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For my joke you'll give five bucks U.S.? We welcome the new ones each day, Dude, you can't rhyme worth a shit, Fuck you with burning old tires, If Brad hasn't yet read this page, Cunts are for giving a poke. You dirty rotten old hag! Don't know what is so fucking cool, These spamming assholes I despise I'm sure that you feel you're inventive, Dejanews.com is promised spam free. It is really not that hard at all; Jim Rutledge, that miserable skunk, A limerick flame war? How quaint. Now listen, you sorry assed Brits, Why bother to apologise, A stranger who enters to smite us You droll pathetic young twit, You're a fool and you lack our deep sympathy. (Alexander Pope - fools hate men of wit)
Well, most here would tell you to screw Why bother to mail us at all, Is it barbs this schmuck wants to trade? Yes Jenny, we heard you before. Dear Jokes, this here group is devout To my minions and critics: For Shame! (McWilliam to critics who were unjustly flaming him)
If his poems are an indication You're a spamming, misogynist twit. The times are a-changing, indeed; Wildman must learn to rhyme; Oh spammer, come into our lab; What are you? Fucking half-witted? We don't want your recycled prose. Now that, Tiddy Ogg, makes me mad! Like some, I'm not one to backbite, Your insults are just brutish thuggery, This Phillip Nikolayev, who's he? How uplifting to see Tiddy Ogg Well done, sir, a worthy reply; Don't this dumb shit make you ill? I see that this creature still wallows (flame for Pumba)
You know, I have seen that type. He Here's a solution, unabashed, You need, sir, a shaft of cold steel, No need for insulting each other; To call me a "nut" is a low one. An asteroid's coming, my dears; My god we are busy tonight! I see that the ripoffs persist, Steve is a guy with no sense. A charming old fella named Ogg, Your insults are moronic at best, It pains me that John is annoyed, Should I meet you, you half-witted swine Somehow, it amazes me yet In this newsgroup, we all think it's fun, Go fuck off, you damn stupid cunt. You are wrong, you abhorrent rejection. Go take your dumb slap-happy prose, You guys are deeply perverted A crusty curmudgeon called Mort Calm down. Have a seat. Take a break. Hey gang, have we chased away Par? Where is his sidekick, Malo Other rats have deserted the ship, Could it be that this man is a troll So I sought the crass author to squelch,
Your generosity drives me to distress.
Take your five dollar bill,
Shove it up your ass until
You're cured of this spamming B.S.
--- S C SAINT
Unless they've things snooty to say.
Then tell them "bye-bye,"
And "Eat shit and die!";
You know, just the usual way.
--- Cheryl
Due to the fact you lack wit.
Your meter's way off
And for this I scoff.
If you can't write right, then GIT!
--- K-man
Then piss on you to stink up the fires.
Then poke through your nads
With shit-covered brads,
Connected to battery wires.
--- H Welchel
It's because he's most likely engaged
In hand-to-gland combat,
Or fucking a wombat,
Named Broni, he keeps in a cage.
--- Loz
Cocks are for bitches to smoke.
Pipes are for crack,
And kids are a snack,
And you will suffice for a joke.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You'd do anything for a shag.
Your face -- a disgrace
To the whole human race.
You bloody old used douche-bag!
--- Gearhart
Unless it's the tip of my tool.
It seems there's a draft
From your momma's aft;
Her fart-blasts are drying her drool.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And seek to hasten their demise.
And one for the guys,
I'll cherish their cries
As I zip up their meat in their flies.
--- S&M
To particulars, hightly attentive.
But to tell you the truth,
You're merely uncouth,
And a blithering anal-retentive.
--- Mailhtims
Is that how you happened to be
Cluttering up our newsgroup
With your St. Paddy's poop.
Haul your green ass on back to Tralee.
--- S C Saint
Writing limericks can be quite a ball!
So don't be a cheater;
Stick to the meter;
Or we'll flame your lame ass to the wall!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who bombards newsgroups with his junk,
Should go rest his feet
In a tub of concrete.
Then, be dropped in the sea in a trunk!
--- Anon
Like stuff in the newsgroups, this ain't.
Since maintaining a schism
In correct rhyme and rhythm,
Imposes unusual constraint.
--- Anon
Your prose has been giving me fits.
Pedophile or queer,
It's LIMERICKS here,
You cross-posting dumb bunch of twits.
--- Frank Fazed
For a program that will plagarize.
Defender's a wowser
Who can't work a browser;
Ignorance is not a disguise.
--- Frank Fazed
Says our verses are naught but detritus.
But the scan of his own
Would make anyone groan,
So he fails in his effort to slight us.
--- Hugh Clary
I doubt that you'd understand "wit",
So be a good chappy,
And fasten your nappy,
Because you've been dribbling shit.
--- Anon
We're too smart to be feeling much empathy.
We are men of great wit,
While you merely eat shit.
It's no wonder you're filled with antipathy.
--- Ward Hardman
Yourself, but herewith are a few.
There's many to choose,
But I'm hitting the booze,
So let Google find 'em for you.
--- Anon
If the odes that you read here appall.
Just go back to alt
dot finding dot fault,
Where everyone's brain cells are small.
--- PeterW
Then he damn will should sharpen his blade.
I hope this bed wetter
Learns to write a lot better
By the time that he reaches fifth grade.
--- MrMalo
You're really becoming a bore.
Go tickle your throat
With the choat of a goat.
And then with a cactus bush, score.
--- Tiddy Ogg
About limericks; that's what it's about.
We think it's a crime
That your jokes do not rhyme;
POST LIMERICKS OR KEEP THE HELL OUT!
--- John Miller
You besmirch my illustrious name!
But now I abide
For I found on each side
That the total I.Q.'s were the same.
--- Jim McWilliam
Of, sexually-speaking, frustration,
Michael Weinstein, I'd say,
In a Freudian way,
Is harboring anal fixation.
--- Michael Polo P8605
Kindly take all your lame JokesnShit,
Fold in half, then in thirds;
Shove them up where your turds
And your brains are as one. And then split!
--- Scott
In this group you'd never succeed.
Had Malo been here,
To stuff up your rear,
That organ through which you once peed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The shit he posts now is a crime.
Here's some prudent advice,
(I'm just tring to be nice)
Put down the crack while there's time!
--- Lauren TP9802
We'll strap you right down on a slab;
Then, your ass-crack we'll coat
With some hot creosote,
But you'll never again have a crab!
--- Allen Wolverton
What is this CRAP you have shitted?
It ain't limericks, you fool.
We should have us a rule:
No one under 18 admitted.
--- MrMalo
Go stick that stuff right up your nose,
Or up your mom's twat,
That's so sweaty and hot,
That none but John Miller there goes.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It's not that the poem was so bad,
But if I, alone,
There buried my bone,
Why, that makes me Mike Newlands' DAD!
--- John Miller
This is file pkl
But now, this is crap that you cite...
Like many a twit,
You think you're a wit,
But sadly, you're only half right!
--- Anon
I've seen better lines come from shrubbery.
No doubt you've had beers
And likings for queers,
Resulting in penchants for buggery!
--- Bellal Yakub
That name just means nothing to me.
If limericks he'd write,
Then maybe I might
Take note, else he jumps in the sea.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Bubble out of the bloggable bog.
In a fitting receptacle
His remarks highly skeptical
Will take a good flush to unclog.
--- Phillip Nikolayev
Perhaps you ain't too bad a guy.
And if you aren't sore,
Please contribute some more,
In this verse form, which many despise.
--- Tiddy Ogg
We wish that his ma took the pill,
Instead of begettin'
An absolute cretin,
Who plagiarises old Benny Hill.
--- Anon
In ditches and mudflats and shallows.
And yes, AJL,
Where I have heard tell
That after a blowjob, he swallows.
--- John Miller
Must have come staight from his diapie.
He's unkempt and uncouth,
A dispecable youth,
'Cause after he eats, he won't wipe me.
--- Cyber Wizard
For your apparent problem with gas.
Grab your ears firm and hard,
And pull very hard, pard;
The pop was your head from your ass!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Stuffed right up your ass, so you feel
As warm as fresh toast,
As spit-wise you roast,
Till burnt to a cinder...ideal.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Each limericist here is a brother.
(Or sister; no matter...)
To wrap up this chatter;
Are you still having sex with you mother?
--- John Miller
Sin not; those wild oats, don't you sow one.
If you're on to my vice,
You might try to be nice,
For it takes a real nut just to know one.
--- Cap'n Bean
Be here in about twenty years.
With luck we'll affect it,
Precisely direct it
On spammers and plagiarist queers.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I squeezed in a space oh so tight.
The script keeps on flowing,
It's time to get going
And start up a limerick fight.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With the lim-stealers back in our midst.
They've taken new names,
But they still suffer flames,
When you gave them your ass to be kissed.
--- Anon
His odious post makes offense.
His spelling is hell.
His rhyming doth smell.
The stench of his verse makes me tense.
--- H Welchel
With a face like a rottweiller dog,
Lived way down the south
With a plum in his mouth,
And a brain that was missing a cog!
--- Anon
And quite rude, since you're only a guest.
Another British snob
Obsessed with dad's knob,
Perhaps you should try sucking a breast.
--- Pepe
But wisdom suggests he avoid
Such battles of wits,
Being one of those shits
I've invited to suck on my 'rhoids.
--- Par Q
And you'd start with that indignant whine,
I would kick you, you smart-ass
In the part of your carcass
Where the sun doesn't normally shine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That it's clever to some on the 'net,
To get in a snit,
And throw all kinds of shit
Upon people whom they've never met!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Keeping spammers like you on the run.
If you won't take the time
To ply us with rhyme,
Then your troubles with us have begun.
--- John Miller
Prose posts are to us an affront.
So go stuff up your preaching
Where sunlight ain't reaching;
In fact, up your ass, to be blunt.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You're folks should have used contraception.
But now that you're here,
I'll support with good cheer
That they use you for live vivisection.
--- Hugh Clary
And place where the sun never rose.
And maybe in time,
Should you learn to rhyme,
We might let you back, I suppose.
--- Anon
(Perhaps I'm a bit too assertive)
I'm looking for limericks,
Not sexual gimmericks,
And here, to base nature you've reverted.
--- Kevin O'Conner
Emitted an insolent snort.
And he said, in a flash,
"You belong in the trash!
Too bad your mom didn't abort!"
--- P Chernoff
Filthy limericks are what we make.
The dirtiest yet
Is one I won't forget
'Bout your mama, the mule, and the snake.
--- MrMalo
Is he drowning his grief in some bar?
Have we failed to be civil?
Put out too much drivel?
(Who's in charge of the feathers and tar?)
--- John Miller
His pleasantries I do miss so!
His sweet gentle ways
Once brightened our days.
So where did that curmudgeon go?
--- John Miller
Cheating us out of humor and quip.
Let's grab a sack
And drag them all back,
For more fun that a post-nasal drip!
--- John Miller
In the Stygian depths of his soul?
When I tried to divine
The true state of his mind,
All I could find was a hole.
--- Anon
Plugging nostrils to quell his foul belch.
Held him at arm's length;
Then used all my strength
To fungo with bat this dull wretch.
--- Anon
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