits to devour,
Then gobbles two cubed in each byte.
--- Larry Dahl

I've changed my e-mail address
As USA.NET didn't impress
I scream and I shout
When I get a time-out,
And it is causing me lots of stress.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I thought it was the service for me,
As the e-mail address was free.
But to my utter dismay,
I can't access e-mail today,
And so I'll just have to see.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When it came up with an error, I blew;
With USA.NET there's no clue.
Is it just a small glitch?
Or has the son-of-a-bitch
Terminally loosened a screw?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

So off to a new server I go;
A tried and tested server I know.
So don't send mail
As it will fail,
To reach me at USA.NET is too slow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This is file qil

There was a young lady called Annamette
Whose jollies came off of the Internet;
Secreting the mouse
Down the front of her blouse,
In a place you'd undoubtedly wanna get.
--- Al Willis P9711

When I Program in HTML
To make Skywriter Press excel,
I never can tell
If all will be well,
'Cause my web pages tend to rebel.
--- Lynn Mostafa

This Internet is really neat.
It's amazing the people I meet.
I've been here too long,
My strength is all gone,
But I'd rather go surfing than eat.
--- Anon

The Web just has boundless esoterica!
From sites in Australia to America
Be it .com or .edu,
It fills my brains with goo,
When I see images of Cindy, Angie and Erica!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I'm shocked at what my sister found
This morning while snooping around
On Internet sites,
It gives me the 'frights;'
Those photos of men do astound!
--- Anon

I can't believe what we both saw,
Those penises shown in the raw;
And then there are wenches
Engulfing those inches;
Both sister and I are in awe!
--- Anon

TOAD's website's a year old today;
Still there is plenty to say.
Since doom and disasters
And dim-witted masters,
Don't look like they're going away.
--- Jarmo

There are some who have bigoted views
Of the websites that kids ought to choose.
Well, I've a confession
I HATE such supression
From the Church, Uncle Sam, or the Jews.
--- Tutta Gioia

Willie's a spoiled little brat
Who strangled the dog and the cat;
Diddled his sister;
Won't call me "Mister";
Is expelled from XX-rated chat.
--- Anon

A forum as empty as this
Is a different species of bliss.
I can say, at my ease,
Whatever I please!
And there's no one to boo or to hiss.
--- Anon

A very good friend called Annette,
Was unable to surf on the net.
Her modem was dead
And her face was all red
'Cause her phone she forgot to connect!
--- Jennie Brock Q

There once was a drunk IRC-er,
Who loved to indulge in his bee-er.
If he had his way,
He'd be online all day,
Making puns and bad verse his caree-er.
--- O V Michaelsen P9811

Once in a far away land,
A man who had only one hand,
Was slow as a snail
When typing e-mail,
And his net bill was up to a grand.
--- Anon

I'm only a weekly log-inner,
With hundreds to view before dinner.
And don't have the time
To think up a rhyme;
Please bear with an earnest beginner.
--- Anon

This group: it's really quite cool
To discover, upon the impending Yule.
Following Usenet etiquette,
I'm really quite set,
To play the role of an unredeemed fool.
--- Q

If you had the mistaken impression
There's no work on the Web in recession,
Porn's recession-proof;
So to keep head under roof,
But beware of the big wage concession.
--- Dr Limerick

Well, please don't think Marty's a jerk.
It's difficult to post from work
To this little group,
When some people snoop;
Her boss is uptight and berserk.
--- Bonnie

I'm stunned by the wit of all parties;
A right bunch of clever old smarties.
But please tell me now
In Allah's name, how
Do you think up your stinging repartees.
--- Anon

Does it come with a flash and a bang?
Do you work all alone or in gangs?
And when sardines you eat,
Do you stay in your seat?
What do you do for poontang?"
--- Anon

You must sit up all the night long,
Composing your acerbic song.
So when do you sleep,
And do you all keep
A pot in your room, am I wrong?
--- Anon

A prick, it is easy to see
Is handy when needing to pee.
But what if your mouse
Falls out of its house,
Right into your bucket of wee.
--- Anon

I can see that the dangers are many
In waiting the drop of the penny.
When shouting "I've got
It", the rodent is shot
Right into the ordure, (if any).
--- Anon

Therefore I'll just carry on lurking
And rely on your literary smirking,
To keep entertained --
Us poor feeble brained --
And please don't accuse me of shirking.
--- Anon

An alto named Sarah Melissa,
Sold her modem and moved to Odessa,
When some internet folk
Upped and said -- it's no joke --
That she didn't exist! What a pissah!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An anthropological buff,
Won't sit on his much-learned duff,
With notebook in hand.
He'll cross foreign land,
But search Google when things get real tough.
--- Bob Birch P0512Q

It wasn't that I was offended
It's just that this newsgroup has tended
Just now, just a bit,
Towards slinging of shit,
And I hope that that trending has ended.
--- John MIller Q

When my PC gets tired of working,
It leaps on the Web for some lurking.
It openly smiles
When it peeks into files;
And it's not above flagrantly smirking.
--- Larry Dahl

My ISP 'techy' said, "Bloke,
Our service, like you, is a joke,
Which ain't very funny,
And since we've no money
To fix it, like you, it stays broke.
--- Travis Brasell

In the cybercafe we call Website,
There are computers online every night.
For five dollars an hour,
You can view Eiffel Tower
Or talk to an Israelite.
--- PCPoetry

Towards America, you show distaste;
Could it be 'cause we won the arms race?
Just don't forget
That this world wide net
Would not be, if it weren't for this place.
--- Dick Churtz

It may be of interest to learn
That the net was developed at CERN.
To facilitate a
World flow of data;
So score one point Europe does earn.
--- Dirruk

I don't want to go into detail,
But if you act quick and you e-mail,
They'll send overnight
A bed to delight
Every cross-dresser, trannie and she-male!
--- Big Mick Q

If you want to have a real fright,
You'll find, if you visit my site,
Far more than you oughter,
Plus pics of my daughter
Stark naked, a wonderful sight.
--- Tiddy Ogg


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