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From the gashes did pour such a stench, To sidestep this fate, rather vile, Dear John, don't regard all Brits twit, Dear Bob, I don't think all Brits twits; It's not true, we're not all like that Brit, Oh hardly, you snow boggled twit; A bastard from North of the States, That this stupid Canadian queer I admire your poetic incentive. Is a moose head so wrong, my good man? If I seem rude just a bit, Of your dislike of this group you write, So us you've decided to flame, Well Terry, I am just elated Now Chunky, let's put it this way, 'Cause Wittgenstein, Russell, et al, We've not had a chance here to hammer, But Warbidal sure slipped the net; If you want the old cow then feel free; (BSE - bovine spongiform encephalopathy = mad cow disease)
To her madness you're now a key factor, While you ride 'round the yard on my spouse, Alexis, you're really beyond Mr Malo, why be so polite? Still a newbie to handling a flame; I had to do "Off with his head!" I went to his site (as you see), Funny Bone is condemned as a spammer Master Funny Bone's not really bad; Excuse my abrupt clarification I'm extracting the piss of your site, The limerick police apprehended The court of limerick arbitration, Punishment was simple and not messy: Mr Martin, I've looked all around For it's just to right-wingers you cater. Now warmed up, I'll get this off my chest. Please take yurself off to Iraq, What if Iraq gets a monsoon, So now I see you're down here slumming; Sometimes I go slumming, it's true; With his sarcasm and wit, Mr. Main, At first I thought I'd be riled; I once knew a man, David Bourke, I once knew a man, Jon Gearhart, Pars Is a vulgar fraction; Pars has got naught up above; His ancestors never went Viking; Pars, you've writ thinkings just rude; Your get all your rocks off with flame, Ad Hominum attacks are neat; The pretentious Norse person I'm tired of being a flamer. I think Par should give it a rest. I agree. Par, now take a rest, You stupid sub-teen little jerk, May I have your kind attention; Over the years I've scored hundreds of kills; And please don't take my flames personal; I've been here for years you know; "Oh Sweetpee! My juices are flowing!" And poetry classes, Good God! Now if I went to alt.poetry, And the spammers are ever-present; Now one may post as one pleases, Post limericks about big splotches So now my position's defended Now here's to that old duffer, Fred,
I could but hug belly and retch
My breakfast's burnt toast,
'Long with his filthy posts,
Which withered the flowers and the vetch.
--- Anon
I suggest that you entertain guile
To a cretin forfend.
I can but recommend
The blessing of "Blocked Senders" file.
--- Anon
Just because of one little shit.
He's sure to be flamed,
And who can be blamed
For wishing one Brit twit to quit.
--- Bob Hunt a
But a Brit twit should quit if it fits.
But I'll cease, lest I rile
Someone else from our isle,
'Cause a shit by a Brit twit's the pits.
--- John Miller a
Who seems to be half full of shit.
It's a well-hidden rumor
But we like our humor,
And like you, I think he's a twit.
--- Bob G
It's simply the lack of the wit,
To come up with some lines,
Instead of the whines
Of a Swede who can't write rhymes for shit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Writes about how much he hates
The lack of some lines
And also the whines,
Of a snow-boggled Swede reprobate.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Can type is quite a mystere.
With both hands on his cock,
All dressed up in a frock,
And a moose-head rammed far up his rear.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's clever, hard=hitting, inventive --
But a moose up the rear,
Is a tad...well...severe,
Let's hope he's not anal retentive.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It certainly fills up my can.
And those long flowing dresses
Fit well with my tresses;
Now how to hide the hair on my hand?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Or offensive to your snappy wit,
Let me say to you now,
And I mean it and how,
I couldn't give less of a shit.
--- Terry
But you didn't have to be so polite.
I find your flame
A little bit lame,
For someone so full of shite.
--- Bob
I seem to remember your name.
Your ditty did rhyme
In perfect time,
To bad we don't care, what a shame.
--- Arden
To find that your not constipated.
Done scratching your ass
Aand passing your gas?
Perhaps you will get fornicated.
--- Frank Fazed
Philosophers oft have their say,
About what is real,
And good, but I feel,
They'd all advise that you don't stay...
--- Anon
Would gently explain to you, pal,
We limerickers curse
Any post not in verse,
And always it seems that they shall.
--- Anon
For some time, an old-joke site spammer,
I thought they'd grown tools,
And gone back to schools,
To learn just a wee bit of grammar.
--- Anon
Despite double condoms he yet
Slid out the foul crack
Of a whore's festering, slack
Cunt hole, after sex with a pet.
--- Anon
While you boff her it keeps her off me.
It seems when you're deep in
At least she'd not beefin'
'Bout the fact that she's got BSE.
--- Duke Dillon
As bullshitters like you now attract her.
But do not ask how
She became a mad cow,
'Cause on her farm she thinks she's a tractor.
--- Duke Dillon
I found some retards at your house.
You really shouldn't oughter
Bear kids by your daughter,
You filthy incestuous louse!
--- Duke Dillon
The boundaries of which we are fond.
It's apparent to folks
From your lame-assed jokes,
You're probably a dumb fucking blonde.
--- MrMalo
Your flame of this nerd is too light.
This asshole Alexis
Shouldn't come here to vex us;
Let's drive him clear off of this site...
--- John Miller
For this asshole I am really game.
So mail me the trick
Of bombing his prick,
To make him wish he'd never came.
--- F Ormatsee
Because the poor guy was brain dead.
He thought he was hot
And posted this shot:
"Come see my butt," his invite said.
--- Anon
But his butt does nothing for me.
While, true, it is male;
Its so awfully pale,
He's giving out samples for free.
--- Anon
With a wit just as sharp as a hammer.
But he covers his crime
By spamming in rhyme.
(How are things, Funny Bone, in the slammer?)
--- John Miller
He's just young and naive; he's a lad.
But I think that his sig
Is a trifle too big,
Even though he reduced it a tad.
--- Peter Wilkins
But your newsgroup is an abomination.
Its crap I've not seen;
It's made me quite green,
Resulting in quick urination.
--- Bellal Yaqub
I've never seen more that quite shite!
It caught me off guard,
I laughed so hard,
But not with, but at you, alright?
--- Bellas Yaqub
The man who had badly offended,
By his crime so heinous
And general gayness,
The writers of limericks so splendid.
--- Anon
After hours of deliberation,
A verdict they reached:
That diceman has breached
The rules held in much veneration.
--- Anon
"Perform cunnilingus on Bessy
And Felch her young calf,
Fellate a giraffe,
And take up your bum good old Nessy"
--- Anon
This is file pjl
And your "writing" 's nowhere to be found
Except on your site.
Who would publish such shite?
Any printout would be dumpster bound.
--- Anon
You're a frustrated Hillary hater.
All this paranoid tripe
And conspiracy hype
Shows a mind at the intellect's nadir.
--- Anon
Far too few of your lims pass the test.
Just to be more specific,
You're far more prolific
Than witty. Now give it a rest.
--- Anon
Or some such, and never come baq,
Till hell freezes hard,
And my dick's length's a yard,
And Carol I get in the saq.
--- Anon
Or elephants go to the moon,
The White cliffs of Dover,
Turn purple all over?
I guess that won't happen real soon.
--- Anon
These threads really keep the group hummng.
But if two cents were paid
For the poems you just made,
I think you might have some change coming.
--- MrMalo
It seems like the right thing to do.
To learn about life,
Where evil is rife --
And how else would I ever met you?
--- Kaylin Brandon
Is in everyone's bottom, a pain.
With no kids or a wife,
Slight resemblance of life,
Save a feeble excuse for a brain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My name, it was being defiled.
Then I thought, why be harried,
I'm not even married.
And so I relaxed and I smiled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who found a cute filly to pork.
He bent her over
And did her like Rover,
As he plugged her hole with his cork!
--- Gearhart
Who could, in strict time from his rear, fart.
His guffs, he'd morse-code 'em,
Like some human modem;
His sphincter-control was just sheer art!
--- David Bourke
Infinitely small's the reaction.
To Math-heads who know,
Its meaning does show;
It's more extra-minute compaction.
--- Anon
His mind's not there, out with a shove.
His head is the same;
(His parents to blame;
His Pa paid his Ma for her love.
--- Archie
They were too scared of the fighting.
Now their descendent
Thinks he's ascendant.
Pars - He's proudly bad writing.
--- Archie
In real life you are such a prude.
Your very best scansion
Is naught but a scam, son;
Your subjects, unnaturally crude.
--- Archie
And looking for some one to blame.
But your lines iambic,
They make even me sick.
Your rantings, they all sound the same!
--- Archie
The last place to hide when you're beat.
It really does show
Your talent's no-go.
Par, go and climb up your own seat.
--- Archie
Is now getting so much worse on
His boring complaints.
They make me feel faints;
On him I will just put a curse on.
--- Archie
Vlad, I'll become, the impaler.
Nikes cold metal bar
Is verticular,
And Par is on it, the failer.
--- Archie
He's proven he's far from the best
At choosing the words,
That won't stink like turds,
When placed in phrase anapest.
--- Frank
You've lost while out fighting the best.
You've nowhere to stand;
You're foolish, mad and
Anapest, anapest, anapest.
--- Archie
Insulting skilled people at work.
Now watch what you say
Or your hide we will flay;
Your ass we'll anapestically ferk!
--- Archie
It seems that I may cause some tension;
Please don't take offense
(Or expect recompense!)
From my posts, the main source of dissension.
--- MrMalo
Jacks mostly but also some Jills.
If your post is lame,
Rest assured a flame
From Malo will improve your skills.
--- MrMalo
I'm merely just being conversonal,
And if you attack
By flaming me back,
Well Jesus, you don't have to curse and all!
--- MrMalo
I've seen limerickers come and go.
I too've come and gone
And I find upon
My return a sex chat room show.
--- MrMalo
"Oh lovebird! My pecker is growing!"
Well, Christ on a stick!
You're making me sick!
Try undernet's alt.40+ crowing.
--- MrMalo
I'm reading these, starting to nod!
You can take that pap
To alt dot crap!
Limericks? Not one in the wad.
--- MrMalo
And posted a limerick or three,
Those tight-assed snobs
Would shit brass knobs
To throw at an asshole like me.
--- MrMalo
For them I'm the most unpleasant.
I'll chew'em and spit'em
Or eat'em and shit'em
While stuffing their mom like a pheasant.
--- MrMalo
But some things just give me the wheezes.
You've a brain microscopic
If you think you're on topic,
With poems on the birth of sweet Jesus.
--- MrMalo
Of jism on young girls crotches.
Or two goats and a nun
Having bestial fun,
While Clinton (with halo) just watches.
--- MrMalo
And the whole fucking place is upended,
But before I go,
I would just like to know,
Is there anyone I haven't offended?
--- MrMalo
Who ain't got a brain in his head.
And he don't know a lim
From a hyena's quim,
And takes rubber dollies to bed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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