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There is a young musical fellow The cellist, a modest young fellow, The best part is right in the middle I have a piano that's grand, Pablo Casals, quite a fellow, That harlot's clit sounded so mellow The conductor, with voice like a hatchet, And yet you just sit there and scratch it.
"My friends all want me to ski," A cloth-eared old 'cellist named Mitch There once was a musical fellow Said an utterly musical fellow, He wanted to marry his cello, He formerly lived with a bass, A naughty young lass played the cello. While walking the dog with YoYo, There was a fishmonger from Eire, There once was a gal on the Moon; A beautiful harper named Doris Mild-mannered but guilty Clark Kent, Some folk are addicted to pot; Said a festival goer in Plano, A lady who did aver, In the center of old New York State, In fair old Binghampton town A dulcimer player named Kevin There was a poor girl named Sue A cranberry lady from Bingle There were two women, it's true, He hammered his box trapezoidal, The dulcimist Terry O'Carolin A dulcimer of one Viennese, A dulcimerist up in Maine A dulcimer player named Reilly To a band that was barely starting, Jazzing up an O'Carolin planxty, (planxty - Irish melody for the harp, slower that a jig)
A musical man from Afar She sat at the end of the bar As he sat there, plucking a string, She thought: Boy, he's got a cute plectrum, She said, "Such an instrument fine, Then blushing, her face all aglow, I rated him best you can get, (Chet Atkins, superb guitarist died 2001)
There once was a man from afar, If the guitar you start to pluck, This Kieth was just sitting and strumming, There was a young girl from Monrovia, A Chinese track layer named Fu, A hard rock musician named Sparr (gelada - long-maned Ethiopian ape)
There was a guitarist named Crockett A lady guitarist of Bude Guitar players can act so slick A guitarist who came from Marbella A girl was frequently annoying Keith fell like a 'stone in Fiji, (Rolling Stone guitarist)
A freaky guitarist named Flynn A sexy young thing played guitar; A shapely young maiden named Starr I picked up a girl in my truck. A musical woman from AARP A certain young man of Hilgay. There was a young lady whose chin The harpist had to pull a few strings, Will Irish Harp on about why The harpist was playing at Ealing; I'm a student of Welsh triple-harp A dazzling young harpist named Morgan
Who goes to his local bordello;
But can't get his parts
Hard enough for the tarts,
'Less he's plucking the strings of his cello.
--- Anon
Praised for his playing so mellow,
"The easiest thing;
I just butter each string,
With a morsel of strawberry Jello."
--- Anon
Of my 'cello, my big fucking fiddle.
In the dark center hole
Lives a small midget mole
Who'll suck while you whittle a little.
--- Deep Goat TP9807
With music propped up on its stand.
But I feel that a cello
Is really more mellow,
And I'd rather play that in a band.
--- Anon
Welcomed johns to the cat house with, "Hello,
When you're all finished screwing,
Come downstairs, 'cause I'm doing
My Opus: Mellow Cello For Bordello."
--- Theo Heller P9205
When bowed by a gigantic fellow,
She wowed the whole crowd.
Bach would have been proud
Of South Carolina's new cello.
--- Travis Brasell
Observed to a cellist from Datchet,
"You have 'tween your thighs,
My dear, a great prize--
An instrument noted for beauty and size--
--- G0356
Said the tired young cellist, "But, gee!
With Stravinsky, Stokowski,
Kabalevsky, Tchaikovsky;
That's quite enough 'skiing' for me!"
--- P8302
Was, lucky for him, rather rich.
So to tune up his cello,
He hired a young fellow
Who claimed to have absolute pitch.
--- Ron Rubin
In love with his violoncello;
He'd whip out his thing,
Pizzicato each string
And make music exceedingly mellow.
--- Peter Wilkins
"I've decided to marry my 'cello.
Her voice is divine,
And her figure's as fine
As any found in a bordello.
--- Edward Leer
'Cause her voice was so lovely and mellow.
But the priest told him "Not
The cello you've got,
For your brain, I fear, has turned to Jello!"
--- Liam na Beag
A common wife surely high class.
But by plucking her string,
She became a wild thing,
And violently shook her fat ass.
--- Dirruk
She knew how to pleasure a fellow.
She worked with her beau;
Stick stroked to and fro;
Till he had a handfull of Jello.
--- Tom Myers
A young lady wanted him to go slow.
Said she, "I am JELLO,
When I hear a cello!"
And Ma gave a delighted solo.
--- DMF
Who was known as somewhat of a liar.
He claimed he taught carp
To play autoharp,
When their tales were bogged in the mire.
--- J Dees P9511
Her autoharp never in tune.
But her back scratching was soothing
And oft times amusing.
Her pinching technique makes me swoon.
--- Lyman King
Wore clothes exceedingly porous.
Though she only played chords,
The men weren't bored
With Doris and chorus after chorus.
--- John Klehr 99511
His dulcimer hammers still bent,
Was arrested while jamming,
For quadruple flamming,
And assalting a blunt instrument.
--- John Klehr P9511
A chemical high is their lot;
But a dulcimer sweet
Sweeps me off my feet;
I'm hooked and refrain I can not.
--- P9511
"I've heard festival jams, and now I know,
The most similar sound
That I've ever found,
Is a cat-fight inside a piano.
--- Shel Michaels P9511
Her distaste for hammered dulcimer,
Said, "It bothers me not,
If you play a lot,
As long as you play far from here."
--- Adele Everett P9511
There's a dulcimer gathering of late.
The people do come
To pick, hammer, and drum,
And the music they make is first rate.
--- Sue Trump P9511
A couple was fooling around
With strings and with picks,
And several hot licks;
A dulcimer lover they found.
--- Sue Carpenter P9511
Playing in time of four/seven,
Said "I've found my D-sharp
When I got my harp
And dreamed I was playing in Heaven."
--- Shel Michaels P9511
Who claimed to have nothing to do,
Till she found one of those things
That has only three strings.
Now she's hooked on the dulcimer too.
--- Lori Keddell P9511
With dulcimers wanted to mingle.
She knew all her frets,
She knew how to pet.
But duet? "I prefer to play single."
--- John Klehr P9511
Who were bored with nothing to do.
Their dulcimers they played,
Met two men and got laid.
I think they're pretty lucky, don't you?
--- Shel Michaels P9511
So out-of-tune, it annoyed all.
The audience knew,
Shoved it somewhere new,
Now he has pains hemmorroidal.
--- Sam Edelston P9511
Thought McPherson's Fancy was barreling,
Said, "I've got up such speed
Airplanes I won't need,
I won't stop till I get to Maryland.
--- Shel Michaels P9511
Had a tiny sweet sound sure to please.
It smelled rank in abuse,
From its secondary use,
Slicing hard eggs and soft cheese.
--- Guy Banks P9511
Encountered disaster while playin'
A particular fling.
He fell into the strings
And his entire body was strained.
--- Sue Trump P9511
Puts zoom and zing in her stylee.
She sings and she squeals;
She bounces those reels;
She may take off over the valley.
--- A G Lintner P9511
This is file okl
Bill Spence said, "I must beg your pardon.
Though the reel that you play
Was once the Gaspe'
It is now called 'Victory Garden'."
--- Shel Michaels P9511
A dulcimist thought himself fancy.
It sounded good far away,
But I wish he would play
On the banks of a river called Yangtze.
--- Shel Michaels P9511
Excelled at acoustic guitar.
He felt speakers a sin
That produced only din,
And amps he thought simply bizarre.
--- Naomi J Kahn
And watched as he played his guitar.
She dreamed of a life
Just being his wife,
While he dreamed of being a star.
--- Observer
He noticed a cute, blonde, young thing,
Sitting there at the bar
And thought, "I could go far,
If I didn't have this darned wedding ring.
--- Chris Anton
Then blushed all the shades of the spectrum.
On catching his eye,
For she'd seen that his fly
Was open, inviting inspectrum.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My desire is to make it all mine.
I do know the score,
For I've had one before,
And we will make music divine."
--- Murphy
She puckered her lips in an "O",
Which caused him to blink
As his plectrum went "plink"
And his g-string went "twang' in mid-flow.
--- Peter Wilkins
But plucked his last pluck has old Chet.
He played his guitar
Behind many a star,
And for angels he's doing it yet.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who bought a flamenco guitar.
When he painted it pink,
It made others think
His English was way below par.
--- Tillmanator
Then you may well be in luck.
For a sweet gentle strum
Will sure make them come,
And you will get many a buck.
--- Fred
With Sally along with him, humming.
She yells, "Give me your pick,
It's bigger'n your dick,
But hurry up, asshole, I'm coming!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who once spent the night with Segovia.
Said she to Andre,
"Put your guitar away!"
Said Andre "Get lost tramp, I'm over ya."
--- Barry Cox
Gave up laboring for something new.
He bought a guitar.
Said, "It's better by far,
To do Country and Eastern for you."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9509
Taught a gelada male the guitar.
As the ape plays so loud
That he slays every crowd,
He now works for a big-name rock star.
--- A N Wilkins P8408
Could close his case, but not lock it.
Then he tried with his pick,
And it locked with a "click"!
Now he carries his pick in his pocket.
--- Dave TP9804
Was asked: "Can you play 'In the Mood'?"
She replied: "Why not? -- Sure!"
But her hearing was poor,
So she stripped off and strummed in the nude.
--- Ron Rubin
You never would guess they're a hick.
A plectrum they'll use,
The name they'll refuse.
To them the damn thing is a pick.
--- Larry Davis P8511
Was nagged by his wife: "Juan, I tell ya,
You haven't used soap
Since Pius was Pope:
You smell like a rotten Paella!"
--- Ron Rubin
Her boyfriend by coyly employing
Hawaiian guitars
To cover her arse:
When fucked from the back, she went 'BOEING'!
--- G2671
From a cocoanut palm near the sea;
Too much vodka and lime,
And it's not the first time
Keith Richards was out of his tree.
--- David Miller
Thought the girls were impressed by his din.
But the shouts and the roars
Were of rage, not applause --
He'd not plugged his amplifier in.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Her style, it was truly bizarre.
The funniest thing,
She played on one string;
Her G-string was really the star!
--- Tom Myers
Played tunelessly on a guitar,
But her fortune was made
The first time she played
In a topless chemise in a bar.
--- P8302
She saw my guitar, said: "What luck!"
And so me and Heather
Made music together...
That gal's always up for a pluck.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who played an electrified harp,
But the strings were so loose,
When she turned on the juice,
That when she was flat she was sharp.
--- Lims Unlimited
Took his harp to a concert one day.
The audience cheered,
When on stage he appeared,
But they groaned when he started to play.
--- Ida Thurtle
Resembled the point of a pin;
So she made it sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
--- Edward Leer
To get the recognition fame brings.
Her fingers produced notes;
Critics produced quotes;
Maybe it's the way her dress clings.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
His Piccolo can't satisfy?
Why won't he diddle
That second Fiddle
With the come Zither look in her eye?
--- Anon
Her frock failing its job of concealing.
As her fingers pluck strings,
The audience sees things,
That makes the performance revealing!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And I'm really not meaning to carp,
But I must use my nose,
All twelve fingers plus toes
And that's just to play a D-sharp.
--- Anon
Is amazing his fans, like a Gorgon;
When not plucking strings,
And such mundane things,
He is playing around with his organ.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen
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