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If the sultry adultress Prynne Poor Hester Prynne suffered a buffing "Hester Prynne, who once caused quite a fuss," A bookworm from York Harbor, Maine, (Me.) Brave Sidney Carlton's words shall ring; A pure woman has a harsh fate: On the theory that lechery's bad, (ithyphallic - tumid penis, hardon, Bacchus party)
Young Brunhilde, a nettlesome snatch, There once was a charming young twin(s) A scientist, slim, trim, and lean, Am I an idiot, moron, or jerk, (Asking about the book "The Rhyme of All Flesh")
Tom Jones with the ladies made hay A lover of young pulchritude, The governess thought that a spectre Though the governess wasn't a prude, What accounts for the popular sale Though the night it was drizzly and sleety, A lady who signs herself 'Vexed' (better than coming unglued - McW)
The feminine mouth in Utopia, An author read out his short story; Pierre's love for Natasha goes queer; War and Peace -- now what could be finer? There was a young man of Cape Race, I've exceptional talent within, A strong silent man on a ranch (Ethel M. Dell, women's novelist)
In hotel rooms I don't wear clothes; Said a man to a poet named Porter, There was a young writer named Pearl, Cathy's Heathcliff survived endless plights, Miss A. Christie, although incisive, The bugs that live way out in space T Wolfe said that one thing we can't do Yossarian, nude in the tree, As an ump, I can sure certify, "The old 'Daily Worker'", claims Fred Amongst all the topical things, There was a young girl from back East In Finnegan's Wake may appear Gertrude Stein in repetitive prose Poor Siothorp, conditioned with im- A stranger comes home from the war I'm reading that old Potter, Harry, The townspeople, out for a lark, Once Lolita provoked a sensation Sweet Lolita, a nymphet in heat, Humbert wed Mrs. Haze although not Watching an old black and white O'Brian has written his last. (author of naval novels)
Though I've more than one lady that's pleading, You know those books labeled "romance"? Give me Liberty, or else give me (S.E.P. - Saturday Evening Post)
I just dined with a writer of note With luck you could call downright shitty, A cocky young robber named Ross Most lawyers knew it was wrong All over Dublin Mr. Bloom sped Would I do it? I first made him guess. Leopold Bloom walked the Liffeyside, There once was a Jewish Ulysses Wisha, Leo's delectable Molly A textbook looked new and forlorn; Daddy Garp was a wee bombardier; Never thought of as "one of the boys", A Greek chap called Aristophanes A student of history, by name Bale, Two playwrights named Beaumont and Fletcher,
Waves a giant red A for her sin
(She's been guilty of arson
In the groin of the parson),
Won't the bulls around Boston horn in?
--- Thomas A Quinine P8409
From a paramour devoid of stuffing.
Back in N. Hawthorne's day,
Hester had hell to pay.
Now that seems much ado about nothing.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0409
Said a college professor named Russ,
"Although she wasn't sultry,
Got an A in adultry.
Today she'd have got a C plus."
--- A N Wilkins P8409
Found pleasure in reading Montagne. (Monte.)
He got little wallop
From Miss Winsor's trollop
And Finnegan's Wake caused him pain. (pe.)
--- VOL 6
Down through the ages men shall sing.
On TV now today
Men interrupt to say,
"It is a far, far better thing."
--- Irving Superior P8702
She is found by the right man too late;
Having first borne a bastard,
She murders the dastard,
And is hanged (quite unjustly) at eight.
--- Laurence Perrine P8409
Her comes Lambert to fetch little Chad.
So unseemly and Gallic
Are his dreams ithyphallic,
We suspect that his laddie's been had.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8409
Meets in Siegfried her mettlesome match.
Her crepuscular session
With our muscular Hessian
Breeds brouhahas and brawls by the batch.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8409
With an angelic, lovable grin(s)
For kinfolk and friend --
But by the tale's end,
He (they) had done every one of them in.
--- Arthur Deex P8409
Made his rivals with envy turn green.
A nice enough feller,
But down in his celler
He'd come up with a hot time machine.
--- Neal Wilgus P8409
'Cause I don't know a thing about this work.
Please give me bibliography
On enclosed dry xerography,
And clear up my long standing irk.
--- C J Scheiner P9102
Until that unfortunate day
He fell in with the schemes
Of the girl of his dreams.
Since then he's had nothing to say.
--- Laurence Perrine P8409
Tom Jones had so many maids wooed,
That the rollicking boy
Made of sex a pure joy,
Often naughty, but never once lewd.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was afoot in the house; no protector
For Miles! No more spir-
It was cause for this fear --
'Twas from drinking bad apricot nectar.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
She finally started to brood
Over ghosts and their wiles
In corrupting young Miles
Till she found she was coming unscrewed.
--- A N Wilkins P8409
Of this silly Melvillean tale
Is, the hero is seethin'
For a heat with a heathen;
So the sperm in the story ain't whale.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8409
I approached, despite Psyche's entreaty,
The vault, which I assume
Holds my lost Ulalume.
I couldn't tell for the graffiti.
--- A N Wilkins P8409
Writes to say she believes she's been hexed.
"I don't mind my shins
Being stuck full of pins,
But I fear I am coming unsexed."
--- Edward Gorey
Would rival a Greek cornucopiea,
Which is Nature's wise plan
Since Utopian man
Is a martyr to chronic myopia.
--- W F N Watson
The subject was gruesome and gory.
The audience weeping;
Doorwards they were creeping.
They'd come to hear tales of amore!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Then Prince Andrei dies right about here.
Next, all Moscow burns down,
Pierre finally comes 'round,
And Napoleon brings up the rear.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8411
Composed by an epic designer
With too large a cast
In a setting too vast
To be summed up in any five-liner!
--- Laurence Perrine P8409
Whose mind was an utter disgrace.
He thought Marie Corelli
Lived long before Shelley.
And that Wells was the name of a place.
--- Anon
And my handwriting's neat as a pin.
But each morning and night,
When I sit down to write,
I never know where to begin.
--- Sheila B
Thrashed a beautiful girl with a branch.
Cried she, "You are hellish!
But deliciously Dellish,
So take my affection, carte blanche!"
--- Langston Reed (Bibby)
At propriety, I thumb my nose.
It was not much fun,
'Cause I tell ya, hon' --
The worst thing I did was write prose!
--- Anon
"Your book would be better if shorter,
But assuming it were,
At a buck I'd demur,
And I might even balk at a quarter."
--- Joseph S Newman
Whose words made her manuscripts curl.
Her real name she's concealing,
Not to hurt mother's feeling;
She's not knowing she's that sort of girl.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Cold rejection and black sleepless nights.
After he had matured,
Still one panic endured;
He was terrified of "Wuthering Heights."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0102
To the last remained somewhat devisive.
She chose not to give thanks
For book sales to Yanks,
Being toward them instead, quite derisive.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9605
Endangered the whole human race.
We gave them a name:
The Andromeda Strain;
And put them back in their place.
--- Arthur Deex P8409
Is to go home again and that's true.
Such news I suppose
Might make some lachrymose,
But in some instances, who would want to?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0401
Proclaimed, "No more missions for me!"
But that Catch-22
Gave his plans a good screw;
Only apple-cheeked Orr could get free.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
This is file nam
But I'll never understand why
The ball got away
And ended the play,
When the catcher got lost in the rye.
--- Al Willis P9511
"In London is virtually dead
And is going to fold
Though its friends are consoled
Since it's hopelessly now in the red."
--- A N Wilkins P8403
I could write about butterfly wings.
There's Newton's third law,
Astrophysics for sure,
Or the history of princes and kingzzzzz-zzzz.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Possessed by a most evil beast.
She'd puke and she'd swear
And float in midair,
But the devil was after the priest.
--- Martin Wellborn P8409
A sentence or two that are clear.
By no reason or rhyme
Should one take all the time,
To find one such sentence a year.
--- Warrick Elrod
Said a rose is a rose is a rose.
She dazed literati
And amazed the arty
By saying what everyone knows.
--- Warrick Elrod
Aplox-g, had a rough time;
His hard-ons, unerring,
Proved a PISCES red herring,
Since V-2's have no reason or rhyme.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
And buys a big house by the shore.
It becomes a real thriller
When he humps Daisy Miller --
If he'd only known what was in store!
--- Martin Wellborn P8409
And don't find the thing a bit scary.
But it robbed me a night's
Or two sleep, though not frights
Kept me awake; so interesting, very.
--- Anon
Pretend they don't know there's a shark.
There's a hell of a fight
With a king-sized great white,
Whose bite is much worse that its bark.
--- Arthur Deex P8409
In diversified parts of the nation
By recounting the tale
Of a juvenile frail
And a male not of her generation.
--- R J Winkler P8409
Caused old Humbert to act indiscreet;
She ran off with some guy
Leaving Humbert to cry
And beat his meat off on the sheet.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
Much in love. But the first chance he got,
He whipped out his peter
And diddled Lolita.
So did Quitly. That's why he got shot.
--- Michael Weinstein P8409
Film based on Bill Golding. No trite-
ness found in the ploys
About shipwrecked boys.
The Lord of the Flies has a bite!
--- Archie
On HALYARD attached to main mast,
We'll fly ensign sad
For man who has had
Respect from a readership vast.
--- Chris Papa
I'm unsure the advice I'll be heeding;
But I've got a quick Q.
That I'm making to you -
Just why seventeen were you reading?
--- Anon
They're more like "who's-in-whose-pants"
My sis gave me one
By a Susan Johnson;
Parts made my nerves skitter and dance!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
(We used to joke) the S.E.P.
Both mags have long gone
Replaced by mags with porn.
The law allows this liberty.
--- Irving Superior P9004
And we ordered "Spuds Terkel" unquote.
We talked about Nietzsche:
The last course was peachy;
For dessert, we had Truman Compote.
--- Al Willis P9604
David Kepesh turned into a titty.
He was very depressed
With his life as a breast --
He thought being a tit was pit city.
--- Michael Weinstein P8409
Offended a Mafia boss.
'Twas trouble indeed,
For the head of a steed
On his four poster bed lay across.
--- Anon
To stop the presses for The Wind Done Gone.
All writers are free
To pen parodies,
And put Scarlett down where she belongs.
--- Dr Limerick 05-25-01
To eat, work, and bury the dead;
Forty miles I would say.
While his wife on that day
Did about the same distance in bed.
--- Michael Weinstein P8409
Now -- pissiiimo -- La! Here's a mess!
Then succumbing, I drew 'im
To my breasts all perfu'em
And yes I said yes I will Yes.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
And in neighborhoods quite on the iffy side;
Cried Molly, "By Jazus!
I'm goin' to Blazes,
Astride, and espied from my quiffy side!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
Who worried a lot 'bout his misses.
His conscious would stream
Till he wanted to scream --
But it only hurts when he pisses.
--- Neal Wilgus P8409
Leads a life insufficiently jolly,
For his prick's ineffectual
And his Mick's intellectual
And her own sexuality's poly-.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8409
Ulysses was tattered and torn.
The first one was dead,
The second was read,
By many who looked for the porn.
--- R J Winkler P8409
Garp the son, growing up, knew no fear;
But a knob from a gearshift
Gave his fate a most queer shift,
Thus, enhancing his writing career.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
No one doubted though, that he had poise.
But when they read the scan
Of his "The Highwayman",
Scoffing, they said, "Just more Alfred Noyes."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0501
Said, "Writing can be oh so tough on knes...
'Cause I'm always praying
My muse won't be straying;
Without her I'd just scrawl cacophanies.
--- Tutta Gioia
Married a romance writer named Gail.
Of children they'd none,
Neither daughter nor son,
But produced quite a nice fairy tale.
--- Anon
Sent a coach to a strumpet to fetch her.
For they lived as they wrote,
Sometimes sharing a coat,
And always both sharing a lecher.
--- Fiona Pitt-Kethley
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