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A mathematician called Hill, A math-hating fellow named Rex There once was a number named 'Pi', Where they teach navigators to fly You learned quite a lot, mon cher. Though mathematicians abound, A mathematician called Rumbold, A mathematician called Plumb, A friend who's in liquor production, A randy young number named Six A mathematician called Dick Said Reverend Rectangular Square, A mathematician called Power, A mathematician called Cross, A mathematician named Fine A mathematician called Hyde, A mathematician named Lutz A boy, 10, was failing courses, His folks moved him to Yeshiver, "Oy vay", he said, "I'm doing well. Poor Yankel incurred parents wrath, And so to St. Agnes he went, "Did nuns teach you all that you know, "I knew that hard work would be mine, A mathematician called Able, A mathematician called Strong, A mathematician called Day, A clever inventor called Pine To convert to a base based on two To return to a base based on ten, "Our number system is based," explained Ben, My alien friends are quite facile Then what of the base 12 so cool? When base 2 and base 5 make a pair, There was a young sudent from Crewe The binary system is fun, Well now, don't get your feelings all blue, (10 kinds of people, those understanding binary and others)
I'vew read that and mark what you say, Hexaadecimal's good for a short- But for something that knocks off your socks'll I saw me a stinker called Pi, He said with his soft Hindu drawl He swears that the girls can't resist him; The "long hundred" once signified plenty: The system which we use is decimal, There was a young lady called Kate, A lady of 80 named Gertie A mathematician named Ben To 3, 5, and 7 assign An octally-minded young lass "The number of fingers," claims spouse, In Arctic and Tropical Climes, (anwser to final exam - what have you learned?)
Your bits, Dear, are truly devine. A binary mathematician To think of the integers prime Pi goes on and on and on, There once was the pride of our nation, The numbers that fit in the space We've all seen the clocks drawn by Dali, A mathematician named Blunt When I heard that James thinks he's applied, Archimedes' wife laid down the rule: An assistant professor historic (Reviel Netz attributes combinatorics on scraps)
Roared a mathematician named Bessel, A mathematician, Pascal, Pure logic (thought pioneer Boole),
Had a wife who was not on the Pill.
Though he missed no occasion,
To try multiplication,
The product produced was just nil.
--- Anon
Devised an equation for sex.
His formerly hateful
Numbers were grateful,
And Pi was gone down on by X.
--- S Dale P8211
Who frequently liked to get high.
All he did every day
Was sit down and play
With his imaginary friend named 'i'
--- Eve Andersson
The math is unusually high.
Since, as seems only right,
They teach while in flight,
They've named the course "Pi in the Sky".
--- A N Wilkins P8506
Your knowledge is extraordinaire.
At all of those schools
You were taught by damn fools,
If they taught you that pie are square.
--- Al Willis T9707
Their grammar and logic ain't sound;
Don't nobody care
If they say "pie are square",
When everyone knows pies is round.
--- Ed Potts P8506
One day, quite by accident, stumbled
On the Meaning of Life,
Then went on, for his wife,
To find out why all her apple pies crumbled.
--- Anon
Was engrossed in a difficult sum.
And even in bed,
It stayed in his head
Till his wife said, "For God's sake, Plumb, come."
--- Anon
Owns a still of astounding construction.
The alcohol boils
Through old magnet coils;
She says that it's "proof by induction".
--- Stargazer P9706
Tried to get to the Nine for some kicks.
But the Seven was older
And quite a bit bolder,
And Seven eight Nine for ten licks.
--- Don Moore P9306
Tried to measure the size of his prick.
But he was enraged
When he found when he gauged
It, not quite the short side of a brick.
--- Anon
"To say that I'm lost is not fair.
For though you have found
That I'm never a round,
You knew all the time I was there."
--- Clinton Burgess
Calculated his lust in the shower.
But he was nonplussed
When the force of his thrust,
Stopped the water for over an hour.
--- Anon
Fell in love with the wife of his boss.
The boss's reaction,
Suggested subtraction,
He said, "Take her away, she's no loss."
--- Anon
Always showed her classes a good time.
Instead of multiplication,
She taught fornication,
And never got past sixty-nine.
--- Anon
Took a busload of girls for a ride.
And in preparation,
For multiplication,
Each girl forced her legs to divide.
--- Anon A
Had an orchard with all sorts of fruits,
And his family agrees
That all of the trees
That he cultivates there have square roots.
--- A N Wilkins P8311
From math to how to ride horses.
At St. mark's Grade School,
Kids thought him uncool
And put him under pain sources.
--- Larry
Where he worked just like a beaver,
And looked like one too,
With his ear locks new,
Which sometimes gave him a fever.
--- Larry
I'm class cantor, my voice is swell.
My Yiddish is good,
When I'm in the mood,
And kosher hot dogs ring my bell."
--- Larry
Because he was failing in math.
"This boy is no fool,
We'll pick a new school,
Immersed in a discipline bath."
--- Chris Papa
Now worked with a new will, all bent.
He got only A's,
And earned parents praise,
Who asked how the sudden turn went.
--- Chris Papa
Perhaps the good priest helped you grow."
The lad shook his head,
'Twas this way", he said,
And told them just how it was so.
--- Chris Papa
And all my math skills I'd refine,
Saw guy that had failed,
And how they had nailed
Him to a wooden plus sign.
--- Chris Papa
Made love to a young girl called Mabel,
They hadn't a bed,
So made use instead,
Of an old mathematical table.
--- Anon
Got all his conclusions quite wrong.
His value for pi
Was put much too high,
Like the average length of his dong.
--- Anon
Who was anxious to have it away,
Said the value of X
Turned his thinking to sex,
X times Y was the price he would pay.
--- Anon
Made a binary clock which looked fine,
But it ran rather late
showing 10100 past 1000
When it should have been 1111 past 1001.
--- John Dole P9609
This is the thing you must do:
By two divide,
Put remainder aside,
And repeat until you are through.
--- Arthur Deex P8506
Raise two to the power of n,
Where n counts the site
Starting zero on the right,
Times that digit -- add 'em up then.
--- Arthur Deex P8506
"On the fingers we've got; namely ten.
But in Babylon they
Used base sixty." "I'd say
Those guys were great finger fuckers," said Gwen.
--- Michael Weinstein P8506
In duodecimal 'cause they're dodecadactyl.
Plus they use their joints
As duodecimal points,
Which is handy because they're retractile.
--- John Miller
It's supposed to be far the best tool.
Are we to attest
Ten fingers aren't best?
Should dodecadactyl freaks rule?
--- H Welchel
This is file myl
A bi-quinary number is there.
It's what abaci use,
And can roundly confuse
Round-eyed Yanks at a Chinatown Fair.
--- Mike Scholtes
Who learned how to count in base 2.
His sums were all done
With 0 and 1,
And he found it much simpler to do.
--- W A Dodd A
And with it odd things can be done.
For two, as you know
is a one and an oh,
And five is a hundred and one.
--- Leo Mosher
If this argument nonplusses you.
In the meaning you'd ken,
That one-zero ain't ten,
But the binary way to write two.
--- Scott Oliver
And binary handles okay,
Sums infinitesimal.
I prefer hexadecimal,
Have used it since I was aged A.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Handed way to write things that you sort
Of what to see bitwise,
Like number of titmice
Or fines that are sentenced in court.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And I hope I'm not too moron-oxal,
You may find it near heaven,
Using zero through seven,
To write numbers in forms that are octal.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Which technically wandered awry.
The chaos of God
Just set me a-nod;
The Theory of Numbers won't fly.
--- H Welchel
To his colleagues that there was no call
To proclaim him a hero
For discovering zero,
For it really was nothing at all.
--- A N Wilkins P850
Keeps a list of the ones who have kissed him.
The amounts not too hot
But it looks like a lot,
Since it's kept in the binary system.
--- G2472
It meant more the the standard "short" century.
Base twelve was the count,
Which increased the amount;
Twelve times ten gives one hundred twenty.
--- A Stanton
But the ancient Mayans used vigesimal.
Base twenty, not ten
Was what suited them then.
Tell that to your frineds and impress 'em all!
--- A Stanton
Who math was right up-to date.
She said, "It is fun
When three threes are one-one,
Which they are with modulo 8!"
--- W A Dodd
Had a boyfriend of 60 named Bertie.
She told him emphatically
That viewed mathematically
By modulo 50, she's 30.
--- John McClellan
Could only count modulo ten.
He said, "When I go
Past my last little toe,
I have to start over again."
--- Martin Gardner
A name, the prof said, we'll define.
But he botched the instruction
With lame-ass induction,
And told us the next prime was nine.
--- David Morin et al
Attracted each gentleman's pass;
With 12 fingers and toes,
Odd furbelows,
And measurements none could surpass.
--- William J Wilson P0607
Sets the number base people espouse."
I can tell you that you
Just strengthened my view
That octal is pure MIckey Mouse.
--- John Miller
The Integers, addition, and times,
Taken (mod p) will yield
A full finite field,
As p ranges over the primes.
--- Peter Olsen
Your byte should be lingering on mine.
Though 'puter or sex,
I'd much prefer hex.
For you I'd perform 1000101.
--- John Miller
Had the curious erotic ambition
To know what to do
With the powers of two,
When the two are in proper position.
--- Anon G2421
Is a fine way to pass away time.
That their relative share
Of those integers there
Is like one over log, how sublime!
--- Literary Group
And e is just as cursed.
I wonder, which is larger
When their digits are reversed?
--- Anon
Who calculated through defecation;
With main and with might,
His littlest shite,
Was done in reverse polish notation.
--- Heekster
Come by chance from some unsure place.
So what can one say
When they're chosen this way,
Pulled out of a hat or a vase?
--- Literary Group
An artist who speaks of life's folly.
The digits telling time
Are surreal, and sublime,
Now Don Lutz explains them, by golly.
--- Literary Group
For years an equation did hunt
To prove that good sex
Was not y over x,
But a function of prick over cunt.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1958
I laughed and I laughed till I cried.
You just have to hear him
Propose a new theorem
To see his applied side has died.
--- Anon
"When travelling to and from school,
Keep your hand clear
Of those slave-girls, you hear?
Or I'll truncate your cubes, you old fool."
--- Michael Weinstein P8506
Rediscovered works combinatoric.
He (despite the monk's cleaning)
gave the manuscript meaning
To further his fame meteoric.
--- Virge
"Stella Parallax simply won't nestle.
Though it rouses a stir,
I confess it's with her
That I go in my study and wrestle."
--- James Albert Lindon P9507
Once said, "I'm in pain and I shall
Achieve anesthesia
In a way that will please ya.
I'll lie here and think of a gal.
--- Isaac Asimov
If formalized, could be a tool.
When his wife lost her thimbles,
"Try thinking in symbols,"
He said, and got pushed in a pool!
--- James Albert Lindon P9507
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