Beggs sampled the chef's treat Chinese-- My dearest, I do love you truly, (lemniscate - line from center of cone to a tangent)
A jungle explorer named Bigger The number of lines through a point, Georg said, (Georg Ferdinand Ludwig Philipp, creator of set theory)
William Harvey the elder knew blood, Oh, how I just do like to frolic The subject has such terminology Cartographer Gerard Mercator A crafty cartographer, Crater, Said a scholar from Athens, "They'll try us A geometry teacher, Louise, Said a math-hater, "This stuff's not a lot o' use. A ditzo from hither or thither Though the mathematician Melissa Two parallel lines have been meant There's a question I need to entreat, There once was a number named Pi A discovery I've made, quite profound. It's an old academic dispute: There once was a fellow from Greece There was a young man called Kareem, My darling! I've just got some rotten news: An aerodynamicist's mate A cartographer, Harrison by name, When Pythagoras suffered bad dreams, A red Indian Chief with three brides. Old Pythagoras had a good ruse A mathematician named Dare Pythagorous thought of a theorem; Said tangential wry physicist, Dyne, A mathematician named Hall (Was his phone number, give him a call.)
I learned from a lady named Katie, And all of you beer-swilling tarts,
This is file mzl
And also 180 degrees Oh STOLID? Please let me reply. There lives a sweet lady named Dinah The tesseract tail of Sweet Sue Let there be two manifolds A man by the surname of Chisholm, There was a young fellow named Dan, I do not, Archimedes, know why A math prof enervated by booze, Our eyes and our ears come in pairs; They all went two-by-two in the ark. There was a young student from Rye, If circles you wish to define, The value of pi forms a line At an orgy John Venn once said, "Damn! He once jammed a ball up her pot. There once was a teacher of math The mathematics famous three -- A mathematician named Densel, In the bath Archimedes sat glued A mathematician called Week, A mathematician called Babbit A mathematician called Bird, A mathematician called Rubik, There was a young pupil called Ned, Though the lady in math was a whiz, Ever since time immemorial The mathematician Von Blecks, The angle of the dangle is proportional, A mathematician named Gale A mathematician called Dewar, A lad of the brainier kind An unsolved equation left Freeling A young mathematician from Rye
Lee's sauce with two eggs, it did please.
"This angle," said Beggs,
"With two equal eggs,
I believe is a nice sauce o' Lee's."
--- Al Chaplin 3024 P9708a
But don't expect me to get drooly,
Or fall into fits
For a couple of tits
Like the lemniscate drawn by Bernoulli.
--- G2538
Was fucking a colored gold digger.
It was lust like a tonic,
With her fanny harmonic,
Which traced a fine Lissajous figure.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0047
Equals the angels on one pinhead.
That's less than curves in space,
But more than we can trace
To points on a line we embed.
--- Izzy Cohen
And this William Harvey's no dud.
Instead of corpuscles,
We'll see Mandelbrot's mussels --
They look just like oysters in mud.
--- Literary Group
With complex manifolds, hyperbolic,
Or those just plain smooth,
Though to tell you the truth,
Linear ones give me the colic.
--- Jonathan Munn
As "Weyl tensor" and "Floer Cohomology",
And masses and masses
Of various chern classes
And terms borrowed from sociology.
--- Jonathan Munn
Found drawing the longitudes straighter,
With latitudes sketched
In at right angles, stretched
The Antarctic and squashed the Equator.
--- Peter
Is rumored to be quite a satyr.
His testes alone,
To such size are they grown,
Must be viewed in projection Mercator.
--- Anon A
If geometry work's not more vieous.
Despite finding truths
In examining youths,
We must concentrate more on the pi-ous.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8506
Was giving the student a tease,
As she rubbed on his thighs
And his boner did rise
To an angle of ninety degrees.
--- Cap'n Bean
I tell you, I simply ain't got a use,
Whatever you say,
Not never, No way,
For that blooming square on the hypotenuse!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Refused to get all in a tither.
"'Tis true," he said, "I
Can't tell x from y,
But I can't tell left from right, either."
--- Anon
Could find any number's mantissa,
Her graphing was strange,
For she'd interchange
The ordinate and the abscissa.
--- Cyber Geezer
To travel divided content,
And they gain no affinity,
Though they go to infinity.
Unless one toward the other is bent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9708
'Cause it doesn't seem much of a feat,
And we know they get laid,
So why's it cliched,
That parallel lions don't meet?
--- Anon
It was special just like e and phi;
Circumfernnce to d
Is the ratio for me.
And it's not a mutiple of i.
--- Liz Lander
A theorem, I shall prove is unsound.
A Nobel I wll get
When they see what I writ.
"Cake are square. Pi are round!"
--- Les Stewart
What's the nmber with pi for square root?
Math profs have declared
That the answer's pi squared;
Engineers say "It's 1O we compute!"
--- Prof M-G
Who forgot Pi's last decimal piece
So he used electronics
To collect Pi mnemonics ...
Now he's hooked, and there is no release.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who explained, "For a point that's extreme,
The tangent at a
To rest must lay,
And I wish it the pleasantest dream."
--- Anon
That position that you and I often use?
I'm told it's a sine
Of climactic decline,
If your opposite's o'er my hypotenuse.
--- Ed Potts P8506
Was reviling the orderings of Fate,
For the configuration
Of their connubial relation
Was prismoidal instead of oblate.
--- Dana Thompson G2631
By projection of balls gained his fame.
The walls of his halls,
Were hung not with balls,
But peculiar distortions of same.
--- L1494A
New roof structures collapsed at the seams,
Crashing down on his proof
That the square of the roof,
Is the sum of the squares of its beams.
--- Prof M-G
When asked how he chooses, confides:
The squaw by my side
On the hippopotamus hide
Equals the squaws on the other two hides.
--- H Myers TP9802
For triangle solvers to use.
'Add the squares of each side.'
He explained with some pride,
'That's the square of the hypotenuise.'
--- Funfax Limericks
Could issue a turd that was square.
Then he tried an ejection
With a rhombus trisection --
I believe he is still straining there.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2008
Corners, he no longer did fear 'em.
For every triangle
He tried to untangle,
He had the right angle to clear 'em.
--- P E Murphy
When extending a loan to John Bein,
"John, have I made it clear
I'll need you to sine here,
And require someone else to cos?"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0800
Had a hexahedronical ball.
The cube of its weight,
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Was three-fifths of five-eights of FUCK ALL!
--- Anon L0169
Professor of Math down in Haiti,
That internal angles
Of any triangle
Sum up to 180.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who down at the pub will throw darts,
Will know that that score
Is the max and no more
May be got with a set of three parts.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is what politicians, with ease,
Will turn in there stance,
To give them a chance
Of gain through corruption or sleaze.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It's certainly the reason why
I never could see
Sense in Geometry;
My teacher was dense, hence was I!
--- Barb
With a tesseract in her vagina.
While seeking relief,
She found only grief,
With a mobius penis from China.
--- Sam Pittman TP9804
Is a libel and grossly untrue.
While the Chinamen stand
With their dinks in their hand,
The Hindus, with ESP, jump the queue.
--- Paul Enever G2635
And some points where their map does not hold,
A theorem of Sard,
Whose proof is not hard,
Says this set has no measure. Behold!
--- Travis Maron
Had a cock in the shape of a prism.
He kept it well oiled,
But women recoiled,
When they saw his triangular jizm.
--- Anon
Who knew about sin, cos, and tan.
He talked rather big
Of his knowledge of trig;
He did seem a clever young man.
--- W A Dodd A
You put marks on your ruler. Sir, I
Know that trisection tricks
Give a trisector kicks,
But why fudge when it's easy as Pi?
--- David A Brooks
Uses this ruse whenever he screws --
His dangling wang'll
Soon twang at an angle,
After goosing his hypotenuse.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8506
Two feet help in climbing up stairs.
It takes two to tango;
Two halves to a mango;
And two pairs of sides make up squares.
--- Hans
My neighbor has two dogs that bark.
There's "Two for the seasaw;"
That's where I met Esau --
We two have such fun in the dark.
--- Theater Gypsy
Who worked out the value of pi.
"It happens," said he,
"That it's just over 3,
Though I'd rather you don't ask me why."
--- Anon
So useful's that little Greek sign,
That's known as pi, pal. You
Can say that its value
Is 3.14159.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of digits from here to the Rhine.
But who can tell why,
When most folks get by
With three-point-one-four-one-five-nine?
--- Norm Storer
I hate math! I'd much rather ram!
Let's forget aliquots!"
(Overlapping three twats)
And invented the Venn diaphragm.
--- G2306
"Eureka!" he shouted, "I've got
A formula here!
The V of my sphere
Is two thirds the V of this twat!"
--- Anon
With one leg short an inch and a half.
He was consistently late
For he couldn't walk straight,
Since he trod in a circular path.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
There's George, the famous (Geo.) Metry.
And then there's Gebra, Al
And thirdly, Culus, Cal,
According to (Theo) Ry.
--- Irving Superior P8506
Whilst pondering problems tangential,
Said,"This calculation,
Gives me constipation",
As he worked it out with his pencil.
--- Anon
To the problem, till bouyant in mood
He perceived with a cry,
The value of pi
And dashed down the street in the nude.
--- A N Wilkins P8506
Has geometry which is unique.
If A equals B
And B equals C
ABC is his lower left cheek.
--- Anon
Put some quite simple sums to a rabbit.
The rabbit replied
"I must learn to divide,
With me multiplication's a habit."
--- Anon
Had students who thought him absurd.
There were cries of derision
When he said long division,
Meant one into one made a third.
--- Anon
Has a very strange area pubic.
His balls are both conical,
They look very comical,
With a penis described best as cubic.
--- Anon
Who was fearfully thick in the head.
He could count up to five
And appeared to survive,
But by twenty to six he was dead.
--- Anon
Yet she failed in her very first quiz.
She made a good try:
"It's a function of pie,
But I can't tell what flavor it is."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2836
Math has made sex appear incorporeal.
When a lady screams "FUCK!"
Mathematicians are struck
By the elegance of FUCK factorial.
--- G2372A
Devised an equation for sex,
Having proved a good fuck,
Isn't patience or luck,
But a function of y over x.
--- Anon
Linearly and not distortional,
To the beat of the meat,
O'er the mass of the ass.
Which leads to climatic factortional.
--- Anon
Is famed for this Theorem of Tail:
The length of your pole
And the depth of her hole
Must match in the frail you impale.
--- Armand E Singer 985A
Whose maths were incredibly pure,
Clamped his penile device
In an engineer's vice,
Then in microns he measured his skewer.
--- Anon
Had erogenous zones of the mind.
He got his sensations
By solving equations.
Of course, in the end, he went blind.
--- Hymie Sneak A
At bedtime with head sorely reeling.
In his dreams his math muse
Gave his rectum a goose,
And the answer got creamed on the ceiling.
--- Michael Weinstein P8506
Is your typically digital guy;
He shouted, "My face's
Been twenty squared places,
But I still can't get close to hair-pi!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8311