MORE

Beggs sampled the chef's treat Chinese--
Lee's sauce with two eggs, it did please.
"This angle," said Beggs,
"With two equal eggs,
I believe is a nice sauce o' Lee's."
--- Al Chaplin 3024 P9708a

My dearest, I do love you truly,
But don't expect me to get drooly,
Or fall into fits
For a couple of tits
Like the lemniscate drawn by Bernoulli.

(lemniscate - line from center of cone to a tangent)
--- G2538

A jungle explorer named Bigger
Was fucking a colored gold digger.
It was lust like a tonic,
With her fanny harmonic,
Which traced a fine Lissajous figure.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0047

The number of lines through a point, Georg said,
Equals the angels on one pinhead.
That's less than curves in space,
But more than we can trace
To points on a line we embed.

(Georg Ferdinand Ludwig Philipp, creator of set theory)
--- Izzy Cohen

William Harvey the elder knew blood,
And this William Harvey's no dud.
Instead of corpuscles,
We'll see Mandelbrot's mussels --
They look just like oysters in mud.
--- Literary Group

Oh, how I just do like to frolic
With complex manifolds, hyperbolic,
Or those just plain smooth,
Though to tell you the truth,
Linear ones give me the colic.
--- Jonathan Munn

The subject has such terminology
As "Weyl tensor" and "Floer Cohomology",
And masses and masses
Of various chern classes
And terms borrowed from sociology.
--- Jonathan Munn

Cartographer Gerard Mercator
Found drawing the longitudes straighter,
With latitudes sketched
In at right angles, stretched
The Antarctic and squashed the Equator.
--- Peter

A crafty cartographer, Crater,
Is rumored to be quite a satyr.
His testes alone,
To such size are they grown,
Must be viewed in projection Mercator.
--- Anon A

Said a scholar from Athens, "They'll try us
If geometry work's not more vieous.
Despite finding truths
In examining youths,
We must concentrate more on the pi-ous.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8506

A geometry teacher, Louise,
Was giving the student a tease,
As she rubbed on his thighs
And his boner did rise
To an angle of ninety degrees.
--- Cap'n Bean

Said a math-hater, "This stuff's not a lot o' use.
I tell you, I simply ain't got a use,
Whatever you say,
Not never, No way,
For that blooming square on the hypotenuse!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

A ditzo from hither or thither
Refused to get all in a tither.
"'Tis true," he said, "I
Can't tell x from y,
But I can't tell left from right, either."
--- Anon

Though the mathematician Melissa
Could find any number's mantissa,
Her graphing was strange,
For she'd interchange
The ordinate and the abscissa.
--- Cyber Geezer

Two parallel lines have been meant
To travel divided content,
And they gain no affinity,
Though they go to infinity.
Unless one toward the other is bent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9708

There's a question I need to entreat,
'Cause it doesn't seem much of a feat,
And we know they get laid,
So why's it cliched,
That parallel lions don't meet?
--- Anon

There once was a number named Pi
It was special just like e and phi;
Circumfernnce to d
Is the ratio for me.
And it's not a mutiple of i.
--- Liz Lander

A discovery I've made, quite profound.
A theorem, I shall prove is unsound.
A Nobel I wll get
When they see what I writ.
"Cake are square. Pi are round!"
--- Les Stewart

It's an old academic dispute:
What's the nmber with pi for square root?
Math profs have declared
That the answer's pi squared;
Engineers say "It's 1O we compute!"
--- Prof M-G

There once was a fellow from Greece
Who forgot Pi's last decimal piece
So he used electronics
To collect Pi mnemonics ...
Now he's hooked, and there is no release.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man called Kareem,
Who explained, "For a point that's extreme,
The tangent at a
To rest must lay,
And I wish it the pleasantest dream."
--- Anon

My darling! I've just got some rotten news:
That position that you and I often use?
I'm told it's a sine
Of climactic decline,
If your opposite's o'er my hypotenuse.
--- Ed Potts P8506

An aerodynamicist's mate
Was reviling the orderings of Fate,
For the configuration
Of their connubial relation
Was prismoidal instead of oblate.
--- Dana Thompson G2631

A cartographer, Harrison by name,
By projection of balls gained his fame.
The walls of his halls,
Were hung not with balls,
But peculiar distortions of same.
--- L1494A

When Pythagoras suffered bad dreams,
New roof structures collapsed at the seams,
Crashing down on his proof
That the square of the roof,
Is the sum of the squares of its beams.
--- Prof M-G

A red Indian Chief with three brides.
When asked how he chooses, confides:
The squaw by my side
On the hippopotamus hide
Equals the squaws on the other two hides.
--- H Myers TP9802

Old Pythagoras had a good ruse
For triangle solvers to use.
'Add the squares of each side.'
He explained with some pride,
'That's the square of the hypotenuise.'
--- Funfax Limericks

A mathematician named Dare
Could issue a turd that was square.
Then he tried an ejection
With a rhombus trisection --
I believe he is still straining there.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2008

Pythagorous thought of a theorem;
Corners, he no longer did fear 'em.
For every triangle
He tried to untangle,
He had the right angle to clear 'em.
--- P E Murphy

Said tangential wry physicist, Dyne,
When extending a loan to John Bein,
"John, have I made it clear
I'll need you to sine here,
And require someone else to cos?"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0800

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball.
The cube of its weight,
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Was three-fifths of five-eights of FUCK ALL!

(Was his phone number, give him a call.)
--- Anon L0169

I learned from a lady named Katie,
Professor of Math down in Haiti,
That internal angles
Of any triangle
Sum up to 180.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And all of you beer-swilling tarts,
Who down at the pub will throw darts,
Will know that that score
Is the max and no more
May be got with a set of three parts.
--- Tiddy Ogg

This is file mzl

And also 180 degrees
Is what politicians, with ease,
Will turn in there stance,
To give them a chance
Of gain through corruption or sleaze.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh STOLID? Please let me reply.
It's certainly the reason why
I never could see
Sense in Geometry;
My teacher was dense, hence was I!
--- Barb

There lives a sweet lady named Dinah
With a tesseract in her vagina.
While seeking relief,
She found only grief,
With a mobius penis from China.
--- Sam Pittman TP9804

The tesseract tail of Sweet Sue
Is a libel and grossly untrue.
While the Chinamen stand
With their dinks in their hand,
The Hindus, with ESP, jump the queue.
--- Paul Enever G2635

Let there be two manifolds
And some points where their map does not hold,
A theorem of Sard,
Whose proof is not hard,
Says this set has no measure. Behold!
--- Travis Maron

A man by the surname of Chisholm,
Had a cock in the shape of a prism.
He kept it well oiled,
But women recoiled,
When they saw his triangular jizm.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Dan,
Who knew about sin, cos, and tan.
He talked rather big
Of his knowledge of trig;
He did seem a clever young man.
--- W A Dodd A

I do not, Archimedes, know why
You put marks on your ruler. Sir, I
Know that trisection tricks
Give a trisector kicks,
But why fudge when it's easy as Pi?
--- David A Brooks

A math prof enervated by booze,
Uses this ruse whenever he screws --
His dangling wang'll
Soon twang at an angle,
After goosing his hypotenuse.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8506

Our eyes and our ears come in pairs;
Two feet help in climbing up stairs.
It takes two to tango;
Two halves to a mango;
And two pairs of sides make up squares.
--- Hans

They all went two-by-two in the ark.
My neighbor has two dogs that bark.
There's "Two for the seasaw;"
That's where I met Esau --
We two have such fun in the dark.
--- Theater Gypsy

There was a young student from Rye,
Who worked out the value of pi.
"It happens," said he,
"That it's just over 3,
Though I'd rather you don't ask me why."
--- Anon

If circles you wish to define,
So useful's that little Greek sign,
That's known as pi, pal. You
Can say that its value
Is 3.14159.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The value of pi forms a line
Of digits from here to the Rhine.
But who can tell why,
When most folks get by
With three-point-one-four-one-five-nine?
--- Norm Storer

At an orgy John Venn once said, "Damn!
I hate math! I'd much rather ram!
Let's forget aliquots!"
(Overlapping three twats)
And invented the Venn diaphragm.
--- G2306

He once jammed a ball up her pot.
"Eureka!" he shouted, "I've got
A formula here!
The V of my sphere
Is two thirds the V of this twat!"
--- Anon

There once was a teacher of math
With one leg short an inch and a half.
He was consistently late
For he couldn't walk straight,
Since he trod in a circular path.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

The mathematics famous three --
There's George, the famous (Geo.) Metry.
And then there's Gebra, Al
And thirdly, Culus, Cal,
According to (Theo) Ry.
--- Irving Superior P8506

A mathematician named Densel,
Whilst pondering problems tangential,
Said,"This calculation,
Gives me constipation",
As he worked it out with his pencil.
--- Anon

In the bath Archimedes sat glued
To the problem, till bouyant in mood
He perceived with a cry,
The value of pi
And dashed down the street in the nude.
--- A N Wilkins P8506

A mathematician called Week,
Has geometry which is unique.
If A equals B
And B equals C
ABC is his lower left cheek.
--- Anon

A mathematician called Babbit
Put some quite simple sums to a rabbit.
The rabbit replied
"I must learn to divide,
With me multiplication's a habit."
--- Anon

A mathematician called Bird,
Had students who thought him absurd.
There were cries of derision
When he said long division,
Meant one into one made a third.
--- Anon

A mathematician called Rubik,
Has a very strange area pubic.
His balls are both conical,
They look very comical,
With a penis described best as cubic.
--- Anon

There was a young pupil called Ned,
Who was fearfully thick in the head.
He could count up to five
And appeared to survive,
But by twenty to six he was dead.
--- Anon

Though the lady in math was a whiz,
Yet she failed in her very first quiz.
She made a good try:
"It's a function of pie,
But I can't tell what flavor it is."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2836

Ever since time immemorial
Math has made sex appear incorporeal.
When a lady screams "FUCK!"
Mathematicians are struck
By the elegance of FUCK factorial.
--- G2372A

The mathematician Von Blecks,
Devised an equation for sex,
Having proved a good fuck,
Isn't patience or luck,
But a function of y over x.
--- Anon

The angle of the dangle is proportional,
Linearly and not distortional,
To the beat of the meat,
O'er the mass of the ass.
Which leads to climatic factortional.
--- Anon

A mathematician named Gale
Is famed for this Theorem of Tail:
The length of your pole
And the depth of her hole
Must match in the frail you impale.
--- Armand E Singer 985A

A mathematician called Dewar,
Whose maths were incredibly pure,
Clamped his penile device
In an engineer's vice,
Then in microns he measured his skewer.
--- Anon

A lad of the brainier kind
Had erogenous zones of the mind.
He got his sensations
By solving equations.
Of course, in the end, he went blind.
--- Hymie Sneak A

An unsolved equation left Freeling
At bedtime with head sorely reeling.
In his dreams his math muse
Gave his rectum a goose,
And the answer got creamed on the ceiling.
--- Michael Weinstein P8506

A young mathematician from Rye
Is your typically digital guy;
He shouted, "My face's
Been twenty squared places,
But I still can't get close to hair-pi!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8311


MORE