A feminine queer from Algiers,
Loves to fondle small boy's chubby rears.
When finished with those,
Fucks himself with his toes,
Then douches his rear with two beers.
--- G2073

There was a young fellow named Chivy,
Who, whenever he went to the privy,
First solaced his mind,
And then wiped his behind,
With some well-chosen pages from Livy.
--- L0687

There was a young party of Bister,
Who wanted to bugger his sister.
But not liking dirt,
He bought him a squirt,
And cleaned out her arse with a clyster.

(clyster - enema)
--- L0453

A real kinky psycho named Brister
Performs sexy stunts like the "twister,"
Which involves tight restraints,
Day-Glo body paints,
Plus illegal use of a clyster.
--- Armand Singer P0007

There was a young shipwright named Roos
Who made all the toilets too loose.
With a clash and a clatter,
They sprayed so much water,
One took either an enema or a douche.
--- G2728

I'll admit that I'm now over thirty.
And some folks have said that I'm nerdy.
I don't mind a bit,
But I will not admit
That my underwear ever is dirty.
--- Al Willis T9710

A skillful inventor named Cass
Made a plucker for chickens, first class.
But it seems, and we quote him,
The machine seized his scrotum,
And plucked every hair from his ass!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1766

There was a young maid of Boston, Mass.
Who stood in the water up to her knees.
(If it doesn't rhyme now,
It will when the tide comes in.)

--- L1583

Beware of the ass that you lick;
Avoid where the hairs are too thick.
If you can't decide
What's lurking inside,
Then don't use your tongue, use your dick.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Gene,
Who first picked his asshole quite clean.
He next picked his toes,
And lastly his nose,
And he never did wash in between. (did what was between.)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2350

There was a young fellow named Malcolm,
Who dusted his asshole with talcum.
He'd always use it
Every time that he shit,
And found the sensation right welcome.
--- L0718

A buxom young beauty named Gertie
Bathed every night at ten-thirty
Until clean to the top...
But here I must stop
For the rest of the story is dirty.
--- Laurence Perrine P8807

That illustrious author, Dean Howells,
Had a terrible time with his bowels.
His wife, so they say,
Cleaned them out every day
With special elongated trowels.
--- L0707

I don't care if you're King Kong sized hung,
But do whip out that camel long tongue.
For I know what it seeks,
So I'll spread my two cheeks,
When I need an ass-wipe for my bung.
--- Goin2later

Of a feeble old man of Madras,
It was said that his youth soon would pass.
He said, "This is absurd;
Please examine my turd --
I use Ivory Soap on my ass."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2180

An enema freak name of Pfister,
Just loves the warm stream from a clyster.
But one day he forgot,
Using water so hot,
It left his whole ass one big blister.
--- Armand Singer

There are those who profess honest doubt
At your claims to be virgin, Miss Trout.
You refuse men your cunt,
But if I may be blunt,
Your asshole is almost worn out.
--- G0961A

"Competition's a bit of a jerk,"
Said our butcher, while hiding a smirk;
"The lazy young slob
Sat down on the job,
Got a little behind in his work."
--- John Miller 0026

A nearsighted butcher named Warders
Suffered various optic disorders.
And as he grew blinder,
Backed into his grinder,
And got a little behind in his orders.
--- Stan McKean

While grinding his meat, butcher Gurk,
Lost his balance because of a quirk.
He fell in the hopper
With his ass in the chopper,
And he thus got behind in his work.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2082

There was an old fellow of Tripoli,
Who used to make love rather nippily.
Said his angry young lass,
While rubbing her ass,
"Less teethily, please, and more lippily."
--- Isaac Asimov A

There was a young lady from Witton
Whose hot-pants (or so it is written),
Were too small for her bottom,
And as they were cotton,
They split, and her bottom was bitten.
--- E R Franklin

Alas for poor Grandma, Eunice,
Who doffed anal warts with some pumice.
Her ass, smooth and red,
Roused her old boyfriend, Ted,
Who stretched her bung hole with his penis.
--- Randog

When she wanted a new way to futter,
He greased up her behind with butter.
Then, with a sock,
In went his jock,
And they carried her home on a shutter.
--- L0468

There was a young bonnie wee lass;
Had a wee ruddy bloody chapped ass.
"Though is smells ripe, it
Hurts so to wipe it.
I've a two-week-shit waiting to pass!"
--- Trainman T9711

There was an old fellow of Skokie
Who had spent a long time in the pokey.
He spent so many years
In his cell with the queers
That his asshole was all charred and smoky.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1043

Jill's backside just kept growing vaster
And dieting made it swell faster.
Then downward she bore
On a circular saw;
Oh my! It totally disassed her!
--- Anon

There was a camper from Amarillo,
Who had to sit on a pillow.
The big wad of grass
He'd used on his ass,
Turned out to be a wad of Brillo!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

There was an old woman from Russia
Who invented a new toilet flusher.
She thought it would work,
But it went BERSERK!
And in the end, she thought it would crush her.
--- Andrzej Korzeniowski

I once had a pal, Retze Faber
Who sat himself down on his sabre.
Seems in a trice,
His buns were small dice.
How his pants fit, I will not belabor.
--- Annie Jay

The vicar's young daughter, Jocasta,
One night after playing canasta,
Sat down on a knife --
She escaped with her life,
But the damned thing nearly dis-assed her.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Sy left his dead body to science.
A charity act that made high sense.
But the doctor, alas,
Dropped the jar with his ass,
Which led to the downfall of Sy ends.
--- Fred Cohen P8503

A girl was dismayed by her goof
And embossed on her ass was the proof.
Said the doctor, "It's imbricate
And artistically intricate.
You were fucked on a tile-finished roof!"
--- Albin Chaplin

This is file nsm

Every day on the treadmill, Kelly Cass,
Runs an hour to reduce body mass.
Determined young Kelly
Got the fat off her belly,
And moved it around to her ass.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408

A reticent lady named Alice
Returned from a long trip to Dallas.
She refuses to say
What she did while away,
But complains that her fanny's all callous.
--- Grand Prix Lim 79 G1735

There was a young lady of Rheims
Who took on the soldiers in teams.
Ten thousand discharges
And some bayonet charges,
And her ass fell apart at the seams.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1815

There was a young harlot of Rheims
Who took on the soldiers in teams.
After ten thousand diddles,
Plus widdles and piddles,
Her ass fell apart at the seams.
--- G1859

A silly old gardener named Pottem,
Complained of a frostbitten bottom.
When it rained on his plants,
He remembered his pants,
But whenever it snowed, he forgot 'em.
--- Cyber Geezer

'Twas cold enough to freeze the brass off,
When the gas company shut grandma's gas off.
She heard a "THUD" to her rear
And she cried out "Oh dear!
I'm afraid they have frozen my ass off!"
--- Jerry Kinsey

A lady, on climbing Mount Shasta,
Complained as the mountain grew vaster,
That it wasn't the climb,
Nor the dirt, nor the grime,
But the ice on her ass that harassed her.

(But it wasn't cold feet, nor the snow, nor the sleet)
--- Anon L1698A

The mountains are full of iron ore;
They're rusty and red to the core.
But I just don't care;
It's really unfair;
My bum is becoming quite sore.
--- Anon

I quite know the feeling, poor lad, in
That I rode a plane with no paddin',
In weather quite rough.
I'd quite had enough;
When we landed, not smooth like Aladin!
--- Anon

I once had a zit on my ass.
Zit was at the top of its class.
Zit two inches wide,
Zit red side to side,
With a globular head unsurpassed.
--- Anon

It was deep in my hairy old crack;
When I walked, with deep pain I was wracked.
They thought I was ill
(Or sleeping with Bill
And taking it right up the back).
--- Anon

I went to a surgeon in France;
He asked me to please drop my pants.
He asked me to bend
And then to extend
My two cheeks for his surgeon's lance.
--- Anon

The force of me bending so low,
Caused my big zit-thing to blow.
I spread my two cheek
As Doc took a peek...
The rest of it was quite a show!
--- Anon

A Spaniard, Don Pedro Potrero,
Once messed in a peon's sombrero.
When shot in the ass
With some beer bottle glass,
Don danced a fantastic bolero.
--- Grand Prix Lim 399

I once knew a girl called Sue,
Who once got stuck in the loo.
It was a funny sight,
To see her poor plight;
I had covered the seat with some glue.
--- Anon

In trying to shut off the gas
(So often embarrassed he'd pass).
The screw he retrieved
Was much ill-conceived.
It only unfastened his ass.
--- Naz

He did not expect it from Anna!
Deceived by her plausible manner,
Her papa, after prayer,
Sat on tacks in his chair,
And you better believe he banned Anna.
--- P8208

There was an old virgin of Ghent
Whose pooper was horribly bent.
And thus was her ailment
The lack of impalement,
For she shat at each sexual attempt.
--- G1392

There was a young fellow named Wilford
Who married a lady of Milford.
They were married in June,
Not a moment too soon,
For the mass of her ass had been pilfered.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0381

There once was this lion in Burma
Who bit a big chunk from my derma.
And now when I sit,
I tilt quite a bit
If half of the cushion's not firma.
--- Irving Superior P8812

Nude swimmers, beware of the yabby,
A creature inclined to be crabby.
If opportunity comes
They will latch on to bums,
Especially low-slung and flabby.

(yabby - crawfish Cherax destructor)
--- Sidney Daily Mirror P8312

There was a young man from Cape Hatteras,
Who kept poking holes through the matteras.
He said, with a wail,
"It's me wife's narrow tail,
I'll have to get one with a fatter ass."
--- G0284

There was a young lady named Kit
Who went out in the garden to shit.
But the stretching and straining, (Her stool was no fun,)
And underwear staining, (And she feared, when she'd done,)
Left her sure that her asshole was split.

(That the ring on her arsehole was split.)
--- G1407

What it's like often times on committee,
Is to spend lots of time on your sittee.
What may be inept
If minutes are kept,
While hours are wasted -- a pity.
--- Macsam

There was a young lady in Natchez,
Who fell in some nettle-wood patches.
She sits in her room
With her bare little moon,
And scratches and scratches and scratches.
--- L1200

Said a worn out old harlot of Clyde
"Though my pussy is now a foot wide,
Yet it is not a loss to me
For I've had a colostomy,
And I have a fine trade on the side."
--- Albin Chaplin

Near a Tennessee river named Piney,
Lives a guy with an oddly shaped heinie;
The right side's as large
As a riverboat barge,
But the other's incredibly tiny.
--- Armand E singer

A painter who lived in Great Britain,
Interrupted two girls with their knittin'.
He said with a sigh,
"That park bench--well, er--I
Just painted it, right where you're sittin."
--- Anon

There was a stout lady from Cattuck,
Posteriorly pecked by a wild duck,
Who pursued her for miles
And continued his wiles,
Till he completely demolished her buttock.
--- L1603

Lady Gwendolyn, skirts all a-rustle,
Resisted and put up a tussle,
But the wicked old earl,
With his fingers a-curl,
At last managed a pinch on her bustle.
--- Isaac Asimov

In a wood, poison ivy's no joke;
For you daren't get it out for a poke.
If by chance you should touch
The Ivy with your crotch,
Then I'm told you could possibly croak.
--- Anon

A spring just popped up in my chair,
And poked me in...well, you know where.
I felt quite a bump
Right smack in the rump,
But to be couth I'll say "derriere".
--- Hunny

Cried Miss Pratt, "What are you staring at?
I know -- you don't have to say that!
All you guys want of me
Is a poke where I pee,
And it's pounding my ass mighty flat!"
--- G0242