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Bessie just stood there chewing
Her cud while Jesse was screwing
That bovine's behind,
With bliss on his mind,
And that proved to be his undoing.
--- Anon

In a pasture nearby was Sage,
A jealous young bull in a rage.
Jesse spewed his seed;
Sage hit full speed;
And the farmer never reached middle age.
--- Anon

The moral to this tale of yore;
If you're so horny, you'd screw a boar,
Or a sheep or a hog
A goat or a dog,
Please be civil and shut the barn door.
--- Anon

I've long heard of Old Bessie the cow,
And I've always kept wondering how?
Screw a cow? No, not me,
Until I thought...sex for free,
And I am dreaming of her here right now.
--- Anon

She chews on her cud, the dear lass
Swats her tail at the flies on her ass.
She seductively moo's;
I mistake it as coo's;
I just hope we're not moving too fast.
--- Anon

I don't want to get in her way,
So just name your price and I'll pay.
Please don't get jealous,
All you AJL fellas,
Who take her for a roll in the hay.
--- Anon

Sweet Bessie's traditional here;
She's been with us for many a year,
Since (I think) '97.
And this side of heaven,
She has the most wonderful rear.
--- Anon

Of course, I exclude all the A
JL ladies who come here to play;
They're nicer than Bessie
And somewhat less messy;
But what if at times they're away?
--- Anon

Instead of just using our palms,
We go seeking out countryside farms;
And there we can choose
Between heifers and ewes,
With their singular animal charms.
--- Anon

Now you're the expert on sheep,
So my silence on lambs I will keep;
But nevertheless
They're as lovely as Bess,
(Though conducive to falling asleep).
--- Anon

But listen, Observer, I mailed
A reply to young Freddie who wailed
About Bessie, you know,
Just a fortnight ago;
Your acute observation has failed.
--- Anon

Look back in the archives for Jan
("A Great Loss" was the subject, my man)
And then you will know
Why she sets us aglow
And you, too, will become a new fan.
--- Anon

Though octopi suckers I guess
Provide blissfulness, nevertheless,
There is naught to compare
(As you may be aware)
With the wonderful thighs of young Bess.
--- Anon

So come give her udders a spin;
Feel the dampness and tightness within.
You'll discover at once
That her soft clenching cunt's
Ever ready for sinking it in.
--- Anon

A few months ago in this group
Of primordial limerick soup,
We were given a lesson
In bovine caressin',
A cure for the Gentleman's Droop.
--- Peter W

But since we have heard the same thrill
Can be gained from a little blue pill,
It appears that our Bess
Has been getting it less;
Is she waiting and wanting us still?
--- Peter W

Or is she defunct since Viagra
Unleashed a huge global Niagara
Of spermatozoa?
Is Bess in Samoa?
Or is she now living in Agra?
--- Peter W

If anyone knows where she is,
Be it Chile, New York, or Cadiz,
I would like her to know
That I'm missing her so,
And her buttocks for squirting my jizz
--- Peter W

Her exixtence could not have been drearier;
All you pinheads poked in her posterior.
So if you haven't seen her,
It's because of my wiener;
She found sex with me so far superior.
--- MrMalo

Apparently Bessie decided
All your wienies were to be derided.
She was so disappointed
At how you were jointed,
So she left at the same time as I did.
--- MrMalo

The limerick bovine named Bessy.
Has habits uncouth and quite messy.
But she is just great
Whenever my date
Is angry, not feeling caressy!
--- Archie

Sweet Bessy! I know her of course;
A fine piece of tail I'd endorse
Without hesitation,
Though my aberration
Is more strongly inclined toward the horse.
--- Irish

A pony? That's slightly too much,
Though a donkey can be a good touch.
And though is might vex us,
It's true here in Texas,
Even Bessy can get us in Dutch!
--- John Miller

For the record, I wish to relate
Old Bess thiks it wrong to equate
Her non-consent (mild)
To sex with a child ---
As she tole me, our very last date.
--- John Miller

As a young farmboy, Travis would find
That it near drove him out of his mind
To leave Bessie the cow,
When he had to go plow,
'Cause he hated to leave her behind!
--- Observer

But the view from in back of a mare
Would soon stifle his thoughts of despair.
'Cause being capricious
And very ambitious,
He, of alternatives, was aware!
--- Observer

When a Bovine's in heat, it's tail twitches,
Causing itches in cow-farmer's britches.
But kicks in behind
From fucked cows is unkind.
In the end, you might get twenty stitches.
--- David Miller

Our Bess only twitches at flies
And so you may get a surprise,
As me she refuses
And your fly she chooses,
And the calf looks like one of you guys.
--- John Miller

Bess is more picky of late;
She wouldn't stand still on our date.
Our offspring was found
Spread out on the ground,
The manger, the wall, and the gate.
--- John Miller

Welcome to our sordid mess.
Your stuff needs improvement, I guess,
So please take the time
To make the things rhyme,
And then you can fuck our old Bess.
--- Joshua

Old Bess? Well bless me, I guess.
That indeed it is truly Old Bess.
Though I clearly remember
Inserting my member
When Bess was a heifer, no less!
--- Tiddy Ogg

It was better back then, I confess,
When she'd yield to my gentle caress.
Now, without fail,
She lifts up her tail
And deposits a God-awful mess.
--- Tiddy Ogg

In Bess I once placed all my pride
(With help from the grease I applied!)
But after that tryst
She ran away, pissed,
And played a good game of cow hide.
--- Travis Brasell

This is file nhk

It's been bandied about that old Trav's
Been buying up lotions and salves.
It's got something to do
With a goat or a ewe,
Or Bessie or one of her calves!
--- Observer

Such gossip will never bring peace,
So therefore, let lying tongues cease.
For here's the reality:
I practice frugality
By using some cheap axle grease.
--- Travis Brasell

It's Spring-round-up time once again;
Time to separate boys from the men.
If you've got the right brand,
Then you I won't hand
To Bessie in her old cow pen.
--- Carol

Your iron must be fiery hot,
Not rusty nor cold with rot.
And please do take care
Not to singe any hair,
And be sure that you hit the right spot.
--- Carol

When branding I do what I ought
By tying a heifer's feet taut,
To keep her from kicking
When she feels the sticking,
Or else cock and balls I'd have naught.
--- Travis Brasell

There's Bessie, backed up to a stone,
Just lowing and wanting a bone.
And missing old Frank.
(I try but my crank
And my verse just can't hack it alone!)
--- John Miller

I had this most terrible dream:
While screwing old Bess, I was seen.
So thinking real quick,
Withdrawing my dick,
I uddered "She ran low on cream."
--- Frank Fazed

My search for relief soon revealed
Old Bessy, alone in her field.
As I tried for the trick,
She stepped on my dick;
I must wait 'till the damage has healed!
--- John Miller

I'm sure Bessie's feeling are strong
And I'm sorry to hear of your dong.
But to step on that thing;
Of dongs, you are King.
It must be incredibly long
--- Wobbly

In youth, it would rise at an angle
So steep, that in order to mangle,
It took a tall cow
To reach it, but now
It droops in the dust from the dangle.
--- John Miller

It maybe need regeneration
But perhaps not the penetration.
Just a stroke and a kiss
Will give you such bliss,
And the sight will cause veneration.
--- Wobbly

But perhaps, with that tool, be more wise
And not cause that cow a surprise.
Maybe a creature
With a far better feature,
Than a hoof that waters your eyes!
--- Wobbly

I read what you wrote and I wept
To think I had been so inept.
So I went to the zoo
For an hour or two --
Now it's mashed where the elephant stepped!
--- Wobbly

Oh no! A complete disaster.
I'll make you a plaster cast, eh?
It's a special design
To erect and align
And then once again, you'll be master.
--- John Miller

And when I have fixed it, then please
Try something more simple, like trees.
A woodpecker hole
Is a nice worthy goal,
Although please watch out for the bees.
--- John Miller

But with trees, there'll be squashes no more,
And no hooves to make the thing sore.
It's quite undeniable
That trees are so pliable.
You'll have lots of fun, I am sure.
--- John Miller

I tried out the woodpecker hole,
But the poor bird was home; Oh, how droll!
The woodpecker pecked
'Til my pecker was wrecked;
It's just knot the same, bless my soul.
--- John Miller

We'll have to fix it once more;
A trip to surgery for sure.
Next time keep away
From trees, cows, and hay,
And try women, I'm sure they won't bore.
--- John Miller

They don't have hooves or a beak
And in English some even speak.
You could try underneath
But watch out for those teeth
Or you may find that you've sprung a leak.
--- John Miller

And watch out if they sneeze or they cough,
While paying or having it off,
'Cause it won't be squashed
Or mish-mashed or moshed,
And it just might get bitten right off!
--- John Miller

Women? A strangely spelled word.
I guess than in fact I have heard
Of those ungainly things
Used by barons and kings;
I suppose I could use a small herd.
--- Wobbly

But tell me, Have they any use
Non-sexual, or am I obtuse?
Can they pull a plow
Like Bessie the cow,
Lay eggs and give down like a goose?
--- Wobbly

No sir, but they can pull a train,
And lay men again and again.
Some do like a goose
And, if they're too loose,
It's best they go down, in the main.
--- Cyber Wizard

Not sure 'bout those uses for sure,
But you can lay one down on the floor,
And when wanting a beer,
You say to her, "Dear,"
And open it using her jaw.
--- Wobbly

Or else if you get the feeling
For painting without rock 'n reeling,
Just give her some slack
And stand on her back;
A safe place to then paint the ceiling.
--- John Miller

Or here's something else you might like
After walking a ride or a hike,
You position her back
With her butt a large crack;
A safe place to there park you bike.
--- John Miller

And last but by very means least,
A job loathed by both man and beast.
She can say, "Well hey, cheers,
Tonight I'll get the beers."
And you can be bloody well peest."
--- John Miller

I do like this time of the year
When flowers in the meadow appear;
Above them the lark,
And the cuckooo... but hark;
Is that really sweet mooing I hear?
--- Peter Wilkins

That mooing you hear in the heather
Ain't no way connected to weather;
Instead, it's old Bessie
Who loves to get messy,
In regions that we would call nether.
--- Travis Brasell

A bison has such a large sheath
It hangs down from his tum like a wreath.
If hair is your thing
And fur makes you swing,
You'll love what those bulls have beneath.
--- Actaeon

There once was a guy named Chris Hyson,
Who loved to have sex with a bison.
He thought is so swell,
That he said, "What the Hell!
Next time I think that I'll put mice in!"
--- The DMs

Moonshine is something I know;
I even once gave it a go.
Just two shots of corn,
And I woke in the morn,
In bed with a dead buffalo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Now moonshine and cattle don't mix;
Found myself in one helluva fix.
She was willing at heart
To do her part,
But I had to choose one of 3 dicks
--- Jim Weaver Collection

'Twas the first time I tried to schlong one;
I was ready to slip her the long one.
But being pie-eyed
As hard as I tried,
Each dick I would grab was the wrong one.
--- Jim Weaver Collection


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