MORE
A soprano, who sang in a crowd A blonde hippy soprano named Sue I know of an awful soprano, Ever gracious, Renata Tebaldi, A
Sharon southward silently stared; An Armenian soprano named Khati A peculiar young priest from Brazil A tempting young opera singer A falsetto tenor from Shanghai A mezzo-soprano called Pat In a night club in down town Hong Kong, For the diva, Alicia Morgano, A young choirboy, Ethelbert Pribble, There once was an tenor named Unger, A cheerleader, Bessie Mae Moocho, At La Scalla they wait in the wings A singer named Boris from Yale A tenor who lived in Lepanto I vent to an opera vunce; People loved the tenor's great voicing, The tenor was prepared for his role; An Eminent artist named Springer, There was a fine tenor named Corelli An opera tenor in Rio A frustrated diva named Alice Pavarotti, that mammoth performer, The suject is amoroso; A prodigious soprano named Dotty A tenor by name Pavarotti A hostess who served manicotti, This friend of the large Luciano With a style fluid as a flamingo, The tenor, Placido Domingo, There once was a tenor named Fred, A Texan residing in Talco, There once was a tenor vibrato, A fat little tenor, one day, A tenor, once known for his miming, I had a similar day; I offered to try it anew. Three tenors, no matter how slick, These old tenors are wobbly freaks, There was a young tenor of Tring, But how 'bout the tenor, whose tight An haute-contre, Lorenzo Tapette And then chimed in the contralto, A career at 'The Met' had Miss Pratt, A musical Queen named Simms, Auditioning, lovely Miss Bentley Charlotte Church, that maiden so fair, Oh, it's Charlotte I love to harass! Charlotte Church, that "singer" who's Welsh, Young Miss Church is, just now, "legal tender." My poems have been rated "poor." Sweet Charlotte, the "Rear of the Year" Charlotte Church, that teen twit so dear, There's a young Chinese girl from Beijing, The contralto ignored all precautions; There once was a singer named Dee; A singer knew deep in her heart There was a nice lady named Jean; A contralto from South Obbligato With talents which nature endowed her, There once was a hard-rock singer, There was a young actress named Doris; An eskimo in his igloo
At the opera, had the audience wowed,
When she made it quite clear
To everyone's ear;
If you can't make it good, make it loud.
--- Vincent Torre P0206
Liked Rossini, and some Verde, too.
But she just couldn't trill,
And her wobble was nil.
That's why "Greensleeves" was all she could do.
--- Joel Cohen
Who, landing a guest spot on Leno,
Was ired by his zingers,
On her high shrieking stingers,
She threw him into the piano!
--- Stan Harding
Declined to perform any Vivaldi,
At a scheduled do,
In a small petting zoo,
Half-way up on the side of Old Baldy.
--- Marc Davidson
Sometimes singing sweet songs she shared.
Sang so shrill, so slow,
So softly, so-so;
Sang soft so society she'd spare!
--- Anon
Could produce many kinds of vibrati.
She acquired this skill
Through some acts of sheer will
And from casual sex with castrati.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had a mistress who knew how to trill.
'Twas a large blonde soprano
From La Scala, Milano,
And she hiccupped to augment the thrill.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had on her left hand a sixth finger.
But she was not distressed
For the digit possessed
A deadly extensible stinger!
--- Beelzebub
Broke loose from his keeper and sang high.
The audience guyed him,
Then caught him and tied him,
And hanged the fool Chinaman dang high.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
Said, "I can't sing soprano like that."
Until one day she sat on
The end of my baton,
And climaxed in upper A flat.
--- Peter Wilkins
The star singer starts off with her song.
It starts off eastern style,
But just listen a while;
It's hard knowing the tune's white or wong.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
A disaster occurred in Milano.
When she missed a high C,
Someone whispered to me,
"Did you see who just goosed the soprano?"
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Hardly ate food at all. He'd just nibble
On some pate' of flea,
And drink camomile tea.
Now he's bald, but he's still singing treble.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For a fat lady's thighs he did hunger.
Despite her appeal,
She was more than a meal,
And he drowned while attempting to tongue her.
--- Anon
At last developed a new show.
She bumps and she grinds,
And when she unwinds,
She sings like Enrico Caruso.
--- Norm Storer P9806
With overripe veggies and things;
But as all tenors learn,
Though the crowd seems taciturn,
It ain't done till the fat lady sings.
--- Arthur Deex P8601
Could hit a high C without fail.
And furthermore, Boris's
Eight sisters' clitorisses,
When tweaked played the musical scale.
--- Michael Weinstein P8302a
Was known for his splendid bel canto;
But as for his lieder,
His German, dear reader,
Was rather like bad Esperanto.
--- Ron Rubin
It vas somesing by Wagner mit svans;
Zat soprano vas Fat,
Aber, far vorse den dat,
Vas der tenor, ein grausamer schvantz!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8602
In Handel's great music rejoicing.
Management, not so gay
When the time comes to pay
The Great Tenor's agent's great invoicing.
--- Tony Burrell
His manner and voice under control.
A note rashly reached
Like a whale rudely beached;
What the critics said, wasn't so droll!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
That wonderful opera singer,
Won feminine votes,
But not for high notes:
His nickname, the chicks' Meisterswinger!
--- Armand E Singer 816
Who stage fright went to his belly.
Those high notes he hit,
But too early he quit.
And now he's out teaching Bocelli.
--- Anon
Had vocal chords where he did pee-o.
As he dabbled his dong,
It broke into song,
Rendering "O Sole Mio" con brio!
--- G0730
Was somewhat less proper than Callas.
Depressed by castrati
She craved Pavarotti,
Whose girth is o'ermatched by his phallus.
--- Pat Finley
Can belt out a mean Nessun Dorma.
But his gifts are still vaster;
Serve beans with his pasta
And hear him fart Bellini's Norma.
--- Tony Davie Collection
Its downside is doloroso.
Italian bel cantos do it,
Germans can't, they screw it,
Pavarotti is a virtuoso.
--- Logophilia
Ate a dinner of beans and biscotti.
Then, I'm sad to impart,
Her intestines took part
In her duet with poor Pavarotti.
--- Graham Lester
Inflated his fees quite a lot. He
Bankrupted his clients
Who yelled in defiance:
'To charge by the pound is quite potty.'
--- Anon
Decided with guests to be naughty.
When questioned she blushed,
Admitted, "I'm crushed!"
(She'd romped with the great Pavarotti.)
--- Ward Hardman
Proclaimed from her home in Milano,
"It's him that I love,
But when he's above,
It feels like a Steinway piano!"
--- Ward Hardman
He can't fly but he really can sing though.
His rich voice does entrhall,
He brings solace to all.
"Who?" you ask? Why Placebo Domingo.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
That dago, he really can sing-o.
Mozart he can Handel
But he can't hold a candle
To the Beatles; John, Paul, George, and Ringo.
--- Dick Potts P8602
This is file oml
Who took a soprano to bed.
He got quite a start
As she grabbed his male part;
"Que gelida manina!", she said. (what a floppy little man)
--- Deborah Overes
Sang bass before swilling some alco-
Hol squeezin's; the kluts
Found they withered his nuts
And rendered his singing contralto.
--- Johnson Large
Who sang an extensive rubato;
The start was staccato,
The middle, legato,
The finish -- a rotten tomato.
--- J E Wallace (Bibby)
Believed that he heard someone say,
"Here's a good tip from me:
Since you're badly off key,
Please sing ten or twelve miles away."
--- John Dohner P8602
Was asked re engagements declining.
Just shy of one beat,
He jumped to his feet,
"Could it be my wonderful slightly off timing?"
--- Anon
I offered to sing and to play.
They said I could sing
In "Tenor", the sting?
"Tenor twelve miles away."
--- Beau Nydal
They said "Go right ahead, do!
But can you sing solo?"
They were being droll, oh!
"Solo we can not hear you!"
--- Beau Nydal
Are spreading it surely too thick.
A cornetto, just one,
Is quite enough fun.
Times three and I think I'll be sick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With a voice and a diction that reeks.
But with nostalgic affinity
For that glorious trinity,
We put up with their overhill shrieks.
--- Steve Incorrigible P0103
Whose nickname was "God Save the King",
For the kindliest hearted
Of people departed,
Whenever he started to sing.
--- Archie
Fitting trousers commenced for to bite.
His voice soon got higher
Than the girls in the choir,
And near disappeared out of sight.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Kept a monkey named Bill as a pet.
While Tapette sang Couperin,
Bill would bang on a pan;
Then they'd both surf for porn on the Net.
--- Joel Cohen
Who moaned it was all her fault-o.
She had lent her pants (tight)
To the choir's transvestite,
And had plied the basso with choc malt-o.
--- Cyd
But it suddenly ended like that.
When the tongue of this singer,
Got caught in a wringer,
And all of her tones came out flat.
--- Elizabeth Frank P9202
Always does hum when (s)he rims:
A shapely young ass
Gets Bach's B-minor Mass,
But the rest all get Anglican hymns.
--- W H Auden
Sang music hall songs sentimentally.
Said the agent, "My dear,
It is clear you've no ear,
And you haven't a voice, incidentally."
--- Ron Rubin
Has found how to new fans ensnare:
That sweet little pigeon
With charms callipygian,
Has new hit, "London Derriere."
--- Karen
(She peddles her "behind," and that's crass.)
If her fans have their choice,
They won't go for her voice,
But instead feast their eyes on her ass!
--- Ward Hardman
Is "Rear of the Year." What a squelch!
The peak of her art
Will now be her fart.
(But before that, it was her belch!)
--- Ward Hardman
Say the few who will stoop to defend her,
Her true talent may lie
In the X-rated sty
As a "Rear of the Year" ex-contender.
--- Ward Hardman
I should bad-mouth Charlotte no more.
She's no Dame Clara Butt!
Though it borders on smut,
Send the "Rear of the Year" out on tour!
--- Ward Hardman
Gives her male fans something to cheer.
Though still underage,
Her bum's now the rage,
And dirty old Brits at it peer.
--- Ward Hardman
Found how to extend her career:
Through high pressure (of gas),
Float "high C's" (from her ass),
As befits the "Rear of the Year."
--- Ward Hardman
Who's family advised her to sing.
Her voice can be heard;
It's as clear as a bird.
Tradition and culture she'll bring.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Giving full vent to vocal contortions.
As her chest rose and fell,
All the men felt the swell
Of delight in her ample proportions.
--- Val Burns P0606
American Idol she'd not be.
She knew all along
She would burst into song,
Because she could not find the right key.
--- Tom Patton P0412
She wanted an opera part.
While preparing to croon
A remarkable tune,
The poor girl did nothing but fart!
--- John Dohner P8602
I met her when she was nineteen.
She was a singer/dancer;
I have no smart answer;
Already she is a has-been.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Had a large and excessive vibrato.
When her wobble began
Folks just got up and ran
Which is why she now lives in a grotto.
--- Anon
A lady would gargle fish-chowder.
She'd pick out the bones,
With musical tones,
Then gargle on louder and louder!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who could belt out a tune like a zinger.
If you looked at her wrong,
She would stop the song,
And show you her big middle finger.
--- Fabrika Lims
A drama she played with young Boris.
His part was the villain
And she played unwillin'.
She was had as as she sang in the chorus.
--- Albin Chaplin
Used to practice all day on kazoo;
His wife sang along
And their favorite song
Was: 'I Only Have Ice -- For You.'
--- Ron Rubin
MORE