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Then Peter, the programmer bold So stupid was I when quite young This opera is gradually sapping For Aida, in spite of her station, To mellow my dear little Rita, A Ramfis with golden Bronx voice "Ecco'me al fin in Bab'lonia", Though old Bartolo thinks her the fount The music's not nearly enough; He lives in a loft in Paree, If a Gypsy who hangs out in bars, Then Carmen with rose in her teeth A cigarette girl from Seville Why did worldly-wise Carmen take flight The opera's a terrible bore. For the folks in Sevilla with pull A sweet prima donna Miss Cass A grand opera diva named Dowd The soprano was really a cutie "Les Dialogues des Carmelites" Not one woman succumbs to his spell Leporello, his pander, keeps score For swift-patter songs, D'Oyly Carte The dragoon Carmen found to excite her, Elgar's opera, 'At The Boar's Head', A basso proundo named Totum That crafty old gent, Gianni Schicchi, To its other uses refer, The Gilbert and Sulivan spices Despite HMS Pinafore's fame, "Although most of the cultural set Of a TROUBADOUR, they tell a story; "Il Trav" reminds us that we should At an opera called "Iolanthe", As Adina is less than impressed As Rodolfo wants Mimi to see, Oh, Mimi, your patties are cold! If like me, you can't stand La Boheme, In La Traviata; Violetta starred. Violetta is weak in the chest, Traviata awaits her demise, An insatiable Elsinore whore, The Russians musicians are sore, At the Met, Impresario Flynn Sweet Lucia just hasn't a chance She undressed for more men than a stripper. As a hero Tamine is slack. Papageno is lusty, unsated, Manon and Des Grieux, at finale, The Marriage of Figaro's dandy Rothbart was meaner than shit, A tenor who sang at the Palace Will the Baron succeed in his plot? Pollione produced a sensation As a partisan, Norma's a flop -- In Stravinsky, Jocasta suspects Given over to wanton excess, Claudio cried, "This finale's a flop! Though some wives give men so much flack "Come on guys, and give me a break", In Central Park a young rapist named Bass Whenever Pagliacci I sing, The hero was distant and cool I've never been one for Peer Gynt; A cocky old stager named Lee The Duke of city-state Mantuan Opera doesn't give me a clue.
Said "We'll all climb off onto the road.
Then return to her back,
She's just like my Mac,
All you need do is reload.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To sing one damn song that I sung;
It now makes me wince
To think I was dense
And sang how Tom Dooley was hung.
--- Anon
My strength, and I find myself napping.
I really don't need a
Refrain from "Aida";
I'll close with my refrain from "Clapping".
--- Gerry Busch
Radames is a mighty temptation
(It's her system fallopian,
Which is pure Ethiopian,
Where she'd miss all the miscegenation).
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
With tunes from the opera I treata;
Thinks me most charmin'
When I hum bits from Carmen,
And really turns on if Aida.
--- Ed Potts P8602a
Lost that "jene sais quoi" (it got woice).
His career took a veer
(Wayward spear in the rear)
Now his fached-up Aida's first choice.
--- Anon
With no way to write ya or phone ya.
First, I'll find Semiramide
Then grab her and scram; if they
Catch you in drag here, they'll stone ya.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8602
Of a dowry of lavish amount,
The connubial knotting,
Thanks to Figarro's plotting,
Sees Rosina go down for the Count.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
The drama's the corniest stuff;
But a svelte prima donna
Without a stitch onna,
Now that makes an opera buff.
--- Ed Potts P8602
She comes in and loses her key
They go to town and they sup,
Fall in love and break up.
And then she dies of TB.
--- Tom Hamilton
And manufactures cigars,
Throws a flower at you,
And swears she'll be true,
She'll betray you in just a few hours.
--- Tom Hamilton
With heaving bosom underneath,
Would her red skirt whirl
And her thighs unfurl,
And penises would start to breathe.
--- Irving Superior P9803
Has no need to rely on the pill;
When her lover, Jose
Wants a roll in the hay,
She says, "Not tonight, darling, I'm ill."
--- Steve Brown P8803
With Jose in the dark of the night?
He was ardent and fair, he
'd be her first male cherry,
And she fancied a Basque by moonlight.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8602
That Carmen's no more than a whore.
Snored through Rigoletto
(Forgot the libretto)
And what's that damned racket, the score?
--- Artie Troll
Escomillo is splitting his bull.
While our hero Jose?
(How bizarre of Bizet!)
Carving Carmen, enjoyed to the full.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
Sang Carmen in manner first class,
But her tremolo sneers
Did shatter the spheres
Of the men with glass balls from Madras.
--- Al Chaplin P8602
Can hit high notes remarkably loud,
Produced by the heavage
And slendiferous cleavage
That brings cries of delight from the crowd.
--- Armand E Singer 204
At the opera, Cosi Fan Tutti.
But you won't find me there,
'Cause my favorite "long hair":
Little Richard, who sings Tutti Frutti!
--- Dick Potts P8602
Has a plot that is not short and sweet,
But the great final scene
(Poor nuns "au guillotine")
Is a pulse-stirring technical feat.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8602
In the opera, so how can you tell
That the Don's a great sinner?
Asking statures to dinner
Is enough, though, to send him to hell.
--- A N Wilkins P8602
For the Don, a philandering bore,
Who is feeling satiety
From excessive variety
In this hunt for a blue-blooded whore.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
Made lightning delivery an art.
But too much bravado
Once spoiled his Mikado:
He climaxed Act II with a fart.
--- Armand E Singer 623
But at times she preferred the bullfighter.
"Which should I ball?"
She asked Monty Hall.
"Picador", was his answer to spite her.
--- Anon
As a title makes no one's face red,
Save for Jessica Snood's--
The prude of all prudes--
Who thinks of what Spooner would have said!
--- G2265
Tried singing the Largo Factotum.
When he sang 'Figaro'
The notes were so low
That he rattled his balls in his scrotum.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8602
Has a fund-raising scheme that's unique; he
Impersonates Buoso,
Wills himself Buoso's dough, so
The true heirs are all up the creek-y.
--- Steve Brown P8803
As when Gilbert uses DEFER,
He means to bow down
To big man in town,
The "Lord High Executioner."
--- Chris Papa
Spoofed dark grand opera in trices,
And always made fun
Of the heedless one
Who forgot about paying prices.
--- Daniel
Captain Corcoran's losing the game,
Till his true rank is shown
To be Buttercup's own,
While his daughter's and Ralph's are the same!
--- Prof M-G TP9806
Despise the wild western," said Bret,
"La Fanciulla del West
Leaves the aesthetes impressed
When the horse opera's sung at the Met."
--- A N Wilkins P8412
It's an opera call "Il Travatore."
The score is melodious,
But the plot is odious,
With scenes both silly and gory.
--- Norm Brust
Be careful, if we can't be good.
And try to aspire
When at Gypsies'fire,
To not throw in the babe with the wood.
--- Chris Papa
This is file otl
A critic who lisped said, "I fanthy
It won't do tho well.
The thinging ith hell --
And opera'th alwayth tho chanthy."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
By his passionate lover's behest,
Nemorino will fix her
With his swig of elixir --
Though what works is his uncle's bequest.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
Both their love and their lunch can be free;
She's the toast of the Quarter,
But her breath becomes shorter,
And she dies with her sighs at high G.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
You should have something hotter to hold --
When you've held it enough,
Then I'll buy you a muff
With my friend Schaunard's last piece of gold.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8602
(I was right; I can hear bubbling phlegm.)
Then you'll doubtless concur
It is odd about her;
And I've heard Figaro's one of them.
--- Bill Wall
Verdi said that, for her sister; "It's so hard."
"She is the younger version
On whom they've cast aspersion.
La Triviata's progress has been scarred!"
--- Doug Harris P0505
Yet Alfredo will give her no rest.
Since he's mad for her genes;
Then his dad intervenes...
And her death scene is one of the best.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
A condition her big arse belies.
Can we make the assumption
That she'll die from consumption,
Overlooking the fat lady's size?
--- William N Nesbit
Once toured with the Met's Trovatore.
But when she got through
With a tenor she knew,
She thought she had done Le Coq d'Or.
--- Anon
And the symphony players deplore
The fact that the louse
Who runs the crack house
Is calling the place Le Coq d'Or.
--- A N Wilkins P8803
Staged a cow with a voice genuine.
As she sang through Act I,
She appeared highly strung--
All she did in Act II--low and grin.
--- Al Chaplin P9206
Once she's wed to the wrong pair of pants.
But she hastens her doom
When she chastens her groom
With a dirk, in a tremolo trance.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
When they died for her, she remained chipper.
She thought nothing could stop her,
But she came a cropper
When Lulu picked up Jack the Ripper.
--- A N Wilkins P8602
Though he faints at the serpent's attack.
He has more than one friend
And so in the end
He does get his lady friend back.
--- A N Wilkins P8602
But Tamino is justly elated,
For the Queen of the Night
(Who can trill out-of-sight)
Has a daughter who's thrilled to be mated.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
Have been banished, for choosing to dally,
To the deserts of Florida,
(What could be horrida?)
Since Puccini had no Rand McNally.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8602
'Cause Mozart, who wrote it, was randy.
But the lead prima donna
Doesn't look like Madonna --
She's been gorging on cookies and candy.
--- Dick Potts P8602
'Cause Odile was somewhat of a pit.
When all hell broke loose,
He knew 'twas no use,
Rothbart's peter gave Queenie a fit.
--- Pooh
Found a welt on the tip of his phallus
While performing Medea
With a diva Maria.
Diagnosis? A Maria callus.
--- Martin Wellborn P8602a
Can he capture the widow, or not,
For his indigent State?
With Danilo as bait,
They can keep her both merry, and hot.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
By admitting he had a relation
With the Arch-Druid's daughter.
He explained that he sought her
Because he favored normalization.
--- A N Wilkins P8602
Who can tell why she fell for a Wop?
His imperial fluid
Made a Mom of our Druid:
Pollion's her little one's Pop.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8602
The truth which her husband rejects.
In the end, once it's clear,
There is Creon to steer
The city-state Oedipus wrecks.
--- A N Wilkins P8602
With carnality they did obsess.
Spending great energy
In abject synergy.
Who? None other that Orgy and Bess.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0308
All those Furies continue to bop
Young Orpheus on the head;
The poor guy looks half-dead.
It's just gross! Tell the fat one to stop!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That marriage is hellish to hack,
Orpheus, when his bride
Caught the miseries and died,
Went to hell just to bring his wife back.
--- A N Wilkins P8602
The tenor cried, starting to quake.
The thought of Otello
Turns strong men to jello,
When they want a Delmonico steak.
--- Bob Seigler
Saw a sweet piece of ass in the grass.
As he went for the crotch he
Hummed the tune "Pagliacci"
And the sweet piece of ass said, "That's class."
--- Fred Cohen P8602
My wife to her ears, her hands cling,
And jests at my flaws.
On high notes I pause...
Then slobber the rest of the thing.
--- Irving Superior
When Kundry, the sorcerer's tool,
Took off every thread
To get him in bed,
When Parsifal still was a fool.
--- A N Wilkins P8602
The mere mention, my face turns to flint.
The reasons are legion --
Number one - he's Norwegian,
Number two - he pissed off with my bint.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Smirked, "No need for parties with tea,
Nor lacrosse, bridge, or puttin',
'Cause I've plenty of nuttin'
And nuttin's plenty for me."
--- Armand E Singer 639
Had a sexual organ gargantuan;
He said to Gilda "You see, miss,
It's more than a penis,
It's a ducal device to romance you on.
--- Steve Brown P8803
The plots are as sticky as glue.
They rigged Rigaletto
And lost the libretto.
The finale was played to a few.
--- Joseph Eldridge
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