On a date, the young girl will discover
Why the fireman is such a great lover;
For the Lord only knows,
When he reels out his hose,
How much time it will take to recover.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0434

There was a hairdresser named Pierre
Who lavishly dressed a girl's hair.
It was styled so romantic
That Pierre became frantic
And he fucked her right there in her chair.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0295

Complained a poor wage slave named Merce,
"My job is to chauffeur a hearse;
Hauling stiffs is pure shit,
And I'm anxious to quit,
But starving to death is much worse."
--- Armand E Singer 845

Said a disgruntled house-painter called Lewin,
"Whoever invented decorating wants screwing"!
Said a buxom young nurse,
Who heard the reverse,
"And when they give the medal, I'm queueing!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

So she thought to herself "What the heck!
These guys are a pain in the neck!
Why should I give a shit?
I'm not going to quit;
I'll continue stacking my deck!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There were two old icemen named Fleckers
Whose cocks when erected were wreckers.
They could handle their tongs
With the ends of their dongs,
And could lift blocks of ice with their peckers.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0445

Joe the milkman, has quit on our block
And left seventeen housewives in shock.
When it came to a lay,
Joe was strictly "Grade A"...
Now I guess I'll take care of his flock!
--- Grand Prix Lim 949 G0017

A cocksucking lady named Conne
Explained how success could be won:
"A profession you pick
Is like sucking a prick;
Just sink in your teeth and hang on."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0803

The new boss at the office, Miss Peak,
Gave a talk, but she started to squeak,
So she sucked the prick hairy
Of her male secretary,
And her whistle she wet, so to speak.
--- Albin Chaplin

I once had a word with my boss;
He told me I'm just a big loss.
He said I'm no use,
And should try self-abuse,
"You're no good if you don't give a toss."
--- Anon

A self-centered foreman named Pitt
For leading the work was unfit.
He was lacking the vision
For a simple decision;
He could not tell Shinola from Shit!
--- Albin Chaplin

My new boss sure has lots of guts;
Brought slavery, benefit cuts.
If it weren't for such class,
We would call him an ass,
But he said "No ifs, ands, or butts"
--- Anon

Oh joy! That snotty headwaiter
And that saber-toothed rottweiler maitre
De, treat you like turd dip,
And still want a fat tip;
Hell! Feed both to a starved alligator!
--- Anon

When he felt his stenographer's tits
She said, "While I'm hot, Mr. Fritts,
If you're planning a lay,
I'll want overtime pay,
For that's what our union permits..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 956 G1875a

A phalanx of phlegmy old peasants
Phantasied philtreing their pheasants.
Their emphatic foci,
Their pheathery phalli,
And pheasanty phucking their pleasance!
--- Anon

A forgetful young plumber named Buell
Shuns sex, for he's found as a rule,
Blonde, black or red head,
He just gets her in bed
And finds he's forgotten his tool...
--- Grand Prix Lim 907

When the plumber was fucking Miss Croylett,
She was thrilled as he'd twist it and coil it.
It was not simple luck,
For he'd learned how to fuck
By plunging the turds from a toilet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2865

There was a young girl from South Bend
Whose love seemed to be without end.
One fine day in summer
She encountered a plumber,
And he plumbed her with his plumber's friend.
--- Albin Chaplin

There was a young man named McGaffick,
Who wrote about things pornographic.
Many people did call,
And the rug in the hall
Was completely worn out by the traffic.
--- Albin Chaplin

To his pals, Window Washer Bill Rawls,
Hollered, "Peek in the windows at Halls!
Hall's new secretary
Has just lost her cherry,
But still managed to answer three calls!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 875 a

To novice young typist Miss Presk,
The office appeared picturesque.
She was struck with dismay
To learn fixtures to stay
Were the ones that were screwed on the desk.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0747

A door-to-door salesman named Schilling
Said, "I find so damn many babes willing
To trot me to bed
That I'm feeling half dead,
But it's SEX and not selling that's killing."
--- Grand Prix Lim 744

Young Mike was a teacher at school
And taught girls. If they acted the fool
In his class he'd say, "Please,
Bend right over my knees,
For a smack with my meter-long rule."
--- Anon

The excitement engendered caused sighs
And a rustle of stocking-clad thighs,
As the girls one by one
Misbehaved and had fun
With that meter-long bulge in his flies.
--- Anon

A practical welder named Forch
Was fucking his girl on the porch.
Her pussy was tight
But he set it aright
By enlarging her twat with his torch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2875

A salesman of windows named Kane
Seized a girl in the dark with disdain.
He proceeded to rape her.
And thought to escape her
But she knew who he was, from the pane.
--- Albin Chaplin

The reason the binmen ain't grey,
Is simple, I really must say.
On the back of their cart
They don't give a fart
For others - they're happily gay!
--- Anon

The thought of these sodomite folk
Carting dustbins seems, frankly, a joke.
With the trash neatly piled,
These guys would go wild
Trying to give all the crap a good poke.
--- Anon

I'm sitting in my office now,
But I just cannot figure how
I landed this job;
My life it does rob,
'Cause my manager is a cow.
--- Lightbulb

Ain't work just the absolute pits --
The Boss should be suffering nits,
Some galloping scabies,
With mad doggie rabies,
And a face that is covered with zits.
--- Archie

My boss is all over the place,
Passion contorting his face;
Hands on my rear
Whenever he's near;
Wherever I go, he gives chase.
--- Anon

Hands all over my chest;
(He is particularly partial to breast)
He does though alas
Certainly harass;
In fact he's a bloody great pest!
--- Anon

Strange thing, though I really don't mind
When he grabs me by the behind;
It's a bit of fun
But when he's done,
"You are married" I tactfully remind!
--- Anon

This is file ovm

The butcher who lives in Cologne
Has a following all of his own.
The ladies, all discreet,
Say his meat is a treat;
What they really enjoy is his bone.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0204

But this edict he's written in stone
In distinct dictatorial tone,
This rule is to stop
Crowds of girls in his shop.
"Before you can come, you must phone."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0204

Said his glib second customer, Joan,
As she heard his first customer moan,
"I'm glad my turn is next.
He's not just oversexed
He's a walking erogenous zone."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0204

Knock, knock! "Come on in." "I'm Louise."
"Well sit down. Cup of coffee?" "Yes please."
"So you've come for the job
Of P.A? Call me Bob;
You're the first of my interviewees."
--- Anon

"Some questions; how old are you dear?"
"22" "And what size are you here?"
"I'm a 38C.
Look; I have a degree
Which I gained at the start of the year."
--- Anon

"You have, have you? Good. Up you get;
Step this way, turn around; now my pet,
Will you please touch your toes."
"Well, OK I suppose;
Have we finished this interview yet?"
--- Anon

"Oh no! I've more questions. (Your rear,
By the way, is quite scrumptious, my dear.)
Now sit down again, miss,
And just answer me this;
Is your underwear silky and sheer?"
--- Anon

"Why yes; and my panties are red.
But I'd much rather tell you instead
That I know how to type..."
"Oh, forget all that tripe;
Are you single, divorced or just wed?"
--- Anon

"I'm single; but Bob I'm perplexed;
I won't answer your questions; I'm vexed."
"That's too bad then, my dear;
You can't work for me here,
And I bet you're a lesbian. Next!"
--- Anon

Knock, knock! "Come on in." "I'm Simone."
"Pleased to meet you. Excuse me, the phone.
(In the office. Again.
Working overtime. Jane?
Are you there? Same to you, you old crone.)"
--- Anon

"I'm sorry, Simone. Cup of tea?"
"Yes, I'd love one." "Now working for me
Requires overnight spells
In some seedy motels;
Understand?" "Yes, I think so." "We'll see."
--- Anon

"But first a few questions, my dear.
Are your tits all your own?" No. I fear
I've had implants." "I see."
"I was 34B
'Til the middle of April this year."
--- Anon

"OK. Now your underwear; what
Do you wear 'neath your skirt?" "Well i've got
On the tiniest pair
Of black panties." "I dare
You to show me." "OK. Are they hot?"
--- Anon

"My god! Yes they are! Can I screw
You?" "I'm sorry, you'll have to make do
With a peek once a day
'Til we're married." "No way!
Now get out! Send the next in the queue."
--- Anon

Knock, knock! "Come on in." "I'm Christine."
"Well sit down then." "I'm awfully keen
For this job as P.A."
"Call me Robert, OK?
And relax. What's your age?" "I'm eighteen."
--- Anon

"Your tits - are they 38C's?"
"Even bigger, dear Robert; they're D's."
"And your panties?" "I wear
None; my pussy is bare ...
Would you like me to sit on your knees?"
--- Anon

"Hey wait just a second; it's me
Should be calling the shots. Your degree ..."
"Oh that's dreary old stuff;
Put your face in my muff."
"But I (mmmph) Christine (mmmph) I can't see."
--- Anon

"Shuddup; while I check out your knob."
"No, I beg you; I (mmmph)." "Poor old Bob.
Are your colleagues aware
That you've nothing much there?"
"No they (mmmph)." "So you'll give me the job?"
--- Anon

"All right'. Just release me." "OK."
"Now you won't tell my wife 'bout today?
Or my colleagues and friends?"
"Well I think that depends
On how much you are willing to pay."
--- Anon

Christine, I can tell, is no dummy,
Outsmarted old Bob for the money.
She might use her pussy,
And maybe her tushy,
But she gets what she wants, honey.
--- Anon

So you see what some women must do,
For a job with pay like you.
On their hands and knees,
Often they'll tease,
Or give a seductive view.
--- Anon

In her interview Martha told Brandon
"My transcription skills aren't outstandin'."
He said, "Oh, my dear.
I have not been clear--
That's NOT what I meant by 'short handin'!"
--- Anon

This Brandon employer did say,
You see, Martha, it works this way;
You come in at seven,
And work till eleven;
Then it's time for my lunch hour lay.
--- Anon

Young Martha did offer her honor;
Mr. Brandon did honor her offer;
When the clock struck five,
His cock took a dive;
It was then all honor and offer.
--- Anon

I guess I've had me a yearning
To take up the profession of learning.
A girl's school at the beach,
Is where I'd like to teach.
Just the thought of it has my nuts churning.
--- Anon

This may be a little bit bad of me,
But I'd like to teach a riding academy --
Teaching young studs to ride,
Supine or astride,
(With a minor in human anatomy!)
--- Anon

How do you get any work done?
Your job must be lots of fun.
Dreaming all day,
About sexual play;
Can you get me a job there, Hon?
--- Anon

You really believe I have fun
In my job? Let me tell you there's none;
Mine's a hard working life
Full of trouble and strife;
I'll explain to you now I've begun.
--- Anon

For instance; take yesterday. I
Woke at daybreak and opened one eye;
Took a look at the clock,
Muttered "Fuck it!", with shock
And turned over again with a sigh.
--- Anon

My heart filled with sickening dread
As I heaved myself out of the bed
Just a tiny bit late
(About quarter to eight)
And had breakfast of coffee and bread.
--- Anon

Reluctantly ambled outside
To the station. (You know that I ride
To the city by train;
It's a terrible strain,
But I take it (I hope) in my stride.)
--- Anon

10:30. At last I was there
Quite exhausted and sat in a chair
For a while, then got up
And I made me a cup
Of hot coffee and chatted to Claire.
--- Anon

(Young Claire's the receptionist who,
Though flirtatious, is married to Hugh
Whom I've met (and the sod
Don't deserve her, by god).
So I doubt she'd agree to a screw.)
--- Anon

I wandered and sauntered around
Clutching paper and pencil. (I've found
This an excellent way
To look busy all day;
But it don't fool them all, I'll be bound.)
--- Anon