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Though that's not why they call Cathererine gt., (great) Though weighing one-eighty plus ozs. (ounces) A bawdy young brewer named Dbl. (Daryl) A young man from Provincetown, MA A cutie of five-foot, one ", (inch) For a dirty old codger named Flaherty, There was a young man from Poughkeepsie An uncouth, lusty youth in Septeele, There was a young fellow named Shit; An alternative Coco the Clown, I once lost both of my maraccas, I had a grandfather named Clyde A not quite so young man named Kyle, Said the Enron executive, Krause, My age is a matter of pride; As a kid I was happy at Skipwith. A testy young man, name of Maxie, I enjoy me an ale or two; Keven Wilson's songs are quite lewd; The pants thing ain't caused me to ponder; I'll start with my tongue in your twat, When a smelly young person named Rob There was a young man from Sioux Falls, Those pillars of local society, There was a young man named Steve, I know a vile lout from the Cape, There's a question designed to perplex; In the first years, with pleasure we roared; You think that you've aged like fine wine? The girl of my dreams (dry or wet) Twenty nine years, I was this week; This terrible state that you're in, Now don't you go call me doom-monger, So put worldly pleasures away, That's almost the truth I should add. It's true I was late getting in, And yes, I went dining again My beer-swilling buddy, named Mort, His lovely young sister, Mort claimed, I was feeling quite down on my luck, You say that she aimed for your ear? In Victorian England, repression "From the minute I saw you," Claude said, She fluttered her lashes and cooed, He asked, "Will you nibble my knob? With you gents I would like to confer I'm listening to music that's bluesy; I may head on down to the Roxy My lust I am needing to quench; I'd hate it if we were to part; The Old Man's adage is in three parts: As far as wild oats are concerned, At a car-wash, I got my truck clean; In El Paso there is a young ool-fay, (The world's first Pig Latin limerick)
An orgy with hash and with coke! I will require penance from you The girls have a new penance due, For Archie and his Papal tricks, And lick you like no other nun Why do people confronted off-guard, There once was a student called Nick, To be rude, to be crude, to be lewd Are you tired of being a simp? (with a limp what? - McW)
A friend may be someone with money. There once was a lewd Australasian, Because of a recent estrangement, A QUIRK is what makes one unique;
Say the scholars who set the facts st. (straight)
Such a numerous c. (crew)
That she made Don Juan seem second t. (rate)
--- Arthur Deex P9105
She must constantly parry men's pozs. (pounces)
Despite being demure,
What creates this allure
Is the way that her nether end bozs. (bounces)
--- Bob Giandomenico P9105
Of his sexual conquests would cbl. (carol)
His tales of screwery
Went round the brewery
And the scores he'd had over a bbl. (barrel)
--- Bob Giandomenico P9105
Was unable to PA an GA,
For when grabbing a tube,
He got glue and not lube,
And had sealed up the hole in his A.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
When she felt a too-friendly p" (pinch)
Said, "Knock off your games,
Or my six-foot-four James
Will put out your lights--that's a c". (cinch)
--- Bill Edwards P9106
Exhibitions of couth are a rarity.
He will often go past
With his pants at half mast,
While committing crude acts of vulgarity.
--- Pierce Evans
Who, whenever he got slightly tipsy,
Would whip out his tool
And attack, like a fool,
Any girl who was breasty and hipsy.
--- Isaac Asimov
I admit is a bit of a heel.
He assesses a prude
By her mood in the nude,
And a bitch by the pitch of her squeal.
--- Keith MacMillan 36b
A named he disliked quite a bit.
So he changed it to Shite,
A step in the right
Direction, one has to admit.
--- Victor Gray
Pulled his trousers up rather than down.
His nose was bright green
And mildly obscene;
You should see where he painted his frown.
--- Bill Wall
In high school way down in Caracas.
They stole my skin flute,
Ran off with their loot,
Came back and dry humped poor Chewbaca.
--- Anon
Who liked to take us for a ride --
To have secret talks
And to look in his box,
With those interesting pictures inside.
--- Arthur Deex P0604
Had habits disgusting and vile.
But he is forgiven
For he's always striven
To commit them with class and with style.
--- Archie a
Whom the stockholders say is a louse:
"I'd be grateful if you
Don't tell Mom what I do;
She thinks I still pimp for my spouse"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0206
I find now my time I will bide.
And when my gland nods,
It takes fewer prods
To have him rampaging inside.
--- Anon
We thought girls were super to flip with.
But I find that I can,
As a dirty old man,
Secure fewer floozies to grip with.
--- Howard Peach P9006
Earned plenty by driving a taxi.
If he didn't get tips
At the end of his trips,
He'd shout four-letter words that were waxy.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Aye, I'm fond of the pale amber brew.
And I may act like a lout
With a gutfull of stout
And likely to shout "Fuck you, too!"
--- Damen Stevens
He even sang once in the nude.
But a man down in front
Shouted "Get rid of the cunt!"
Why are some people so rude?
--- Mike Canada
They'll come clean as soon as I launder.
And while they gyrate
'Round the washer post, mate,
My post will gyrate you to grandeur.
--- Anon
And circle it 'til you get hot.
And then I suppose,
I could take my hose
And spray it in that fiery spot...
--- Anon
Applied for his very first job,
He was asked, "What's that smell?"
And replied "Go to Hell!
Washing is for pussies, you snob."
--- Michael Rohaly
Who walked around scratching his balls.
When a sexy dame'd pass,
He'd then scratch his ass,
Flash his dick, and yell "Please hold my calls!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who advocate goodness and piety,
Are oft found in gutters
With like-minded nutters,
Indulging in gross impropriety.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who manners were hard to believe.
He'd never say "Please"
Or "Beg Pardon" to sneeze,
But he'd shine up his shoes on your sleeve.
--- Anon
Who's less than a well-trousered ape;
He has almost no culture;
He eats like a vulture,
And courtship to him is just rape.
--- Armand E Singer 321
Why is a man's ego complex?
Is the size of his dick
What makes a man tick?
Or maybe its his lack of sex?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
On your knees, from behind I would board.
And I am lucky that time
Teated me like fine wine
But you as an Escort, a Ford.
--- Danube
That's your viewpoint, Bud, and not mine!
You've many a wrinkle
And had to go tinkle
Three times since we've started to dine.
--- John Miller
Still hasn't shown herself yet.
I've checked every whorehouse;
Hell, I've even checked your house!
How hard up can one fellow get!
--- Writerman
I ache all over; my joints do creak.
I feel more like fifty-odd;
Close to death, close to God;
A matter which I don't like to speak.
--- Anon
Is due to debauchery and sin;
You've been getting your treats
From those girls of the streets,
And drinking much whisky and gin.
--- Anon
'Cause you couldn't be living life wronger.
If you don't change your ways,
Then the length of your days,
My friend, won't be very much longer.
--- Anon
This is file oxm
Give up women and wine, yes, today.
You'll feel so much stronger,
You may not live longer,
But boy, it will sure feel that way.
--- Anon
Yes, I lunched for three hours and I had
A small glass of champagne
With a lady (not Jane;
And she wasn't improperly clad.)
--- Anon
But the boss had remarked with a grin
On the previous day,
('Twas his birthday that day),
"If you're late it's no terrible sin."
--- Anon
After work and I caught a late train
(Not the last, I should add).
So it wasn't too bad,
For I suffered no strain to the brain.
--- Anon
Once dipped his huge balls in a quart
To check their displacement.
To best this debasement,
I finished the pint just for sport.
--- Anon
Could piss like a man, unashamed.
We soon took our places
At twenty-five paces.
And damn, she hit right where she aimed.
--- Anon
Because Sissy had bet me a fuck.
The taste of Mort's beer
And the piss in my ear,
Made the ride to the prison house suck.
--- Anon
Opportunity missed, I would fear;
Once the stream was detected,
Were your head redirected,
You could flush out the taste of the beer.
--- Anon
Of sex was a constant obsession.
If you were upper-class,
Your misconduct would pass,
If you did it with utter discretion.
--- Warrick Elrod
"I felt fate laid its hand on my head.
On this here, our first date,
I knew you're my soul mate,
So get yourself naked and spread!"
--- Ursula Noeker
"Claude, while I don't mind getting nude,
I'll kick in your guts
And cut off your nuts,
If you don't stop talking so crude.
--- Marlene Lewis
Or give me a quickie hand job?"
She said, "That's a no!
To the hand job and blow.
So go fuck yourself, you big slob."
--- Goin2
'Bout the moves that this lass would prefer.
Does romance make her giddy?
Just go grab her titty?
Speak up! To your tips I'll defer.
--- Anon
My mind's gone all mushy and oozy.
I know that I need
To sow some new seed,
But for that I need me a floozy.
--- Anon
And if there is one who's not poxy,
I'll pick up a girl
And give her a whirl,
And maybe I'll make her my doxy.
--- Anon
I'll lay her right down on this bench.
And like a ewe, tup her
And then have my supper
Prepared by the very same wench.
--- Anon
She's wormed her way into my heart.
With a past that is shady,
Not much of a lady,
But she is my very own tart.
--- Anon
Don't waste hardon; it's good for the heart.
If restroom's at hand,
Stop and make a stand;
But above all, don't trust a fart!
--- Phil Kinay
There's a lesson that needs to be learned.
We reap what we sow.
That much I know --
I, who have been badly burned.
--- Macsam
The attendant, to me, was real mean.
His manner was rude,
The comment, quite rude.
And so I flipped him a gesture obscene!
--- Anon
Who spent all his life playing ool-pay.
When his wife tells him to it-quay,
He says, "You're full of it-shay."
Which shows he's a stubborn young ule-may.
--- Ed Wolfert P8204
Will, with my Popish new cloak,
I'll hear you confess
This almighty mess
With drugs and some girls who you poke!
--- Archie
And all of your partying crew.
My stocks have run low;
I'd have to be slow;
To pass up this chance would not do!
--- Archie
Whether they be many or few.
Be good for their souls,
To open their holes.
I'm needing a bloody good screw!
--- Archie
I've fixed up a girlie who licks.
Her name is Luci-
Fer ever juicy;
She'll invert you on her crucifix.
--- Frank
And just when you think you are done,
She'll then exorcise
You between her thighs,
Until you cross over, my son!
--- Frank
Act strangely on hearing a fart.
Why, after a whoopee,
A willy goes droopy.
Why birthing a turd can be hard.
--- Dirruk
Whose gross-outs made everyone sick.
He'd fart during class,
Jack off at high mass,
Or stir your mixed drink with his dick.
--- David Miller
Is to act very boorishly, dude.
If you think it's okay
To behave in this way,
Then I guess that your values are skewed.
--- Sheila B
Do the girls say you act like a wimp?
Would you look like Lord Byron?
Well, give it a try; run
Around in the nude with a limp!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8311
A friend may at times be quite funny.
But you'll know in the end
That your friend's not a friend,
If your friend goes to bed with your honey!
--- Bob Birch
Whose actions were quite Rabelaissian;
His deeds with his penis
Would have shocked even Venus,
And staggered the Emperor Vespasian.
--- Robust Ribald Rude P9703
I suffered a mental derangement;
I streaked through the Judging
Of Flowers, while fudging
A prize for the 'Best Dried Arrangement.'
--- David Miller
It adds to a person's mystique;
The curve of your smile,
Your strange dancing style,
Or your urge to get naked and streak.
--- Observer
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