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English had many such gems, A misanthrope named Wyn N. Nims There once was a Leicestershire lad An Indian said, "Fiddle-faddle! With the bedside alarm-clock I fumble, Don't walk down the street in the nude -- A remorseful young man named Nat A pair of good friends out one day Maxine and Celeste had begun "At any rate, how about a rating On the other hand, Max would detail My dear Jeremy was a pro, "And then there was marvelous Frank, "I must mention Gentleman Joe; Celeste repremanded, "Maxine! "My dear little dainty Celeste, Celeste smiled in a coquettish way A bashful young fellow named Schick, Two sisters, Marie and Jane Burkas, A nice and dear lady named Huck, There once was a woman named Ruth, There was a young lass from Nantucket, There once was a girl from Tenn., There was a young girl named McGraw, Three famous black women gave succor Said Mom, "Let's name the new baby, Ron." All gender distinction's gone limp; A French woman maquis named Blerot There was a young lady named Brenda There was a young woman named Joan, Now that I'm old and I'm grey, You amused me a lot as a creeper, Oh, give me a girl who is plump The young ones go in for athletics There was an old girl of Nantucket, (Published 1879)
A church-going woman named Simms, The teacher gave good educations This school marm, a very fine lass, Now a student approaching the marm, There was a young lady from Tritt A contemptuous matron in Shoreham, You know how men talk to your breast? There was a young girl from Eutoxeter, Once in bed, Red's a grunter and growler, There was a young woman from Bude The installer is now on his way; A brash young wench named Pluckett, When kissed by a gent on her cheek, "Look at this!" said a lady named Mabel, There was a young girl of Connecticut, There was a young curate of Kidderminster An attractive young nudist at Eutoxeter A male chauvanistical pig Of all people this bunch is the lewdest, An old fortuneteller, Miss Toole The baker beheld with affection A baker who lived in Cologne In the depths of his vault in the cellar, A boss with two assholes was Bliss; The butcher was fucking Miss Shore A lady complained in New York The husband drives off down the street The butcher's in need of relief; A most competent coroner named Loar, For busy young typist, Miss Fry, Men rise to the top of the pile
Hiding behind all the hems
And haws in our diction,
Concealing affliction (and pure predilection):
What fills our minds is our femmes!
--- Anon
Thought humans much lower than Houyhnhnms.
Without mincing words
He called them all turds,
And other unsavory synonyms.
--- G2748
Whose decorum was terribly bad.
At his best, and at worst,
He swore blindly and cursed,
As behooved an unspeakable cad.
--- Anon
From this place I ought to skedaddle!"
At the end of the week
He was found up Shit Creek
With nothing, not even a paddle!
--- John Dohner P8810
Then round in my bedroom I stumble;
I scratch and I yawn
'Til it finally dawns
On me .. "Morning? Oh fuck it!" I mumble.
--- Anon
You might get yourself pinched, if not screwed.
Don't annoy Rottweilers,
Give gifts of potboilers,
Or whack ladies, 'less they are rude.
--- Anon
Tried hard to find where life was at.
Wine, women, and song
Put his thinking all wrong;
Too much of those things can do that.
--- Macsam
Were enjoying a lunch tete a tete.
The topic du jour
Soon turned to la'amour;
He is what they had to say...
--- Jim Weaver Collection
By discussing the zookeeper's son.
"That boy we once knew,
With the white cockatoo?"
"I believe he had only one."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of the people you're currently mating?"
"You know very well
That I don't kiss and tell --"
"Yes I know, it's no fun and it's grating."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Each lover's virtues quite well.
She worked out a system
In which she would list them
According to talent and scale.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And hung like Rasputin, Oh ho!
But Allen, poor dear,
Too excited, I fear --
It was over before the word go.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who curiously loved to be spanked;
Bent over a chair,
His bottom quite bare,
I'd paddle his flanks with a plank!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He likes it in public, you know.
I'll never forget
The first time we met,
And the last time we took in a show."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You're wonderfully, blithely obscene!
But other patrons, so near
May soon overhear
Every person with whom you have been!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Let them hear me, it's all for the best.
I make it my pride
To have nothing to hide.
But since you blush so, let it rest!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
At Maxine in the busy cafe.
"Dear old girl, Maxine,
I won't cause a scene
If you'll softly tell me of Jose."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The sight of young girls made him sick.
Whenever they found him
They'd gather around him,
But he beat them all off with his prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2497
Went out on a date with two Gurkhas.
In a quiet country lane,
Marie said to Jane,
"Do you think they are going to furkhas?"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Fell flat on her face in the muck.
"There was no one in sight
To observe her sad plight,
So she screamed in disgust, "What the fuck!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2114
Whose manners were rough and uncouth.
She spit and she swore
As she shit on the floor,
And screamed "Fuck!" as she pissed off the roof.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who did all her wash in a bucket.
The wind came one day,
Blew it all away,
She threw up her hands and said, "Fuck It!"
--- Wind Runner z
Who to limericks, would put her pen,
To avoid being lazy.
She's now gone quite crazy,
And requests dirty poems done by men.
--- Dave
Whose morals were wretched and raw.
She was queried at times
To account for her crimes,
But she said she did not know the law.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2695
When America's bigotry struck her:
Aunt Jemima, sweet thing,
Plus Coretta Scott King,
And wisest of all, Mother Fucker.
--- Anon
Said Dad, "Wait now, honey, hold on.
Let's name him after me!"
She said, "I disagree.
Every Tom, Dick, and Harry's named John!"
--- Observer
A john now is usually a pimp.
Every Tom's dickin'' Harry,
And Sue's lickin' Mary,
And Bruce is more likely a simp.
--- John Miller
Who took Winston C. for her hero,
Said, "He told the 'Entente'
'Twould be hard, tough, and long,
And the chance of withdrawal was zero."
--- G2679
Who appeared on the U.N. agenda.
The decision went forth:
The U.S. got the north,
And the Russians obtained the pudenda.
--- G2272
Who liked to have sex on the phone.
To turn a few tricks,
She called guys with big pricks,
And proceeded to moan and to groan.
--- Anon
My measure of joy or dismay
Hinges more on the money
You'll spend on me, Sonny,
Than whether you're straight or you're gay.
--- Reqluq
But now my depravity's deeper.
We'll wait 'til you're twelve
And then we can delve
Into whether or not you're a keeper.
--- John Miller
And has plenty of bounce to her rump;
Who enjoys a good giggle
When parts of her jiggle
And loves a good rollicking hump.
--- Anon
This is file owm
And bone wrenching hyperkinetics.
At my age such strain
Could cause me a sprain.
Good fun ought not need anesthetics.
--- Anon
Who went down to hell in a bucket.
And the last words she spoke,
Before the rope broke,
Were: "Arse-holes, you buggers! And suck it!"
--- Norman Douglas L1496z
Was given to irreverent whims.
To the pastor she'd yell:
"Brother, go give them Hell!"
Then sing bawdy lines in the hymns.
--- Warrick Elrod
On nothing but human relations;
With monkey or poodle,
She would never doodle,
Not wanting to cause aberations.
--- Arden
Decided she would teach her class
(Charged only a nickle)
To learn how to tickle
Her very fine curvy round ass.
--- Arden
Asked her, "What is the harm,
In showing first hand,
The lay of the land
And the spot that is fragrant and warm."
--- Arden
Who on her front porch loved to sit.
With her feet on the rail
She'd exhibit her tail,
And also the place where she shit.
--- G2537
Behaved with extreme indecorum.
She snapped a sarcastic
And secret elastic
Throughout the community forum.
--- Anon N
Just think what they'd do if they guessed,
We talk to the crotch.
It's all that we watch,
Completely ignoring the rest.
--- Anon
Who went out on a date with two Jocks at a
Disco in Wick,
Slipped off with a mick.
No wonder those two Jocks threw rocks at her.
--- Bob Scott
And her language grows steadily fouler;
Such behavior, though crude,
Will rouse even a prude
To a state where he might disembowler!
--- Norm Storer
Who every so often got stewed.
Then, as she had planned,
She would walk down the strand,
In the hope that she'd get herself screwed.
--- Dixon Prix
My emotion's in such disarray.
For if I get my wishes,
My new TV dish is
Not the only thing mounted this day.
--- Clumpy Wheel
Boarded a boat for Nantucket.
When she arrived there,
They asked for her fare,
She lifted her skirt and said, "Suck it."
--- Anon z
Mrs. Astor was then heard to speak:
"I'm a sucker for truckers
And mean motherfuckers!
Sorry gentlemen-- you're up shit creek!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Doing tricks upside down on the table.
When her son screamed out "Mother!"
She cried out: "Here's another!"
Grabbed the light, and swung up by the cable.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who didn't care much about etiquette.
Whenever she was able
She'd piss on the table,
And mop off her cunt with her petticoat.
--- L1391
Who very severly once chid a spinster;
For she used, on the ice,
Words not at all nice,
When he inadvertently slid against 'er.
--- B J Pendleton
Keeps the prudes in a series of shocks at her,
When she walks in the streets,
For some men that she meets,
Will unzip them and brandish their cocks at her.
--- A N Wilkins P8312
Makes claims which are quite infra dig.
There are Doras and Doras,
And some will laugh more as
The males show their thing-a-ma-jig.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9003
They're the raunchiest and they're the rudest.
If given the chance,
They'll rip off their pants
And debate about which is the nudest.
--- Neal Wilgus P8312
Would ride into town on her mule,
And your fortune she scanned,
Not by reading your hand,
But by pondering the twist in your stool.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1235
His upstanding, pulsing erection
And said, "When I go,
Man, I go in the dough,
For it makes the bread brown to perfection!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 947
Was screwing a lady named Joan.
When he offered her bread,
She refused it and said
She could not live just by bread alone.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0091
Banker John fucked a harlot named Geller.
He paid more than he ought;
She gave change with her twat,
So he gave her a job as a teller.
--- Albin Chaplin
His office routine was amiss.
The reduced dedication
Was because of frustration,
For they knew not which hole they should kiss.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0791
Who lay on the butcher shop floor.
She pondered the ceiling
And had a strange feeling,
She had felt that salami before.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0330
That she never had meat on her fork
For the meat was priced high,
So the butcher did sigh,
As he slipped her a pound of fresh pork.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0278
To earn daily bread for his sweet;
While his wife sets her down
And she waits, in her gown,
For the butcher to bring her the meat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0349
Under tension beyond your belief.
He must smoke tons of turkey
And mounds of beefjerky;
For the tension he jerkys his beef.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0204
Checked the cock of a corpse on the floor,
And said, "From the humidity,
Plus the rigid morbidity,
It's been dead for two hours or more."
--- Armand E Singer 264
Advancement no boss could deny.
To the top she did climb,
Just by coming on time,
And by eating her lunch on the fly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1263
Through chicanery, cunning and guile.
But a man broke tradition
To achieve high position,
By perfecting his cocksucking smile.
--- Albin Chaplin
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