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Freud's opinion, said old Dr. Stekel, "Oh don't waste those babies, dear Roger," Said a naive young lady named Huff, "Oh, can't we have babies, dear Pete?" "Oh do lets have babies, dear Bert," Too late, 'cause Joan had his pants off I finally had Adeline plastered, Cried Onan, his eyes growing misty, "You want to have kids, my sweet Mabel? There once was a young man named Conan, Three cheers for that lusty guy, Onan -- Screwing Tamar, old Onan was set It was Timmy's great pleasure to pound There was a young lad named Leo, Said a passionate girl of St. Paul, A compliant young maid from Timiskaming "Oh give me your babies, dear Fred," I have a pet bird I adore A big running jump, tried young Sneed A cranky old chemist named Heydon A well-hung young Oglala Sioux Viagra's made me a new man. "Oh God, I want babies, dear Hugh," A nervous and flustered Miss Hewitt There once was a lady of Rhyll A Boy Scout was having his fill Amid all the media hype, "69 ahh...the start of free love; "I took the damn pill, I insist!" There was an old man named U Thant "Among great liberators," said Lee, Said an anxious young lady named Cox, Some fine day if you want a real thrill, There once was a lady named Jill He decided his date's urge to fill, His brother, instead had red face, There was a young lady from Reading, A rebellious young bride from Brazil, I saw my case worker today, Dr Gregory Pincus, in net, Sweet's looking to us for a thrill? The E.E.O.C. was perceptive, Annabelle turned beet-red in the face A young lassie from Bathurst and Queen A good looking girl, rather stout, There was a young girl from Brazil, There once was a nice girl called Lily There once was a fellow named Bill Making love is no longer a thrill A limerick writer named Phil Bill's mouth was a filthy as dirt. A cute dean of women, McSwill, With Freedom of Choice, she chose the Pill. Nymphomaniacal Jill A Catholic priest, Father Gill, A great young chef from North Hill My grandma, who seldom was ill, The lady who thought that her girdle It seem all was well for old Bill There was a young lady from Rhyl, Lil is always forgetting The Pill, There was a young fellow named Phil, "Contraception," said Pontiff John Paul, Imagine the wonderful thrill We all hate being lectured and sermoned; There was a young lady named Kay There was a young housewife of Rhyll
Isn't worth a Confederate shekel.
Withdrawal is fun,
But beware lest the sun,
Should cause the withdrawn parts to freckle.
--- L0981
Said Joan as she spooned with her lodger.
"Too late -- I've just shot 'em
A foot up your bottom!"
Said Roger withdrawing his todger.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Avoiding a child is not tough.
You'll have good sex for years,
Without worry or fears.
Just make sure you don't swallow the stuff.
--- Al Chaplin P9702a
Said Joan as she chewed on his meat.
"You mean you want poking?
You have to be joking!"
Said Pete as he leapt to his feet.
--- Peter Wilkins
Said Joan as she slipped off her skirt.
"But have you gone bonkers?
Let go of my conkers!"
Said Bert as he buttoned his shirt.
--- Peter Wilkins
And though Bert said, Trying to scoff,
"It's mind over matter."
Ignoring his chatter,
She soon had him down for a boff.
--- Marlene Lewis
Her quibbling and delaying all mastered.
All my systems said "Go!"
When she hollered, "Oh No!
I forgot my Pill--pull out, you bastard!"
--- G1706
As he spewed on his brother's wife, Christie:
"The Lord in His anger
Yet spares me the langour
Of a long post coitum triste."
--- Vassar W Smith P9304
To give you a good sruffing I'm able.
But first you must promise
Before you join Mamas,
That the rascal will not bear my label.
--- Dirruk
Who obsessed much over his organ.
He said, "Oh dear Venus,"
When he felt his firm penis,
And spent Feb 14th just like Onan.
--- Shel
A hero much greater than Conan.
He handled his need
By spilling his seed
And avoiding all moanin' and groanin'.
--- Neal Wilgus P8207
To pay a prescribed family debt.
When the stud withdrew early,
He explained it was purely
Because condoms were not devised yet.
--- A N Wilkins P9104
His pud till the day he was found
By his mother, while at it.
She said, "Now let's chat; it
Seems wanton, polluting the ground."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who must have pulled out way too slow.
Sex secrets they're swapping,
The timer's now popping;
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
--- Anon
"When I think of your pendulous ball,
And that member erect,
I get got to connect,
And to hell with preventive withdrawal!"
--- Keith MacMillan A067B
Discovered much more than a kiss coming.
So she forewarned the lout,
He would have to pull out
Just in order, she pleaded, to miss coming.
--- Hugh Oliver 72d
Said Joan as she led him to bed.
"My God, you want babies!
I'd rather catch rabies!"
Said Fred as he rapidly fled.
--- Peter Wilkins
(I think I might buy me one more).
I named this one Onan --
He's a kind of a toucan,
And spills his seeds upon the floor.
--- Anon
To climax his orgiastic deed.
He leaped high like a deer
Thus the bedpost to clear,
But he slipped and he spilled all his seed.
--- Albin Chaplin
Once conquered a lovely young maiden.
When her period came late,
He was heard to relate,
"I should have pulled out but I stayed in."
--- John Bowman P0511Q
Told girls he always withdrew.
Those who believed
Very often conceived.
'Twas too long to get out 'fore he blew.
--- Lim Historical Hyst P9309a
Old Lazarus is taking a stand.
But I'm home all alone,
Nobody to bone.
I guess I'll just emulate Onan.
--- Anon
Said Joan as they started to screw.
"Oh fuck your fixation
For fertilization!"
Said Hugh as he quickly withdrew.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was given advice by Doc Bluett.
"Take these birth control pills,
Which are not for your ills,
But what goes with these pills, will sure do it."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1350
Who seemed to have babies at will.
When she'd had twenty-eight,
She announced (rather late)
"I think I shall go on the pill."
--- Tom Baker P8806
Of a Brownie's sweet ass on a hill.
"We're prepared; yes, of course,"
Said Scoutmaster Gorse,
"My Girl Scouts are all on the Pill."
--- G1657
A discovery whose time is ripe.
Chemists now can distill
A "morning after" pill
For men. It changes blood type.
--- Res Ipsa a
When men needn't put on a glove,
When it came time to drill,
Thanks to that new pill.
Oh, the wonders those chemists think of!
--- Anon
She said this before our great tryst.
And then yestermorn,
The baby was born,
With the pill clutched tight in his fist.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who stated, "The thing that I want
Is for Dow to make jelly
To be used 'neath the belly,
And the pill should be made by Dupont."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8202
"Dr. Gregory Pincus is key.
He devoted his skill
To inventing the pill,
Thereby setting the pubes all free."
--- A N Wilkins P8601
"On birth-control pills, wish a pox!
For some they may work,
But not for this jerk;
They always fall out of my box."
--- Anon
Bang your sweetheart till she has her fill;
Leave your rubbers at home
And don't cover your bone,
'Cause invented, thank God, is the Pill!
--- Mark Levy P0409
This is file ojm
Who was supposedly taking the pill.
But one day she forgot,
And that's how she got
A bouncing, ten pounder named Bill.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
But did little to stop semen spill,
Deposited there
Where women kids bear;
FORTUITOUS she took her pill!
--- Chris Papa
Responding to sex urge's race;
Found, with great ire,
That she'd stop his fire
With FORTUITOUS pad on that place.
--- Chris Papa
Who thought only plants were for bedding.
But she took to the pill,
And went swiftly downhill,
And nobody danced at her wedding.
--- Anon
Refused to swallow the Pill,
Unless smothered in Spam
Or chopped shoulder ham,
After which she always got ill.
--- Mike O'Conner
And I don't believe what she'd say!
Oral contraception?
That's doctor's deception.
Who ever got pregnant that way.
--- P8305A
Left the whole human race in his debt.
He devoted his skill
To perfecting The Pill,
Making obsolete rhythm roulette.
--- A N Wilkins P8702
I'm not sure that I have the skill.
Hey! Let's tell him lies!
See if his brain fries
At: "Oh Dear! I forgot my pill!"
--- Anon
Making health plans fund for contraceptives,
Lest the insurance favor
Women in labor,
Against the law equal-protective.
--- Election 2000
At having been raped. Such disgrace!
Yet although it was terrible
It was not quite unbearable;
She had taken her pill just in case.
--- Isaac Asimov
On the use of the Pill was quite green;
"It protects me, they say,
Every time that I lay --
But it keeps falling out, in between!"
--- Keith MacMillan 58d
Whose knowledge of sex was in doubt,
Said "I never will
Use that horrid pill.
The damn thing just keeps falling out!"
--- Ken Elrod P8302
Who decided to go on the pill.
She had not any fears;
She'd thought of it for years;
She felt that she should know all the drill.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who did wondrous things for his willy.
He just lost control
And went for her hole;
Just as well she was on the pilly!
--- Anon
Whose girl was afraid of "The Pill."
"Twon't make me ecstatic,
But I'm not autocratic;
If you just won't take it, I will!"
--- Monique de Plume
When my girl keeps forgetting her Pill.
The hours seem myriad
Till it's time for her period--
If she misses, it's me for Brazil!
--- G1727A
Found insights from taking the Pill.
Gulping those of his wife,
He near took his own life,
For now his conceptions were nil.
--- Tucker D Ott P9001
His girlfriend--he went up her skirt!
"Well, I do love you, Bill,
But I did not take my pill..."
On went his pants and his shirt!
--- Lou Lou Livingston
Took the contraceptivity pill.
For a lovely semester,
All men could molester;
Her need for resistance was nil.
--- Anon
The IUD cramps, condoms don't thrill.
And ere she detects
The pill's side effects,
On only her back and stomach will.
--- Irving Superior P8911
Refused to go on the pill.
"I'll screw and I'll screw
Till my eyes turn blue,
But I'll not take drugs against my will."
--- George Apostol
Exhorted his flock, "Fill the till!
Increase population
By more copulation
And less of this use of the pill."
--- Armand E Singer 966a
Makes Pizzas that give you a thrill.
The toppings are great,
Just right for a date;
They include the no-pregnancy pill.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Left this useful advice in her will:
"A lay every day
Keeps the doctor away,
As long as you're taking the pill."
--- Michael Horgan P0409
Was the reason that she was infertile
Left it off, and The Pill,
And gave birth to a Bill,
And a Jane and a John and a Myrtle.
--- Cyber Geezer
For the night was romantic and still.
She was warm, she was waiting,
She was ripe for the mating,
But alas -- she was not on the pill.
--- Isaac Asimov
Her name it was Jenny or Jill.
She's got her a brood
Of kids, 'cause she's lewd,
And refuses to go on the pill.
--- Anon
And those babies she has make me ill.
She's great fun in bed--
It's those bastards I dread,
For she always socks me with the bill.
--- G1705
Who invented a male birth control pill.
"Here's what you do;
Put a stone in your shoe.
If that won't make you limp, nothing will."
--- Popsicle TP9807a
"Is a sin against God, you'll recall;
Give our pills a fair trial!
Try some SULFADENIAL,
Or if desparate, NOACETOL."
--- Ed Potts P8606a
That coursed through young flower-child Lii
When she came to believe
That she need not conceive,
Thanks to Parenthood (Planned) and The Pill.
--- Norm Storer
And we're more than ever determined.
The 'pill' is all right
And we'll use it in spite
Of Jesse Helms and his clone, Strom Thurmond.
--- Ed Wolfert P8205
Who failed to take pills one fine day.
In November she knew
That she was way past due,
And she should have been married in May.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who decided to try out the Pill.
But she took the wrong one--
Yeastex--now the bun
In her oven is rising at will.
--- G1705a
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