Bessie just stood there chewing In a pasture nearby was Sage, The moral to this tale of yore; I've long heard of Old Bessie the cow, She chews on her cud, the dear lass I don't want to get in her way, Sweet Bessie's traditional here; Of course, I exclude all the A Instead of just using our palms, Now you're the expert on sheep, But listen, Observer, I mailed Look back in the archives for Jan Though octopi suckers I guess So come give her udders a spin; A few months ago in this group But since we have heard the same thrill Or is she defunct since Viagra If anyone knows where she is, Her exixtence could not have been drearier; Apparently Bessie decided The limerick bovine named Bessy. Sweet Bessy! I know her of course; A pony? That's slightly too much, For the record, I wish to relate As a young farmboy, Travis would find But the view from in back of a mare When a Bovine's in heat, it's tail twitches, Our Bess only twitches at flies Bess is more picky of late; Welcome to our sordid mess. Old Bess? Well bless me, I guess. It was better back then, I confess, In Bess I once placed all my pride
This is file nhk
It's been bandied about that old Trav's Such gossip will never bring peace, It's Spring-round-up time once again; Your iron must be fiery hot, When branding I do what I ought There's Bessie, backed up to a stone, I had this most terrible dream: My search for relief soon revealed I'm sure Bessie's feeling are strong In youth, it would rise at an angle It maybe need regeneration But perhaps, with that tool, be more wise I read what you wrote and I wept Oh no! A complete disaster. And when I have fixed it, then please But with trees, there'll be squashes no more, I tried out the woodpecker hole, We'll have to fix it once more; They don't have hooves or a beak And watch out if they sneeze or they cough, Women? A strangely spelled word. But tell me, Have they any use No sir, but they can pull a train, Not sure 'bout those uses for sure, Or else if you get the feeling Or here's something else you might like And last but by very means least, I do like this time of the year That mooing you hear in the heather A bison has such a large sheath There once was a guy named Chris Hyson, Moonshine is something I know; Now moonshine and cattle don't mix; 'Twas the first time I tried to schlong one;
Her cud while Jesse was screwing
That bovine's behind,
With bliss on his mind,
And that proved to be his undoing.
--- Anon
A jealous young bull in a rage.
Jesse spewed his seed;
Sage hit full speed;
And the farmer never reached middle age.
--- Anon
If you're so horny, you'd screw a boar,
Or a sheep or a hog
A goat or a dog,
Please be civil and shut the barn door.
--- Anon
And I've always kept wondering how?
Screw a cow? No, not me,
Until I thought...sex for free,
And I am dreaming of her here right now.
--- Anon
Swats her tail at the flies on her ass.
She seductively moo's;
I mistake it as coo's;
I just hope we're not moving too fast.
--- Anon
So just name your price and I'll pay.
Please don't get jealous,
All you AJL fellas,
Who take her for a roll in the hay.
--- Anon
She's been with us for many a year,
Since (I think) '97.
And this side of heaven,
She has the most wonderful rear.
--- Anon
JL ladies who come here to play;
They're nicer than Bessie
And somewhat less messy;
But what if at times they're away?
--- Anon
We go seeking out countryside farms;
And there we can choose
Between heifers and ewes,
With their singular animal charms.
--- Anon
So my silence on lambs I will keep;
But nevertheless
They're as lovely as Bess,
(Though conducive to falling asleep).
--- Anon
A reply to young Freddie who wailed
About Bessie, you know,
Just a fortnight ago;
Your acute observation has failed.
--- Anon
("A Great Loss" was the subject, my man)
And then you will know
Why she sets us aglow
And you, too, will become a new fan.
--- Anon
Provide blissfulness, nevertheless,
There is naught to compare
(As you may be aware)
With the wonderful thighs of young Bess.
--- Anon
Feel the dampness and tightness within.
You'll discover at once
That her soft clenching cunt's
Ever ready for sinking it in.
--- Anon
Of primordial limerick soup,
We were given a lesson
In bovine caressin',
A cure for the Gentleman's Droop.
--- Peter W
Can be gained from a little blue pill,
It appears that our Bess
Has been getting it less;
Is she waiting and wanting us still?
--- Peter W
Unleashed a huge global Niagara
Of spermatozoa?
Is Bess in Samoa?
Or is she now living in Agra?
--- Peter W
Be it Chile, New York, or Cadiz,
I would like her to know
That I'm missing her so,
And her buttocks for squirting my jizz
--- Peter W
All you pinheads poked in her posterior.
So if you haven't seen her,
It's because of my wiener;
She found sex with me so far superior.
--- MrMalo
All your wienies were to be derided.
She was so disappointed
At how you were jointed,
So she left at the same time as I did.
--- MrMalo
Has habits uncouth and quite messy.
But she is just great
Whenever my date
Is angry, not feeling caressy!
--- Archie
A fine piece of tail I'd endorse
Without hesitation,
Though my aberration
Is more strongly inclined toward the horse.
--- Irish
Though a donkey can be a good touch.
And though is might vex us,
It's true here in Texas,
Even Bessy can get us in Dutch!
--- John Miller
Old Bess thiks it wrong to equate
Her non-consent (mild)
To sex with a child ---
As she tole me, our very last date.
--- John Miller
That it near drove him out of his mind
To leave Bessie the cow,
When he had to go plow,
'Cause he hated to leave her behind!
--- Observer
Would soon stifle his thoughts of despair.
'Cause being capricious
And very ambitious,
He, of alternatives, was aware!
--- Observer
Causing itches in cow-farmer's britches.
But kicks in behind
From fucked cows is unkind.
In the end, you might get twenty stitches.
--- David Miller
And so you may get a surprise,
As me she refuses
And your fly she chooses,
And the calf looks like one of you guys.
--- John Miller
She wouldn't stand still on our date.
Our offspring was found
Spread out on the ground,
The manger, the wall, and the gate.
--- John Miller
Your stuff needs improvement, I guess,
So please take the time
To make the things rhyme,
And then you can fuck our old Bess.
--- Joshua
That indeed it is truly Old Bess.
Though I clearly remember
Inserting my member
When Bess was a heifer, no less!
--- Tiddy Ogg
When she'd yield to my gentle caress.
Now, without fail,
She lifts up her tail
And deposits a God-awful mess.
--- Tiddy Ogg
(With help from the grease I applied!)
But after that tryst
She ran away, pissed,
And played a good game of cow hide.
--- Travis Brasell
Been buying up lotions and salves.
It's got something to do
With a goat or a ewe,
Or Bessie or one of her calves!
--- Observer
So therefore, let lying tongues cease.
For here's the reality:
I practice frugality
By using some cheap axle grease.
--- Travis Brasell
Time to separate boys from the men.
If you've got the right brand,
Then you I won't hand
To Bessie in her old cow pen.
--- Carol
Not rusty nor cold with rot.
And please do take care
Not to singe any hair,
And be sure that you hit the right spot.
--- Carol
By tying a heifer's feet taut,
To keep her from kicking
When she feels the sticking,
Or else cock and balls I'd have naught.
--- Travis Brasell
Just lowing and wanting a bone.
And missing old Frank.
(I try but my crank
And my verse just can't hack it alone!)
--- John Miller
While screwing old Bess, I was seen.
So thinking real quick,
Withdrawing my dick,
I uddered "She ran low on cream."
--- Frank Fazed
Old Bessy, alone in her field.
As I tried for the trick,
She stepped on my dick;
I must wait 'till the damage has healed!
--- John Miller
And I'm sorry to hear of your dong.
But to step on that thing;
Of dongs, you are King.
It must be incredibly long
--- Wobbly
So steep, that in order to mangle,
It took a tall cow
To reach it, but now
It droops in the dust from the dangle.
--- John Miller
But perhaps not the penetration.
Just a stroke and a kiss
Will give you such bliss,
And the sight will cause veneration.
--- Wobbly
And not cause that cow a surprise.
Maybe a creature
With a far better feature,
Than a hoof that waters your eyes!
--- Wobbly
To think I had been so inept.
So I went to the zoo
For an hour or two --
Now it's mashed where the elephant stepped!
--- Wobbly
I'll make you a plaster cast, eh?
It's a special design
To erect and align
And then once again, you'll be master.
--- John Miller
Try something more simple, like trees.
A woodpecker hole
Is a nice worthy goal,
Although please watch out for the bees.
--- John Miller
And no hooves to make the thing sore.
It's quite undeniable
That trees are so pliable.
You'll have lots of fun, I am sure.
--- John Miller
But the poor bird was home; Oh, how droll!
The woodpecker pecked
'Til my pecker was wrecked;
It's just knot the same, bless my soul.
--- John Miller
A trip to surgery for sure.
Next time keep away
From trees, cows, and hay,
And try women, I'm sure they won't bore.
--- John Miller
And in English some even speak.
You could try underneath
But watch out for those teeth
Or you may find that you've sprung a leak.
--- John Miller
While paying or having it off,
'Cause it won't be squashed
Or mish-mashed or moshed,
And it just might get bitten right off!
--- John Miller
I guess than in fact I have heard
Of those ungainly things
Used by barons and kings;
I suppose I could use a small herd.
--- Wobbly
Non-sexual, or am I obtuse?
Can they pull a plow
Like Bessie the cow,
Lay eggs and give down like a goose?
--- Wobbly
And lay men again and again.
Some do like a goose
And, if they're too loose,
It's best they go down, in the main.
--- Cyber Wizard
But you can lay one down on the floor,
And when wanting a beer,
You say to her, "Dear,"
And open it using her jaw.
--- Wobbly
For painting without rock 'n reeling,
Just give her some slack
And stand on her back;
A safe place to then paint the ceiling.
--- John Miller
After walking a ride or a hike,
You position her back
With her butt a large crack;
A safe place to there park you bike.
--- John Miller
A job loathed by both man and beast.
She can say, "Well hey, cheers,
Tonight I'll get the beers."
And you can be bloody well peest."
--- John Miller
When flowers in the meadow appear;
Above them the lark,
And the cuckooo... but hark;
Is that really sweet mooing I hear?
--- Peter Wilkins
Ain't no way connected to weather;
Instead, it's old Bessie
Who loves to get messy,
In regions that we would call nether.
--- Travis Brasell
It hangs down from his tum like a wreath.
If hair is your thing
And fur makes you swing,
You'll love what those bulls have beneath.
--- Actaeon
Who loved to have sex with a bison.
He thought is so swell,
That he said, "What the Hell!
Next time I think that I'll put mice in!"
--- The DMs
I even once gave it a go.
Just two shots of corn,
And I woke in the morn,
In bed with a dead buffalo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Found myself in one helluva fix.
She was willing at heart
To do her part,
But I had to choose one of 3 dicks
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I was ready to slip her the long one.
But being pie-eyed
As hard as I tried,
Each dick I would grab was the wrong one.
--- Jim Weaver Collection