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Consider the bees and...oh turds! Consider the birds and ... oh Lor'! A naive young lady of Cork, A lad from the city of York, The poor guy was really quite sad, He failed course but not from BETISE, When I was a kid, I just thought, I got older and discovered true love; Kids come along, they're a strain; The young high-school students of Surrey A biology teacher named Kudents Cried a raccoon through his Misses kisses A poem that isn't obscene Just think of the birds and the bees And those primitive tropical trees Never will Nature reform! If desire is all pussy, not rocks, Cordelia, the Sheep-herder's daughter What she really said was, "Cordelia, So frigid Cordelia'd keep And when we don't want an old ovine Spring breezes are blowing the pollen; There was a young girl named Maria, I do like old Harding's approach; There was a precocious young dame, A nimble performer named Pease "Dad...? So how do you make babies? Please Tell!" "Dad...? And what is a condom?", he said. "Dad...? But why has my sister no dick?" "Dad...?" "Keep quiet son, Do what I say. "Mom...? I'm looking for answers, you see? "I've looked but there's nothing to see; For a bird, he was very well hung, When his daddy told young Willie Blum Asked a pupil I had in Grade four, "Tell me, Mom, once more," asked Elaine, How is romance connected with birds? A teacher who taught evolution The little girl started to shout There is a site about sex; Izzy said to his mistress in Texas, Do all female critters have snatches? At the zoo a new bride from LePage, The proper Brown's proper young daughter His eldest said, "Dad, about babies -- Anxious mother told sweet daughter Vi, When teaching the "birds and the bees", In dirt and in filth he doth wallow, Now David -- the Mother of churls -- A boy and girl decided to show There was a professor from Pitt The rabbits, the birds and the bees, "From whence," asked young Bo, "did I come? You took forty weeks to appear, When the Birds and the Bees want to score, I've heard of the birds and the bees, There was a young man of Seattle, A hapless segundo named Bird There once was a man from Seattle A well hung lad from outside Seattle, This morning I'm proud as can be; A bloke by the name of Osama An actor from Brent, Alabama, The farmer, his trousers unbuckled, The cattleman Jim, due to greed, There was a young man from Seattle, On the plains, miles west of Seattle,
What awful familiar words.
I'm sorry again;
But it seems that my brain
Has shrunk to the size of a bird's.
--- Anon
I think I've done this one before
I seem to remember
Last year in November;
Most terribly sorry, I'm sure.
--- Anon
Was told she was brought by the stork.
But after a day
With a gent named O'Shea,
She distrusted all talk of that sort.
--- Reg Yearley
He thought he had come with the stork.
But when he found out
What the truth was about,
He felt like a bit of a dork.
--- Martin V Jensen
And at his parents was mad.
But now that he knew
What his pecker could do,
He started a sexual Olympiad
--- Azul
Or laziness, or some disease;
Since hormones kicked in,
He's interested in
One topic: the birds and the bees.
--- Elois
That you wished for a child then you got;
The truth was a shock,
But quite soon I liked cock,
When encounters were lustful and hot.
--- Jayne
It came like a bolt from above.
With shagging aplenty,
I married at twenty,
So right, we fit just like a glove.
--- Jayne
Sleepless nights simply drive you insane.
But passion returns,
So hot that it burns,
Then we just start all over again!
--- Jayne
Cause their mothers a great deal of worry;
With that course in Phys.Ed.
And the books they have read,
They grow up in too much of a hurry!
--- John E Mayhood P0800
Taught sex to the boy with great prudence.
And when came the finale,
She went in the alley
And was fucked by the A and B students.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2148
"What a hellish fine sex method this is!
Storks bring humans, one hears,
After this, it appears,
A man just don't know what he misses!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 871
Has a right to be written and seen.
While fauna and flora
Cannot match Gomorrah,
At least, it's a subject that's clean.
--- Al Willis
And the sexual behavior of fleas.
And the worms and the snails
Which have sex with themsel'es
And the fishes that spawn in the seas
--- Peter Wilkins
Which blow pollen around in the breeze,
Or grow flowers without failure
Like male genitalia;
Now what's more obscene if you please?
--- Peter Wilkins
Decency's just not the norm!
With stamens a-jutting,
All the estrus and rutting...
Each a quite shameless life-form.
--- Bob Mornington
What of pussy desiring hard cocks?
When we talk birds and bees,
Why's the viewpoint of keys
Fill our thoughts, while neglecting the lock's?
--- Anon
Took heed of what mother had taught her:
"Don't swoon at men's prose...
They're wearing sheep's clothes...
And women are lambs to the slaughter."
--- SFA
Do not let all those young guys feel ya,
Or lift up your skirts,
'Cause they are all flirts
Who'll leave you with live memorabilia.
--- Marlene Lewis
The fellas from getting in deep.
Now she gets no thrills,
While out on the hills
Those men are out pleasuring sheep.
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Though still our male fancies are rovine?
We're out of the fold,
The bull's a cuckold,
And Bessy's our favoured bovine.
--- Archie
Bees buzz and the birdies are callin'.
"Wanna bloom! Wanna breed!
Wanna scatter my seed!
Sweet honey, lets get busy ballin'."
--- Anon
With sex mentioned, got diarrhea.
Bird and Bee talk, she'd blush,
To the toilet she'd rush.
So she never got laid, the poor dear.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9604
The sex subject he wouldn't broach.
He said to their quiz,
"It's none of your biz."
He stayed in the dark like a roach.
--- H Welchel
Who felt certain she knew whence she came.
She thought it absurd
To accuse a big bird,
When she knew the stork wasn't to blame.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was on a flying trapeze.
She learned from some guy
A lesson on high
Concerning the birds and the bees.
--- Armand E Singer 279
(I thought I'd rehearsed this one well)
I said, "The man's thing
Is inserted..." (ring ring)
(Thank God for the telephone bell)
--- PeterW
(I could feel my face going quite red)
"It's made out of rubber
And (gulp, mumble, flubber)
Most gentlemen wear one in bed."
--- PeterW
(So I thought up an answer real quick)
"The bit that is missing,
Which you use for pissing..."
(Oh sod this, I thought, I feel sick)
--- PeterW
That's quite enough questions today.
Don't ask me another;
Go talk to your mother;
Just leave me alone! Go away!"
--- PeterW
But Dad, he won't tell them to me.
I do need a hand
To help understand
Some of the female anatomy."
--- Hobart
How do you females go for a pee?
You haven't a dick,
Or is it a trick?
Please, Mom, just tell me please!"
--- Hobart
And the bee that he chased was high-strung.
He had sex on his mind
And approached from behind,
And his very proud member was stung.
--- Al Willis P9604
This is file mjk
How and where the new babies come from,
Willie sneered, "For two years
I've been humping Sue Mears
And she'd had no kid...Pop, are you dumb!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 68
"Does a frog have a prick; does a boar?
I replied, "Yes, my son,
All male creatures have one,
But a porcupine has even more."
--- Barbara A
"Where do babies come from? Please explain."
Mommy breathed a deep sigh
And said, "Goodness! Oh my!
Tell me dear, are you pregnant again?"
--- William N Nesbit P9604 a
There aren't any nice rhyming words.
Birds are not very nice,
They are just flying mice,
And all that they droppeth is turds.
--- Anon
Said, "Man is Great Nature's solution,
Devised by ways sexual
To make life effectual...
So by all means, avoid self-pollution!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 975
When The Birds and The Bees she found out.
When she heard how some mister
Impregnated her sister,
She thought sex would knock all her teeth out.
--- Res Ipsa
No, it's not what you expect.
No porn will you find,
In fact quite sublime,
And its called the sex project!
--- Anon
"I'm happy as hell there's two sexes.
If we had only one,
Bed would be no damn fun...
Ain't it great the way sexin' affects us?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 344
"Yes. Many are covered with thatches.
Others are bare.
And if you care,
A snatch's from whence each critter hatches.
--- Hungarian
Said on seeing the stork, "Though of age,
And wed sex weeks to Willy,
...I know it sounds silly,
But I'm glad you're locked up in that cage.
--- Grand Prix Lim 387 A
Was doing things she shouldn't oughter.
But refused to believe
They could make her conceive,
Because she'd been told the stork brought her.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9604a
Please tell me, no ifs, ands, or maybes --
Are they brought by this bird,
Which is sort of absurd,
Or love bugs that bite you, like rabies.
--- Armand E Singer 785
"You will learn soon enough as did I.
When you see he can't hide
What seems swelling with pride.
That's desire in your beholder's fly."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9604
You have to include STD's.
You teach by example,
So give them a sample:
"Now children, get down on your knees..."
--- John Miller
John's writing 'bout young girls who swallow
While down on their knees
Then get STD's,
He's the "Mother" of all acts to follow.
--- David Miller
Are you knocking my limerick pearls?
Giving kids a disease
Is low, if you please,
But who said a word about GIRLS?
--- John Miller
What makes each different, you know.
"With one of these,
I am better, you see."
"With this I can get lots of those."
--- Jon Gearhart
Who wanted his sex classes, to wit:
"Don't put your fat paw
On girls' 'je ne sais quoi',
Or tickle the end of their clit."
--- Armand E Singer 64
Other insects, including the fleas,
Practice no birth control,
Get no government dole,
And enjoy sex whenever they please.
--- William N Nesbit P9604
Please tell me, dear Pop, where I'm from!"
Then in a voice proudly,
Bo's father said loudly,
"Your from the same place whence I come!"
--- Travis Brasell
From that place that fellows hold dear.
And soon you will learn,
The way to return
And do it for many a year.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The call up a good local whore.
She sends up a bird
And a bee (it's absurd),
But that's what I think, and I'm four.
--- Al Willis P9604
The flies and the frolicsome fleas.
The same thing occurs,
With the hims and the hers,
And I hope, with the you's and the me's.
--- Anon
Who bested a bull in a battle.
With fire and gumption,
He assumed the bull's function,
Impregnating a whole herd of cattle. (Deflowered)
--- L0646
Had trouble controlling the herd.
The bulls humped his cows,
His crew, cook, and sows --
A spectacle close to absurd.
--- Armand E Singer 612
Who had screwed a lot of cattle.
His balls hung so low
He tied both in a bow,
And swung them over his saddle.
--- G1316
Had a thing about romancing cattle.
He saw a young cow,
And thought her a WOW!,
But so did the bull, hence the battle!
--- Anon
Had twin bulls born sometime 'round three.
They're well-hung strong stock,
Which comes as no shock
'Cause both of them boys favor me!
--- Travis Brasell
Was playin with his hairy banana.
He said "My favourite root
Is an old work boot,
Or a dirty big humpty back bramah."
Screwed a calf in one act of a drama.
Though that may be the rage,
She was underage,
So they slung the guy's ass in the slamma.
--- John Miller 0272
Showed his rod, which the little calf suckled.
Her tongue was divine
And her throat took his wine.
What threw him was when the cows chuckled.
--- Actaeon
Was trying to hurry the breed-
Ing of cows with his bull,
So he started to pull,
But what came first was a stampede.
--- LaDonna Jones P8503
Whose balls were so small they would rattle.
He tried 'em on chickens,
Got good as the dickens,
And now he can satisfy cattle.
--- Anon
Lived a farmer whose last name was Prattle;
A cowpoke they called him,
For, bovine, he balled 'em;
He truly was close to his cattle.
--- Cap'n bean P9901
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