An attractive young woman named Cass,
Since she thought his phallation had class,
With a certain nostalgia
Called her boy friend Proctalgia,
He was such a pain in the ass.

(phallation - movement of penis in intercourse)
--- A N Wilkins P8801

Pity a faggot named Vitus
Who suffers from ailments in "-itis":
Expectedly present,
However unpleasant,
Acute ulcerative proctitis.
--- Armand E Singer 722

There once was a man named Tom Diehl,
Had balls that were made out of steel!
Whenever he'd screw,
The girl's ass would turn blue,
And she'd get the 'raw end of the deal'!
--- Laurence Craft

The insurance adjuster's decision:
"Not covered. See fine print provision.
Her claim she was hurt
When you bumped her plaid skirt,
Deductible rear end collision."
--- Dorman John Grace P9412

A gal in pink pants in Elk Grove
Sat with her fat fan on the stove.
"Though the stove is red hot,"
Cried Sir Frumington-Fott,
"Her spot's a lot hotter, by Jove!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 849

A cowboy in a rodeo show
Was the champion of the bucking bronco.
But he said, "This must end,
Though my legs may still mend,
It's my end, that is starting to go."
--- Warrick Elrod

A simple young fellow named Royds,
Knew nothing of the bees and the boids.
He married Emma, alas,
A pain in the ass,
Which he got from fucking Emma Royds.
--- Crazy Legs T9801

I watch as she diddles her middle
While cooking; it's making me fiddle.
The sight of her twat
Now is making me hot.
Ohmygod, I've sat down on the griddle!!
--- Peter Wilkins

A smooth-bottomed fellow named Fritz
Contracted a case of the shits.
Now with asshole distended
His future is ended --
He can't find a penis that fits.
--- G0978

There once was a Frenchman from Pau,
Who went for a slide on the snow.
He traveled so fast,
That he skinned off his ass,
And the cuticle now has to grow.
--- L1205

When pinched on the fanny, Monique,
Succumbed to a peeved maiden's pique,
By exclaiming with verve,
To her pincher, "Some nerve!"
"And in your case", he gloated, "Some cheek!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'ConnerA

At the Dance of the Furies by Gluck,
Two ushers attempted to fuck.
At the crash of the brass,
One contracted his ass,
And they carted him off in a truck.

(Gluck's Orpheus)
--- L0471

There was a young lady named Hannah,
Who slipped on a peel of banana.
More stars she espied
As she lay on her side
Than are found in the Star Spangled Banner.
--- Carolyn Wells

The nudists had lain in the sun
Ever since the day's heat had begun.
Asked a head-waiter there,
"Do you like your rump rare,
Or do you prefer it well done?"
--- Laurence Perrine P8312

There once was an overweight plumber
Who laid on the beach in the summer.
From the rays of the sun,
His protection was none;
The burn that he got was a bummer.
--- Cap'n Bean P0305

A person of most any nation,
If afflicted with bad constipation,
Can shove a cuirass
Up the crack of his ass,
But it isn't a pleasing sensation.
--- L1610

There once was a feisty young terrier,
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
He'd yip and he'd yap,
Then he'd leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere, the merrier.
--- Brian Lee-Blackmore A

I have a fine cousin named Keith,
Who's a drunken degenerate thief.
He once drank from my glass,
Grabbed a boob, grabbed my ass,
And left marks upon both with his teeth.
--- Cyberhog T9710

I once knew a very queer lass,
Who had a triangular ass.
Now it might sound absurd,
But the shape of her turd,
Was a stately pyramidal mass!
--- Anon

As I applied a moist toilet towel,
I cried out an ear-piercing howl.
For straining my ass
That dry turd to pass,
It's bulged by two inches. Poor bowel!
--- Anon

I applied spirit (methylated),
And just for a second debated,
"Was I doing it right?"
Still I set one alight;
Took a blowback to get it deflated.
--- Anon

There was a young girl in Havana,
Who slipped on a skin of banana.
Away went her feet,
And she took a seat
In a very unladylike manner.
--- Anon

A woman who's well-versed in hoodoo,
Lost the pins that she needed for voodoo.
On its own, it's not tragic,
But an ass full of magic,
Means a great stabbing pain comes with poopoo.
--- Robert Elliot

The blessed Saint Rosa of Lima,
When bothered with anal eczema,
Found relief from the pain
Of the itch in her drain
By tickling her cunt with her femur.
--- G2157

There was an old fellow of Tyre,
Who constantly sat on the fire.
When asked, "Are you hot?"
He replied, "No, I am not;
I am James Winterbottom, Esquire.
--- Anon (L Reed)

The shit hole is lost. Now that's queer;
When last seen it was standing right here.
I think someone who sat
Maybe squashing it flat,
Down its own hole, made the whole hole, disappear.
--- Anon

Went to the movies, alack!
Took a front seat in the back.
Fell down, Ah me!
From the top balcony,
And broke a big bone in my back.
--- Anon

I meat a girl once in Savannah,
Who slipped on a peel of banana.
The words she let pass
As she fell on her ass,
Would not please her poppa or mamma.
--- Anon

So here's to the lady named Twenn,
Who loves lying under the men!
That way, when she's screwing,
She knows what she's doing,
Though she gets a flat ass now and then.
--- G0213

'Tis a legend in all of Madras,
The lass with the ass made of glass.
In a sad twist of fate,
She fought with her mate,
And it smashed when she fell on her ass.
--- C O Jones

There was a young man with a fiddle
Who sat down too hard on its middle.
Because of the strings
And a few other things,
It marked his behind like a griddle.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

Jim Smith hired a bouncer named Ectam,
To remove boisterous drunks and eject 'em.
Jim later made a plea
To handle them gently,
And not kick each one in the rectum.
--- Laurence Craft

I couldn't be any succincter.
I found that my best friend had linked her.
She was my paramour
But she's not any more,
And I kicked him right square in the sphincter!
--- Al Willis

This is file nrm

There once was a flyer named Pete,
Who normally lands on his feet.
But once in a "double",
He ran into trouble,
And landed smack dab on his seat!
--- Cynthia Salam P8711

There was a young girl with a fiddle
Who sat down too hard on its middle.
Because of the strings
And a few other things,
It marked her behind like a griddle.
--- P8302A

There was a new bride of Uttoxeter
Who soon found married life made her buttocks sore.
It was not hubby's thump
'Gainst her sweetly raised rump,
But the way that he'd snap his used jocks at her.
--- Martin Wellborn P9212

Henry and Lina surmised
That they'd like to camp out 'neath the skies.
They weren't known to bone,
Yet on their way home,
Their nether spots felt tenderized.
--- H Welchel

There was a young lady alluring,
Said: "A ditch digger's cock is enduring."
But the rigger's was bigger,
And he fucked with such vigor,
That her asshole was torn from its mooring.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1973

There was a young fellow enduring
Who screwed a young lady alluring.
He was hung like a horse
And he fucked with such force,
That her asshole was torn from its mooring.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1776

The story is sadly repeated,
That Sid thought he was painfully treated.
But you must agree that
When on cactus Sid sat,
His cause of complaint was deep-seated.
--- Mary Rita Hurley

There was an old man from Penznace
Who always wore cast-iron pants.
He said, "Some years back,
I sat on a tack,
And I'll never again take that chance."
--- Anon

A peculiar fellow named Long
Once sat on a very sharp prong.
He gave a great shout
As his friends pulled it out,
But then sat on the next one along.
--- Michael Palin

There once was a playwright named Pinter
Who slept on a park bench all winter.
In the spring he let out
An hysterical shout:
"I think I just sat on a splinter!"
--- Anon

I did this in biology class,
Some Holly right under his ass.
After sitting in pain,
Removed one, sat again,
Right on the rest of the mass.
--- Anon

There once was a sweet senorita
Who sat on a bunch of mesquite-a.
Now she stands up
To dine and to sup.
She cannot sit down to eat-a.
--- Joseph Eldridge

When Clyde hunkered down on his heels,
He suddenly broke out in squeals;
The spurs he'd forgotten
Went clean through his bottom --
He stands now when taking his meals.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

There once was a stitcher named Kay,
Who lost her last needle one day.
'Til her husband aid, "Ouch!"
When he sat on the couch,
And Kay cried, "You found it! Hooray!"
--- Anon

I fucked in the barn with Miss Vintry
While the air was a little bit wintry,
On an old oaken door
Where we ended, quite sore;
For the wood was a little bit splintry.
--- Cap'n Bean P9812

There was a young girl from Nantucket,
Who got her arse stuck in a bucket.
Said the doctor, "I fear
I cannot save your rear!"
So the lass from Nantucket said "Forget it!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection z

If we root through your thoughts we, should find
Mainly empties your brain left behind,
When it threw in the towel
And crawled through your bowel
To leak out where the sun never shined.
--- Virge

Sweet little Emily Rose,
Was tired and sought some repose.
But her sister named Clare
Put a tack on her chair,
And sweet little Emily rose!
--- Michael Kilgarriff P9309

Miss Hyacinthe Gladys McGee,
Said somewhat explosively: "Whee!
If the butt of my back,
Were to sit on a tack,
Think of how pained I should be!"
--- Anon

There was a young fellow called Max
Who filled his backpockets with tacks.
He thought he was clever
Although he could never
Sit down on a chair and relax!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A Scotsman who sat on a thistle,
Got up quickly, with a short whistle.
If I knew not before,
Now I'm very sure
That my sit-upon's not made of gristle.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A stone knight in a chapel near Ealing,
Who had spent several centuries kneeling,
Said, "Please keep off my ass
When you're rubbing my brass--
It gives me a very strange feeling."
--- Anon

A hustler rustled her bustle
With her gluteus maximus muscle.
And although quite quiet,
Incited a riot-
Ous clamorous amorous tussle.
--- John Futhey P9601

Said a shapely and thrifty young lass,
Who smoked cigarettes through her ass,
"Come get high from a toke
Of my fartified smoke.
It's certainly cheaper than grass."
--- Anon

That trick with your colon, my sweet;
I'm just wondering; could you repeat?
But this time more frontwards
Than backwards .. say cuntwards?
I'll sit here and watch 'neath the sheet.
--- Anon

There was a young lady named Kissel
Who seated her ass on a thistle.
Though surprise was in store,
What surprised her much more,
Was the way that her ass learned to whistle.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0504

There was a young fellow named Schmutz
Who was able to rotate his putz,
And aptitude queer
Which made him the dear
Of the girls, and the death of his nuts.

(putz - either a nativity scene or a penis, you pick - McW)
--- G0444

The derriere Carrie displays
Never fails to delight and amaze.
She puts every ounce
Into use with a bounce!
And her boyfriend's ecstatic for days.
--- G0313

A moon-struck old maid from Uttoxeter
Would, in spring, gyrate her buttocks and purr.
Town council, sagacious, banned
Displays so outrageous and
Chucked chock-a-block boxes of clocks at her.
--- James Waite P9211

A patient young fellow named Bill
Possessed the true diplomat's skill.
He would sit on his ass
And just let the time pass,
Then wiggle his ass for a thrill.
--- Warrick Elrod

There once was a woman named Cutter,
Who know how to churn her own butter.
The cream she would drink,
Then quick as a wink,
A stick would pop from her turd-cutter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There's a beautiful girl named Anna
Who lives just outside of Havana.
She wiggles her ass
In a skirt made of grass,
Then invites you into her cabana.
--- Tom Patton P9803

There was a young lady named Ames,
Who would play at the jolliest games.
She was great fun to lay,
For her rectum would play
Obbligatos, and call you bad names.
--- L0667

A girl of immoral proclivity (unusual nativity)
Had an odd perineal sensitivity.(ass of extreme sensitivity)

Of a German or Jap,
She could sense Fifth Column activity.
--- L0204