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When Miss Priswick sang airs by Rameau, My sister's best friend is a twerp, A bashful young lady named Dee A lovely young singer, quite meek, A young Aussie singer named Hilda I once knew a mermaid named Greta Every Christmas, Miss Mary McPhen An aging contralto from Leigh A singer who lived in Peiping In Marseilles, a soubrette named Pagnoli (aioli - need definition, soubrette - 2nd banana soprano)
The Met's biggest ample diva, Faye Moans, A young pop-star named Hilary Duff, There was a young singer, Benita, A hopeful young singer, Doris, A singer, when she got tiddly, Our Helen enjoyed singing motets Some say that Sinead has retired. In PENTATETTE I saw it writ' 'Tis strange how the newspapers honor In the middle of singing a tune, An aspiring blues singer called Elly, On the G-string of my Stradivarius, An angel who played Paganinni Another who sang in a choir Yet another who loved High Baroque I play harp and can figure a bass, Can someone suggest a good book. I've continuo books now, galore. The King heard some musical sounds; A cat house way down in Savannah A barbiton (bit like a lyre) My friend, Fortemious Twiddle, The strings of this 'cello are catgut, The young widow of the late Don Ramon Reminds me of Captain Corelli, This ensemble now is a trio. There was a young lass from Duluth (crwth - old celtic flat stringed, plucked or bowed)
A young damsel who bowed the dessus An accomplished young woman of Tyre There was a musician named Carter Sweet maiden, so favoured of face, KER-TWANG!! Diddle pom diddle SNAP! Oh stuff all this nonsense romantic; Good try hon, but give me a break; A geisha who lived in Kyoto There once was a man named Besard, There once was a Dowland named Bob, There once was a man who played lute, There was a young lady of Tyre, By playing with your Mandolin, When in Cairo, Miss Agnes LePlook A pianoforte player named Tate A pianaforte player named Hughes, A young music-lover from Butte, A young woman from South Carolina A guitarist by name of Renato, In music shops my uncle Sid'll An unmusical person at Duke Animula vagula blandula, (I sure need help on this one - McW)
The leader once shouted "Egad! (last word of each line shown on a musical scale)
A versatile lady named Lola An Anglo-Brazilian called Bamba A hooker/musician named Zola, A woman who played on a lute She sat, softly playing her zither; A corpulent cellist named Bellow There was a young maid of Montbello
Her pitch frequently bordered on low.
So her coach helped her sound
When the high notes came round,
With a sharp, painful jab to her toe.
--- Joel Cohen
Who guzzles her drinks with a slurp,
To entrain enough air
For a rendition (fair)
Of "Hail to the Chief" in one burp.
--- John Miller 0074 A
Sings loudly all during a pee.
She sings, for that matter,
To drown out the splatter,
And not as a mere "jeu d'esprit".
--- G1375
I found to be rather chic.
Well, she might have won
Had she dressed like a nun,
And sang: Domineek-a-neek-a-neek.
--- Fabrika Lims
Adored singing 'Waltzing Matilda';
For weeks, loud and shrill,
She warbled, until
An irate Aborigine killed her.
--- Ron Rubin
Who looked very good in a sweater.
Although her figure lacks
Requirements to wear slacks,
With her voice she now plays operetta.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Does a party trick to please the men.
She brings down the house
By removing her blouse
As she tremulates "Minuit Chretien".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was as vain as a diva can be.
Though she tried hard to practice,
The solfa, the fact is
She couldn't get further than 'Me'.
--- Ron Rubin
Once taunted the Communist wing:
She said to them, "Commies,
Go home to your mommies;
I see red when you ask me to sing."
--- Lims Unlimited
Sang her airs with a breath that was wholly
Free from odors uncouth,
Which was odd for in truth
She'd just eaten a pound of aioli.
--- Anon
Was renowned for her nice pear-shaped tones.
She, concerning her girth,
Would say, for what it's worth,
"I'm not fat, I just have pear-shaped bones."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0302
As a singer, has all the right stuff.
But, to keep up with Whitney,
Christina and Britney,
She'll have to perform in the buff.
--- Alex Heydon P0402
Whose voice could not have been sweeter.
But when singing out loud,
To be heard in a crowd,
Her voice sounds like a camel-beater.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Sounded good when she sang in the chorus.
But when she sang solo,
The soprano said "No! No!,
I could sing better with my clitoris."
--- Anon
Sang songs in the key of middle E,
But she picked up a code
Ad redired, Ib tode,
Do da warb coasd of soudern Iddly.
--- Jan Sand
With Brer Paul, as he played castanets.
Isorhythms galore
Let to games on the floor.
Rhythm method works best in duets.
--- Anon
Others say that's not so, she was fired.
If she ever found work,
Must have been as a clerk,
Which to me is a thought inspired.
--- Tom Patton P0307
Ms Sinead O'Connor has quit.
Her talent was hid
'Cause I don't know what she did,
So I guess I won't miss her a bit.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0307
A creature that's called prima donna.
They say not a thing
Of how she can sing,
But write reams of the clothes she has on her.
--- Eugene Fields
That Ruby Wax caused me to swoon.
For her grasp of tonality
And vocal neutrality,
Were nil. Ought to try the bassoon.
--- Anon
Says, singing, her knees turn to jelly.
On a nervousness gauge,
What was worse than the stage,
Was appearing on the local telly!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I'm often inspired to play various
Airs and concerti
With themes that are dirty,
Disgusting and downright nefarious.
--- Barrie Collins
With the trills in the style of Bernini,
Entangled its wings
In its violin strings
While eating Tournado Rossini.
--- Ginger Johnson
And frequently doubled on lyre,
(Was it woman or man?
Counter tenor or sopran'?
I don't know), It could hit a C higher.
--- Ginger Johnson
Contemplated a practical joke.
It played Couperin,
Broke some eggs in a pan,
And covered itself with the yolk.
--- Ginger Johnson
And, with luck, add some style and some grace.
But I'd like to ken more
Than what's writ in the score.
I'd study, if I knew a good place.
--- Becky Root
At which it would profit to look?
Something clear, not too dear,
Something I need not fear,
Would submerge me in exotic gook.
--- Becky Root
What I'm looking for now's something more
In the harmony line -
Just the basics, that's fine,
But, please, 17th c., at the core.
--- Becky Root
A lute player, down on the grounds.
When he hit a wrong note,
The King cleared his throat,
And shouted out loud, "Loose the hounds!"
--- Anon
Is run in the old Southern manner.
The girls say, "Y'all come,"
And the madam will strum
A banjo and hum, "Oh, Susannah."
--- Larry Wilde P8302
Is a pleasure to play. Why not try her.
The instrument sings,
When you strum Grecian things,
But it bites if the strings are barbed wire.
--- Rory Ewins
Played Mozart each day on his fiddle.
Then a string came undone
And encircled his tongue --
Shows: If fate wants to get you, then it'll.
--- John Tomlinson
For catgut is better than ratgut.
But Leprechauns merry
In Derry and Kerry,
With tiny wee fiddles use gnatgut.
--- Peter Wilkins
This is file oll
Grew too fond of a new Colachon.
While the servants all laughed,
Whe would stroke the long shaft,
All the while murm'ring 'Mi corazon.'
--- Anon
With Mandy Lynne's head on his belly.
While she played his flute,
His asshole would toot
A counterpoint, noisy but smelly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His mandolin enters con brio.
A crescendo below
Heralds hot flutish flow,
As his asshole toots "O Solo Mio!"
--- Randog
Who played Chopin and Brahms on her crwth.
Though often requested
To solo bare-breasted,
She'd refuse, saying "Why, that's uncouth."
--- Anon
De viole didn't know what to do
When Martin, playing bass
Started ripping the lace
On her chest. He just wanted to screw.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was adept on the flute and the lyre;
When she played them together
You couldn't tell whether
She was drowning or lighting a fire.
--- P8302A
Who played on his lady friend's garter.
He'd perform anything
From 'God Save The King'
To Beethoven's 'Moonlight Sonata.'
--- Albin Chaplin
With your bodice of satin and lace,
So uplifting your charms,
I shall play thee some psalms,
On my lyre with a delicate grace.
--- Anon
Bloody strings! But I knew they were crap;
Cost me just a few pence
But I meant no offence ...
Ohmygosh .. that's one helluva slap.
--- Anon
This stupidly cupid-like antic.
These bells that I'm clanging
And strings that I'm twanging,
Are driving me batty and frantic.
--- Anon
That's all the romance I can take.
Please give it a rest,
And do what you do best;
Come give those three meters a shake.
--- Anon
Could do it while playing the koto.
She led her profession
By her skillful progression
From Andante to Molto to Moto.
--- R P Leavitt P8302
A noteworthy, lute playing bard.
But there's one Fantasia,
That causes aphasia,
So now we just call him B'Stard.
--- Conrad Leviston
Who wrote a lute book, his first job.
Though the book's titled "Lessons"
The high standard's depressin'.
And causes beginners to sob.
--- Conrad Leviston
Who said, "I admit it looks cute,
But it's too soft to hear,
And to tune takes a year,
I wish I had learned to play flute."
--- Conrad Leviston
Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep,
She enraptured the deep
With waves of libidinous desire.
--- Edwardian Leer 110
My Zither should slither right in.
You'll think me a Lyre
Till I light your fire,
And douse it again with Yangchin. (??)
--- Anon
Likes to bargain for ouds in the souk.
When she plays with a pick,
Her oud really sounds sick,
'Tis no fluke -- Miss LePlook has been took.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said, "I'll charge you the union rate.
But I do put my fees up
For playing a knees-up
Or barn dance, or music I hate."
--- Ron Rubin
Who was booked for a round-the-world cruise,
Played nothing but Czerny
Throughout the long journey,
Which drove half the patrons to booze.
--- Ron Rubin
She hankered to play on his flute.
So she said to her beau,
"If you'll just let me blow,
You may strum on the strings of my lute."
--- Laurence Perrine P8302
Placed fiddle strings 'cross her vagina.
With the proper-sized cocks,
What was sex became Bach's
Toccata and Fuge in D Minor.
--- Isaac Asimov
Made love somewhat tempo rubato;
"At the rate that you strum,"
Said his girl, "I won't come;
Perhaps you should use some vibrato?"
--- Ron Rubin
Poke string-playing girls in the middle.
They're most surprised when he
Cries, shafting them: "Many
A good tune's played on an old fiddle."
Suffered hell to excel on the uke;
An ambition not shared
By a friend, who declared,
"If you don't give it up, I will puke!"
--- Keith MacMillan A128B
Is it true that your origin's glandular?
Must you twang for the Lord
An umbilical chord,
Like all other impropangandula?
--- Conrad Aiken
That cellist is playing so bad!
If he thinks that's an F,
Then he must be tone deaf.
Throw out that unmusical cad.
--- G'raffiti Dec, 1991 P9201
Plays harp, double bass, and viola,
Banjo and bassoon --
All quite out of tune,
But she's great on the old pianola.
--- Ron Rubin
Has taken up viol de gamba;
He's great on fandangos
And bossas and tangos
And as for his samba -- Caramba!
--- Ron Rubin
Who works on the plains of Angola,
She serenades men
In the whorehouse's den,
Giving head while she plays the viola.
--- Irving Superior
Said, "Guys, I do not give a hoot,
If my dreams are all dashed
And my vanity bashed.
I shall sing 'til my voice is KAPUT!"
--- Eva Amata
Her eyes plainly signalled come hither.
But her friend, six foot six,
Threatened punches and kicks,
And cause ardor to soften and wither.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Has a belly that jiggles like Jello.
And in order to fiddle,
He girdles his middle
To be within reach of his cello.
--- Kathleen A Martin P8402
Who thought that musicians were mellow.
But a man named Casals
Made her climb up the walls,
When he buggered the bitch with his cello.
--- Albin Chaplin 3032 P8302
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