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From Boccaccio: "Father, you'll faint There was an old man of Manchuria (dysuria - painful urination?)
Oh what sad, devastating bad news: Sir Charles, a pompous old Briton, A hot roast often ends as a dud, Mr Rochester's wife's pyromania Charlotte Bronte said, "Wow, sister! What a man! "The Canterbury Tales" for sure, sir, As I reached for my copy of Chaucer, The prude called Christina Rosetti, Now Coleridge, Masefield and Keats, There was a young writer named Lawrence, There was a young lady of Florence, A filthy young fellow called Lawrence, Said Marlowe, "Bay City's a drag Dostoyevsky, the master supreme Night's bible-black darkness prevails (on Dylan Thomas' Under Mill Wood)
On a bleak, wild, wet day by the sea, Once a raven from Pluto's dark shore "F. Marion Crawford's the man Scott Fitzgerald's remains here lie hid, Said a famous old writer called Fender, Flaubert was not like Hamlet he Although it is truly my niche, There was a young lady of Paris, There was a young man of Newcastle, A boatload of emigranmt Huns, (The Wreck of the Deutschland)
A master of English, George Moore, An eccentric old maid from Alberta The prime of Miss Muriel Spark, In Pinter's new play that's now running, Small Eliza was ill and she showed it. Although Hemingway talked a good line, How subtle was old Henry James, Hilaire Belloc, the writer of note, The debt owed by bloggers is clear, (in memoriam 1937-2005)
Said the doc to J. Fenimore Cooper, There once was a writer named James, There was a young fellow called Joyce While Dubliner Leopold Bloom (Apologies to James Joyce's Ulysses)
A fine story for children was writ; Makes me feel like a damned ignoramous, His dad, I guess, gave him a start in There was a young author named Pool There was a professor who led Louisa May Alcott did write It was Niccolo Machiavelli There once was a Celtic librarian When traveling to New York one day, The Marquis de Sade and Genet In bed, the Romantics were vile -- When Mildred Wirt Benson began, Here's a thought which through my head has raced From the title page his name was deleted, A budding young playwright named Coward, Wit of repute, Oscar Wilde Choosing surnames once followed a code. ( P G Wodehouse)
There once was a lounger named Stephen (Portait of the Artist as a Young Man)
Few writers are dazzling as Proust, There once was a fellow named Hyde, A tiny young bookworm whose fare Rebecca West thought little of men; Stevenson's health was so poor, Like Rowling, I carry no guilt (Harry Potter author)
A writer by name Rudyard Kipling, A wily old writer named Maugham, How Socratic was Somerset Maugham!
When you hear I'm not good like you paint.
One dark day as a lad,
I called Mother things bad."
"Such a sensitive soul is a saint."
--- David Finely P9609
Who suffered from painful dysuria.
It was not (yes, you thought it)
From a girl that he caught it,
But from trying to read Browning's Luria.
--- G1934
She is gone now, the old lady whose
Dear books made my child-
Hood a place full of wild
Dreams; so I'll sing the "Bullerb-blues."
--- Anon
Was friends with Sir Ed Bulwer-Litton.
Chuck gave him some light
On a dark, stormy night,
Now the worst lines of all can be written.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And it tastes like a goulash of crud.
In chef's cap or capote,
For a great table d'hote,
The gourmet serves pressed duck In Cold Blood.
--- Anon
Made him hanker for soneone unzanier.
"No, no!" said the parson,
But after more arson,
A little voice whispered "It's Jane here!"
--- Gina Berkeley
He laid me face down on the ottoman.
Now don't you and Emily
Go telling the family,
But he smacked me upon my bare bottom, Anne!"
--- Victor Gray
Were writ by a fellow named Chaucer.
His spelling was lousy,
Like 'doghter' and 'hous'. He
Wrote some tales quite clean, others coarser.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
I awkwardly fell on a saucer.
I started to swoon,
When I noticed the spoon...
At this point, the story gets coarser.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Got mad when a a bloke saw her petti-
Coat, got in a paddy,
Attacking the laddie.
Castrating the man by machete.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Would often get gals 'twixt the sheets.
But Wordsorth got laughs
By sticking fresh daffs
Up his ass, while he sucked Dotty's teats.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Poured stories of sex out in torrents.
If he'd survived T.B.,
He'd write soaps for T.V.
Much to his viewers abhorrence.
--- Zig Kosicki
Who could not abide D. H. Lawrence.
When invited by Frieda,
To follow the leader,
She expressed what is best called abhorrence.
--- John Ciardi
Poured out torrid titles in torrents,
Offending the spouses
Of well-to-do houses,
Whilst their servants were filled with abhorrence.
--- Bill Greenwell
And no place to go for a jag.
When I find a nice dame
Who remembers my name,
There's always a rod in her bag."
--- Peter Alexander
Of the psych; redemption his theme.
In the "Furnace of doubt,"
Faith comes about...
And not with a sigh, but a scream...
--- Tutta Gioia
In a small seaside village in Wales;
Where the neighbors have dreams
That burst out of the seams,
To reveal some immodest details.
--- W R Ormerod
E.A. Poe once confided in me,
While he couldn't ignore
His dear long "Lost Lenore",
He missed more his short "Annabel Lee."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0010
Brought the singular news, "Nevermore."
'Twas of useless avail
To ask further detail,
His reply was the same as before.
--- Anthony Euwer
(Henry James was a poor also-ran)"
Says Juan Carlos Moran
As the number one fan,
Who for Crawford does all that he can.
--- Steve Eng P8211
Along with his ego and id,
And let us all pray
That this mortal clay
Sleeps as sound as his readers once did.
--- A N Wilkins P8702
"You may think that my conscience is tender,
You my think that my heart
Is my most sensitive part,
But you should see my poor old pudenda."
--- Victor Gray
Decided right away "to B"
For not "to B" would mean
They'd think it was obscene --
A book called Madame Ovary.
--- Irving Superior P8401
This writing ain't making me rich;
And the guy who makes dough
From his writing, you know,
Is a fortunate son of a bitch!
--- Cap'n Bean
Whom nothing could ever embarrass,
Until one fine day,
In a sidewalk cafe,
She abruptly ran into Frank Harris.
--- L1627
Who thought of himself as a parcel,
Which he'd tied with red tape,
And addressed, for a jape,
To: 'What Hope? c/o Kafka, The Castle'
--- Terence Melican
Including five death-destined nuns,
Came to grief on a shoal,
But since Heaven's our goal,
The dead were the fortunate ones.
--- David Annett
Had a style that was polished and pure,
But he mocked at Will Yeats,
And other literary greats,
'Til they called him the son of a whore.
--- Oliver Gogarty P8508
Developed a passion for Goethe,
Ploughing all the way through
Faust parts one and two
And sorrowing now with young Werta.
--- Hugh Oliver 89a
Was in Brighton, on night in the dark.
She met Graham Greene;
They did something obscene;
And next year, they're going to Sark.
--- Bill Wall
Our Harold's lost none of his cunning.
Throughout the three acts,
We hear just four facts,
But the pauses between are quite stunning.
--- Frank Richards
Had the lake not been frozen, she'd rowed it.
Since, alas, we've lost track
Of Tom's Cabin, alack,
Where might Harriet Beecher have Stowed it?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9502
His biographers mostly opine
That with all his pride,
He'd have been satisfied
To be virile as friend Gertrude Stein.
--- A N Wilkins P9309a
This is file nzm
Playing tricks with his narrative games.
Since his characters hid
All the things that they did,
The smoke never broke into flames.
--- Warrick Elrod
Came to L.A. from travels remote.
"The impression I drew,
Was a strong deja vu,"
From a lush Bel Air hillock, he wrote.
--- Bob Giandomenico
But for Gonzo, this Duke had no peer.
Can the spirit live on,
Or will, now that he's gone,
We'll be left with just loathing and fear?
--- Limerick Savant
"Son, there's something gone wrong with your pooper.
The Indians, I fear,
Have attacked from the rear,
While you lay in inebriate stupor."
--- G0948
Whose ways with Bostonian dames,
Was to take them from home,
To Paris or Rome,
For dubious linguistical games.
--- R K R Thornton
Who possesseth a sweet tenor voice.
He goes to the Kips
With a psalm on his lips
And biddeth the harlots rejoice.
--- Oliver Gogarty P8508
Sought solace from thoughts of the tomb
In Daedalic mazes,
His moll went to blazes
And dreamed a great yes in her room.
--- Gerald Benson
It was "Biblical Tales," a big hit.
There were deeds of great wonder,
How the seas spread asunder,
And the author was John Shockacrit.
--- Albin Chaplin P0105
Looking up all those names: Kingsly Amis.
Hey, don't I know him?
He wrote "Lucky Jim".
I knew he was somebody famous.
--- David Morin
His chosen career, by impartin'
A love of the word,
And perhaps the absurd.
Call the next one "Dead Babies", young Martin.
--- David Morin
Who was writing a novel on sool. (Korean liquor)
When his typewriter broke
He doubled his stroke,
And finished it off in hanggool. (Korean script)
--- James Wade P8303
The deuce of a life in a shed.
Miss Knapp and Miss Hall
Now represent all
His live ballast which isn't quite dead.
--- Rudyard Kipling1899 P8903
Of pioneer virtue's delight.
But if she could see
What we've turned out to be,
Her language might be impolite.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Who invented the spermicide jelly.
He mixed caper and lox
With the juice from his socks,
And lard from the neighborhood deli.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8409
Whose essays were voted Spencerian,
His name was Magee,
But it seems that to me
He's a flavour that's more Presbyterian.
--- James Joyce P9008
I met a sad man on the way.
I asked him, "What's wrong?"
He said, "Story's too long,
But it's making a fortune on Broadway!"
--- His Peace
Are most highly thought of today.
But torture and treachery
Are not my sort of lechery,
So I've given my copies away.
--- W H Auden G2348A
Lord Byron apart, Shelly's style
Was to lick his wife's belly
While poor Mary Shelly
Wrote Frankenstein grimly meanwhile.
--- G0803
A detective was a boy or a man.
She and Nancy Drew
Showed that girls were sleuths too,
And for four generations, still can.
--- Dr Limerick 05-30-02
And I doubt they can ever be traced.
Though I've searched all around
They're still lost, can't be found--
Modifiers which I have displaced.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9402
And his usual composure defeated;
He raged, "What a trick!
Phil Bishop's a prick!"
A phrase he twelve times repeated.
--- Dick Fredleman
Came into the twenties and flowered.
He continued to sparkle
Until the debacle;
Now the fruit is a teeny bit soured.
--- Doris Pulsford
Was in his time quite reviled.
For some aphorism?
No, shooting his gism
Into young men he beguiled.
--- Jarmo
Colors, trades, place-names were in great vogue.
While it is in part fiction,
P.G.'s predilection
Was a house by the side of the wode.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0202
Whose youth was most odd and uneven.
He throve on the smell
Of a horrible hell
That a Hottentot wouldn't believe in.
--- James Joyce P9007
And few who so many girls goosed.
Having women on hand
Stopped his prose being bland,
For it helped him to find the mot juste!
--- Lucy
Whose twin self he couldn't abide.
But Jekyll, the Devil,
Dragged Hyde to his level,
"Inside job", cried Hyde, as he died.
--- E J Jackson
Had been volumes of Pope and Jane Eyre.
Was treated one day
To a rare Rabelais,
And crawled off with damp underwear.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Any woman was worth at least ten.
She was sure one could prove
Their one use was to move
A piano around now and then.
--- Warrick Elrod
To Samoa he sailed for a cure.
There, beloved as a chief
For five years, all too brief,
He died there at age forty-four.
--- Tutta Gioia
For letting a storyline wilt;
A character used
Will not be abused;
Once killed off, I let 'em stay kilt!
Wrote poems when only a stripling.
He wrote Gunga Din
And drank lots of gin,
So was equally famed for his tippling.
--- Vincent Torre P0207
Was seldom, if ever, off form.
His works were incisive,
And often derisive,
But really his heart was quite warm.
--- Martin Fagg
What is virtue to him but a norm?
So the best propaedeutic (preparatory study, introduction)
Is a process maieutic, (socratic method of questions)
And all evil is merely bad form.
--- R B S Instone
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