MORE
A thoughtless old fellow from Ray, A clumsy young husband named Hadley The wife of a chronic crusader, To a doc said his wife, "It's a sin, (But still keep the box it came in.)
To the vet went a fellow named Nixon -- Good mechanics are all of one mind, There was a young faggot called Willy, ANN COOPER HEWITT My mother--ran off with my tubes.
Oh, fie on you mother, you dastard! Imagine my stark consternation Oh, Fie on you medical monsters! The butler and second-man snub me, Oh fie on you fickle men-servants! What ruling in court can repay me Oh, fie one you, courthouse and rulings! "I recall we had sex, after wine; Since five tots were all that we needed, Said the minister's bitch, "Come and play!" Our nation, in midst of great strife, (ADC - Aid to Dependent Children)
The Church, after many a try, A vasectomy, that's what I'll get! A eunuch's had certain parts shorn, A sodomite preacher named May A tired mom from Schenectady, With Chris, who is getting obese, A skillful young surgeon in Thrace, There once was a fellow named Cyril, Pug Platt and his wife again played; The contemptible Bey of Algiers Since having a simple vasectomy, It happened one day in New York, An overpumped housewife named Cass A vasectomy surgeon named Goff, A husband who craved to be sterile, The doc said, "You look like a wreck to me, There once was a fussy old maid There once was a young English tutor; A pretty strip-teaser named Tasty The heroine was as meek as a mouse; There was a young girl from Alsace (But she dropped it at High Sunday Mass!)
Some questions (I hope they're not rude) Or do you just let 'em hang free, You don't let 'em flap in the air? Now tell me, Doc Pete, what's your cure? A buxom cashier named Lenore An obese old washwoman named Singer There once was a bosom humongous There once was a girl at the Ritz, (Fletcher preached overmasticating foods)
A careless young laundress in Wrangle, Unbra'd lovely Erin from Hollis, Accordian player Louise At boobies us geezers must leer, So some to the waistline will go, While putting her clothes through the mangle, When waistline and trousers don't fit, "Heartburn?" he said to Ms. Dashway, The girl at a concert in Reno, The coroner sliced with great zest If I could put in my two bits, (bondling - get the ropes...)
That clever young lady , Miss Pitts, (Which gives Dow Chem. lawyers the fits.)
There was a young girl from French Brest, I'm worried that this group, collectively, What, surely you do not mean me? Each long, hot day her poor house heats; In the lands of the icy north west A well-endowed seamstress named Robin,
Near the climax of sexual play,
Impromptu elected
To be well vasected --
Which caused quite a bit of delay.
--- Hugh Oliver A092AA
Did practice withdrawal so badly,
That after nine kids,
Her looks on the skids,
His wife cut her tubes and quite gladly.
--- Armand E Singer 193
Took on every man who waylaid her.
'Till the amorous itch
Of this popular bitch,
So annoyed the crusader, he spayed her.
--- L1153
But I don't want a baby again.
To help save our marriage,
Take my baby carriage,
But I still want to keep my play pen."
--- Anon
His dog and his cat needed fixin'.
He said, "Fix the wife too,
For she has a loose screw,
And her cunt has let too many pricks in."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2212
That a ball-race is rightly defined
As the miserable plight
Of a tomcat in flight,
From a vet two paces behind.
--- Douglas Catley A
Whose antics were now and then silly.
He once had, for fun,
A vasectomy done;
A clear case of 'gelding the lily'.
--- Kenneth Petchenik
I'm only a sterilized heiress,
A butt for the laughter of rubes.
I'm comely and rich
But a venemous bitch--
--- L1172
Come back with my feminine toys.
Restore my abdomen
And make me a woman--
I want to go out with the boys.
--- L1173
At feeling a surgeon's rude hands
Exploring my person
(Page Aimee McPherson)
And then rudely snatching my glands.
--- L1174
How could you so handle my charms?
My bosom is sinking;
My clitoris shrinking--
I need a strong man in my arms!
--- L1175
No more will they use my door key.
The cook from Samoa
Has spermatozoa--
For others, but never for me.
--- L1176
With your strong predilection to whore.
Who cares for paternity?
Forgive my infirmity--
Can't a girl just be fun any more?
--- L1177
For losing my peas-in-a pod?
My joyous fecundity's
Turned to morbundity--
Like Pickford, I'll have to try God.
--- L1178
I want my twin bubbles of jest.
Take away my hot flashes,
And menopause rashes,
And let me feel weight on my chest.
--- L1179
Now your newly born baby looks fine."
"But my vas has been snipped",
He convincingly quipped,
"So I'm certain that baby ain't mine".
--- Cap'n Bean P0209
"Vasectomy, Trav!" my wife pleaded.
So like oranges naveled,
Her bedwomb I saveled;
She's filled now with juice -- but not seeded.
--- Travis Brasell
Said the priest's horney stud, "On my way!"
But before they could breed,
They who differed in creed,
Agreed with great speed, "Let us spay!"
--- John Miller 0025
With babies unwanted is rife.
ADC, bless their soul,
Is now out of control--
Lorena, start wielding your knife!
--- Al Chaplin P9404
Has developed a birth-control buy,
That's in no way mechanical,
Though goddamned satanical;
On the end of the dong, graft an eye.
--- Anon A
Then shacking will be a sure bet.
I'll promise quite firm
No issue of sperm
And never a late-monthly sweat!
--- Larry Wilde P8212
Thereby causing no child to be born.
As Noah once said
As his duos he led,
"Remember, there's no eunuch-horn."
--- Jane D Hughes P9203
Fell hard for his old dapple grey,
But lest a fat foal
Might burst from her hole,
Kneeled down and urged, "Now let us spay."
--- Armand E Singer 671
Said, "Dear, you need a vasectomy.
I love copulation,
With one reservation.
The thought of more kids is a hex to me."
--- James Charis
Can't recall when he last had a piece.
Urologist fixed him,
From this pleasure nixed him,
But please, don't make a press release.
--- Chris Papa
Resolving to save the whole race,
Performed operations
On all his relations,
And now they can't get to first base.
--- Alsops Foibles
No children to prove he was virile.
His doctor was frank
And told him, "Point blank,"
Now Cyril knows why he is sterile.
--- Irving Superior P8110
Behold, what in nine months they've made.
A twelfth twerpy tot,
Who popped out the twat
Of Pam, who paid cash to be spayed.
--- Travis Brasell
Was without an erection for years;
Yet the chronicles tell us
That the jerk was so jealous
He expected his staff to be steers.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407
I wonder what women expectomy.
I'm totally sterile
And offer no peril;
So why do the girls still objectomy?
--- Norm Storer
A fellow trying hard to uncork
A lay without risk
Lest his sperm be too brisk:
Used a cork-screw, to outwit the stork.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9404
Got sick of wee bairns spawned en masse,
So she tied off her tubes,
But it dried up her boobs
And gave her a pain in the ass.
--- Armand E Singer 101
Says that drinkers would probably scoff,
But the pleasure has gone
From his tying one on;
He prefers to be tying one off.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
This is file pim
Because of the pregnancy peril,
Said, "I've thought of vasectomy,
But my wife might then hector me,
And threaten divorce when we quarrel."
--- L0986
But first you must write a fat check to me;
Now your income forbids
Spawning any more kids,
So I got to demand a vasectomy."
--- Armand E Singer 694
Who went and had herself spayed;
She said, "Well, I did,
So I won't have a kid,
Just in case I ever get laid.
--- Anon
Had a friend who didn't quite suit her.
One night very late,
She gave him the gate,
When he bit off the end of her hooter.
--- Tom Patton P9804
Used to use a live clam for a pasty.
Till working one night,
It tried a small bite,
And found she-food to be mighty tasty.
--- John Meyer
The villain was seen as a louse.
The louse bit the mouse;
She bled on her blouse;
Not a dry handkerchief in the house.
--- Andy Sorenson P9009
Who could pick up a dime with her ass.
As her muscles contracted
Her chest was retracted,
And her teats both fell off in the grass.
--- G1974
To you ladies who jog in the nude:
Do your tits fly around
When you're pounding the ground,
If not bandaged together and glued?
--- Anon
Whether C-cup or D-cup or E?
Would they blacken your eyes
On account of their size,
Or just flap at the height of your knee?
--- Anon
Then be careful about what you wear
When you go for a run;
Jogger's nipple ain't fun,
Though I do have a cure, I declare.
--- Anon
For these nipples of mine, so sore.
Will I need an x-ray?
Shall I come everyday?
What remedy for this is called for?
--- Anon
Caught both her big tits in the drawer.
When she worked them free,
He boss said with glee,
"I'll rub them; they've got to be sore."
--- David Miller
Once caught her big tit in the wringer.
Said the sow in the sty,
As the milk squirted by,
"Some boar must have slipped her a dinger!"
--- G2054
That caused quite a furor among us.
We all tried to peek
Until late last week,
When we heard it was caused by a fungus.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8302 A
Who liked to have men bite her teats.
One good Fletcherizer
Made her sadder but wiser,
By chewing them up into bits.
--- L1213
Got both her tits caught in the mangle.
They turned off the juice
While they pried her tits loose,
But now, where they dingled, they dangle!
--- Grand Prix Lim 67 G2067
Said, "Light?" to a teat man named Wallace.
Who dropped, all excited,
The match he'd ignited!
No longer will Erin go braless!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'ConnerA
Has given her nipples a squeeze
So often while playing,
The tips are now fraying
And practically scraping her knees.
--- Peter Wilkins
As nature intended it's clear;
But gravity tugs
At the juciest jugs,
Imperceptably year upon year.
--- Peter Wilkins
And others still further below;
But when they, like, drag
On the ground as they sag,
Even gentlemen don't want to know.
--- Peter Wilkins
Poor Josephine got in a tangle;
Her nips were rolled flat
And e x t r u d e d (like that).
Now they flap round her knees as they dangle.
--- Peter Wilkins
And wider the whereon we sit.
When gone is our lithe
We must contend with
From forward to downward the teat.
--- Irving Superior P9701a
As the barman closed up the cash tray.
"You don't have to burn,
You old slattern,
Your tit is in the ashtray!"
--- Erica a
Threw her bra to the singer named Dino.
"'Twasn't smart", she confessed
When her milky white breast
Fell into her hot cappuccino!
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
Of the corpse which lay prostrate undressed.
He won honors and fame
For he studied the game --
And he did it by keeping abreast.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2935
I'd love my own big pair of tits.
But a week of fondling.
And sucking and bondling;
They'd be bruised and look like the pits!
--- Archie
Has uncanny control of her tits.
She can swing them around (But they're starting to droop)
With a whistling sound, (As they leak out that goop,)
Which astounds all the pundits and wits.
--- Harald S Green P9512
Who had a severe pain in her chest.
She had a mastec-
Omy, which really wrecked
Her chances in a beauty contest.
--- Tarqo19
May possibly lose their respect for me,
Plus modesty bars
Revealing the scars
That I gained from my double mastectomy.
--- Karen
Why, I'm pleasant as pleasant can be!
I make no demands
For mammary glands,
Quit nursing before I was three!
--- John Miller
At night she can't stand even sheets.
Stretched out on her back
Her boobs go all slack:
"Good Lord, the heat's melted my teats!"
--- Anon
Lived a maid with a dolorous breast;
He had one nipple lost --
Bitten off by the frost...
Or so she preferred to protest.
--- Hugh Oliver 115b
Caught her nipple down under the bobbin.
She tugged and she jerked,
But still nothing worked.
Now she has one boob with no knob in!
--- Anon
MORE