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There once was a sculptor named Phidias,
Whose knowledge of art was invidious.
On a statue of Venus,
He carved a huge penis,
Thus shocking the ultra-fastidious.
(He carved Aphrodite, Without any nightie,)
There once was a man name of Roo The mysterious sculptor, Dewalt, In London, Trafalgar's the square To rectify this grave omission, Advice has been sought from Buck Palace: The ladies will think it a hit, A frustrated artist named Puckett, A lass whose rice pudding went cold, Is it really so very unthinkable The Thinker by Auguste Rodin, Je conclus enfin You wear a blinker A fellow residing in Wells Upon being no longer deluded, A talented sculptor I know There once was a damsel named Jinx, There was a young sculptor named Marvin Hey, Kitten, I hear, in the Louvre, That is not unusual at all; An artist who chiseled a cow, A sculptor named Auguste Rodin Imagine a pile of pure shit, A brilliant sculptor named Hannet, Said the curator, "Venus prevails A nail-biting fellow named Jo-Jo All hail the Venus in rubber; At the Louvre a workman began There once was a statue of Venus A sculptor remarked, "I'm afraid There was a young glazier named Cass, A virgin felt urged in Toulouse There was a young lady from Steins There's a ravishing maiden in Steins There was a young lady from Bude, It is quite common these days to see I know a young biker named Jamie, A tattoo artist named Larue My Momma is crying the blues; The main thing about a tattoo: There once was a man from Saskatoon I've screwed you from places remote, I've got a tattoo down below, (A town in North Wales)
I'm thinking of getting a new one -- Something that shows off my Tinkles -- If you think I've tattooed on my cock, An astonished tattooer in Greer, A tattooed lady named Lydia, He's concluded tattoos are absurd; What new heights of grand inspiration, My husband is going to Sturgis, A tattooed biker chick named Alice I once knew a man named Deluze, See the teenage girls? Glad they're not mine. The teen femme fatale thought she looked fine. Just watch for my hand in the bush, A well-known pop artist named Brewer An ambitious young hooker named Nelly A young fellow by the name of Slim Tattoos, needled in clumps or in frieze, Many folks like to show they've arrived A young Irish lassie was Kitts; I know if I had a tattoo But I have to admit I do not, There once was a lady, tattooed, Young Tiffany sang in the choir,
--- Langford Reed L1584
Who did a Picasso shaped poo.
He saved it and framed it;
Hung it and named it.
I mean what else was he supposed to do?
--- Anon
Is at work on a pillar of salt,
Which he keeps in a sack
In the shack way out back,
Till the final unveiling in Galt.
--- VOL 11
Where Admiral Lord Nelson does stare.
But in the north-west,
There's a plinth that's bereft, (base for monument)
And has been since first 'twas put there.
--- Anon
Some arty bunch got the commission,
To make the selection,
For what great erection
Should stand in this vacant position.
--- Anon
Queen Liz said "There's only one talis-
Man fit for the honour,
And it's still free from gonor-
rhoea, yes, it's Lord Peter's phallus.
--- Anon
And wish to climb up there and sit,
The pigeons, however,
Will think it real clever,
To cover Pete's peter with shit.
--- Anon
So bored with his life he could chuck it,
Up and sculpted a statue;
Toasted, "Here's looking at you,"
And forthwith proceeded to fuck it!
--- Armand E Singer 600
Shaped it into a mystery mold.
She gave it a name:
"Concrete Art", and her fame
Has made her a fortune, I'm told.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
That Rodin's 'The Thinker' is linkable
To the desperately cool
Meditation at stool,
When one knows that one's passed an unsinkable?
--- Basil Ransome-Davies A
His elbow on knee pose began.
To Rodin's great shame
The Thinker became
Sub-titled THE MAN ON THE CAN.
--- Irving Superior
Que cet homme par Rodin
n'est point un penseur,
Mais fabrique puanteurs--
Il fait son caca-boudin.
--- Jim Jambor P9106
If you feel Rodin's Thinker
Does brainwork exhaustive.
The poor lad's just costive,
And he should be named the Stinker.
--- Jim Jambor P9106
Collected unusual shells
Which he'd broken apart,
Called them nautical art,
And displayed them on his lapels.
--- Cap'n Bean P0202
A sculptor's young model concluded,
"I must doff my clothes
To take up my pose;
I'm not really bare - I'm denuded."
--- LaDonna Jones P8503
Once sculpted a woman from snow.
He said that he loved her,
And always thought of her,
But he knew in the spring, she would go.
--- Joe Thompson
Who when asked what she thought of the sphinx,
Replied with a smile,
"That old fraud by the Nile?
I personally think that she stinks."
--- Anon
Who found that his work left him starvin'.
If he only had known,
He would not have carved stone --
For it should have been meat he was carvin'.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2687
There's a favorite statue that you've
Been seen to be banging,
(Though he hasn't much hanging),
By getting his goods in your groove.
--- Hugh Clary
A penis at rest is quite small,
Yet, caressing a gland
By a soft female hand,
Makes that fine little soldier stand tall.
--- Dirruk
Could not sell his sculpture somehow;
So to keep him from starving
He butchered his carving
And had marble steaks for his chow.
--- Ryan Waldron
Did a sculpture once of a man.
He called him "The Thinker,"
I call him "The Stinker" --
You can see he sits right on the can.
--- Laurence U
With a dab of pink paint labelled "clit".
Two cups for a bust,
And a guy with the crust
To peddle this junk-art as wit!
--- G2374a
Quite clearly the best on the planet,
Created a bust
From resin and dust
And everyone took it for granite.
--- Observer
And her beauty attracts all the males."
But the man was a gent.
What the guy really meant.
"Don't continue to bite on your nails."
--- Albin Chaplin P9505
When told about Venus de Milo --
Nail Biter Supreme --
"It's also my dream.
And soon I'll be up to my elbow."
--- Irving Superior P9804
The voyeur, and the slob wrapped in blubber,
Who put the "X" in exploit
With finesse so adroit?
She'll even speak if you try to rub her.
--- Mike Hoffman P0605
To crate Venus to take to Milan.
But he slipped and he fell
And the statue as well --
'Twas the landing of Venus on Man.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2441
Who told me to keep this between us.
She said, "This sounds corny,
But I'm so damned horny,
I'd cut off both arms for a penis!"
--- David Miller
I have fallen in love with my trade.
I'm too much elated
With what I've created,
And, chiefly, the women I've made."
--- Anon A
Who loved making figures from glass.
A slight slip of the chisel.
Would cause Cass to whistle;
It could make a lad into a lass!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Till she thought she would try self-abuse.
In search of a hard on
She ran out in the garden,
And was had by a statue of Zeus.
--- L1355
Who painted her body with signs;
They were clever and clean
And were meant to be seen,
But no one has quoted the lines.
--- Limber Limericks
This is file num
Whose torso is painted with signs.
And those who are with her
All get in a dither,
By reading between Amy's lines.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who had scenes of old England tatooed.
Her boyfriend, one day
Went the whole Penine Way,
With Cheddar Gorge still to be viewed.
--- Romper
So called "Skin Art" on ankle, back, knee,
And such unsightly tripe
Transcends the macho type.
It's chic to sport a tattoo or three.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0409
Who starts the day with a snifter of Remy.
When done with his booze,
He checks his tattoos,
And goes out for a new COCKAMAMIE.
--- Norm Brust
Met a girl he wanted to screw.
After inking her back,
He said, "Lets hit the sack,
Because now I have designs on you."
--- Tom Patton P0502
She does not like the women I choose.
My latest is Charley,
She drives a big Harley,
And has at least twenty tattoos!
--- Observer
It's permanently fixed upon you.
If you try to delete,
You'll admit defeat;
It just does not want to unglue.
--- Tony Burrell
With a pecker which he had a tattoo on.
While sometimes it read
Just two words, "I led,"
At other times, "I led the marathon."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605
And shown you the words on my scrot.
Tattooed on my pole?
'Karma Sutra' in full;
Each night those words stick in your throat.
--- Anon
On my willy which only says "Lo";
But if 42C's
I'm permitted to squeeze,
Then it spells out "Llandudno", you know.
--- Peter Wilkins
A one-needle Druidic blue one,
To jazz up my shaft --
A non-autographed
Design you may view while you hoo one.
--- Peter Wilkins
Limp, it's got foreskin with wrinkles --
Interlocked lines
That transmute designs --
Engorgement exposing the crinkles.
--- Peter Wilkins
Just the letters "Lh," what a shock
You will get when you play
With it later today,
To read Llanfairpwligwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllantysilpgoch.
--- Peter Wilkins
Hired to tattoo a dolly's round rear,
Said, "You're still sure that you
Just want lettered '4-Q'?
There's room for much more than that here."
--- Grand Prix Lim 74
Is a walking encylopidia.
When her robe is unfurled,
She will show you the world,
And a perfect relief map of Lybia.
--- Irish
That's the stance now of Jonathon Byrd.
He'd requested none other
Than that old standby, "Mother".
The tattooist, though, misspelled the word.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0308
At last, we've achieved in this nation.
There are reds, whites and blues
In all our tattoos,
And piercing truths in penetration.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0012
And the bike rally he will not miss.
Nor women undressed
and things they suggest,
Are tattooed in every crevice.
--- Anon
Preferred macho men full of malice.
'Frisco men are too nice,
Somewhat lacking in spice,
So she packed up, moved over to Dallas.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Who one night drank far too much booze,
He woke with a black eye,
And a big Russian guy,
Named on his new butt-cheek tattoos.
--- Anon
They believe an indelible sign
To be the affirmation
Of their self validation,
When it's tattooed on the lumbar spine.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0402
I'm glad she's no relation of mine.
Her jeans stylishly cut,
Were quite revealing but
Showed the tattoo on her sacral spine.
--- Loren Fitzhigh P0605
As soon as this Lad get's the push.
I'll wave to and fro,
Then you let me know,
If he's been tattooed on his tush.
--- Anon
Is famed as a sexist tatooer:
He'll draw on your chest
A girl quite undressed
And gladly impaled by her screwer.
--- Armand E Singer 537
Quit her hooking and opened a deli.
Since she no longer lays,
She had the short phrase
"Out of business," tattooed on her belly.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412
Hired a smart tattooist named Kim.
"I want something unique
Be it English or Greek."
So she did quite a number on him!
--- Tom Patton P0409
Are regarded by some to be sleaze.
Yet with the human race,
They have a sacred place
In the Arts and Inhumanities.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0111
And to prove how they've prospered and thrived,
Now display to the world
All their art work unfurled.
Their tattoos scream out, "I'm scarified!"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0204
With the boys she did surely make hits.
And on March 17,
She was truly the queen,
Showing shamrocks tattooed on her tits.
--- Al Chaplin P0303
On my ass, painted bright pink and blue,
Big muscles, small brain,
And a liking for pain,
Then Stella and I could go screw.
--- Anon
So the chicks never thing that I'm hot.
Without a tattoo,
What can a guy do?
So I just sit at home quite a lot.
--- Anon
Who never was screwed in the nude.
She said of her etching,
They're all very fetching,
But some are decidedly lewd.
--- Irish
And lifted her mini-skirt higher
To show us god freaks,
Tattooed on her cheeks,
The legend: "Boys, this space for hire."
--- Tiddy Ogg
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