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As he slid off the back of a yak, When thinking of fame, I must laugh, The bull asked his wife with remorse, Dutch cow-herders say it is cruel, Now Tiddy, you know I would never The other ranch hands thought it strange An old tenant farmer named Jeeves Now what I have said is quite true; When I said, "I've an hour and a half," My mind may be starting to limp Me needing a cow pimp? Not me! But now you'll have to agree A cow, one should never ignore; How I miss you, my sweet Heather, For all 'round the world I could chase, A priest, who was strange in the sack, When looking for bovine romance, As a farm boy, my life's a disaster; A Hindu who lived in Kashmir, A heifer from up near the Soo, I once thought my girlfriend was true. Gadzooks!! I too find it appalling When teaching that calf you must hobble A yak back in Lhasa, Tibet, A cow owned by old Farmer Castor There's a sodomite Ottoman priest You'd think nothing happens in Kzyltzu, Said a rancher, while roping a cow, The best way to handle a yak Ah Bessie! Dear Bessie, the cow; In the dairy I take off my clothes, Said Nathan, "Now, who wouldn't dream More than one person sent her to me, Old Bessie was Les Stuart's cow Guys in here that are on the prowl, Regardless that we've been estranged, That Daisy is not the least dressy, Delighting in pastimes perverse, Been wondering where dearest ol' Bess is? With many a gal I've been smitten, Good God! I'd forgotten dear Bess! I asked of the Curate of Messing Sie sind schon, the girl of my dreams, I think we should visit young Bess, My beau is a man of great charm; Spring has sprung; the men have ris, Said Travis to his buddy, Jessie, While chewing the cud with the boys, I snuck to her stall on light goose feet, He said he was well into leather, Even Frank, so-called friend, has refused When you are a going out wooing, Les Johnson snuck up on old Bess, Around the world, people are saying I'll pass on old Bessie for now; My choice now is much simplified -- When farming I happened to plough But sir, may I hazard a guess, I went to where Bessie is stalled The farm boy, while working on Bess, Here comes that Wilkins boy now; Now this is a thought to consider... She's always on fours in position But that was so many years past; No longer do I need old Bess, There once was a farmer named Jesse;
A Tibetian Lama said, "Mac,
What you're claiming is bestial,
I find quite celestial,
For a crack at a yak's a real snack!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 567
For mine dates to when I caught a calf
And boffed her sweet twat;
That deed has now got
Folks waiting for my autograph.
--- Travis Brasell
"But why do you want a divorce?"
His old cow replied,
"Cause when your inside,
It feels like you're hung like a horse!"
--- Travis Brasell
To boff a hot cow with your tool!
Kind Dirruk, however,
Now goes hell-for-leather,
Where windmills can keep his cow cool.
--- Anon
Tell you where to put your meat lever,
But you might consider
Being a switch-hitter.
Just think, then you could live for heifer.
--- Cyber Wizard
Jeb spent so many nights on the range.
When they caught Jeb with cattle,
To the range boss they tattled.
Jeb replied, "I just needed a change."
--- Actaeon
Complains, it's just one of his peeves;
They work him to death
And in the same breath,
Won't let him have sex with his beeves.
--- Armand Singer
Those less endowed can make do.
With some extra care,
They will get you *there*.
(Not once did I have to say moo!)
--- Frank Fazed
The madame just started to laugh.
She said, "At our rates,
You must be Bill Gates
Or you'll settle for a nice piece of calf.
--- John Miller
Or perhaps I've smoked too much hemp.
Surely it cannot be
That you're telling me
That what I now need's a cow pimp.
--- Les Stewart
But your heifer was tied to a tree
Around out in back,
So the madam took a whack
At setting it up for a fee.
--- John Miller
That I am no sucker, you see.
So to access her rump,
I climbed on a stump
Late at night, and I had her for free.
--- John Miller
By their brains they do not seem to score.
But they have their uses
For a range of abuses;
And more things that people abhor.
--- Danube
And wish that we were still together.
I do regret now
Calling you a cow,
With puss-flaps as tough as old leather.
--- S&M
Never finding that bovine embrace
That Heather alone
Could grip on my bone.
Please bring back that moist pink briefcase.
--- S&M
Confessed having sex, with a yak;
He said, "God, hear me pray,
But my sheep were away.
Oh Lord, won't you cut me some slack?"
--- Cap'n Bean P0010
Use a cautious and gentle advance.
They kick, if adverse,
Or, what's even worse,
Drop a gallon of shit in your pants!
--- Anon
Screwing sheep is a skill I can't master.
I still don't know how
To make love to a cow,
And my sister can run a lot faster.
--- John Miller
Did a real funny stunt with a steer.
Because cattle are holy,
He did the deed slowly,
With utmost respect, from the rear.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When approached by a bull, answered "Moo."
Then she took the wrong tack,
And lay down on her back;
But the bull figured out what to do.
--- G2493
She said, "There's been no one but you."
But now I do know
All about the old ho';
Someone else has been making her moo!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To hear of the way you've been balling
Defenseless bovine.
Do you lay them supine
Or is vertical more to your calling?
--- Anon
Her front legs so she will not wobble;
When wobbling she'll stomp,
And even will 'chomp;'
You want her to suckle, not gobble!
--- Travis Brasell
Said, "Man and his whims I regret.
Running short of females,
He comes hoisting our tails...
Just how horny can Tibetans get?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 779
Was chased by a bull in the pasture.
But because so immense,
His bag snagged on the fence.
The result was an udder disaster.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9011
Whom you'd not wish to meet in the least,
Who confesses his zest
For the parts to the west
Of a ruminant beast facing east.
--- CWW P8209
And God knows there's hours to kill, too.
But the randy young Kazaks
Bugger long-suffering Yaks --
There's always a way, where there's will to.
--- G1266
"I wish that someday they'd endow,
A wench with a rear
Firm and wide like a steer,
And a mouth that could suck like a sow."
--- Anon
Is to make sure she rests on her back.
Then you will not get torn,
By the left or right horn,
And you'll easily access her crack.
--- Anon
How I wish I could have you here now.
The melons have dried;
The geese have all died,
And I've had to make do with a sow.
--- John Miller
And with my friend, the cow, juxtapose.
Bessy moos her love calls,
Then her tongue licks my balls,
As I thrust in and out of her nose.
--- David Miller
Of viewing my meadows and stream,
Where gents get no less
Than a shot at old Bess,
And the ladies a taste of my cream?"
--- Anon
And the reason is easy to see.
So thanks one and all,
See you soon in her stall,
With one or two bales for her fee.
--- Anon
This is file nik
And I wonder, just where is she now?
(The last time I had her
I fell off the ladder!) --
And Les, where are you, anyhow?
--- Anon
Will take anything we allow.
Big fat, thin or small,
They don't care at all;
They've all been with Bessie the cow.
--- Anon
A meeting with Bess's been arranged.
But you'd better be quick
If you value your dick...
She's acting a wee bit deranged.
--- Anon
The rest of her friends look quite messy.
It is easy to see
Why these guys favor me,
So go milk your herd. Love from Bessie.
--- Anon
This twisted old world I traverse.
But never have I felt
A cunt tight and svelte
As Bessie's, straight in or transverse.
--- Anon
Been missing her bovine caresses?
Well I have some gnus
You can use and abuse,
If you fancy relieving your stresses.
--- Anon
All over the lands of Great Britain.
But I must confess,
That only with Bess
Did I have my genitals bitten.
--- Anon
My regret, words just cannot express.
With big soulful eyes,
And a tail that swats flies,
Who needs to look good in a dress?
--- Anon
Forgiveness and for his blessing.
He caught me and all
Inside the cow stall,
No trousers and doing some Bessing.
--- Archie
On you I will write many reams.
You're bovine and nice;
Your udder adds spice;
Oh, Bessy, my lust for you steams.
--- Anon
For she's been in a state of distress,
Having not had a screw
For a fortnight or two...
She'll be happy to see us, I guess.
--- Peter Wilkins
When I took him out to the farm,
He said it was messy --
But he sure liked Bessie!
And now I view him with alarm.
--- Anon
Wond'ring where dear Bessie is.
Having days off, Les,
Takes good care of Bess,
In the back, humping her in bliss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"I went to the barn with old Bessie.
But credit where due;
Compared to a ewe,
Old Bess was a little more messy."
--- Loz
We talked about all of our toys.
And doxies and wenches
Laid out on the benches,
Are preferred to Bessy's loud noise.
--- Anon
And found in the dark Bessie's poose, sweet;
I filled her so full
That she thought it was bull
Until I said, "No, dear, it's moosmeat!"
--- Anon
And wanted to get it together,
With a nice piece of tail.
I said, "I'll not fail."
And led him to Bess on her tether.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When with passion and love I have oozed.
To help with the tension
Of constant abstention,
For no Bessie I have to be used.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You should try a lass that is mooing.
I'm telling you now,
Old Bessie, the cow,
Won't belt you, while her cud she's chewing.
--- M Foster
But she kicked him and left him a mess.
She refused the poor lad
After Tiddy she'd had.
That dear cow would not settle for Les.
--- Travis Brasell
That Archie is now disobeying
The law of the land,
Because of his gland,
He's boffing Ol' Bess without paying.
--- Travis Brasell
She's not ripe enough, anyhow.
As long as she moos,
I'm having to choose
'Twixt nieces, old hens, and a sow.
On reading my lim, one niece died:
"The whole world can see
What you do with me!
How could I be so mortified?"
Young Bessie - the farmer's best cow.
While deep in her twat,
She suddenly shat!
And "NEVER AGAIN!" was my vow.
--- SFA
On your site there's a thing to impress.
He'll be wanting his dong
To be licked by her tongue...
Don't let him get hold of our Bess.
--- Anon
And read this abuse you just scrawled;
She perked up her ears,
Her eyes filled with tears,
Then both of us stood there and balled.
--- Anon
Said, "Gosh, but I have to confess,
I'm a little bit short
To engage in such sport,
'Less you lift me while YOU do it, yes?"
--- John MIller Q
The one with the hardening plow.
Ready to spill seed
From his throbbing reed;
Now where the hell's Bessie the cow?
--- Anon
For Bess, years past, made my heart flitter.
A walk out behind
The shed where I'd find,
It didn't take much to go get 'er.
--- Anon
For come-up-behind type coition,
And said naught but moo
As I'd spray her with goo,
With udderly pleasing emission...
--- Anon
The year I 'discovered' my mast.
After buffin' and shining
And whimperin' and whining
With hands, I found Bess at long last.
--- Anon
Though thoughts of her cause trouser stress.
I'll wait for return
Of the one whom I yearn --
When she comes, it'll cause quite a mess!
--- Anon
He had a prized cow named Bessie.
Her teats in his hand,
He found udderly grand,
And wound up with his pants all messy.
--- Anon
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