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There once was a black-hearted knave
Who sold me some pills at a rave.
The bastard had gall;
He sold me Tylenol,
Instead of the substance I crave.
--- Phil T

Said a young lady named Abbey Bowen
This tale 'bout my boyfriend's worth knowin'.
Tranquilizers he takes
Then pep pills when he wakes;
Doesn't know if he's "calming or going."
--- Michael F Ellis P8902

I recently smoked my last roach;
'Twas easy; I needed no coach.
I did have one loss;
Wasted lots of sauce
When the space 'twixt the legs, I did broach.
--- Cyber Wizard

Errol Flynn when once he was blotto
Smeared cocaine on his dick and said, "What Ho!
When I start to reflect
On the women I've decked,
'Things go getter with Coke' is my motto."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8803

There once was a fellow named Norton
Who had a bad habit of snortin'
Cocaine every day,
Which came quickly his way,
For his brother was into importin'.
--- Cap'n Bean P9812

A truly great chemist is Flack,
Whose doctoral thesis on cack
Became world-renowned,
Has recently found
The stuff's as addictive as crack.
--- Armand E Singer 890

This child of the Age of Aquarius --
His hold on real life is precarious,
Not to speak of cocaine
Which has rotted his brain;
His sins of the flesh are quite various.
--- Armand E Singer 926

A dealer in cocaine named Moses
Has a problem that one might suppose is
That, though millions he reaps,
He's just one of those creeps
With his business in other folks noses.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8803

From the depths of a prison's confines
Came a sad cocaine user's bleak whines,
"How can limerists go free
While a fellow like me
Gets busted for doing five lines?"
--- Bob Giandomenico P8907

Though the Mexicans tend to be clannish,
A visitor's problems will vanish,
Observers report
If he is the sort
Who knows how to say COKE in Spanish.
--- A N Wilkins P8607

The film began with LSD --
The skipper, then, more wild grows he --
To needles and snorting,
Rebellion he's courting.
The film, The Cocaine Mutiny.
--- Irving Superior P8803

The Good Old Days -- "crack up" -- a plane
Or any girl while being lain.
"Crack down" -- to evil stop
Or if the girls on top.
Today a sales graph of cocaine.
--- Irving Superior P8803

Cocaine, if it is inhaled,
Your nares will be sorely assailed.
Free-based, it's toxic,
Makes you hypoxic --
And if you're caught, you'll be jailed.
--- Kaylin

Most dealers in coke, I suppose,
Don't think of themselves as our foes.
But in jails they sit, broken,
For incessantly pokin'
Their business in everyone's nose.
--- Anon

Says one GOP hopeful, "One blow
Will lay the damned deficit low.
Have the Feds sell Coke plain
And laced with cocaine.
The voter can simply say no."
--- A N Wilkins P8803

The Good Old Days when "dirty crack" --
A vulgar snide vocal attack,
Or else could allude
To pussies over-used.
We wish The Good Old Days were back.
--- Irving Superior P8803

A guy from New York has the knack
For mixing his sins in the sack.
He sprinkles his snow
On the mound of a 'ho,
And declares that he double snorts crack.
--- Irish a

Maradona, a footballing bloke,
Was in Switzerland when he awoke.
The doctors assured:
"You're finally cured.
As you see, you're drinking your Coke!"
--- Robin Maylett

There was a young girl dressed in black,
Who kept her drugs in a spice rack.
It wasn't her fault,
Her mom thought it salt;
Now her family is all hooked on crack.
--- Lims For Year - 01

There once was a crack-head named Gore;
He worked in a high-rise till four.
He had just gotten high,
And ran to the sky.
He fell from the thirty-first floor.
--- Anon

This month I'm among the decliners;
I won't corrupt innocent minors;
A theme about coke
Is a bad sort of joke
When some many of us are five-liners.
--- Ed Potts P8803

With Wham! George's music was funky.
Though gay, teenage girls thought him spunky;
But addicted to smack,
He's been caught offering "crack"
In toilets, to cops and a junkie.
--- David Miller

"No more drugs in my stable," said Gay,
As I've just had a really bad day;
And I've now made it plain,
That to drugs like cocaine,
All my horses should now just say "Neigh!"
--- David Miller

Her stash of cocaine's called "Rock, white"
Because of her dad's lofty height --
The media hacks
Just won't call it "crack",
Because "crack's" for the poor and non-white.

(Jeb Bush, Gov of Florida, daughter caught with cocaine)
--- Dr Limerick 12-10-02

The whole world's suffering attacks;
From somewhere comes dreaded anthrax.
It's hard to explain
To sellers of cocaine,
Why white powder demands have relaxed.
--- Tony Burrell

Maradonna's name linked with cocaine;
His football fans ask, is he sane?
Their idol, their dream,
Has gone down in esteem,
And their loss is a drug dealer's gain!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

You have all heard of a mule train;
From Jamaica comes a mule plane.
A kilo of coke
Inside every bloke,
But flying that way is a pain.
--- Tony Burrell

The carrier is known as a mule,
And he sure is a bit of a fool.
For it surely is plain
That cocaine is a pain,
So cocaine is a pain in the tool!
--- AA

There once was a dealer from Gary,
Who fell for a tight end named Barry.
He would fuck like a horse,
'Cause he needed the source
Of quality crack from a fairy!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Sensitive politician, Joe Zack,
When discovered to be smoking crack,
Went on the defensive;
Said, "This is offensive:
An affront to be taken aback!"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0305

Two narcs in a drug-busting pack
Bodysearched a fat bull-dyke named Mack
And to their surprise
After spreading her thighs,
Found hidden there ten pounds of crack.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8801

I am writing this letter to Scott
To say I've become antipot.
So he'd better take heed,
And get rid of the weed,
Or the sex that was hot, will be not.
--- Sheila B

There was a young student named Cass
Who said, "I don't know why they gas
So much about pot,
Get up tight and what not,
For the Bible says, 'All flesh is grass.'"
--- A N Wilkins P0211

This is file pkm

Deer Archie, you taut me a lot's;
Like coma's and, sentence-end dots...
The part I liked best
Was when we wood rest,
When we was done smoking those pot's.
--- Anon

I've quit that ol' huffin' and puffin';
For 4 years I haven't touched nuffin'.
On second thought [laugh]
Make that 4 and a half;
Summer '98 I ate that muffin.
--- Zaphod

A muffin? You ask, what's that got
To do with huff-puffin'? A lot!
'Cause guess what was in
That darn old muffin?
Four grams of the craziest pot.
--- Zaphod

Four grams in one muffin? - A LIE!
Well okay then, don't make me cry.
A sandcake it was,
But caused equal fuzz
When eaten, I thought I would die.
--- Zaphod

Well, 'dying' may be a bit strong
But goddamn! That trip lasted long;
In hours - 36!
With the mind playin' tricks,
I'll never again go so wrong.
--- Zaphod

You really should watch what you toke --
The stuff that you grow and then smoke,
Will cause you to go
quite mad, and you know,
Your brain is now just about broke.
--- Archie

Detoxification I need
After chewing this cannabis weed.
I was led to believe
By old Adam and Eve,
'Twas a vitamin supplement feed.
--- Anon

Once said an old begger of Kish,
"A Djinn once did grant me a wish.
The great demon spoke
From a big cloud of smoke,
But all of the smoke was hashish."
--- Phil T

"Us harlots," said Kate, "Grow our pot
In composted condoms and snot,
Douche-water and piss; it
Grows really good shit!
It smokes well, but smells like dead twat."
--- David Miller

When he planted some pot, Farmer Howie,
Didn't figure this treat for his cow. He
Got a second-hand buzz
From her milk, which now was
A brand new drink -- Cowie Wowie!
--- Ann Gasser P8803

A secret I'd like to unleash
That goes back to the days of Ganesh:
Leaf, trimmed from your flowers,
Has wonderful powers,
If sifted and pressed for hashish.
--- Dan Headcase

With some traffic stops there's a lot to it.
If you're holding, you may damn well rue it.
Though you may look benign,
They'll call in a canine;
It gets deep when they let the dog do it.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0512Q

There once was a fellow named Brian
Who rode to Port Jeff on a lion;
After smoking a joint
He returned to Blue Point
And both he and the lion were flyin'.
--- Anon

My dad has cancer and ate
The pot in the cookies I baked
For him with love.
With the help from above,
He'll live to see eighty-eight.
--- Anon

Worked all day long without hope;
Stress makes it so hard to cope.
So when I get home,
I twist up a bone,
And smoke the stuff not used for rope.
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Marty,
Said, "Weed gives me gas; makes me farty."
So when he would toot,
Those who knew, all would scoot
To his pad for a smokin' good party.
--- Anon

This morning I'm puffin' my pipe,
And my brain filled with wonderous light.
My mind flew away;
It's my body did stay.
Goddamn! This new weed is alright!
--- Eydol

The sweet tingly smell of good weed
Fills all smokers hearts with this need:
That their friends will share,
Their dealers be fair,
And that soon the good herb will be freed.
--- Michelle

Our son got caught with some pot,
But we went to court and we fought,
Against the law
That can hurt us all.
The proceedings got kind of hot.
--- Williams BC

I heard some weird things walking past
The Neuroscience session, on grass.
Good ideas? Not a bit.
They just talked loads of shit,
And all got green stains on their ass.
--- Anon

The helicopter buzzes over head;
Awakes me from my garden bed.
I can't let that cop
Destroy my crop.
I must grow it inside, instead.
--- Anon

All Muslims are guilty as hell,
But not for the towers that fell,
But they will not acknowledge
My rights to the foliage,
That God lets me grow and then sell.
--- Archie

But I think you'll find around here,
It's Christians who think it is clear
That the growing of dope
Means abandon all hope
Of meeting your maker sans fear.
--- John Miller

Pope Archie the First, the dope pope,
Is sliding full speed down the slope
To the Slough of Depraved
And Substance Enslaved,
Like that slime ball from Mena and Hope.
--- John Miller

I've recently been offered some hash;
Just an eighth for fifteen quid cash.
Though I've not taken before,
I'm told good vibes in store;
I think I might give it a bash.
--- Anon

Now Margaret does sure beat the lot,
As to where she's growing her pot.
See, mixed with my cum,
Stuck deep in her bum,
Is her crap ... man. Weed it is NOT!

They use dope in D.C., I swear.
It's obvious to me that they're
Smoking a lot,
And it must be pot.
I know that the joint chiefs are there.
--- Al Willis P9509

It's trouble when heavenly grass
Puts its user right down on his ass.
Though my mind is set,
They deserve what they get,
When they should have simply said "Pass!"
--- Chris Papa

Those guys that will use heavy weed
Have bladders that're much prone to bleed.
Though they feel spaced out,
There's cancer about,
Something that none of them need.
--- Chris Papa

Mary Jane's weed, described as fodder,
Produces behavior even odder.
For Grace's mudder
Offered as udder,
Under influence was a plodder.
--- Chris Papa

On my last visit to Mexico
They discovered the place that I stow
My three Kilo's of pot.
They never forgot
The capacity of my asshole.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

If only more people today,
Would stop hiding their stashes and say:
"I smoke up and its fun;
It won't hurt anyone;
So legalize pot right away!"
--- Michelle

My friend recently got cancer;
We found that pot was his answer,
To help him eat
And staying upbeat;
An all around life enhancer.
--- aNON


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