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Talk about his performance enthrals
Those who haunt university halls.
He must often get lucky.
But, who is this Bucky?
And why do they study his balls?
--- Alex Heydon P0406

A mathematician named Bard
Did some wonderful things with canards.
But his theorems so fancy
Were proven by Nancy,
'Cause his brain was all bullshit and lard.
--- Anon

Thin-skinned supersensitive Cantor
Couldn't stand his work treated with banter.
If you told him, "By God, it is
Just infinite oddities,"
He fell down and perished instanter.
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

The mathematician Christtoffel
Would never touch fry-up of offal.
He would dine once a week
On a prune of a leek,
Or honey, spread thin on a waffle.
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

That smarty-pants Monsieur Pascal
Blew the Jusuits' whole rationale,
By quoting their bits.
He showed them nit-wits,
Thus giving them fits of grand mal.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The mathematician Descartes
Gave Geometry quite a new start.
Using x's and y's
Formed a horrid surprise
To his wife when constructing a tart.
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

A student I had was lamed Lara;
Another, improbably Ciara.
One studied quite hard
And one was a card.
But each had a devilish aura.
--- M Hale

With no ZERO, the calendar hunt
Lost the VERY FIRST YEAR right up front.
And a monk so assiduous,
Dionysius Exiguous,
For his ROMAN MATH now takes the brunt.
--- Al Chaplin

The wild man of Algebra, Euler,
Was a furious never-stop toiler;
Whe the maid came to dust,
He would scream fit to bust,
Cram her into the copper and boiler.
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

When at school, I saw sin, cos, and tan;
I went yellow, turned tail and ran.
The sight of a fraction
Drove me to distraction;
To the floor I'd fall flat, pale and wan.
--- Johathan Munn

But now I am strong as an ox;
I can pack up my cares in a box.
I'm no longer a cynic;
I went heteroclinic
When I found the Banach Paradox.
--- Jonathan Munn

Small wonder the faronche Galois
Was so soon malheaveux, mort et frois.
Who could live, jowl by cheek,
With La Mathematique
Et la Betise en menage a trois?
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

Galois died at age 24,
In a duel fought over a whore.
Most people dismayed,
Feel he should just have paid
Her damn bill 'stead of getting so sore.
--- Michael Weinstein P8506

While proving his theorem was true,
Karl Gauss asked, "What's all this to-do?"
"Your wife, sir, is dying,"
The servant said, crying.
He replied, "Have her wait till I'm through."
--- A N Wilkins P8506

There was a smart fellow named Gauss
Whose wife threw him out of the house.
"Damn, you only do math,
And will not take a bath,
And I don't want to see you, you louse!"
--- P Chernoff

That lively old genius Gauss
Was never a fellow to grouse;
When he finish some book,
He would seize his fat cook
And cavort to the music of Strauss.
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

Happy Birthday to Mr. George Boole!
Whose algebra still is a jewel.
His methods mathmatical
For symbols grammatical,
For computers has proved a key tool.
--- Tutta Gioia

There once was a fellow named Godel,
Whose thoughts gave logicians a hurdle.
DRH with his flock (Douglas Hofsteder)
Of both Escher and Bach,
Put the words in the mouth of a turtle.
--- Kaberi Chakrabarty

There once was a book that explained
AI and math; entertained.
Grant me asking its name,
Everybody who's game,
By hinting the rhymes self contained.
--- Tomoyuki Tanaka

There's a rumor around that I've heard,
That Sneyd claims to be quite a nerd.
Though without any data,
He becomes quite the satyr,
And can't take one fourth from one third.
--- Anon

I once knew a student named Jeff,
Who majored in Math and C.S. (Computer Science)
His interest had wings,
He learned many things.
But for grades he couldn't care less.
--- M Hale

A "straight-A" math student named Linus
Got sick, which did clog up his sinus.
He did not do the best,
When he sneezed on his test,
'Cause instead of a "+" wrote a "-".
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The mathematician Jacobi
Was never called "long-headed Toby;"
Though his thoughts might be cryptic
And functions elliptic,
His skull remained rounded and globy.
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

An anti-stong-drinker named Klein
Invented a bottle for wine.
"There is no stopper," he cried,
"And it has no inside,
So the grapes have to stay on the vine!"
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

There was a young man named Kurt,
Who oft wore an interesting shirt.
Upon it was writ
In calligraphic script,
"This sentence misspells one wurt."
--- Mike Geller

The mathematician Lagrange
Of a jelly observed, "Plus ca change,
Plus c'est la meme chose,"
Adding, "and I suppose,
Much the same may be said of blancmange."
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

The mathematician Laplace
Aspired to be top of his class.
If his sums came out right
He would smile through the night;
If not, he would murmur, "Helas!"
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

Root-a toot, toot-a-falutin'.
It's time for some substitutin'.
Take the stuff on display
And collapse it away,
Right along with Leibnitz and Newton.
--- Anon

The master of math, Leonhard Euler,
Fell into a steaming hot boiler.
But he didn't panic --
It's hydrodynamic --
The curl of div saved the great toiler.
--- P Chernoff

This math lecture is Oh, so much fun!
I'm just dying to get the work done.
It looks near an end,
So how can I send
All these letters I've written someone?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

So far as I'm able to gather,
There was a young lady named Mather
Who studied her math
In a hot bubble bath
And worked herself into a lather.
--- Lims Unlimited

Lobatchewsky, who taught students Euclid,
Kept his books in a book-box with book-lid.
To rule lines he made use
Of this lid, warped and loose,
So his parallels met, being crooklied.
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

In college as mathematician,
I made a life-changing decision.
Math virgins I'd tutor
To make gals astuter,
By helping with their long division.
--- Jon Gearhart

This is file mxl

They all were litt majors, quite mellow;
So poor that they can't afford Jello.
We worked out a trade --
In lieu of cash paid,
They'd help straighten out my Longfellow!
--- Jon Gearhart

All lotteries are naught but a tax
That the sponsors exploit to the max.
With the size of the odds,
They are committing frauds;
You can't understand by their syntax.
--- Tom Patton

The masses find great satisfaction
From the lotteries kind of action.
But each mathematician
Who's of wealth and position,
Knows when he sees a cash extraction.
--- Tom Patton

Games of chance should incur all the wrath
Of players who are taking a bath.
The lottery pools
Are made for fools;
Odds are bad and they call it new math.
--- Tom Patton

My small piggy bank made of pottery,
I robbed for a fling at the lottery.
Mathematical odds
Are the lap of the Gods,
So now my finances are tottery.
--- John E Maywood

Frankly chuckled a bankrupt named Munn,
"Flunking econ and math was such fun;
I'm wiped out selling pottery
But I'll cream the State Lottery ---
Why the odds are a billion to one!"
--- Armand E Singer

It is my disposition to hate
Confiscations imposed by the state.
Not the state lottery!
They pay voluntarily -
All those dorks who failed math in grade eight.
--- William N Nesbit

Once a brilliant fellow named Nash,
Proved a theorem on games in a flash:
Equilibrium play
Must exist, he did say,
If not strategies pure, then a hash!
--- Prof M-G

When they said "Hold the baby" to Newton,
He took it and crooned "What a cute 'un!"
But after fierce ructions
And fore-and-aft fluxions,
He stamped off to put a clean suit on.
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

Only by custom do we refuse
To use another writer's rhyme clues.
To do so may be
The height of lazy
Or Nicholai Lobachevsky's muse.
--- Daniel Ford

Dear Arthur, I know you are wishin'
That instead of going out fishin',
I'd strive to be able
To decode my label,
But shucks, I'm no mathematician.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A mathematician named Scott
Thinks himself quite a genius (he's not).
To others it's plain
That his miniscule brain
Is just filled with wind, piss and snot.
--- Anon

A schoolgirl with homework, distraught,
Got her father to do it. She thought
That his skill was far greater.
We wept a week later.
Dad's mark out of ten? It was nought.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A teasing young temptress named Laura
Tried to make an old math prof adore her.
But that wily prof knew
He'd no chance for a screw,
'Cause he knew he'd not thrill, only bore her.
--- Anon

You know mathematicians can't spell;
They also can't speak, write or tell.
Yet, to add to their life,
Without trouble or strife,
Pedantricity is a word they use well!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An insufferable writer named Wise
Was finally cut down to size.
When his peers had enough
And were sick of his guff,
They gave him the Phew-litzer prize.
--- Phoebe Weiss

The pretty professor from Jersey
Just stood there and pleaded for mercy.
She said, "In complex
v-y equals u-x --
Or maybe it is vice-versy."
--- Anon

The pretty professor's a rarity;
Her lectures are the height of clarity.
Except that for when
She does minus-1 to the n,
It turns out to be the wrong parity.
--- Anon

The pretty professor, our rarity
Was engulfed in hyper-hilarity,
'Cause again she had spun
A spare minus one.
She said, "Well, we can give it to charity."
--- Anon

Professor Percival Beauchamp
Tried very hard to teach 'em.
His math pupils sat dazed,
And their eyes over glazed,
As he endeavored to reach 'em.
--- William K Alsop Jr

"Math profs," said the Master of Trinity,
"As they never lose their affinity
For angles and pi,
Do not ever die.
They simply go on to infinity."
--- A N Wilkins P8506

Pleaded frail old geometer Ptolemy
To a hulking great student, "Don't collar me!
I could make it more clear
If your face weren't so near.
Move away from me; sit if you'd follow me!"
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

To his students appealed old Pythagoras,
"Let us not provoke soldiering swaggerers;
Let us seem, when we're near 'em,
Like the squares in my theorem,
Not act 'with it' for fear they may dagger us."
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

Pythagoras, rarely obtuse,
Was arrested for brainchild abuse,
Claiming: 'Squares on these mothers,
Like cool, man, just covers
The one on the hypotenuse."
--- Cyber Geezer A

Now that I understand them,
I treat maths proofs with abandon.
I soon find the proof,
And then raise the roof,
Shouting "Yes. Quod est demonstrandum."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The research team Cauchy and Goursat,
Was bustin' its brain and its torso.
They went huffin' and puffin',
But came up with nuffin'.
Now they're living on noodles and oozo.
--- Anon

The cunning geometer Riemann
Was in higher dimensions a key-man.
If your many-D world
Got all twisted and curled,
He would straighten it out--for a fee, man!
--- James Albert Lindon P9507

A mathematician named Loring
Devised an equation for scoring:
'Twas the square of the twat
Times the fallout of snot
Plus one if she's guilty of whoring.

(And claimed his research wasn't boring.)
--- Armand E Singer 717

There once was a student at school,
Who couldn't do math, as a rule.
He worked at it a lot,
Till each answer he got.
And now he's no longer a fool.
--- Meryl Altabet

Graduate school is a bore,
Unless your TA is a whore,
Who screams when she comes
While doing Math sums,
Saying, "Give it to me HARDER and MORE!"
--- Anon

A verb I can now conjugate,
But numbers I can't calculate.
In math I'm impaired;
Of digits I'm scared,
Like ten other folks out of eight.
--- Bob Birch P0311

The skill to do math on a page
Has declined to the point of outrage.
Equations quadratica
Are solved on Mathematica,
And on birthdays we don't know our age.
--- David Morin et al

A thinker whose visions are cheery
Said waiting for new thoughts is dreary.
Many monkeys he sees
Pounding typewriter keys
Who in time will produce a great theory.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2493

There was a math student named Heather
Who wore shorts in all kinds of weather.
She'd wrestle the proofs
To the mat with no goofs.
The teachers couldn't do any better.
--- M Hale


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