There once was a sculptor named Phidias,
Whose knowledge of art was invidious.
On a statue of Venus,
He carved a huge penis,
Thus shocking the ultra-fastidious.

(He carved Aphrodite, Without any nightie,)
--- Langford Reed L1584

There once was a man name of Roo
Who did a Picasso shaped poo.
He saved it and framed it;
Hung it and named it.
I mean what else was he supposed to do?
--- Anon

The mysterious sculptor, Dewalt,
Is at work on a pillar of salt,
Which he keeps in a sack
In the shack way out back,
Till the final unveiling in Galt.
--- VOL 11

In London, Trafalgar's the square
Where Admiral Lord Nelson does stare.
But in the north-west,
There's a plinth that's bereft, (base for monument)
And has been since first 'twas put there.
--- Anon

To rectify this grave omission,
Some arty bunch got the commission,
To make the selection,
For what great erection
Should stand in this vacant position.
--- Anon

Advice has been sought from Buck Palace:
Queen Liz said "There's only one talis-
Man fit for the honour,
And it's still free from gonor-
rhoea, yes, it's Lord Peter's phallus.
--- Anon

The ladies will think it a hit,
And wish to climb up there and sit,
The pigeons, however,
Will think it real clever,
To cover Pete's peter with shit.
--- Anon

A frustrated artist named Puckett,
So bored with his life he could chuck it,
Up and sculpted a statue;
Toasted, "Here's looking at you,"
And forthwith proceeded to fuck it!
--- Armand E Singer 600

A lass whose rice pudding went cold,
Shaped it into a mystery mold.
She gave it a name:
"Concrete Art", and her fame
Has made her a fortune, I'm told.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

Is it really so very unthinkable
That Rodin's 'The Thinker' is linkable
To the desperately cool
Meditation at stool,
When one knows that one's passed an unsinkable?
--- Basil Ransome-Davies A

The Thinker by Auguste Rodin,
His elbow on knee pose began.
To Rodin's great shame
The Thinker became
Sub-titled THE MAN ON THE CAN.
--- Irving Superior

Je conclus enfin
Que cet homme par Rodin
n'est point un penseur,
Mais fabrique puanteurs--
Il fait son caca-boudin.
--- Jim Jambor P9106

You wear a blinker
If you feel Rodin's Thinker
Does brainwork exhaustive.
The poor lad's just costive,
And he should be named the Stinker.
--- Jim Jambor P9106

A fellow residing in Wells
Collected unusual shells
Which he'd broken apart,
Called them nautical art,
And displayed them on his lapels.
--- Cap'n Bean P0202

Upon being no longer deluded,
A sculptor's young model concluded,
"I must doff my clothes
To take up my pose;
I'm not really bare - I'm denuded."
--- LaDonna Jones P8503

A talented sculptor I know
Once sculpted a woman from snow.
He said that he loved her,
And always thought of her,
But he knew in the spring, she would go.
--- Joe Thompson

There once was a damsel named Jinx,
Who when asked what she thought of the sphinx,
Replied with a smile,
"That old fraud by the Nile?
I personally think that she stinks."
--- Anon

There was a young sculptor named Marvin
Who found that his work left him starvin'.
If he only had known,
He would not have carved stone --
For it should have been meat he was carvin'.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2687

Hey, Kitten, I hear, in the Louvre,
There's a favorite statue that you've
Been seen to be banging,
(Though he hasn't much hanging),
By getting his goods in your groove.
--- Hugh Clary

That is not unusual at all;
A penis at rest is quite small,
Yet, caressing a gland
By a soft female hand,
Makes that fine little soldier stand tall.
--- Dirruk

An artist who chiseled a cow,
Could not sell his sculpture somehow;
So to keep him from starving
He butchered his carving
And had marble steaks for his chow.
--- Ryan Waldron

A sculptor named Auguste Rodin
Did a sculpture once of a man.
He called him "The Thinker,"
I call him "The Stinker" --
You can see he sits right on the can.
--- Laurence U

Imagine a pile of pure shit,
With a dab of pink paint labelled "clit".
Two cups for a bust,
And a guy with the crust
To peddle this junk-art as wit!
--- G2374a

A brilliant sculptor named Hannet,
Quite clearly the best on the planet,
Created a bust
From resin and dust
And everyone took it for granite.
--- Observer

Said the curator, "Venus prevails
And her beauty attracts all the males."
But the man was a gent.
What the guy really meant.
"Don't continue to bite on your nails."
--- Albin Chaplin P9505

A nail-biting fellow named Jo-Jo
When told about Venus de Milo --
Nail Biter Supreme --
"It's also my dream.
And soon I'll be up to my elbow."
--- Irving Superior P9804

All hail the Venus in rubber;
The voyeur, and the slob wrapped in blubber,
Who put the "X" in exploit
With finesse so adroit?
She'll even speak if you try to rub her.
--- Mike Hoffman P0605

At the Louvre a workman began
To crate Venus to take to Milan.
But he slipped and he fell
And the statue as well --
'Twas the landing of Venus on Man.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2441

There once was a statue of Venus
Who told me to keep this between us.
She said, "This sounds corny,
But I'm so damned horny,
I'd cut off both arms for a penis!"
--- David Miller

A sculptor remarked, "I'm afraid
I have fallen in love with my trade.
I'm too much elated
With what I've created,
And, chiefly, the women I've made."
--- Anon A

There was a young glazier named Cass,
Who loved making figures from glass.
A slight slip of the chisel.
Would cause Cass to whistle;
It could make a lad into a lass!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A virgin felt urged in Toulouse
Till she thought she would try self-abuse.
In search of a hard on
She ran out in the garden,
And was had by a statue of Zeus.
--- L1355

There was a young lady from Steins
Who painted her body with signs;
They were clever and clean
And were meant to be seen,
But no one has quoted the lines.
--- Limber Limericks

This is file num

There's a ravishing maiden in Steins
Whose torso is painted with signs.
And those who are with her
All get in a dither,
By reading between Amy's lines.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was a young lady from Bude,
Who had scenes of old England tatooed.
Her boyfriend, one day
Went the whole Penine Way,
With Cheddar Gorge still to be viewed.
--- Romper

It is quite common these days to see
So called "Skin Art" on ankle, back, knee,
And such unsightly tripe
Transcends the macho type.
It's chic to sport a tattoo or three.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0409

I know a young biker named Jamie,
Who starts the day with a snifter of Remy.
When done with his booze,
He checks his tattoos,
And goes out for a new COCKAMAMIE.
--- Norm Brust

A tattoo artist named Larue
Met a girl he wanted to screw.
After inking her back,
He said, "Lets hit the sack,
Because now I have designs on you."
--- Tom Patton P0502

My Momma is crying the blues;
She does not like the women I choose.
My latest is Charley,
She drives a big Harley,
And has at least twenty tattoos!
--- Observer

The main thing about a tattoo:
It's permanently fixed upon you.
If you try to delete,
You'll admit defeat;
It just does not want to unglue.
--- Tony Burrell

There once was a man from Saskatoon
With a pecker which he had a tattoo on.
While sometimes it read
Just two words, "I led,"
At other times, "I led the marathon."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

I've screwed you from places remote,
And shown you the words on my scrot.
Tattooed on my pole?
'Karma Sutra' in full;
Each night those words stick in your throat.
--- Anon

I've got a tattoo down below,
On my willy which only says "Lo";
But if 42C's
I'm permitted to squeeze,
Then it spells out "Llandudno", you know.

(A town in North Wales)
--- Peter Wilkins

I'm thinking of getting a new one --
A one-needle Druidic blue one,
To jazz up my shaft --
A non-autographed
Design you may view while you hoo one.
--- Peter Wilkins

Something that shows off my Tinkles --
Limp, it's got foreskin with wrinkles --
Interlocked lines
That transmute designs --
Engorgement exposing the crinkles.
--- Peter Wilkins

If you think I've tattooed on my cock,
Just the letters "Lh," what a shock
You will get when you play
With it later today,
To read Llanfairpwligwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllantysilpgoch.
--- Peter Wilkins

An astonished tattooer in Greer,
Hired to tattoo a dolly's round rear,
Said, "You're still sure that you
Just want lettered '4-Q'?
There's room for much more than that here."
--- Grand Prix Lim 74

A tattooed lady named Lydia,
Is a walking encylopidia.
When her robe is unfurled,
She will show you the world,
And a perfect relief map of Lybia.
--- Irish

He's concluded tattoos are absurd;
That's the stance now of Jonathon Byrd.
He'd requested none other
Than that old standby, "Mother".
The tattooist, though, misspelled the word.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0308

What new heights of grand inspiration,
At last, we've achieved in this nation.
There are reds, whites and blues
In all our tattoos,
And piercing truths in penetration.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0012

My husband is going to Sturgis,
And the bike rally he will not miss.
Nor women undressed
and things they suggest,
Are tattooed in every crevice.
--- Anon

A tattooed biker chick named Alice
Preferred macho men full of malice.
'Frisco men are too nice,
Somewhat lacking in spice,
So she packed up, moved over to Dallas.
--- Lynn Mostafa

I once knew a man named Deluze,
Who one night drank far too much booze,
He woke with a black eye,
And a big Russian guy,
Named on his new butt-cheek tattoos.
--- Anon

See the teenage girls? Glad they're not mine.
They believe an indelible sign
To be the affirmation
Of their self validation,
When it's tattooed on the lumbar spine.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0402

The teen femme fatale thought she looked fine.
I'm glad she's no relation of mine.
Her jeans stylishly cut,
Were quite revealing but
Showed the tattoo on her sacral spine.
--- Loren Fitzhigh P0605

Just watch for my hand in the bush,
As soon as this Lad get's the push.
I'll wave to and fro,
Then you let me know,
If he's been tattooed on his tush.
--- Anon

A well-known pop artist named Brewer
Is famed as a sexist tatooer:
He'll draw on your chest
A girl quite undressed
And gladly impaled by her screwer.
--- Armand E Singer 537

An ambitious young hooker named Nelly
Quit her hooking and opened a deli.
Since she no longer lays,
She had the short phrase
"Out of business," tattooed on her belly.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412

A young fellow by the name of Slim
Hired a smart tattooist named Kim.
"I want something unique
Be it English or Greek."
So she did quite a number on him!
--- Tom Patton P0409

Tattoos, needled in clumps or in frieze,
Are regarded by some to be sleaze.
Yet with the human race,
They have a sacred place
In the Arts and Inhumanities.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0111

Many folks like to show they've arrived
And to prove how they've prospered and thrived,
Now display to the world
All their art work unfurled.
Their tattoos scream out, "I'm scarified!"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0204

A young Irish lassie was Kitts;
With the boys she did surely make hits.
And on March 17,
She was truly the queen,
Showing shamrocks tattooed on her tits.
--- Al Chaplin P0303

I know if I had a tattoo
On my ass, painted bright pink and blue,
Big muscles, small brain,
And a liking for pain,
Then Stella and I could go screw.
--- Anon

But I have to admit I do not,
So the chicks never thing that I'm hot.
Without a tattoo,
What can a guy do?
So I just sit at home quite a lot.
--- Anon

There once was a lady, tattooed,
Who never was screwed in the nude.
She said of her etching,
They're all very fetching,
But some are decidedly lewd.
--- Irish

Young Tiffany sang in the choir,
And lifted her mini-skirt higher
To show us god freaks,
Tattooed on her cheeks,
The legend: "Boys, this space for hire."
--- Tiddy Ogg