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Disaster befell my endeavor We will meet at the usual place Oh dammit, a typo is showin' .. Soon Carol's birthday will be here Well, now I feel like a real ass, If you are looking for the udderly best The cyber-slut thanks sweet sportsFan, Dear Robin, it's just as you've heard. Poor Archie I have to defend; One website you won't find in church, I must say you people are wordy, Oh, Sylvie, don't be such a chicken! If one lot should be free to sell I have nothing witty to say. While playing his sick little game, To those with a cock like a steer, Herkin sends greetings from Australia, I thought the SAGE patted my back; For those of you new to the group, The men here are all succulent, I'm sorry 'bout your average in bed. Lady Jane, we must set things aright; Nerdy? You bring me to tears; As I dialed on up to the Net, To McWilliam I have to say phooey! Dear Lady Jane, incognito. If Merc could make the world so, Merrit's rung Writerman's bell-- To Arthur Deex; Your abject fan You'll find all the guys here are he-men, I really don't mean to intrude, My intention was not to offend, It's interesting spotting folks elsewhere. Rhyming humor opposed to a screw; I'll grant you your point of view It's not Rachel, my man, but Raquel (Jewish American Princess)
Charlotte and Stan are an item! Sit down -- let me give you the scoop: Hi John, I remember the hunt, My hopeful and humble behest, Charl's gone and now Og's in a funk, I have to advise you Michelle, My dear old friend, SFA, I think he's been down on a lot Okay? I hear he is hot to trot Sylvie said, "Sample my cooze, It's true that I've not gone to college, A flogging one time I did take (Stargazer is the second known snather)
A login script, huh? What is that? Sylvie, don't be such a chicken! Sylvie's new boyfriend is pissed! Sylvie, come out of the cold -- The animals here in this zoo, Sylvie, your some kind of hot! Slyvie's just begging for action -- But this party's become too ingrown! Slyvie, are you getting ready? Our V.P. of finance, named Saul What's happened to poets today? Although for a while I'm unfit, Whatever you do in this bog, I try to write limericks a lot, The Toast Point website is grand; Ancient tales of the Nantucket Lass, For a short time I must disappear There once was a poet named Jeeves,
This morning, I thought I was clever.
Instead of a prize,
I was cut down to size.
My escutcheon is blotted forever.
--- Ed Randolph
Where we hope we will then see your face.
'Cause we're counting on you,
Else we'll have much too few
To continue at our hectic pace.
--- Fred Cohen P9211
That should have read "known" and not "know in".
I guess it sounds lame,
But it's Carol I blame,
For the thought of her snatch got me goin'.
--- Anon
And us AJL guys can all cheer.
I think to surprise her,
We can't do much wiser,
Than strip down and dance for the dear.
--- Anon
Because her birthday's come to pass.
I thought 5th of June
But guess I'm a loon,
We still could all dance for the lass...
--- Anon
Titty supplier in all of the west,
He's a go-between
For a cute Holstein,
From Beaumont, in Texas, it's Les.
--- Ericka
And of course, she adores WriterMan!
She thinks, "Syl, don't be nervous;
These hards you must service;
And who the hell cares about Stan?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I've a word now tatooed on my bird.
And you'd maybe concede
That it's something to read,
But don't read it, just take my word.
--- Michael Polo P8908
For his deeds, he does much to commend.
He brings flowers and wine
'Fore he pokes their behind.
Thats what I call one hell of a friend!
--- Anon
To help with your limerick lurch,
Is Female-orgasms
dot com, but the chasms
Of rules are there -- thanks to Doc Birch!
--- Travis Brasell
As well as incredibly dirty.
But my safest bet,
If we met off the net,
Is that you are all just plain nerdy.
--- Big Mick
When will you start some dick lickin'?
You say you give head,
But it's all talk instead!
Give us some hot limericking!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Their beliefs on the net, then as well,
Those who do not agree
Must be equally free,
To tell them to all go to hell!
--- Anon
Didn't think you'd be here today.
I tried to keep up my chin
But the wobbles set in,
When I thought you'd gone elsewhere to play.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A hacker took aim at my AIM.
Sure, I can afford
To change my password,
But I'm going to miss my screen name.
--- Phil T
And those most decidedly queer,
And to each Toast Point Poet,
I bend down and blow it,
To wish you a happy New Year!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But is suffering from word failure.
He played with his cock
And he got "writer's block";
On recovering, he'll E-mail ya'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A great BIG gold star, what a wrap.
But when Aitch got one too,
'Twas then that I knew
YOU USE THEM FOR HIGHLIGHTING CRAP!
--- Anon
My stinkiest lines I recoup.
Forgive the re-run;
I still find them fun,
Even if you think them poop.
--- H Welchel
Inspiring me to turn and be bent.
Is there any one
Who's free to have fun?
Whatever you want, I'll consent!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Another thing about limericks to be said:
The news group that spawned us,
And hasn't yet scorned us
Keeps us from becoming brain-dead.
--- S C Saint
We can meet by the dawn's early light.
Our discussion refined
Will be strictly confined
To good points of a member upright.
--- Phil Cannibal P9102
Bring out all my anti-tech fears.
Computers? Obscene!
Hell, I've only been
On the net a scant 22 years!
I was saddened, glum and I fret.
It alt.limericks
A lot of limp dicks,
With no wit or verse, just wet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For sending a book that is screwy,
Since lims on liquidity
Can't claim their validity,
While omitting the one that is gluey.
--- Hugh Clary
My guess is if you're not a Jane Doe...
Nor Russell...nor Fonda...
You're Jane Giaconda.
Me Tarzan AND me want to know.
--- Irving Superior P9102
He's one guy whom I'd want to know.
He wants to give pleasure,
The kind you can't measure!
It's time. You can put up or show!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's in love where this poet has fell.
What's crazier yet,
We met on the net
And I'm so fucking happy -- I YELL!!!
--- Writerman
Whose verses may your anger fan;
If I'm contrary--
Obituary
HE MISSED THE BOAT BUT HIT THE FAN.
--- Irving Superior P9105
And strong coffee-drinkers, not tea men.
While ladies ARE few,
They would not eschew
A goodly supply of Bull's Semen.
--- Anon
Though my rhymes may sometimes be crude,
But today is the day
That I jump in the fray.
Forgive me should my ass protrude!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Nor wistfully search for a friend.
Bread and wine, verse and bough,
Cannot comfort me now,
That I find I have Thou in the blend.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who'd expect finding most of you out there?
I love seeing old friends
With new names popping in,
Just don't put me under the crosshair.
--- Anon
This is file qgl
A difference exists, 'twixt the two.
The one saving grace
In this news-group place:
When you fail, no one's laughing at you.
--- Irish
Though personally I think it's askew.
I enjoy this group's wit,
And the fun they transmit;
I'll leave future politicking to you.
--- S C Saint
Whom you lust over, I once heard tell;
Don't you want on your lap
A loose broad, not a JAP,
One who licks, sucks, and screws very well?
--- Mark Levy P9702
Great limericks -- both of them write them!
Imagination recalls
Her mouth near his balls,
And Stan yelling, "Charlotte, don't bite them!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
What you are means naught to this troupe.
I'm pure and I'm chaste --
All over the placed
By randy men from this news group.
--- Anon
When spammers we'd always confront.
We'd call them rude names
And mention in flames,
The sores on their Mom's filthy cunt.
--- Archie
Please put me right here with the rest.
I've polished my rhyming
And metered my timing;
I think I can run with the best.
--- Bob Leclerc
Surveying his too-empty bunk.
Anon's feeling like mud,
Stan is pulling his pud,
But Sylvie's in search of a hunk!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Post nothing to bat_outa_hell.
The postman will pounce
And give it the bounce.
Send here to be ringing my bell.
--- Anon
Has recently been gone away.
I've heard his hard breathing;
I guess now he's seething,
But still, I am glad he's okay.
--- Cyber Wizard
Of Totty; got sweaty and hot,
But's now turned to drink
To lessen the stink
And taste of Nell's mouldering twat.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And show off the good things he's got.
His breathing got hard,
(And that ain't all, pard,)
He can't be put off by a clot!
--- Marlene Lewis
While Charlotte is off on her cruise."
But her pussy's no match
For Charl's perfect snatch,
And her blowjobs no man can refuse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For majoring in chickie ballage.
But on this cool 'net
I sometimes can get
A bonus from processing knowledge.
For making a little mistake!
Now a pat on the back
Instead of the flack;
STARGAZER, to me gives a break.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'd like to hit him with a bat.
I don't know "network"
But I know the jerk
Who hired him is one stupid rat.
--- Anon
When will you start some dick lickin'?
You say you give head,
But it's all talk instead!
Give us some HOT limericking!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Wants his girlfriend to cease and desist.
Now that this art you've mastered,
Sylvie, don't let the bastard
Take you from out of our midst!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We welcome you into our fold!
Seduce us and use us,
Tease us, abuse us --
You're ours now -- to have and to hold!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Sylvie, are panting for you.
You'll get so much action,
You'll end up in traction,
Without even O.J. to sue!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You speak of your fabulous twat!
Are you Charlotte's replacement?
Bring it down to my basement --
And I'll give it all that I've got!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It shows in her latest reaction.
It's time that you dare,
Show your sweet derriere,
And take in an eager erection.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Og and SportFan their talents have shown;
New guys, show your stuff!
Put your face in my muff,
And try to make Sylvie groan!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Together, let's give them some heady!
You pick your beau
And off we will go.
Move fast, 'cause I'm checking out Phreddie!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Cut redundant expenses by all.
And now he expects
All our telephone sex
To be made by via conference call.
--- Alex Heydon P0508
They've thrown rhyme schemes and meter away.
They fuck up their verses
With meaningless curses.
What's worse is they post every day.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In fact I'm in quite a snit.
A brand new young Debby,
Who posts as a webbie,
Is throwing her weight 'round a bit!
--- Anon
Do NOT speak of anything "dog".
Not "style", and not "whippet";
"Piece of tail"? Best snip it
Or you'll end up underneath Ogg.
--- Anon
But in truth they're not worth a jot.
That Main's quite the man
For rhyming and scan.
So tell us what's right and what's not.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Why it's popular I can understand.
Although triple X
Gets more hits, I guess,
It's hard to surf with just one hand.
--- Lars
Or the Alsation balls made of brass,
Must be sent to Toast Point;
Gets his nose out of joint.
Getting T.P. pissed is a gas!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Got a real heavy date with John Deere
We roll in high grass
Hay rake up our ass
Did I hear our Toast Point give a cheer?
--- Anon
Whose "rank meat" gave Toast Point the heaves.
Said Toast, "I'll not publish
This disgusting rubbish."
Thus the poet just sits and he grieves.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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