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A feminine queer from Algiers, There was a young fellow named Chivy, There was a young party of Bister, (clyster - enema)
A real kinky psycho named Brister There was a young shipwright named Roos I'll admit that I'm now over thirty. A skillful inventor named Cass There was a young maid of Boston, Mass. Beware of the ass that you lick; There was a young fellow named Gene, There was a young fellow named Malcolm, A buxom young beauty named Gertie That illustrious author, Dean Howells, I don't care if you're King Kong sized hung, Of a feeble old man of Madras, An enema freak name of Pfister, There are those who profess honest doubt "Competition's a bit of a jerk," A nearsighted butcher named Warders While grinding his meat, butcher Gurk, There was an old fellow of Tripoli, There was a young lady from Witton Alas for poor Grandma, Eunice, When she wanted a new way to futter, There was a young bonnie wee lass; There was an old fellow of Skokie Jill's backside just kept growing vaster There was a camper from Amarillo, There was an old woman from Russia I once had a pal, Retze Faber The vicar's young daughter, Jocasta, Sy left his dead body to science. A girl was dismayed by her goof Every day on the treadmill, Kelly Cass, A reticent lady named Alice There was a young lady of Rheims There was a young harlot of Rheims A silly old gardener named Pottem, 'Twas cold enough to freeze the brass off, A lady, on climbing Mount Shasta, (But it wasn't cold feet, nor the snow, nor the sleet)
The mountains are full of iron ore; I quite know the feeling, poor lad, in I once had a zit on my ass. It was deep in my hairy old crack; I went to a surgeon in France; The force of me bending so low, A Spaniard, Don Pedro Potrero, I once knew a girl called Sue, In trying to shut off the gas He did not expect it from Anna! There was an old virgin of Ghent There was a young fellow named Wilford There once was this lion in Burma Nude swimmers, beware of the yabby, (yabby - crawfish Cherax destructor)
There was a young man from Cape Hatteras, There was a young lady named Kit (That the ring on her arsehole was split.)
What it's like often times on committee, There was a young lady in Natchez, Said a worn out old harlot of Clyde Near a Tennessee river named Piney, A painter who lived in Great Britain, There was a stout lady from Cattuck, Lady Gwendolyn, skirts all a-rustle, In a wood, poison ivy's no joke; A spring just popped up in my chair, Cried Miss Pratt, "What are you staring at?
Loves to fondle small boy's chubby rears.
When finished with those,
Fucks himself with his toes,
Then douches his rear with two beers.
--- G2073
Who, whenever he went to the privy,
First solaced his mind,
And then wiped his behind,
With some well-chosen pages from Livy.
--- L0687
Who wanted to bugger his sister.
But not liking dirt,
He bought him a squirt,
And cleaned out her arse with a clyster.
--- L0453
Performs sexy stunts like the "twister,"
Which involves tight restraints,
Day-Glo body paints,
Plus illegal use of a clyster.
--- Armand Singer P0007
Who made all the toilets too loose.
With a clash and a clatter,
They sprayed so much water,
One took either an enema or a douche.
--- G2728
And some folks have said that I'm nerdy.
I don't mind a bit,
But I will not admit
That my underwear ever is dirty.
--- Al Willis T9710
Made a plucker for chickens, first class.
But it seems, and we quote him,
The machine seized his scrotum,
And plucked every hair from his ass!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1766
Who stood in the water up to her knees.
(If it doesn't rhyme now,
It will when the tide comes in.)
--- L1583
Avoid where the hairs are too thick.
If you can't decide
What's lurking inside,
Then don't use your tongue, use your dick.
--- Anon
Who first picked his asshole quite clean.
He next picked his toes,
And lastly his nose,
And he never did wash in between. (did what was between.)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2350
Who dusted his asshole with talcum.
He'd always use it
Every time that he shit,
And found the sensation right welcome.
--- L0718
Bathed every night at ten-thirty
Until clean to the top...
But here I must stop
For the rest of the story is dirty.
--- Laurence Perrine P8807
Had a terrible time with his bowels.
His wife, so they say,
Cleaned them out every day
With special elongated trowels.
--- L0707
But do whip out that camel long tongue.
For I know what it seeks,
So I'll spread my two cheeks,
When I need an ass-wipe for my bung.
--- Goin2later
It was said that his youth soon would pass.
He said, "This is absurd;
Please examine my turd --
I use Ivory Soap on my ass."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2180
Just loves the warm stream from a clyster.
But one day he forgot,
Using water so hot,
It left his whole ass one big blister.
--- Armand Singer
At your claims to be virgin, Miss Trout.
You refuse men your cunt,
But if I may be blunt,
Your asshole is almost worn out.
--- G0961A
Said our butcher, while hiding a smirk;
"The lazy young slob
Sat down on the job,
Got a little behind in his work."
--- John Miller 0026
Suffered various optic disorders.
And as he grew blinder,
Backed into his grinder,
And got a little behind in his orders.
--- Stan McKean
Lost his balance because of a quirk.
He fell in the hopper
With his ass in the chopper,
And he thus got behind in his work.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2082
Who used to make love rather nippily.
Said his angry young lass,
While rubbing her ass,
"Less teethily, please, and more lippily."
--- Isaac Asimov A
Whose hot-pants (or so it is written),
Were too small for her bottom,
And as they were cotton,
They split, and her bottom was bitten.
--- E R Franklin
Who doffed anal warts with some pumice.
Her ass, smooth and red,
Roused her old boyfriend, Ted,
Who stretched her bung hole with his penis.
--- Randog
He greased up her behind with butter.
Then, with a sock,
In went his jock,
And they carried her home on a shutter.
--- L0468
Had a wee ruddy bloody chapped ass.
"Though is smells ripe, it
Hurts so to wipe it.
I've a two-week-shit waiting to pass!"
--- Trainman T9711
Who had spent a long time in the pokey.
He spent so many years
In his cell with the queers
That his asshole was all charred and smoky.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1043
And dieting made it swell faster.
Then downward she bore
On a circular saw;
Oh my! It totally disassed her!
--- Anon
Who had to sit on a pillow.
The big wad of grass
He'd used on his ass,
Turned out to be a wad of Brillo!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Who invented a new toilet flusher.
She thought it would work,
But it went BERSERK!
And in the end, she thought it would crush her.
--- Andrzej Korzeniowski
Who sat himself down on his sabre.
Seems in a trice,
His buns were small dice.
How his pants fit, I will not belabor.
--- Annie Jay
One night after playing canasta,
Sat down on a knife --
She escaped with her life,
But the damned thing nearly dis-assed her.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A charity act that made high sense.
But the doctor, alas,
Dropped the jar with his ass,
Which led to the downfall of Sy ends.
--- Fred Cohen P8503
And embossed on her ass was the proof.
Said the doctor, "It's imbricate
And artistically intricate.
You were fucked on a tile-finished roof!"
--- Albin Chaplin
This is file nsm
Runs an hour to reduce body mass.
Determined young Kelly
Got the fat off her belly,
And moved it around to her ass.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
Returned from a long trip to Dallas.
She refuses to say
What she did while away,
But complains that her fanny's all callous.
--- Grand Prix Lim 79 G1735
Who took on the soldiers in teams.
Ten thousand discharges
And some bayonet charges,
And her ass fell apart at the seams.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1815
Who took on the soldiers in teams.
After ten thousand diddles,
Plus widdles and piddles,
Her ass fell apart at the seams.
--- G1859
Complained of a frostbitten bottom.
When it rained on his plants,
He remembered his pants,
But whenever it snowed, he forgot 'em.
--- Cyber Geezer
When the gas company shut grandma's gas off.
She heard a "THUD" to her rear
And she cried out "Oh dear!
I'm afraid they have frozen my ass off!"
--- Jerry Kinsey
Complained as the mountain grew vaster,
That it wasn't the climb,
Nor the dirt, nor the grime,
But the ice on her ass that harassed her.
--- Anon L1698A
They're rusty and red to the core.
But I just don't care;
It's really unfair;
My bum is becoming quite sore.
--- Anon
That I rode a plane with no paddin',
In weather quite rough.
I'd quite had enough;
When we landed, not smooth like Aladin!
--- Anon
Zit was at the top of its class.
Zit two inches wide,
Zit red side to side,
With a globular head unsurpassed.
--- Anon
When I walked, with deep pain I was wracked.
They thought I was ill
(Or sleeping with Bill
And taking it right up the back).
--- Anon
He asked me to please drop my pants.
He asked me to bend
And then to extend
My two cheeks for his surgeon's lance.
--- Anon
Caused my big zit-thing to blow.
I spread my two cheek
As Doc took a peek...
The rest of it was quite a show!
--- Anon
Once messed in a peon's sombrero.
When shot in the ass
With some beer bottle glass,
Don danced a fantastic bolero.
--- Grand Prix Lim 399
Who once got stuck in the loo.
It was a funny sight,
To see her poor plight;
I had covered the seat with some glue.
--- Anon
(So often embarrassed he'd pass).
The screw he retrieved
Was much ill-conceived.
It only unfastened his ass.
--- Naz
Deceived by her plausible manner,
Her papa, after prayer,
Sat on tacks in his chair,
And you better believe he banned Anna.
--- P8208
Whose pooper was horribly bent.
And thus was her ailment
The lack of impalement,
For she shat at each sexual attempt.
--- G1392
Who married a lady of Milford.
They were married in June,
Not a moment too soon,
For the mass of her ass had been pilfered.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0381
Who bit a big chunk from my derma.
And now when I sit,
I tilt quite a bit
If half of the cushion's not firma.
--- Irving Superior P8812
A creature inclined to be crabby.
If opportunity comes
They will latch on to bums,
Especially low-slung and flabby.
--- Sidney Daily Mirror P8312
Who kept poking holes through the matteras.
He said, with a wail,
"It's me wife's narrow tail,
I'll have to get one with a fatter ass."
--- G0284
Who went out in the garden to shit.
But the stretching and straining, (Her stool was no fun,)
And underwear staining, (And she feared, when she'd done,)
Left her sure that her asshole was split.
--- G1407
Is to spend lots of time on your sittee.
What may be inept
If minutes are kept,
While hours are wasted -- a pity.
--- Macsam
Who fell in some nettle-wood patches.
She sits in her room
With her bare little moon,
And scratches and scratches and scratches.
--- L1200
"Though my pussy is now a foot wide,
Yet it is not a loss to me
For I've had a colostomy,
And I have a fine trade on the side."
--- Albin Chaplin
Lives a guy with an oddly shaped heinie;
The right side's as large
As a riverboat barge,
But the other's incredibly tiny.
--- Armand E singer
Interrupted two girls with their knittin'.
He said with a sigh,
"That park bench--well, er--I
Just painted it, right where you're sittin."
--- Anon
Posteriorly pecked by a wild duck,
Who pursued her for miles
And continued his wiles,
Till he completely demolished her buttock.
--- L1603
Resisted and put up a tussle,
But the wicked old earl,
With his fingers a-curl,
At last managed a pinch on her bustle.
--- Isaac Asimov
For you daren't get it out for a poke.
If by chance you should touch
The Ivy with your crotch,
Then I'm told you could possibly croak.
--- Anon
And poked me in...well, you know where.
I felt quite a bump
Right smack in the rump,
But to be couth I'll say "derriere".
--- Hunny
I know -- you don't have to say that!
All you guys want of me
Is a poke where I pee,
And it's pounding my ass mighty flat!"
--- G0242
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