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A baby in booties and bonnet There once was a girl named Lana I think I have met this young Lana, "Marijuana," said Little Bo Peep, And here on this real laid-back day, Local newsmen protest the suppression We've heard those who smoke marijuana All male pot smokers I've seen, Those doctors, be certain to fear. I come to you in my time of need; I really don't want to go home So any girls out there, take heed; Like to put it in her, but can't? Lightbulb? I'm surprised it is on. That Viagra thing doesn't work. I won't get any for a while, It has its advantages, granted! You see, if it hangs to the right, A greedy young pusher named Ash I love to roll for hours; I smoked the last of my weed; I live in a small community, To purchase a kilo of hash, A guru smoked much marijuana Visit Turkey, and try the hashish; The Supreme Court has voted, eight-zip, Your message is received loud and clear, Before you smoke, mustn't you cut, There is an old druggie named Dieter, There once was a hooker named Alice "Dearest Doctor," I said, "What to do? A farmer who was smokin' some skank; I want what Witch Hazel has got; As green as her brownies could be, Last year I was in Tijuana Confessed City Manager Boroff, Though the really top corporate brass Weed Summa cumcannabis dopus, There was a young lady named Kristen Today I fired Kristin for riding Marijuana, the herb is divine, A regular guy was St Loaned; And then I discovered a spot I've a good friend goes by Mary Jane, A serious student named Trotsky A hippity-hoppity rabbit Oh, you and me, and old Uncle Sam, A coed from Temple named Donna So you say that you don't want to knit. No wonder your mind is a gone-a, There once was a man named Anslinger; Rape a child, get a slap on the wrist; There once was a girl from Peru, Schoolmasters are chock full of charm I found a nice spot in the sun; I've smoked pot all of my life; The love of outdoors is the spark An anchorman fond of his booze, We applaud your erudition, There once was a man from Nantucket, A prominent man in Biloxi The night before Christmas is here; O'Leary (stone drunk it is said) A young adult stopped by LAPD, (Los Angeles Police Dept) Is a cellar the same as a basement? Some very old scotch they were drinking; A young married man in Poughkeepsie
Has a pot; poops and pees when upon it;
But as quick as you got
The kid off the pot,
He surely as hell is back on it.
--- Ed Potts P8803
Who was fond of both flora and fauna.
The leaves that she needs
Do not grow on trees;
Her preference is for marijuana.
--- Gearhart
While fondling herself in my sauna!
"How'd you get in?"
I asked with a grin,
While eyeing that girlish blond fauna.
--- Gearhart
"Is a crop I can raise with my sheep.
When the weather is sunny,
There is plenty of money;
I merely must weed it and reap."
--- Hugh Clary
There's nothing that I gotta say,
'Cept if you find my sheep
Y'all welcome to keep
Them, 'cause man, they're just blowin' away.
--- Anon
Of the Congressman's startling confession:
With the chair from Sin City
Of a Senate committee,
He had sometimes arranged a joint session.
--- A N Wilkins P8803
Love it and all the time wanna
But doctors agree
It sometimes can be
What causes man's droopy iguana
--- Anon
Kept girlfriends quite peachy and keen.
And the doctors who
Don't smoke; (there's a few)
Take percodans, 'ludes, and morphine.
--- Anon
As well those who say, "Choose a beer!"
God made Mary Jane.
Beer's man-made (that's plain).
In whom we should trust is quite clear.
--- Anon
This morning, my girlfriend has fleed
For three years to study
Far away, and I'm bloody
All out of "medicinal" weed.
--- Bonnie Lewis
To an empty house all alone.
I guess I could stay
At work without pay,
And put the house up for a loan.
--- Bonnie Lewis
Come to me and do a good deed.
If you're good in bed
And giving good head,
I'll sell your body to buy weed.
--- Bonnie Lewis
Or seek some fine filly? You shan't.
Three years with no poon
Can make one's head swoon.
Speaking of which, I'll help with the plant.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Dim bulb from the sound of your song.
You smoke so much weed
For three years, you'll need
Viagra to get up your dong.
--- Bonnie Lewis
Embarrassed? I felt such a jerk,
For taking two pills
Did not cure my ills,
But gave me a throbbing knee-jerk.
--- SFA
Abstaining will make it worthwhile,
'Cause when she is back,
I'm doing her crack,
Though I hope I won't be infertile!
--- Lightbulb
At least my seeds wouldn't be planted
In the garden: Eden
I'll continue weedin'
Until to the right, it has slanted.
--- Lightbulb
I'll find myself in quite a plight.
Kept in my right pocket --
My gun, if I cock it,
Goodbye to my dongle of light.
--- Lightbulb
Spent hours in guarding his cache
Of H, LSD,
And most faithfully
His three tones of Mexican hash.
--- Armand E Singer 735
My enthusiasm never sours.
For touching my pot,
I like it a lot;
It has almost mystical powers.
--- aNON
A bong-load is all that I need.
My friends are out too;
So what can we do?
Perhaps you can send me some seed.
--- Joe California
Where we smoke pot with impunity.
Local RCMP
Do not like us, you see,
But if busted, we'll fight for immunity.
--- Quiche BC
Dear Father, this year I'd like cash;
And also because
I can't afford whores,
Now that sister's charging for gash.
--- Q
And then went into a hot sauna.
He did not, I believe,
NIRVANA achieve,
Nor did he expect he was gonna.
--- Gary Hallock
Go ahead -- smoke as much as you wish.
But it's tempting the fates
To sneak hash to the states,
'Cause, then, they'll arrest you -- capisch?
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407
That no matter how sick, you can't trip.
You can, if you wanna
Still use marijuana,
If you're able to give cops the slip.
--- Dr Limerick 05-14-01
But I think your suggestion is queer.
My grass is as high,
As an elephant's eye;
But we smoke it, not mow it 'round here.
--- David Miller
Then store said cut grass in a hut?
My thinking is; if
You light a wet spliff,
Then someone will put out your butt.
--- Anon
Who pops an occasional speeder.
He loves smoking pot,
And tokes up a lot,
But insists "I really don't need 'er."
--- Dieter Vancouver
Who grew her own pot in a chalice.
When caught by a cop,
She first swallowed the crop
And then offered to swallow his phallus!
--- Gearhart
Marijuana serves better than you!"
He cried, "Do you think
I am merely a shrink?
And your payment is long overdue!"
--- AC Kansas
Said, "I have my Pappy to thank.
He left me the deeds
And enough hooter seeds,
To laugh all the way to the bank!
--- Anon
Her energy's running real hot.
She'll fly all around;
She'll leap and she'll bound;
Her pep comes from her smoking pot.
--- Travis
This is file pjm
Were the brownies of stoner, Marie;
And those who partook
Had a satisfied look,
And a sense of phenomenal glee.
--- Cap'n Bean P0410
And I found some great marijuana.
I did a good deed
And brought back some seed,
So now I can smoke when I wanna.
--- Colin Quebec
"I used to love sex, but that wore off;
Believe it or not,
I've taken to pot,
Plus stuff, saner men than I swore off."
--- Armand Singer
Think Yuppies all right as a class,
Since they won't hire the lot
Of those who smoke pot,
The Yuppies keep off the grass.
--- A N Wilkins P8803
Highest of all of Europa's,
Caused the prodigy Flynn,
With a sharp violin,
To butcher a magnum opus.
--- Cyber Geezer
Who looked for a job to assist in;
On horseback she rode
To the nearest commode,
To locate the pot that she pissed in.
--- Eric Perlin
Along with the sheriff and siding
With him when he found
Some plants on the ground,
Then pissed on the pot I've been hiding.
--- Travis Brasell
For it serves far better than wine.
Though I do love a toke
Of a good neighbor's smoke,
I so much prefer when it's mine!
--- Anon
Made tinctures from plants that he owned.
Before he had croaked,
He also had smoked
The mull he had privately grown!
--- Archie
Where the noise and the people are not.
The place was the best
For a well deserved rest,
Complete with the fragrance of pot.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505
Who the government says rots your brain.
But I'm skeptical 'cause
On pot I was
When I wrote this. It stopped my migraine.
--- Anon
Imagined he knew a whole lotsky.
But he didn't know much
About reefers and such,
And soon he was hung up on potsky.
--- Alsops Foibles
If offered a joint, leapt to grab it.
He claimed, at no point
During smoking a joint,
Was inhaling a part of his habit.
--- Prof M-G
We brought Democracy to Vietnam.
We fucked monkeys and yaks,
Little girls in black slacks,
And smoked pot till we gave not a damn!
--- G1311
Got stoned on her first marijuana.
She fucked herself silly
At a frat house in Philly
And swallowed a dozen piranha.
--- David Miller
Have a gram of my pot, take a hit.
'Stead of climbing the walls,
You'll be scratching your balls,
Watching sport, drinking beer, all that shit.
--- Peter Wilkins
You're smoking some bad marijuana.
Destroy all that shit
Before your next hit;
Here, toke some of mine if you wanna.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
About pot he was a mudslinger.
With backing from Hearst,
He claims it the worst,
Which we know is just a humdinger.
--- Anon
Grow some pot and get the judicial fist.
How dare you get high!
Perhaps you should try
Pedophilia -- it's less of a risk.
--- Gary Ontario
Who didn't know what she should do.
So she sat on her ass,
And smoked up some grass,
And now she's as ugly as you!
--- The Rightor P
And never would wish to cause harm.
I'd only use pot,
When I had a plot
To make a young miss a new Ma'am.
--- Anon
The babies I moved, one by one.
Planted with care,
Prayed for rain in the air,
Dreaming of autumn to come.
--- Clayton New Brunswick
I'm a mother, a lover, a wife.
Some think it is bad,
But I find that quite sad,
That others would wish me such strife.
--- Anon
Which makes lots of campers embark
For places they've known --
Mount Rainier, Yellowstone --
To spend fourteen days drunk in the park.
--- A N Wilkins P8610
Was arrested while reading the news.
"They're treating me bad."
He said, "All that I had
Was just one tini many martoos."
--- Cyber Geezer
But will offer no contrition
For those strange phrases
Which bring aphasias
To sots after imbibition.
--- Daniel Ford
Who got in a bar fight while drunket,
Along came the cops,
They picked up the sot,
And threw him outside on his duffet.
Was arrested for being intoxi...
The judge on the beat
Said, "Charge incomplete!"
Which everyone thought pretty foxy.
--- Lims Unlimited
Soon sleigh bells and reindeer we'll hear.
Each good girl and boy
Will get a new toy,
And the bad ones will get drunk on beer!
--- Lynn a
With O'Reilly was laid on the bed,
They'd gotten so pissed
That both of them missed
The fact that the other was dead.
--- John Miller
Was accused of being D.I.C.. (drunk in charge)
He was tested for drink;
Released quick as a blink;
He was carrying a small U.X.B.. (unexploded bomb)
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Are they just two names for one placement?
For the drunk and the sot --
Decidedly not.
A cellar's a name for abasement.
--- Laurence Perrine P8403
To tweak one another they're thinking.
Before ink gets blotted,
The two are besotted,
And heavy eyelids go unblinking.
--- Ken Bonnell
Went out on the town and got tipsy,
And he said to his wife,
"Oh, light of my life,
I fear that my doodle is dipsy."
--- Limber Limericks
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